How Do I Make Her See Me As A Sexual Partner?

And now it's time to ask the shrink. Hey, welcome to today's bonus episode of Ask the Shrink. Today we have a great question which is in our theme around dating, which is because we're doing the unlimited dating confidence boot camp coming up in a couple of months. And so I'm going to answer this question in just a moment. It's about the direct verbal approach. Just a quick announcement about the dating confidence boot camp. So we're doing the early bird special right now. It's available for one more day and we have just a few spots left right now. The room, as I mentioned in some of the videos, if you saw them, is relatively small. And I'm doing that on purpose because I want to be able to get to know everyone and meet everyone and have everyone get to know each other. So it feels like a community as opposed to like just a. I don't know, I'm just in a class and I hope I don't meet anyone here. Right. We want to connect with each other and support each other and that's where the transformation happens. And I want to get to know you and work with you. So go. If you haven't even heard about it or anything, go to shrinkforthshyguy.com and enter your email there. You'll get my ebook, but you'll also get on my mailing list so I can send you information about the event. And if you just want to go there and find out information directly, go to 30days to datingmastery.com event. That's 3zero days to datingmastery.com Event. So let's answer this question. Because it's directly related, this is the kind of thing we'll be diving into a lot at the weekend. One other thing about the weekends is because they're smaller, they're very interactive and it's like, I love it. There's tons of questions and real time interactions and. And so this is the kind of thing we'll be diving into. This question is from Stanislav. He says can you please share your opinion regarding the direct verbal approach with women and highly seductive tone? I mean, in order to see you as a sexual partner, you have to talk about sex, right? That's a great question and it's an important question. And what he's talking about, in case you are not familiar, the direct verbal approach with women and highly seductive tone is that's like you are. You're not trying to hide that you're interested in them. So my understanding of the direct verbal approach will be to Walk up to a woman and say, like, you are absolutely beautiful. Although if he's talking about highly seductive tone and talking about sex, you might even go one step further and be like, you know, you have phenomenal legs. Or, I couldn't focus on what I was doing because I kept on looking over and you are absolutely gorgeous. And like, you actually really call out her beauty, that you really make it clear that you're sexually attracted to her. And that freaks most guys out. It's very uncomfortable, right? You're putting yourself out there. Oh, my God, she's gonna think I'm a creep. But, you know, at the same time, is this a great way to help her know that you're interested in her sexually? So here's the thing. That absolutely could work. It's super bold. And a lot of women aren't going to like it, but some of them really are. And I know men that use that kind of approach with women. They're just like, I don't want to waste my time. I'm just going to say what I want. And I don't know if they say it like that. I don't know if they have a southern accent, but it could work. And that might not be your style, and that's okay too. So the other question is, do you need to talk about sex in order to be seen as a sexual partner? No, I wouldn't say so. I would say it's a lot more in your energy than it is in what you talk about. So I remember I was studying a lot of pickup artist stuff a while back, and, you know, I got all these ideas. This is how I gotta be. I gotta be like, just bold, sexual man. So I got myself a leather jacket, you know, and it's kind of funny because I don't own any other leather jackets. I wasn't even that comfortable in it, but I was like, this is the kind of man I gotta be. And I remember a friend of mine set me up on a date with a woman he knew. And that's pretty rare. Most of the women I met, I met them on my own. I overcame my fears to be able to start conversations with women. And. And so I was able to meet women in a lot of places. I'm usually during the day because bars weren't necessarily my thing. But this was a different scenario. He's like, oh, you know, she's great and she's cute and she's single and you guys should hang out. So that was the date that I had lined up. I have my leather Jacket on. I've been listening to all this stuff about these, like, guys who are, like, highly seductive. I seduce women insanely, quickly, really fast, all the time. I've slept with 50,000 women, you know, I'm pumping my head full of this stuff and I go on this date and, dude, that was the most awkward shit ever. It was like, she was kind of a shyer girl, and I'm just like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Like, asking the most insane, like, where's the craziest place you've ever had sex? You know, and just, like, bringing it. Because that's what I heard, right? You gotta talk about sex if you wanna be seen sexually. And it just. She was, like, flushing in her face and so uncomfortable. And then I was so uncomfortable. But then I was trying not to be uncomfortable. But then at the same time, I'd done a bunch of stuff around being more authentic and more myself. So somewhere in there, I, like, fessed up, like, yeah, I just got this leather jacket for the date. I've never really worn it before. And then I was like, oh, my God, that makes me look so pathetic. And then we go our separate ways. Me knowing, like, dude, there's not gonna be a second date. That was so terrible. And then I have this like, oh, God, my friend is gonna hear about this. Like, it wasn't just like, oh, yeah, he wasn't a great fit. It was like, what a fucking weirdo. So I was all super anxious about my friend hearing about that. And I don't think he ever said anything. I don't remember. I was expecting him to be like, dude, you know, what the hell is wrong with you? I don't know. I think I asked him, or maybe I never brought it up. But he. If he did bring it up, it was very like, oh, yeah, you know, seemed like it didn't work out. So it wasn't that big of a deal. But it wasn't to me. It was to me in that moment. But. So here's the thing. Like, that's a lot of. I don't think we have to do all that. I think to be seen as a sexual partner, you have to be powerful, though. You have to not be pleasing her and afraid and overly polite and, okay, I'll talk about whatever you. Yeah, that's so interesting. Cool. Yeah. You know that kind of desperate, pleasing energy that makes her see you not as a sexual partner, but if your energy is strong and your eye contact is strong and there's a twinkle in Your eye. And there's like a crackle of sexual energy there. You could be talking about anything. I remember I was at a. There's a Powell's bookstore here in Portland and there's a beautiful woman working behind the information area. And so I thought, oh great, I'll start a conversation with her. So I went up to her and said. So this was like the. I think she was in like the section that had. It had a lot of different books, but there was like a big sci fi fantasy thing. So I went up to her and I said, okay, I have a question for you. And she says, okay, what is it? And I say, are you a nerd? And she laughed and she's like, uh, kinda. I was like, I'm just curious because I have a question for you and. About something that's super nerdy about fantasy. But I gotta make sure that you know this stuff well or something like that. And then we start talking about that. And basically I'm asking for a recommendation for a new fantasy series. So she brings me over to the area where she points these out and then we start talking about those. And man, the energy was really strong there. It was very obvious that there was this charge. And we were talking about fucking nerdy fantasy books, right? So you don't have to talk about sex in order for there to be a sexual charge. It's about how you show up. It's about your power, it's about your energy. It's about a willingness to feel that sexual energy and kind of deal in it. And this is the kind of stuff that if I'd heard this like 15 years ago, I would have been like, what the fuck is he talking about? Deal in sexual energy. Like this invisible thing. What are you talking about, man? And that's something that I think you need to feel in your body and learn. And that's something I'm gonna be teaching at the weekend, but. And you also can learn that in my program, 30 days to dating Mastery. But you have to be able to deal on this level. There's like this conversation that's happening beneath the conversation that you're having. It comes across in your body language, your voice tone, your own comfort with sexuality. And then, sure, if sex comes up, you can talk about it, or if you want to ask her a question about it, you can, but you absolutely don't need to. You absolutely don't need to on the first date. I wouldn't recommend doing what I did there. But you know, for some guys, like those dudes on the Internet. That shit works, man. And they're sleeping with apparently thousands of women's per minute. So there's many ways to slice it. You got to find your own style. But that's my answer to that question. Thanks so much, Stanislav. It's a great one. It's thought provoking. And for anyone who wants to go deeper, check out the Unlimited Dating Confidence Bootcamp. While the Early Bird is happening today, go to 30daystodatingmastery.com event awesome. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are, to deal in sexual energy, to talk about sex if you want. Until we speak again. Know that you're awesome. Talk soon. Sam.