How To Be More Assertive In 3 Simple Steps

Do you struggle with speaking up for yourself, saying no, asking for what you want, and otherwise being what's known as assertive. In fact, you've probably heard that term before. I should be more assertive. And yet, even though you should and you want to, something is getting in the way. And I'm so glad you found this video, because I know what is getting in the way. I'm going to share exactly what's getting in the way. And the three steps you need to take to become more assertive in every area of your life that matters. Your workplace, your social life, your relationships with family. Family. And trust me, I get this on the inside and the outside. Not just from helping thousands of clients over the last years with this and writing numerous best selling books on the subject of being more direct, confident and assertive, but for my own experience of feeling that inner wall, that inner force field that stops you from speaking up and saying what you want to say, ultimately from saying what needs to be said. So let's dive right into it. If you're benefiting from this video, please click down below to subscribe. So you'll get the next one. And you're aware when they come out. And the more of these that you watch and the more that you apply in your, the more confident and free that you will become. So, first step to becoming more assertive. Sometimes people say, what do I say? How do I say no? How do I stand up for myself? It doesn't start at all with what you say. The first step to being more assertive is to change what's going on in here. Because the reason you're not assertive, the reason you don't speak up for yourself, is because you do not have permission to speak up for yourself. Now you're waiting for permission, you know, because when you were young, you learn, don't speak up, don't say no, please. Everybody around you. And now you're 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years old and you're still waiting for permission. I'm waiting for someone, some authority to tell me that it's okay. And in order for you to start standing up for yourself, you must be the authority. You must claim that you are the captain of your ship and decide right now I have permission to speak up for myself. Now, the biggest obstacle to that is guilt. Ooh, I'm going to say something that's going to hurt somebody. I'm going to be bad and mean. I'm going to be just like my dad. I'm going to be this awful person or Fear of someone getting angry with you. Oh my God, they're going to hurt me. They're going to retribution, they're going to be yelling at me, they're going to talk behind my back. Something, some way, shape or form, someone's going to get back at me or be upset with me. And you must claim permission now by saying, you know what? If I don't advocate for myself in this life, no one is going to do it more than I can for myself. No one is going to take care of me more than I can take care of myself. Maybe when you were a baby, you were an infant, someone took care of you more than you could take care of yourself. But now as an adult, you must take that responsibility. And so think of it as taking care of yourself, of advocating for yourself, of being on your own side. And yes, someone might get upset, you might see, someone might not like what you did, but ultimately you are responsible to take care of yourself. That's number one, giving yourself that permission. Then number two is you have to access a level of firmness inside of yourself. I see this all the time with clients where they try to speak up, but they're so wet noodle ish. It's kind of like, hey, I need you to do this thing. Would you do it, please? And even though you've claimed permission, you don't see yourself as a powerful, worthy, equal member of the human race. It's kind of like, well, other people's needs matter more than mine. Other people's desires are more important. Other people's preferences are somehow more real or more important than mine. And the firmness I'm talking about is a decision inside of what I want matters. So let's say there's two conflicting agendas. Someone's like, we should do A. I'm going to pick a broad example at work. We should do A. And in your mind, you want to do B. In your mind, you're like, we're doing B. You see that energy inside of me? It's like, we're doing B. Now, at the end of the day, am I going to get into a fisticuffs battle with this person? No. I might relent and choose A at the end as well. But there's a certainty inside of myself that's what I want to do, that's what we're going to do. And that means I'm going to advocate for it, I'm going to ask for it, I'm going to negotiate for it. If they say no, I'm going to Find another way to ask for it if they. I'm going to allow there to be tension between us until we can figure it out. Because I'm clear that I want B. So there's a firmness inside. So one is permission. Number two is firm. Find that firmness inside to own what you want. And then number three is to advocate for it. That means you stay in the conversation. You can ask for something and if someone says no, instead of bouncing back and saying, I'm sorry I asked, I just forget that I said it. You stay in it and say, okay. So it seems like that doesn't work for you. Here's why this is really important for me. I wonder if there's another solution we can come to. I'm going to stay in the conversation. I'm going to keep exploring. I'm going to be persistent. Because why? Because I'm clear that I want B. I'm valuing what I want and I'm clear that I have permission. So you give yourself permission, you claim the permission. Now you find that firmness inside of you to know what you want and to go for what you want. And then number three is you got to speak it and then stay in that conversation. And if you practice these things, you will build the muscle of assertiveness. And that's the last thing I want to leave you with, is think of assertiveness not as something that you were born with, some character quality, but think of it as a skill. Skill or a muscle, something that you could develop. And we all know how to build a muscle. Like how do you strengthen a certain muscle group? How do you get better at running or lifting? You do it a lot and the more you do it, the stronger you get. That's exactly how assertiveness is. And the only thing that can get in the way is you not starting, you not staying in it. So get out there, take some action. Share down below in the comments what you're finding most valuable. And if you want support with this, if you want to have encouragement and guidance on this, check out my website@draziz.com that'S-R-A Z I Z dot com. You can find a number of free resources on the site, including a five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. Free mini course that guides you step by step in building your confidence. And if you want to take it further, my Master course at Home Study program to build confidence in every area of your life, which is called Confidence University. You can check that out now as well. Also@drzease.com so look, this is an absolute learnable skill. I'm here to teach you this. Check out more of these YouTube videos, subscribe to, watch them as they come out. And check out all the free stuff on my site to make sure that you get this in your life. Because as you speak up for yourself more, you'll get more of what you want. You'll get more respect. Respect. And ultimately, your life will become better and better. And I want that for you. So until we speak again, we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.