A coaching-focused YouTube episode by Dr. Aziz aimed at men who want to increase confidence across social, dating, and work contexts by becoming more authentic. The main takeaway is a practical "10% more real" rule: gradually lower self-censorship and speak or act slightly closer to one’s authentic impulses (e.g., ask a spontaneous question, make a joke). The video uses a client anecdote to show common over-filtering and offers baby-step exercises (ask yourself what you would do if 10% more real) and encourages viewers to experiment and share results.
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Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence, the show for men who want to 10x their confidence in business, sales, speaking, dating life, social life, relationships, every area of life. I'm Dr. Aziz, and today we're going to be diving into how to be more confident across the board. This is going to show up a lot in your social life and your dating life, but it's also going to be powerful in your work life, too. That is how to be more real, how to be more authentic, how to be more yourself, more comfortably yourself. And I mean the way if you show up more as yourself, that improves every area of your life and draws people towards you for dating and relationships, for friendships and for business and as customers and clients. So this is going to help you in all areas, how to be more real. And sometimes people hear this and they don't quite know what it means or they think, hey, I am being real, I am being myself. But here's no, you're not. Most of us aren't on some level, right? We're holding ourselves back in some way. And so sometimes we think we have to really change everything. And that can be overwhelming or scary. So the one thing I like to say is, what if you were just 10% more real, more honest, more bold, more authentic? You said what you thought 10% more of the time, you were honest, 10% more of the time, you were assertive, 10% more, you just turned it up. Not 100%. You don't have to go from 0 to 60 or storm into the office as a whole new person tomorrow. What if you just turn the dial? What, even just 5%, what would that look like? I was working with a client who's really struggling with this, especially in the area of dating relationships. But I think it shows up in his work, shows up everywhere, where he holds himself back, he inhibits himself. He wants to say something and then it circles through his mind several times and it's like, oh, you know, I don't know. And he ends up being quiet. And it's the feedback he often gets. Why are you quiet? Or women aren't as engaged with him because he's kind of quiet or holding himself back. And what's happening is he's running it through his filter to see in his language, is this going to be inappropriate? That's his language. But we all have our own language. Maybe they're not going to like it. Maybe they're going to think I'm weird. Maybe she's going to think I'm too pushy. Maybe she's going to think I'm too animated or too much. Maybe they're not going to like me for this. Maybe if they see this, they're going to judge me. If they know that they're going to. Whatever it is something we want to say, something, it starts to emerge from us, from our being. And then some program in our brain is running that's like on hyper drive filter that's trying to make sure everything's going to be okay. And what he was talking about, he's saying, you know, so we brought up this concept in our session. I was like, what about being just 10% more? Just turn that filter down a little bit. And he's like, well, you know, I likened it to, like jumping into the pool. And, you know, and it's sort of like he's kind of on the edge and he's trying to analyze it. And I was like, at some point you just got to jump in so that something pops into your mind, like a question you want to ask or a thing you want to say. At some point, you just got to jump into the pool. And he's like, yeah, well, maybe we need to figure out why I'm scared to jump into the water. And I was like, well, there's some value in that. And we've done a little bit of that in our sessions. But I'm like, then we're focusing all our energy on a story. Why am I scared to be honest? Why am I scared to speak up? Maybe they're not going to, like, why am I afraid that people aren't going to like me? Maybe it goes back to when I was 4 years old. And again, I'm not ridiculing that or something. When I'm working with someone and coaching, sometimes we'll dive deep and we'll find some old memories and have to really heal them to let them go so they can be more free. So I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. That's powerful work. And we can also use that as a story to not just freaking do it right. So just, yeah, you got something coming up in you, just say it. Oh, I don't know what, they're not going to like me. Just say it. Just do it and don't say everything. You don't have to go from 0 to 60. Just turn the filter down just a little bit and just start saying just a little bit more. You know what I'm talking about. So you're talking to someone and a question pops into your head, like that's not related to the topic that they're talking about. And normally you'd say, well, that's totally mean and rude and inappropriate. Well, 10% more real. Ah, cool. Yeah, yeah. The. It's interesting with the economy. Hey, can I ask you a quick question? It's kind of random. The other day you said that you went skeet shooting. What was that like? Right. So I took him off of the economy or whatever he's talking about and put it onto this thing that he talked about yesterday that I was curious about. Right. So you can just. Just do it. Just take the leap. Or you want to make a joke and you're like, oh, that's. I don't know, people laugh or whatever. Just. Just blurt it out. The first couple times are the hardest. In fact, if you want to get a baby step on this, just start in conversations or throughout the day. Ask yourself this question. If I was being 10% more and whatever word you want, real, authentic, open, honest, free, whatever. I like free. Personally, I was 10% more free, 10% more liberated, what would I do right now? What would I say? What would I do or say? Just ask yourself that question. Now here's the thing. Here's why it's a baby step. You don't have to do it yet. You can just do a week of like walking around asking yourself that question. What you might find is that it starts to bubble out, starts to emerge just by asking. But if not, you can wait, just get more curious, more awareness of what would happen, and then eventually start taking the leap just to say some of them. Just to say some of it. And you know what? I've worked with people myself on this for years and a lot of people on this stuff. You're never going to be free unless you take that action. Never going to be fully liberated unless you take the leap at some point. Now, you don't have to beat yourself up to do it. You can get there over time, but at some point you got to do it. That's just like a fact that I've noticed from doing this and seeing a lot of people. So get out there, take some of that action. Be 10% more real. Share below your experiences. Does it go well? Does it go bad? What happens? Do people respond positively? What people often find is that they get way different responses than they expect, usually much better. So go ahead and share your comments below, share your fears below. Anything that gets in the way or stops you from doing it. Let's break through those. Let's help each other get to that next level and check out more episodes of the show. They should be popping up to my left. Bam. And I look forward to speaking to you in the future. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.
