How to Become Confident Facing Criticism

Do you want to know how to become stronger in the face of criticism? If so, watch this video. I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and I'm the author of five best selling books on confidence. And one of the big ways that I'm helping clients each and every day that I'm focusing on maximizing confidence in people's lives is how to deal with criticism. Because isn't that one of the biggest fears people have, you might have of putting yourself out there, whether it's for dating or relationships or at work, speaking up, sharing your ideas, putting something out there online, it's, well, someone is going to see it, hear it and judge me. They're going to criticize me either in their heads or verbally. And I don't know how to handle that. I can't handle that. So you know what, I'm just not going to share my ideas at work because I don't want anyone to think I'm stupid. I don't want to ask that person out because I don't want her, him to judge me. I don't want to put my stuff out there online because, well, got online, I mean, that's full of trolls. Everyone's going to judge me on there. And so what's happening when you choose the path of avoidance is not only are you avoiding the criticism, you're also avoiding your life. And while you might protect yourself from the short term discomfort of that criticism, you're also protecting yourself from life. And so you get a different kind of pain over time. The pain of regret, the pain of a life not fully lived. And so we have to strengthen ourselves to criticism. And so I'm working with clients on this. I approach it in a few different ways. You know, sometimes people try to put themselves out there and just cover their eyes and say, okay, I hope there's no criticism and I just hope it doesn't occur. I'm going to pinch my nose, close my eyes, cover my ears and jump. And that's better than not doing anything. I'll give that person credit. I'll say, hey, at least you're willing to go into it. But that's not a strong stance to be coming from. That's not a confidence place. You're still scared, you're still running scared even if you are creating. So I have a question for you. Is that how you do it? If you're going to do it, are you like, okay, I'm going to speak up. Hi, okay, here's my opinion. Does Everyone think it's okay, right? And so you're doing it scared, and that's better than not doing it at all. But we can go way further than that, my friend. You could do it with confidence. So how do you do it with confidence? It comes down to strength. You got to get in shape now. So social fitness is a model that I've been teaching for many years. I originally learned it from Lynn Henderson, who's a great therapist who teaches people about shyness. In fact, one of my early starts was working in her shyness clinic in Palo Alto. And social fitness is a fantastic model, but it maps on to physical fitness. So the more you strengthen yourself socially, the more fit you become. So you can do things like walk over to a group of people or share in a group or something like that. One of the best forms of strength training for social fitness for your confidence is criticism. Because, look, if you walk over to someone and they say, hi, you're great. Do you want to be my friend? You might say, well, okay, that was easy. But that's not how life goes. And sometimes you share someone and someone says, I disagree. I don't like your idea. You're stupid. Especially if you put it out there online, you're going to get a ton of criticism. So how do you strengthen yourself? You strengthen yourself the way you build any muscle. And by doing reps, you want to get stronger biceps, you do reps of curls and other bicep exercises. You want to get stronger running, you want to run faster, you do hit training or sprints, you want to run farther, you do long runs, you stress the system, right? That's how you get stronger. So how do you do it? When it comes to criticism, you get criticized. Now, I know that sounds pretty simple, but here's what happens when most of us get criticized. First of all, we're going in, like, I hope no one criticizes me. And if someone criticizes you, what do you do? If you even allowed yourself to be exposed to that, let's just say you have. What do you do? Most of us go like this. I want to get away from it. It's like some noxious stimulus. It's like a poison gas that's in the room. It's like someone poked you with a needle, right? You want to get away from it. And so if you know someone shares something, you want to get out of the conversation as quick as possible. You want to shut down the disagreement as quick as possible and run. If it's online, you don't want to look, you're like, I can't look at that, it's terrible. Makes me feel bad. And I get it. And sometimes with clients who are really bottled up when it comes to putting themselves out there, I say, hey, look, just don't read the reviews online, don't read the comments. You're not gonna get any useful information from that anyway. But the highest level of confidence is when you don't run from them and you say, alright, bring it on. And then you get a negative comment. You know, I get this all the time. Someone reads my book and they're like, this guy sucks, I hate him. You know, instead of cowering from that, I'll sit there and I'll read it and I'll feel bad. I'll feel like defensive and hurt and upset. I don't even know this person. I don't even agree with the criticisms. So what do I do? I read it again and there's an impulse in me. I want to close down the screen and not look at it. I'm going to read it again and then what am I going to do? I'm going to read it again. I'll read that thing 10 times and then guess what I'll do? I'll come back the next day and I'll read it again 10 times, word by word. I'll get a feel for the person. I'll get a sense of the energy and the dislike and the upset. And I'm telling you, it's like is sprinting uphill fun? Is doing the curls when your arms are burning, does it feel good? Well, yes and no. It might feel physically bad, but in your spirit, feels good, doesn't it? Because that's you getting stronger. And it's the same way when you approach criticism like that. And when you do that, whoa, you become a force of nature because you're no longer scared and cowering. You're raising your hand, you're speaking up, you're sharing, you're putting yourself out there. And if someone comes at you, you say, bring it on. So share down below in the comments what you're finding most valuable. Share down below in the comments criticisms of me. It's good strength training. And if you have not already picked up the free mini course that I have called Five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. Check that out. Go to drz.com, you can find it in the description below. Also check out Confidence University. If you're not familiar with that program. It is four in depth training courses that will guide you step by step through social confidence, dating and relationship confidence, career confidence, and that core foundation of confidence so you truly can become bulletproof and impervious to criticism. So check that out. You can go to the website to see more about that as well. Draziz.com I believe it's under Products or programs on a tab on that website. So until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.