Christopher asks how to approach people in Sweden where it feels culturally inappropriate. Dr. Aziz calls this a cognitive distortion and recommends starting with small compliments, then massive repetition to desensitize the fear while gradually increasing the challenge.
Hey, Dr. Aziz here. And I'm going to answer another question, another Q and A segment here on the show. So if you're enjoying these and you're in this and other videos and it's benefiting your life and your confidence is going up and up as you watch these and apply what you learn, click subscribe below now to get more of these. I'm posting a lot more stuff. Time and time again, we've gotten feedback that the more you watch these videos and the more you apply this stuff, the more your confidence grows. And that makes sense because confidence is a skill, and when you keep it front center in your mind, you're thinking about it every day. It's gonna grow way faster, just like any skill, than if you don't address it at all. So subscribe below now, and let's answer a question from Christopher. Christopher sent me a nice, thorough email, which I read through. I'm not gonna read the whole thing because that would take some time. But, Chris, you sound like an awesome guy and you are making great strides. He's got a great job. He's in Svedon. And here is his question. Can you do a video on how to approach anyone in a place where the norm is not to talk to people in public? Hmm. Like a library, maybe? In Sweden, you're not allowed to talk to people. It's not allowed. Like you describe in many of your videos, people, in fact, appreciate when you initiate conversation with them, provided that you can carry the conversation. It's true. But it makes it harder, different to approach people in a country that has the same amount of people as New York City alone. And it would be interesting to hear your expert take on it. Thanks, Christopher. It's a great question, and it's actually something. The reason I'm answering this one is because I think a lot of people relate to it. And it's a story, dude. We all tell ourselves stories. So the story that I'm hearing here is I can't just walk up and talk to people here in my city in Sweden, because our entire country only has a small amount of people. The number of the population of New York, which I don't know, the population of New York City, what is it, like 10 million? I don't know what the population of New York City is. It's probably a shit ton of people. But anyway, it feels small to you. And my sense is that there's a fear that you might have where if I go talk to someone, especially maybe Swedish culture might not be crazy, outgoing, maybe people More kind of tend to themselves when they go out and about in the world in general. But, you know, so you're telling yourself, okay, it's a little bit outside the cultural norm and you know, there's not that many people here, so there's probably a fear that, that if you were to go approach someone and they were to not like it, that you'd see them again and it would be awkward and you be that annoying guy who approaches people and does the thing that's not acceptable in your culture. It's probably my guess is what your fear is. And you're also maybe doing something called a brush fire fallacy, which is it's a type of cognitive distortion where we imagine that if I approach one person and they didn't want to talk to me, then somehow everyone else, like a fire spreading through the brush, it would get, the word would get out and everyone would know. So I approached that other person and they'd be like, wait a minute, are you the same guy that approached that other person over there? Well, you, you know, they know about it and they wouldn't like you ahead of time. So our mind plays all these tricks on us. And that's what my sense is. But because here's what I know for a fact. I know there are other people in Sweden who have the confidence that you want to have. They can walk up and talk to anyone. Even in Sweden. They can share with people, they can have conversations, they can communicate, they can, I don't know where it would be not appropriate to go talk to someone. Maybe like if you're sitting next to each other in bathroom stalls, that might be a little weird. But anywhere else, if your energy is right, you can approach anyone anywhere and you can say anything and you can do it in any country. And I know this because I've been in a lot of countries and done this and I've also had clients in, man, I don't know how many countries at this point, a dozen. And once we work through their inner stuff, everything opens up. So this is a story, and it's a story to keep you safe and to prevent you from just putting yourself out there. You're probably afraid of the rejection of going over to that person. So here's how we overcome that. You go approach that person and if that's too much, you start small and you work your way up just like you've been doing. You said you went out to some bars alone. You told a middle aged woman at a bus stop that you liked her strange looking shoes. I Didn't use those words. Good. Probably don't want to tell someone they have, you know, nice, strange looking shoes. But hey, cool shoes. Do a ton more of that stuff. Because my sense is, when I was reading your email, that you're kind of like, yeah, but she didn't respond that well and I felt a little uncomfortable afterwards. Keep doing it. Keep hammering away. Massive repetition, Massive. And if you do that like 50, 100 times, you'll start to burn out that fear circuit and you can work your way up to higher and higher level challenges, including walking up and starting conversations with strangers, with groups, with women or men, whoever you want, make you want to make friends, you want to date, whatever it is you want to do, you can do that when you build up. So just every time your mind says, oh, my country's too small, or that's not allowed here, take a deep breath in, let it out and say, fuck it, and then just go. Take that action. Be who you want to be. Regardless of what culture you're in, take charge. Become the master of your ship, master of your destiny, and create the life that you want. So you're surrounded by amazing people who are equally bold, equally outrageous, equally inspiring. And then your life becomes extraordinary and amazing. And I want that for you, just like I want that for all of us. So share your questions or comments below. If you have any other thoughts for Christopher here, any other ideas, things you relate to in his question, any questions that you have for me that you want me to answer, post them below. And also subscribe if you're enjoying this and you want to see more. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.
