How To Be Less Nice, Speak Up For Yourself, And Be More Assertive TODAY!

Do you struggle to be assertive? Maybe it's hard to speak up for yourself in certain situations at work, in your love life and social situations, with family. And so you know you want to be more assertive. You know you want to speak up for yourself more. Maybe even read my book Not Nice or attended something of mine, one of my online live events. And you're like, I want to do it. And it's hard, it's scary. So how do we overcome that? How can you become a lot more free and fluid to just speak up, just share your mind, share your perspective, not overthink it so much, not talk yourself out of it so much and not have so much fear around the whole thing. Let's talk about how to do that in this video. If you'd like to go further, by all means, go to doctoraziz.com d r to spell it. How do I spell my own name? R-a z I z.com and you can download my ebook for free. Five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. And there's a ton of bonus trainings that I send as well. So it's a powerful way to go deeper with this. Of course, if you're liking this on this YouTube channel, then click down below to subscribe and hit the little bell so you know when new videos come out. So how do you be more assertive in these situations? How do we overcome that fear? Well, here's one. There's many, many strategies and tools I can share with you, but here's one I want to share in this video. So one of the problems is the pendulum. So there is basically three modes of being with people on the far. Imagine it's a pendulum. You can pull to one side and there is passive on one side. Passive is, hey, I don't want to upset you, I don't want to bother you. I don't want to speak up. Because what if we disagree? That could be awkward and scary. That could lead to conflict. That's terrible. So that's just all. Just stuff it all that's passive. Then on the other end of the spectrum is aggressive. Usually if someone's in passive for too long, they might explode. Now, you might never explode at work, but maybe you go home and explode with your family, right? And it's like, I don't care what you think. You do this all the time. You're bad, you're wrong. Blaming, you're angry, you're yelling. People suck. They're stupid. It's critical. It's aggressive, it's hurtful. So what's in the middle though? What's in the middle of is assertive. You say, what's the difference between those? Well, passive is it's just what you want, forget about me. Aggressive. It's all about what I'm saying, what I want, what I think. Forget about you. Assertive is don't forget about anybody. You matter and I matter. What you want matters. But what I want matters too. And you know what? Honestly, what I want is going to matter. Important. It's important to me and maybe it's the most important to me because who else is in my own experience other than me? So I got to really advocate for myself and take care of myself and know what I want, be able to express that and negotiate for that and ask for that and persist for that. But I'm also going to be careful or thoughtful about what it is that you want. So we can combine the two and find win win strategies and solutions for both of us. That that's assertiveness. So here is my point in telling you all this is that when you have spent a lot of time on the passive end of the spectrum for you and this is so important, this is the key thing you want to pay attention to here. For you, assertiveness, that healthy self expression feels aggressive. Does that make sense? So if you've been passive for too long, assertiveness, healthy self expression feels aggressive. Your sensors are all whacked out. And I've seen this again and again and again. My mastermind program, this is such a thing that keeps coming up where people will say like I'm not sure about the assertiveness here, I'm scared to be assertive here. You know, what's too much? How is this going to land? And am I being too direct? And I'm always like, okay, well let's find out what did you say in that situation? Or what are you thinking of saying in that situation? And they'll share it. And 9 times out of 10 what they said is just fine. It's just assertive. It's just a little, it's more direct than they've been. Being direct feels aggressive when you've been passive for too long. Being direct, being real, saying what is. So saying what needs to be said can feel bad, wrong and aggressive if you've been passive for too long. So how do we deal with this? Well, first of all, just realize that because that's extremely liberating. You're not being this horrible person. Because our fear of being aggressive is what? Well People, it's going to go badly, people are going to hate us, it's going to burn bridges, it's going to lead all this counter attack. But what if none of that's true? What if actually you can express in the way that you're thinking, in the way that you want? And how do you find out? Well, test it. Because that story, that it's horrible and aggressive, it's going to lead to bad things. That is your safety police preventing you from even speaking up and trying to keep you impassive forever. Because passive is safe. Passive is minimizing all friction and contact and conflict. Even though those are healthy elements of any thriving relationship, whether it's a culture and a company. The ability to disagree, share differing opinions in a relationship, the ability to have conflict, clear the air and get closer together and resolve issues, bring things up that need to be talked about. When people stuff it forever and they're totally passive, what happens? They grow distant and then they're roommates and then there's no passion, there's no energy, there's no connection, no fire. All you do is sit there and watch Netflix together and you can't actually talk to each other, have real conversation and then eventually it dissolves. It either falls apart totally in structure and form, you divorce or separate or you stay together in structure and form. But it's dead inside. And either of those is not a win win in my book. Probably not yours either. So we need to have these conversations and realize that assertiveness is good. It's serving you, it's serving others, and you're not going to come out swinging in the way that you think. And if you want to do it, enroll a friend now. Make sure the friend to do a role play with them and say, hey, here's what I'm thinking of saying. What do you think? Make sure your friend though is not another passive person because they might say, ooh, I don't know, that sounds a little harsh. No, no, no, no. Get a friend who you know is like, they're more assertive, they speak their mind, maybe someone you aspire to be. And of course, if you want to be surrounded by a community of people who can give you phenomenal feedback, who are doing this growth with you and get my guidance and support directly, then you may want to consider my in depth year long training program, the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind, which can radically transform your life. And if you want to find out more about that, you can click down below in the description for this video. And regardless the key thing to take away is to get into action. So find a place to be assertive. Do it. Do it today, do it tomorrow. Do it this week and test it out. Because you got to do this. It's like reps. You got to do this dozens of times, hundreds of times, to get more and more skillful, confident, and comfortable with it. Awesome. Thanks for being with me today. And until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Sa.