Dr. Aziz (speaker) explains that lack of confidence often comes from how people treat themselves—self-criticism and self-attack—and proposes "being on your own side" (omos) as the antidote. He urges a first-step decision to consistently support oneself, then a discovery process of changing inner dialogue and practicing self-compassion; he notes a book due late 2019 and promises to share insights from it. The piece is a short spoken guidance aiming to teach listeners to notice self-attack, decide to stop it, and apply strategies to shift self-talk and behavior.
Chapters
The biggest barrier to having the confidence that you want is actually because of how you treat yourself. You're not on your own side. This is something that I struggle so many years with. And just the other day I was talking with a client and, you know, it's like, I gotta make this shift. I want to date more and then I want to be more speak up more at work. And I'm scared to speak up at work, and I'm scared to put myself out there and dating. And even when I do, it doesn't work. Well, how do I fix this? And he thinks it's a strategy. I need to know the better way to approach someone at dating. And I need to know the technique for being more assertive or how do I overcome this fear. You know what he needs? He needs Omos. You know what? Omos is on my own side. He needs to find his way to become on his own side no matter what. Because when you're not on your own side, what happens is speaking up at work becomes dangerous. It's a threat. Because what if someone doesn't like you? What if you do it wrong and you make a mistake? And then what's gonna happen is you turn on yourself and you're like, oh, that was so stupid. Why did I do that? What's wrong with me? Ah, I'm an idiot. And that is like intense, negative hatred towards yourself. And you feel it in your heart and your emotions and your mind and your nervous system. It's like a painful experience. That's what we're scared of. So then we don't put ourselves out there. Same thing in dating, Same thing in any area of your life. So where are you turning on yourself? And if you want to learn how to be more on your own side no matter what, well, I'm working currently on a book on exactly that. It's going to be coming out in late 2019. I'm very excited about that. But in the meantime, I'm going to be sharing some of the insights and tidbits I'm getting as I create this book. So the first things first is what does being on your own side mean? That means not turning on yourself. That means eliminating self attack self criticism, but going way beyond that and actually finding what's the best way. How would I treat myself if I was, like, really loved myself? What are the subtle ways that I turn on myself? So it's not just like, you're an idiot and you suck, but it's like, oh, I spent a lot of time nitpicking myself or doubting myself or all these ways we can turn on ourselves. So being on your own side means eliminating all that and really treating yourself as if you loved you how you treat a friend or a lover or even a pet, someone you naturally love and are drawn towards. Then the key to getting more of that and being that way more is first and foremost. Before any technique or strategy or anything is one thing. Decide. You must decide to be on your own side no matter what. And that might sound simple or kind of, you know, like, how's that going to do anything? But here's the thing. You if you're stuck in that place of self judgment, self criticism, part of you keeps deciding like, no, I'm going to keep doing this. I'm going to keep beating myself up and withholding love and telling myself I'm not good enough because that's going to make me get better, that's what I deserve, or whatever the reasons are. And until you decide, like, this is insanity, this way of treating myself is unacceptable. I wouldn't stand for this treatment from anyone else. What on earth am I doing to myself? And you get repulsed by that hatred and you say, f this, I'm going to be on my own side no matter what. And that decision comes from a place of power, of a willingness to take control and change this. That's the first step. And then once you've done that, then it's a process of discovery. Now there's a ton in the book about what are all the things that we do. And there's ways simple things change the way you talk to yourself. What's your self talk like? If you notice, you're like, oh, that sucks, I'm an idiot. Like, whoa, let me change that. I'm intervening, learning how to talk to your inner critic. So when your critic is coming at you, learning how to stop that process and say, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, don't talk to me like that. Let's change the way I'm treating myself. Look, all those strategies, and you probably already know a lot of strategies. Those all. You can use all those once you've made the decision. So the key thing I want you to take away from this video is to make the decision to be on your own side and then discover and let that process unfold for you to find your path to being more and more omos. So share below what you're learning. What does being on your own side look like for you if you're making decision now? Share below I'd love to hear it and until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
