Dr. Aziz explains how to ask someone with social anxiety on a date. Keep it casual and low-pressure, like "I'd love to hang out sometime," and texting is fine because it gives them time to think. Don't try to protect them from discomfort or take on their anxiety as your responsibility.
How do you ask someone out if they have social anxiety? Is there a right way to do it? A way that doesn't freak them out? Let's answer that question now. Lukia Lucas says hi, Aziz, got any tips for asking out a person with social anxiety? I don't want them to feel pressured or uncomfortable by me or even force a dating situation to. That would make them uncomfortable. Would texting them be the worst method ever? So, great questions. This is a situation that does come up, especially as you start to grow in your confidence and can put yourself out there more, ask people out more. But you also start to see social anxiety when you're no longer totally trapped in it yourself. You start to see the symptoms of it in other people. You start to see when someone's nervous, you start to see the anxiety in others. And so, you know, how do we work with that? Well, first of all, I think one of the best things you can do when you're asking that person out, and this is great for asking anyone out, but especially someone with social anxiety, is to be real and vulnerable and take the first risk to express your liking of that person. Express in some way or form that you like them. Now, again, to do this in the most skillful way, the smoothest way, that's usually the best well received if someone has social anxiety or not is to do it in a casual way so early on when you're first getting to know someone, you're first dating someone. I mean, you can go super intense, be like, your eyes are like eternal pools of eternity and just blow them away with your poetry like that. But that's, you know, it takes a certain kind of person to be receptive to that. A lot of people would be like, whoa, whoa. Even if it is a beautiful compliment that you're giving them. So a more casual approach is the way to go. Like, hey, this is fun. I like talking with you. We should. I would love to hang out with you sometime. Right? So acknowledge it's fun to talk with them. This interaction is interesting. I love this conversation we just had. Or oh, hey, that would be fun to go do that thing to go on that hike that you're talking about. I'd love to do that. You want to do that sometime, right? So you mention that something you like about them and then you ask them out. And by the way, speaking specific details on how to ask someone out and the strategy that and the texting and all that stuff is something I can go way more in depth inside of in my course Dating Mastery, which is Inside of Confidence University. It's just one of the many courses you get as part of access to all my courses Inside of Confidence University and that one we go step by step into, well first healing the self worth stuff that really stops most of us in dating and then all the specifics and strategies. So I'm just drawing some specific ideas from that right now. But letting them know that you like something about them and then when it comes to do it in person or text, it doesn't really matter. Texting it might actually be a good idea. Almost easier for someone who is very maybe anxious with that face to face because then he or she in this case sounds like you're asking a woman out, has time to think about it, to reflect on it. One note of caution though, Lucius and Luke, Lukia and anyone and everyone is be mindful of taking on too much of other people's emotions. Watch out for being a nice guy. There's just a, there's just a flavor, I can, I can taste it like, like a fine wine. I can, I can hear nice, nice guy, ery, nice guyness. And I hear a little bit on that question like, well, I don't want to make her uncomfortable and I don't want to do this because that might make her uncomfortable. A lot of focus on not wanting to make the other person uncomfortable and I get some degree of that is normal and probably optimal. But you don't want to take on too much because especially if someone has social anxiety, they might just be uncomfortable, especially in those early dates and those early interactions and if you get tense about her being tense, then it's just no good for anybody. So really what you want to do is just like not take it on. And I had to learn this because as I started to grow in my confidence and started to work with people with, with social anxiety, especially people with strong symptoms of social anxiety, it's palpable, you can feel it. And I would notice myself getting tense and then I have to consciously be like, okay, this is not mine. And it's okay for them to be uncomfortable. So that's the message I want to communicate to you is it's okay for her to be uncomfortable. It's okay, you don't need to protect her from that. You just be, you put yourself out there, offer what you're interested in doing, invite her out and then be you on those dates and see and here's the thing, just because there's like, oh, I don't want to make her uncomfortable because then she'll probably not want to date me. Well, just be you. She's probably going to work through that discomfort. If it's a good fit between you two, she'll work through that discomfort. And look, someone who's got social anxiety or shyness, that's going to come up the most at the beginning of the dating relationship. Pretty soon you're going to see the other side of them that's relaxed, comfortable and confident. I mean, and if not, and if they don't have that side developed at all, it's gonna be hard to have a relationship with them. And you should refer her to my YouTube channel and to read one of my books to help solve that to get to the point where she can have a relationship. But usually it comes out after a couple dates, couple weeks, someone starts to feel a little more like accepted and can be them. So those are the tips on how to ask someone out with social anxiety. What other tips do you have? Share them below in the comments. Of course, subscribe to this video and watch more of these to enhance your confidence. And again, check out confidence university@theconfidenceuniversity.com if you want to not only master your dating life, but your social life, your career, the works. So check that program out now and until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
