Highly Authentic, Highly Attractive with Jason Rogers Part 1

Coming to you from the center for social confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to shrink for the shy guy helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today, I am super excited because we.

Have a phenomenal interview lined up with a guy who has really studied inside and out how to show up more confidently, more charismatically, how to really be highly authentic and highly attractive. And what I love about what he teaches is it really resonates with what I've seen, which is when we're trying to be how we think we should be. Maybe you've studied, I don't know, some sort of pickup artist or something online who's doing teaching you this is how you need to be in order to be attractive. There's a piece of it that's exciting and enticing, right? I mean, that wrote me in. I remember when I was really struggling with my confidence. It was like, oh, my God, this person has the secret I can learn something from them, and it's gonna help me get exactly what I want, which at that time in my life was dates and relationships. But there's something missing there. And if you've been down that road or you know what I'm talking about, where you want to be you, you want to know that you, your most authentic self is what's most attractive. And there's a beautiful balance about how to bring more and more of you out, but how to do so in a way that is highly attractive, highly magnetic for your dating life, also for friendships, and also in work and business. I mean, the reason people succeed in business is. Is not because they're technically skilled. That's only a piece of it. It's also the relationships they can build, how magnetic they are to others, to partners, promotional partners, investors, employers, employees.

So this is super important for all areas of your life.

I'm really excited. Without further ado, let's dive into our interview with Jason Rogers.

Expert interview.

My guest expert today is Jason Rogers. And Jason Rodgers helps men express their most confident, authentic selves in their social lives, their dating lives and careers. He has a system that helps men unleash what he calls their authentic superstar personality, which I'm very curious to dive more into today. So he's a speaker. He's a personal development coach for men. He's created peakunderpressure.com and he's the founder of Peak Inc. Which is a personal development brand that's dedicated to helping men grow in many ways that we mentioned Before. He's also an author for the Good Men Project, which many of you may have heard of, which is a large online publication with over 5 million visitors per month. So awesome. And thank you so much for coming. Jason.

Dr. Z, thanks for having me. It's an absolute pleasure, man. I'm excited for this. I'm excited.

Yeah, so, me, too. And one of the first things is we met online. You reached out to me, and I checked out some of the stuff you're doing, and there's a lot of things that I see in what you're doing that I think make it really powerful. And one of those, I think, is you're demonstrating just in who you are and how you show up and how you talk and everything, this authentic superstar personality. And that's a very enticing, interesting way of phrasing it. I want to start there. What is that? What is an authentic superstar personality?

Sure, man. You know, I'll share quickly with kind of where it came from, and then I'll hit it with a definition. I kind of started entering this space for guys. I wanted to make an awesome impact, and my audience when I started producing content, they loved these breakdowns that I was doing on YouTube, these video breakdowns where I was looking at a Robert Downey Jr. Or a Russell Brand or these different personalities, if you will. And they're superstars, if you will, too. They're. There are these personalities, these icons that a lot of people know of. And so I was looking at their social skills, but also kind of the mindsets that they had, too, and where they were coming from. Now, after doing this for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours, probably a couple hundred hours now, I've broken down this content and produced all these videos. What I started noticing were these very, very, very clear patterns. And at first, when I started doing these breakdowns, I actually wasn't that excited about it. I thought, man, I don't want to teach guys to put a mask on, you know, I don't want to teach guys to try to be something they're not, because that's really contrary to what I believe is that core confidence that we really want to have as people and to live these amazing lives. But what I noticed more and more as I really dived into these. These characters, these people, and that's really what they are, is they're people. They're not characters, is I saw these clear patterns in who they were. And we can talk about those. Those filters or those traits, as I call them, but really, this authentication Superstar personality, as I call it, is just your most confident, authentic self, but also that you're putting out in the world in the most attractive way possible. So it's really blending this idea that you want to be your confident self, you want to be authentic, and you want to be real. But one thing I used to really ignore growing up and into my early twenties was this idea that social skills matter, too, in how you show up also matters. So you have to play in the social world if you want to get to where you're trying to go. So it's really blending this idea of confidence, authenticity, but then, yes, attractiveness too, in your dating life, your social life, and in your career.

That's really fascinating because it actually reminds me of something that I heard who knows when on some loveline of Adam, Carolla and Dr. Drew back. I used to listen to a ton of that when I was in high school. And I'd stay up late to listen to it, so It'd be like 11:30. And I remember him saying one time in one episode, like, he was kind of going off on someone, was like, just wanting to be authentic. And he's like, look, if I was just 100% authentic, I would wear a dirty T shirt, baggy sweatpants, and take a crap in the middle of the sidewalk when I felt like it. And he's making a great point there, which is like, there's this balance of.

Yeah, you know, who am I really?

What do I want? But we do exist in a world where we're going to be interacting with other people and they're going to have impressions of us, and we don't want to get totally freaked out and try to just lose ourselves to impress others. But at the same time, we have to exist in that social world, as you said. So I think that's a. I think you're highlighting something really important there.

It's that. That fine line. And it's tough, you know, it's a tough thing to find. And I think, I'm sure you see this with everything you do, is that all of these ideas are awesome. And you know, that definition of blending this authenticity and this confidence, but also this attractiveness. Maybe it sounds kind of enticing, but it's all just an idea until you really get out there and interact in the world and really play around with these ideas for yourself. So that's always something that I really recommend, and I'm sure I know you do, too. Dr. Z's with everyone that you work with, an impact is, yeah, learn these awesome ideas or these social skills or these different mindsets, but get out there and put it into play. I think it's so important. I know for me, was a game changer.

Absolutely. And there's a lot of. I got an email just yesterday with the guy saying, I think he was late 30s, and he's like, I have years of theoretical knowledge built up. Yeah. And I love that. Theoretical knowledge. Years of theoretical knowledge. And I'm like, I know that is a trap. And especially now with the Internet and just endless information we can take in. So, yeah, let's. Let's break it down. I think the best way to do that would be let's uncover some of the core secrets or insights that you've.

Gained from doing these.

And that was something that stood out to me, by the way, is your breakdowns. I think they're very clever. They're very helpful, and they. I mean, they're things that I did even before I knew I was doing it. I would watch a character in a movie and be like, I want to.

Be more like him.

So we can absorb those. We can activate that. What's already inside of us, those traits that are already there by modeling and amplifying. So let's talk about some of the core ones, and then we can talk about not just making it theoretical, but how do we really apply this and take the risks to do it? So first and foremost, let's look at what are some of the main traits of these superstars, these qualities that you've noticed across some of the big ones. We're going to pause right here, take.

A quick break, and continue with our interview with confidence expert Jason Rogers.

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Yeah, absolutely. The first two are kind of the yin and the yang, if you will. And I see this with every. I mean, fill in the blank with any guy that just kind of shows up in the world that. That seems to have these awesome opportunities. Maybe like a George Clooney or a Brad Pitt or even just that guy that, you know locally that just gets on really well with everybody. That everyone kind of seems to like. It's this kind of paradox of being light or this light heartedness that you see combined with this boldness. And those are kind of oppositional ideas or traits. You know, on one hand the lightness is kind of that, that playfulness, that nonchalance, it's a little bit carefree and this is really attractive and really likable in the world because we live as you know, in a world where there's so much stress, there's so much tension and anxiety and there's so many deadlines and pressures of life. So when we meet somebody who shows up with that little bubble of lightness, a little puff of air, you know, wearing that smirk, and it's just that little bit of a lighter energy, we're all drawn to that. I know I for one am hugely drawn to that when I meet somebody, you know, it's that you meet five people in the day and you're kind of at that just in your normal grind of life, whatever it is, kind of that day to day moment. And then you meet somebody who's just a little bit more light and a little bit more easygoing and you're instantly like, whoa, who's this guy? Or who's this person? It's really, really attractive. But then the other side of it that I see a lot with any personality that you really see these people, especially on talk shows and stuff like that, Craig Ferguson's an example, a lot of these different gentlemen is, is this boldness. Now there's a lot of ways of expressing boldness. I was actually just talking about this yesterday with somebody that I'm working with and that I believe Mahatma Gandhi was extremely bold, you know, incredibly bold life. Now, was he bold and speaking really loud and kind of hammering in all of this? No, but it's just almost this action speak louder than words. And you see that with these people we look up to, especially men. You know, everything we're really talking about here and all the work I do is focused on men. I am asked sometimes, hey, could you do these breakdowns for women? And I say, I'm just smart enough to do one thing pretty well. I can't focus on any more than that and expect to deliver a valuable. But what I've seen with guys is when you start with this light, carefree emotion that you can kind of cultivate, do some different mindsets and some different things, but then also bring that boldness to the table and how you show up, that's a really powerful start that I think will help anyone listening really show up more authentically and more confidently as well.

Yeah, I love it. I love it. And I think we should dive into each of those because they're. They're both so important. And some of the things that I jotted down as you were saying here was lightheartedness. Almost like they're above the stress that we feel in the world or can get sucked into. Into the world. You said a light smirk. They're easygoing and you didn't say this word. But I think kind of what I associate to that is maybe humor. They're going to make jokes. They're going to not take things so seriously as well.

Absolutely, totally.

And maybe a quickness to smile is what I'm imagining as well. Not in like a scared to displease you kind of, you know, primate grimacey smile, like I mean no harm, but an actual, like they're quick to smile. There's a laugh or a smile is just like right there about to burst through.

Totally, absolutely. I couldn't agree more. That smile is infectious. I just, I know with some of the guys that have helped out, sometimes there's this uncomfortable smile and that isn't what, you know, that's a little different. And I know I've experienced that massively myself. We haven't talked about my story, but it's still something I'm working on. Right. Because I grew up really anxious myself. But there is that difference between that genuine, warm smile that really rises people up versus almost that uncomfortable smile. So there's that. But yeah, man, it's this, I call it self amused and self amused and just kind of going through the world of life in that we all have our own unique personalities. We all have our own sense of humor. We've all seen a movie that cracked us up. And one thing I often invite guys to do is to think about those favorite movies you've seen, those favorite funny movies you've seen, and the characters in those movies and to almost loop that type of humor throughout your day and kind of create an inner dialogue where you're seeing the world through that lens almost as if that character would see it. Now, I don't want you to think maybe like a Ben Stiller where, you know, he gets his junk stuck up in the zipper in the first five minutes of Was It. I think it's everything. Something about Mary. So I don't want you to be the guy who's just getting pummeled about life. It's not about that, but it's just this kind of finding a way to find a little bit more humor in the day. And for me, I'm not a comedian type in any way, shape or form. I'm not the guy that's going to come in with canned jokes. But you don't have to have canned jokes in my opinion. To be a guy who can elevate the mood and to have that sense of humor by just saying self amused and kind of cracking jokes for you to keep things fun for everybody you.

Interact with, that is great. And it's something that I naturally do without thinking about it because I'll get into something and then probably like a lot of people, you kind of go, you watch a lot of it or listen to a lot of it. So for example, one show that I love, Love, love love is Eastbound and Down. Have you seen that?

No, no, no.

So it's Danny McBride, who's a comedian, is a superstar. The very first, the first two minutes of the first episode of the first season, they show him in this meteoric rise to fame as a pitcher in Major League Baseball. You know, he's the, he's the backup pitcher. He gets brought in for the final game of the World Series, throws the final strikeout pitch and becomes a megastar. And then it's like this, the next, you know, minute and a half clip is just this super fast forward of clips in his life of him like going from team to team becoming worse and worse, offending people, being, you know, just like just kind of already his career is collapsing. And then the show starts with him kind of washed up back in his hometown as a, you know, he's applying to be a high school gym teacher and, and yet in his mind he's the greatest pitcher of all time. So he's this kind of like humorous kind of narcissist character. And I absolutely love him and the show. And I find that after watching a few of these episodes, I will think like, and his name is Kenny Powers and I'll think like Kenny Powers. I'll curse like Kenny Powers. I'll have a little bit of a bravado, swagger like Kenny Powers. And I'm smiling as I do this because I am self amused. I am more likely to make jokes.

Be a little, maybe he's a little.

More shocking or off color in his humor or something. So I might bring a little bit of that in and you can live that character. You can bring some of that humor into your life and it works, it makes people laugh, it brings more of.

You out big time. And that one huge shift that you were talking about right there is you started with finding the show, which I want to watch. Danny McBride, that guy's an absolute dog, as I call it. The guy's funny as heck. And that show already sounds hilarious. I don't watch much tv, but that one I may have to make an exception for. But what I love what you just said there, Dr. Z, that I think is so appliable for everyone listening, is that you found him funny first and foremost. You know, it wasn't like you were trying to be, you know, it's not like you're trying to be. What was his name? Danny Powers or Kenny Powers here. You know, it was like you thought it was funny and then it comes out naturally. So there's this real. It's almost reverse engineering. It is kind of how I try to play it with guys and that don't crack the joke just to get the laugh and that. Like, yeah, if you're a funny guy and you're good at stand up, that's different, you know. But most guys listening to this, I imagine aren't that naturally like the guy who's just cracking the zinger after zinger after zinger, Kevin Hart style. So when you kind of come from it naturally to self amuse a little bit more, you notice that you aren't putting any pressure on people to laugh. And that's such a powerful and kind of attractive thing in and of itself. To be able to share something that could be funny without needing somebody to laugh. It takes any pressure that could be there and completely alleviates it. And it's that lightheartedness. And now you're enjoying a moment together. I see that so much in my life and with people I work with and then certainly with all these video breakdowns I do super powerful. Exactly like you were talking about.

We're going to pause right here for just one more moment and then we're going to resume with Jason Rogers in just one second.

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Think that's a huge distinction is what is the purpose of us being light hearted or making jokes and that it's not looking. Did I get a laugh there because there's so much approval seeking in that and like okay, I'm worthy if I got them to laugh and oh no I'm not now. And now I'm nervous and I'm not good enough and that creates a lot of tension in you, a lot of pressure unconsciously on them and really kind of defeats the whole purpose of this big deal. So I love that phrase self amused and finding the character that is funny for you. And there's a reason why Kenny Powers is funny to me or Adam Carolla is funny to me or whatever. Cause like, well, there's some resonance in my own humor and that's. You want to find that also. I think this is really big because a lot of guys wonder how to be more funny. I understand being funny is great and people like you.

How do you do it?

And I think the stand up route is a. I mean that is a long road. That's like, you know, I want to be more musical.

Great.

Why don't you study classical guitar and play that for the next five years and then you'll become musical. It's like no, you can be musical now. There's a song inside of you now maybe your voice isn't amazing but you still sing that shit in the shower. So we want to have that with our humor. Because stand up comedy is designed to look off the cuff and casual, but it is extremely performed, dialed in, practiced and so on. So I think that we want to just find those, the people that are funny and then use that kind of humor that's self amusing. You say what's funny to you in the moment. It doesn't have to be a pre planned thing because if it is, you know, there's a high chance of it being totally exhausting.

Huge point you made. There is one. I mean if you study like a Kevin Hart for example or you study Robin Williams, rest in peace. Like any of these guys who just crushed it with standup, that's their life. I mean they are literally all day long committed to their craft. Now for everyone listening, you have a job you have a life, you have other things. You're not gonna be able to work out comedy for 15 hours a week. That's crazy. And so as opposed to aiming for that route, what's so cool? And you already talked about this. I wanted to hit on it too. A huge point. I know you see this, Dr. Aziz, is this idea of being present to the moment, one of the big traps that's easy to get into in conversation in life. And all that we do is you're thinking ahead of what you're going to say next. You're thinking back about what you said before and how that played out in the mind of the person you're talking to, the girl you're talking to, or the social group, Right? And if you watch like a Russell Brand, he's the guy that I'm really fascinated with because this guy is the sharpest mofo I've ever seen with wit. Now, he stands for some things and he's a crazy dude. And, you know, all of his opinions aside, if you watch his live interviews, this guy is the sharpest witted dude on the planet. Now, do I think he's probably smarter than the average bear? Yeah, I do. I think he's probably a high IQ dude, certainly probably higher IQ than myself. But just because Russell Brand probably has an IQ of 140 doesn't mean you can't learn what he's doing. You notice if you watch him, he's right in this moment, in most of what he's saying is just either a huge over exaggeration, a massive under exaggeration, or. Or a totally misdirected statement that nobody expected him to take the interaction with. And so he's really just throwing curveballs. You brought up Danny McBride in the movie Pitcher. So much of comedy is just throwing a curveball. People expect you to say X and you say Y instead. Oh, wow, that's kind of funny. It's just you improvising in the moment, but there's no script there. It's just you living in the moment, enjoying life and not needing the laugh. But paradoxically, when you don't really need it, so often in many aspects of life, dating included, when you don't need it, good things can certainly happen. Hopefully that adds a little bit of value.

Absolutely. And those are super valuable techniques. I don't know that's the right word. But people, I mean, sometimes breaking humor down can be really helpful because it's not especially like the kind of humor that you can use moment to moment. That doesn't Involve any setup or pre planned routines or anything. It's really just those little things that you said. Exaggeration. You can amplify something or exaggerate it, and all of a sudden it becomes funny because it's so obviously over the top. Or you can say misdirection, the curveball, the thing that people weren't expecting. And that only comes out of, as you said, being very present in the moment and just looking for that. Just being right there with that person.

Totally.

I think that, you know, instead of making it like, oh, I got to be funnier, I have to learn how to be funnier. I mean, sure, you could, but I really want to encourage everyone listening like you are now. Just find those opportunities. You might already do it with friends, with people that you're comfortable with, but then all of a sudden, and this is where I think this can lead us into the second piece, which is the boldness. We get around someone that we don't know that well. We're at an official function like a networking meeting or a mixer or. Or a date or approaching someone we find attractive, whatever it is, where we feel more attached to an outcome, we feel more nervous, then we tend to be less bold. And so the problem, though, is the exaggeration, the misdirection, the curveball. Those are all kind of slightly bold maneuvers because they're stepping outside of the norm. They're stepping outside of the expected.

Yep.

So let's talk about boldness. What have you seen in Russell Brand or any of the other people you've broken down? What is boldness? What are they doing? How do they do it?

That brings us to the end of our time today and the end of the episode. There was so much good stuff here that I didn't want to cut out.

So we're going to have it split.

Into another episode, the rest of the interview, and we're going to continue diving into this idea of your authentic superstar personality. But before we do anything else, there's one thing we gotta do, and Jason talked about it in the interview, and.

I talk about it all the time.

Get into action.

Time for action.

Your action step for today is to find a character. Find an actor, a TV personality. It could be interviews you've seen with them or their actual character in a movie or a TV show. Find that person and study them. Break it down. What are they doing? How do they stand? How do they move? What are the subtle things that they do? Do they shift the topic? Do they challenge someone? Are they lighthearted? Are they bold? And if so, how are they communicating that? Get really specific. Study their movements, model them, and infuse that into your interactions this week. The way you talk to people, the way you greet people, whether or not you even approach people, letting that character move through you, there's a reason why you're drawn to that character. There's a reason why you're picking them. Now, it may or may not be Kenny Powers, but find who that is.

For you, bring it into your life.

And rock and roll. And we'll continue next week with this interview. We're gonna get more into being funny deeper, dive into that, as well as boldness. Boldness in dating and relationships, which is huge, as well as boldness in your business and your career and how to really create the life that you want in all areas. So stay tuned for that until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink the For the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com. Sam.