Dr. Aziz teaches how to be more confident in high-pressure situations (job interviews, dates, negotiations) by shifting internal perspective rather than relying solely on prior experience. He argues that pressure is self-generated through an attached story that catastrophizes outcomes; the remedy is a short mental practice: visualize the unwanted outcome, sit with the fear/shame, intentionally let the story go, and adopt an attitude of non-attachment ("I want this, and if not, I will be okay" or "this or something better"). The approach combines affirmation of one’s value with confronting and reframing anxiety-driven narratives.
Chapters
Would you like to know how to feel more confident in high pressure situations? Job interviews, especially high stakes job interviews, negotiations, dealing with clients, dating can feel like a high pressure situation, right? Especially if you really like the person. You can put a lot of pressure on yourself and that's actually part of the problem, which is what you're going to discover in this video. But any other situation that you feel like is high stakes or a, I hope this goes the way that I want and some bad is going to happen if it doesn't. Well, first of all, right there, that makes it very hard to be confident because here's the thing. Confidence means you move forward with faith, right? That's what confides means, confidence, faith. And so it's going to go the way that I want, or I got this, or I can figure it out, or of course they're going to hire me, of course this person's going to date me. Of course I can resolve the situation. That works if you've done it a lot or you have just an endless amount of experience. Like you know someone who's a mechanic who's fixed a thousand cars, someone brings a car in that's got an issue and the mechanic's like, yeah, I got this. Right. But that kind of falls apart when it's a high pressure situation. Or you've never dealt with that before. Or yeah, I've been on dates before, but never with someone like this. Or I've been on job interviews, but never at my dream job like this. Right? So we need something else in addition to that basic confidence. And that actually is going to come in a surprising way and it's a little bit counterintuitive, which means the opposite of what you think. But when you are, when something feels high pressure, there's a couple things to remember. One, the pressure that you, that you feel is not out there, it's in here. You are creating that pressure. Your perspective is what generates that pressure. And particularly the little specifics of what creates that pressure is a story that you're telling yourself. Like this is how it is, a perception of reality that says if it goes this way, which is the way that I want, it's going to be amazing. And if it goes this way, it's going to be awful, possibly death and ruin, right? And you know, I'll never find anyone like this again if it's not for this person. I'm going to be destined to be alone forever or have a miserable, lowly second choice in my life that is always less than this one. Person who would have been so perfect for me, right? If I don't get this dream job, every other job for the rest of my life is going to be terrible and I'm going to regret this forever. I need this job, I need this person. I need this outcome. And as soon as you come into it with that energy, your confidence is gone. You're desperate, even if you try to hide it. And then if you have any confidence, it's a lot of, like, posturing, like, well, I'm going to pretend like I don't care, but inside you're freaking out. And what's telegraphed is, you know, your energy and your voice tone and your body language and your emotion. It comes through even on a subtle level, and people pick up on it. And so what you really need to do is find your way to a new place inside of yourself. And that new place can be best described as unattached. And the best way to verbalize unattached is, I want this outcome. And if something else happens, I'll be okay too. Of course. I want the person to say, yes, of course I want this job, this dream job, of course. And if something else happens, I'll be okay, too. And at first you're going to say no, that doesn't work because you don't understand high pressure situation. Remember death and ruin? Well, that's the perspective. And so what you need to do is you need to challenge that. So when you think about the date, when you think about the job, when you think about the high pressure situation, you lock up. Then what you need to do is sit in a quiet space and face the outcome you don't want. You know, the outcome you want. You can visualize that one more. Maybe you'll have some influence and make it happen. Great. And you know what? If something else happens, let me focus on that. I'll die. I'll die. It's too terrible. Okay, I'm gonna calm myself. I'm gonna keep focusing on that until I can get to a place of just letting it go. I'm afraid. Let that go. I'm going to be ashamed. Let that go. I'm never going to find anybody. Let that story go. You just let go. Every story, every feeling, everything that comes up as you focus on it might not happen. I'm going to do everything in my power that it will, and I'm going to strengthen my value. I know what I have to offer in dating. I know what I have to offer at this company. I know why they should hire me. And I can communicate that powerfully. And if they don't see that, I'll be okay too. You want to know one secret? To take it even further beyond I'll be okay too is I'll be okay. And there's something even better in store for me. If not this is something better. Now, of course you're doubtful mind's going to say no, nothing. Remember, no one other than this person. Or else death and ruin. Well, you get to choose what you believe and what story you tell yourself repeatedly. And so you say, you know what? That story sucks. That story stresses me out. That story makes me anxious and makes me less likely to achieve what I really want. So I'm going to tell myself a new story. And that new story is, you know what? I'm going to give it my all. If it goes a different direction, sure, I'll feel sad or I'll feel disappointed. At the time. I'll feel frustrated. Yes. And I'll be okay. And I'll remind myself all through it that it's this or something better. So if this isn't the thing I'm meant to get, I'm going to find something better. I'm going to create something better. Because why? Because life is steering me. Life is guiding me. I am held. I am loved. I am guided. And you breathe in and you feel that. And now you are in contact with the most powerful version of you, the most confident version of you who's going to crush it in that high pressure situation. Thanks for being with me. Share down below in the comments what you're finding most valuable until we speak again may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. Talk to you soon.
