How To Be Less Needy (To Confidently Attract Others)

How can you be less needy? Now, I know needy can be a dirty word. Nobody wants to be needy. Everybody thinks, oh, gosh, I shouldn't be needy. If someone's needy, that's bad. The problem is, what if you are? What if you're feeling that we all feel inside, which is that needy kind of graspy, anxious experience? What do you do with that? How do we actually overcome this so we can feel more confident and feel more free? That's what I'm gonna answer in this video. And if you're benefiting from these videos, please make sure you subscribe down below and also give this video a like can reach more people. What do you do when you're needy? I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time describing needy because I think we all have a sense of it. But the short version is, I need you or something outside of me to be a certain way, or else I'm not. Okay? Isn't that the essence of needy? So people think about neediness when it comes to dating. That's a big area. Relationships, friendships, maybe even work, you know, with clients or potential clients. Or I'm needy with my boss, right? That's. You're wanting something. I'm wanting this person to like me. You have a very specific outcome that you want. I want them to like me. I want them to hire me. I want them to promote me. I want them to think I'm sexy. I want them to have sex with me. Depending it's the work or the dating example, perhaps. And now you have this desire, which is inherently. Fine, we have desires all over the place, right? But it's. I need it. Because a strong desire can feel like an unpleasant, intense experience. And the only way for me to feel okay again is to get what I need. But we can also feel needy about life situations, right? I need this sports team to win. I need this football team and basketball team to win. I need my mom to choose this in her life. I need the politics of the world to go this way or that way. I need this war to stop in the world, or else I'm not okay? So it can expand further and further out. So really, the same qualities of working with a neediness inside of yourself in relationships, it's going to be also how you work with that neediness with life. So what do we do when we notice the neediness? Well, the first thing you need to do is stop attacking it. This is the biggest pitfall I see people make is they notice neediness and the reaction is disgust. Like Ew. Oh, gross. And nothing. You can't hate anything in yourself out of existence. You can't vote it off the island. You can't attack it and kill it and amputate it. And so the same thing is true for neediness. In fact, if you really think about it, there is a. It's almost like a young, childlike, scared quality, right? I need it. I need it, I need it. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. And then you respond to it like beating the child, like, shut up. You're so terrible. It's not gonna work. It's never gonna work. It never has worked. It never will work. At best, you'll be able to hide the neediness as best as you can and then try to go take actions. But we all have had that experience of you're trying to hide the neediness. Like, okay, I'm not gonna send a super needy text because it's gonna make me look disgusting. So I'm gonna send a super smart, crafty text and I'm gonna send it in four hours. So look cool. Now, maybe that's a little more effective because you're containing the neediness, but it's actually energetically not that effective because you're still broadcasting, you know, that stuff, suffering and that pain, and that's what repels people, is not necessarily the behaviors. It's the energetic transmission. Not okay, not okay, not okay. Gimme, gimme, gimme. So. And very few people respond to that. Gimme, gimme, gimme. I'm not okay with like, oh, here you go. Right? Unless they have to or it's obligation or something. But in the dating world, they're like, well, no thanks. The work world, they're like, let's hire somebody else, right? So what do you do? One, don't attack it. Who we need to turn towards it with loving curiosity. This is the biggest thing that I'm helping clients when I'm working with them for a year or even longer. Sometimes doing this is the first order of business when I'm working with somebody is maybe the first three months we're going into. How do you actually turn towards that part of you with love and curiosity? Because they have such a history of hating that part. Self hatred through the roof. So actually move towards it and work at first with the disgust, right? It's like, ooh, ooh, I can't even look at it. Okay. And then eventually. And seeing it as a child can be very helpful. In fact, sometimes I'll do this with clients where I have them Imagine that feeling is in either a younger version of themselves. Or imagine they have a niece, a nephew, if they have their own children. Like, imagine when Your child was 5 years old and they were feeling really, you know, I need this to be okay. How would you respond to that? And that can trigger that compassion. So turn towards it with curiosity and compassion. And then three is become extremely curious about the story, that I need this out there to go a certain way, to feel a certain way in here. I need this or else. And I know it's convincing. I know it. Trust me, I know it. I've felt needy. I can feel needy. We all can go into that story, but there is no freedom in that story. It's not like, well, if I'm super needy, then I'm going to make it happen. I'm going to get what I want. I'm going to feel great. Of course, that's the impulse. You won't either. You'll get either you won't get what you want. Most likely you'll repel it, or you'll somehow, you know, move heaven and earth and make something happen. You'll punch life in the face and take what you want. And then you're not gonna feel relief. What do you feel? You feel scared for the next thing. Oh, that person responded to me. Yeah. My super awesome text was so good. I'm so smart. I wonder how the second date's gonna go. Oh, oh, I need that to go well. Right? The pattern will just pick up and move on to the next thing. You know what I'm talking about. You've done the exact same thing as me. We all have run this. So what we need to do is we need to get really curious. And for me, I strip away the details. I need this marketing campaign to go a certain way. I need this client to respond. I need my parents. I need someone to do this right? Whatever it is, I'm getting real hooked into it. I'll say, okay. So I'm telling myself that I need something out there that I probably don't even control to go a certain way for me to feel okay in here. Right. Do you see how it's stripped from all of the context? Because then I can just see the pattern and I say, wow, that seems like a lot of suffering. Okay. What if I don't need anything out there to go a certain way to feel okay? And if you hear that question, you're like, how dare you? I do need this person to respond. Okay, all right. I'm just saying, what if? And notice how I'm playing with myself there. That's what I would encourage you to start to play with yourself, start to really roll that question around and get really curious about that. I need it. I need it. I need it because I know it seems like it's true, but when the second you see that it's not true, you really see it like, oh, oh. I mean, I prefer that, of course, that would be nice, but I don't need that. There's going to be a moment of letting go and a moment of relief and the anxiety is going to melt away and your confidence is going to come out and your best effective abilities to make things happen in the world are going to come out as well. And it's a win win. So how are you going to use this in your life? Please share down in the comments below what you're finding most valuable. If you want to take things further and you want to work with me, go to draziz.com-r a z I z.com you can check out my 12 month mastermind program. This has been Life Chang that's been running for eight years. It transforms hundreds of people's lives, maybe even a thousand at this point. And you can really master this stuff in the deepest way possible. Just go to draziz.com and click on Coaching or Apply Now. It should be right there on the page and if wanting to start with something Sooner, also@draziz.com There is five steps to unleash youh Inner Confidence. It's a free mini course where I'll teach you the exact steps that I work with every client on to help them make unstoppable confidence a reality in their life. So until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.