How To Change How You Feel Instantly

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools, tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today, we're going to be sharing something with you that will help you with confidence, but in every single area, but also every single moment of your life. It's a very specific tool that you can use to shift how you feel instantly. And here with me today is Master coach, and basically the man who runs everything at this point. At the center for Social Confidence is Jonathan Hernandez. Thank you, Jonathan.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks for having me. It's good to be here. I love. I love this. I had, like, so much, not anxiety, but, like, a great feeling of, like, energy and nervousness. I always feel like I have to, like, nail these podcasts, like, perfect, perfect every time.

That's our motto. I come in, I just look at everyone, I say, guys, perfect, perfect every time. And then I walk out.

Even though we talk about vulnerability and, like, how imperfect we are, it's like, that's for other people. That's not for us. I'm an outlier here. Thanks for having me, though.

Yes. So today we're going to talk about how to shift how you feel instantly. Now, this is something that we unconsciously think otherwise. We unconsciously often think that the way we're feeling is how we're going to feel for any given period of time. An hour, the day, the week, the month. And this can even kind of solidify into the perception that we're going to feel a certain way for months or even years. In the case of someone who's like, oh, I'm depressed, I have depression. And then in their mind, they're going to feel depressed for X period of time. And often they perceive it as indefinite. I'm always going to feel this way. And even if it's not an intense feeling like depression or an episode of depression, there is something where we, our current emotional state feels, on some level, permanent. Often.

Yeah. There's also I have this feeling of, like, when I'm in this downward state, as I dive in deeper with my feelings, I'm also attracted to it. Like, I like feeling down sometimes. Or, oh, I'm just not in the mood to talk. It's almost like a blanket so that I don't have to show up a certain way in life. Or, oh, I feel I'm depressed, so therefore I cannot go out. Or I like. Does that make sense? Like, you're using. You're using the sadness or the weight, and you're kind of finding comfort in that weight to prevent you from growing more.

Right. Absolutely. There is some way in which feeling something unpleasant, something painful, you might say, there is a draw to it.

Yeah.

And we want to do that. And there's this resistance that we can have inside to letting it go, to shifting it.

Yeah.

And so there's a sense of, like, well, no, I can't just change this. And even almost like a. And I've experienced this, like, a defensiveness of like, no, I. How dare you minimize my suffering now? And I think it's a fine line because many of us grew up in households and environments where there was a lot of what's called invalidation, which means your emotional state kind of doesn't matter. Or if it's a. You know, you're struggling, you're frustrated, you're hurting at some painful emotional state. Get over it. Don't feel that way. Just deal with it on your own. Don't bring that to me. Don't bother me. And parents might communicate this directly if they're frustrated or upset or indirectly.

Yeah.

Kind of just, you know, my parents would do that a lot, especially my mom. It's very loving, but also kind of like, okay, all right, let's. Come on. You're not really sad right now. Don't really. There's no reason to cry. Don't do that.

Oh, yeah, there's no reason to cry. That's. Oh, man. That always hurts me. There's no reason to cry. Stop crying. You don't have to cry. Don't cry. It's like, whoa.

And just think about the message of that.

Right.

Don't express what you're feeling and also don't feel what you're feeling. And so that's not what we're talking about here. Changing the way we feel and changing it quickly doesn't involve invalidating, denying, suppressing, and repressing your feelings. It's actually very different. It's actually the opposite. It's actually a high level of emotional intelligence and precision to be able to go into what it is. But then be very aware of that. Emotion is just energy.

Yeah.

And it's energy that's moving through us. It's energy that's coming from interactions in environment, interactions, other people, our thoughts, our beliefs. I mean, all these things are coming together, past experiences, to create this energy that's moving through us. And that energy can move and sometimes move really quickly. And so what we're opening to in this episode is how do we acknowledge feelings and honor them and be open to the possibility they could change instantly.

Yeah.

Because that's the best combination.

Yeah. This is great because if you're listening to this, you might have this feeling of like. No, like, this is my identity. I'm wrapped around this feeling of like, I'm not supposed to show my emotions because of an identity wrapped focus. If I just change my state instantly, that doesn't do anything. But that's a really good question to inquire who gave you that identity? Who told you that you had to hold all this stuff in? And if it's a family member or someone dear, do you have to do that now? Do you have to still follow those restrictions within your identity? That's something that I've uncovered this week was there's a uniqueness and a quality that I bring out in myself. And for a while, I was always, like, either afraid of that power or afraid of bringing that out because of being seen. Or maybe I'm being too much. The quote unquote too much. I don't know what too much is. It's such an abstract, subjective term. But this feeling of like, I'm supposed to play it small and I'm supposed to hold in and be here. But when you start changing your state, you can really rapidly change this identity around energy and how just for the sake of being happy. And I want to be happy. I want to smile. I want to express how dear my friends are, and I want to express to you how much I love you. Or something like that. And it's so much more living in your own skin and your heart.

Yeah. Yeah. And so there's a much. There's something much better on the other side.

That's right.

Whatever the familiarity and comfort and certainty that we get from this is who I've been. This is how it is. This is, you know, I'm. You know. Because it's not. Our identity is not just our name and our profession and the things we tend to like or our hobbies or what we do. Our identity is also our emotional states. Yeah, I hear this all the time. And I often will subtly shift people around this, but they'll say, like, I am a socially anxious person, or I am depressed, and all of a sudden it starts to become, this is who I am. And we're gonna. We're gonna cling to that whether we want to or not, if that's our identity, because that's where we get a sense of certainty. And so if we're open to shifting that and open to saying, wow, I am so much more. And it's so much more beautiful on the other side, when I can be really more free from my feelings is the ultimate goal. Right. Because if you have an emotion and then it's going to derail you for weeks or days or months, you're not really free. And so what I love is the idea that our natural state is actually one of great presence and being fully immersed in this moment. And with that comes curiosity, wonder, joy, love, connection, then at times loss or hurt. I mean, those are. That's part of it. But it's all like right here and now. And then anything that's blocking that is something that we can let go of and release.

Yeah. And practicing this, the changing your emotion and your state is really good. I noticed that my patience grows. So impatience is. Is now really down low. Compassion is higher. So people who. Maybe if you're driving and people used to be like, road rageous and like, oh, I need to get to work, I gotta go get my haircut, or whatever, there's like this impatienceness. But I noticed that if I'm like, coming in more energized, I'm having more fun. The whole world just feels, like, brighter. And anybody who is upset with you or some sort of confrontation, you are able to go in it with a sense of ease and really just care. And that's the man that's really changed my life.

And what we're talking about here really is the highest level of personal responsibility. I am responsible for what happens to me, and I create my reality. And many of us, we have, as you know, two new puppies that we just got that are just three months old now as of, like this week.

They're so adorable.

They're utterly adorable. And they are. And we're doing training with them, and it's. A lot of it is. Is classical conditioning. You know, do this thing and I give you the treat and give you praise and you want to do more of it. And as I.

That's how he got me.

In front of his nose. He's like, ah, Solid it. And. But joking aside, that is a big part of humans, and that's what behaviorists were discovering back in the 60s was we are actually extremely influenced by conditioning. And one thing that I was realizing a lot more was our emotional states are highly conditioned. You described going to work or driving to get your haircut, feeling stressed out. Many people, the second they get into their car to go somewhere, they go into a certain pattern, that's a certain emotional state. And you probably might have experienced this as well. People listening, going. All of a sudden you have all the time in the world. You're not rushing to a work meeting. It's like a Saturday. You're going to the park or whatever with your family, and it's like, I gotta get there fast. This son of a bitch in front of me is going too slow. It's like, what's the hurry? I don't know. We gotta get there, pop his tires.

Out, so we gotta pass him.

It's like impatience, frustration, you know, all these things. And that's just like a habit. So so many of the things that we do, we're conditioned to do. Or even like someone rejects me, we have a conditioned response to that. And that's what we do a lot at the center is help people and coaching and the events and other things to change those so that if someone rejects you, you don't have to go into self hatred, you know, collapse for a month, not try again for six months. You can actually have a completely different response.

Yeah, you don't have to go in being defensive either, or like, have to. If they're fighting you with fire, you don't have to try to overpower them. I mean, I noticed even in emails or conversations, if something. I'm like, ooh, this hurt. There's a programming or a conditioning that I had when I was young. Like, if somebody's upset with you, you answer back, you fire back, you fight that person.

In America, foreign policy, baby.

Actually, we're conditioning on a whole other level.

Even before they threaten the American, it's, it's. Yeah, they might threaten us. Let's. Let's attack them.

Yeah, yeah, you gotta get all your ducks in a row and then attack. Be on the. Be on the what? Is it offensive?

Yeah. So let's, let's get into this a little bit more because people might be curious about how to do this. There's many, many different methods to do this, but one that we wanted to share more today was, it was a more active method because there's different, you know, David Hawkins has a book called Letting Go, which talks about techniques to shift emotions quickly. There's Brad Nelson's book called the Emotion Code, which is another method. But there's one method that we've been using recently a lot after going recently to a Anthony Robbins event where he is a big proponent of using two means to. Well, three, really, to shift your emotional state. And so I think we'll focus on that one because we talk about Letting Go and other stuff in other episodes. But there's basically three things that you can do in any given moment to feel like you have a sense more sense of control or mastery over your emotions. So the conditioning is not running you. You get to influence and change the conditioning. In a sense, you get to reprogram yourself or recondition yourself. And there's three ways that you can do that right now. And the first one is your physiology, which is your body. How you're using your body, how you're standing, how you're moving, your voice, your facial expressions, your breathing. Anything and everything related to your body. And this thing is. I'd say of all the three, this is like the most underutilized in people.

And you can't do this wrong. You could just. I'm shaking my butt right now. Like, you just. It's. Anything that you can do, you can move your arms. I'm breaking stuff in his office, man. I'm telling you, I'm in peak state right now. Now. Yeah. I'm breaking his windows. You cannot do this wrong. Probably don't break anybody else's windows, but I love this one because I come from a more athletic. And it seemed like when I was young, I was just kind of. I couldn't sit still for a period of time, so I always had to move around and jump up and down. And I imagined myself being like this action star. So I loved, like, rolling in the ground when I was a kid. I still do that now. Don't judge me, Spider Man. Spider man it up. Yeah, I jump from building to building. And so, yeah, I think absolutely. Where it's so underused and you think like, well, I'm just moving around. Like it's ridiculous. But if you just try it, if you even right now, if you're just either. If you're in your office or anything, and you just move your shoulders up and back for, I don't know, 15 seconds, and then you stop. You're going to feel that heartbeat. And that's what's really powerful is like the heart is like. It's There it's doing its job and you don't even have to think about it. It's all unconscious. And that is a beautiful thing.

And with this, the key way to shift something. So there's a particular physiology, a way that you use your body for each different emotional state. So if you're depressed, you have a very specific physiology. It's usually more slumped and down, a slower movement, more lethargic, as in you're probably just gonna be sitting and more immobile. And anxiety, stress has a very specific emotional or physiology state as well. It's usually shallow breathing, tightness in the stomach or other parts of the body, tightness in muscles, and a certain expression on your face. And one thing you can start to do is start to pay attention when you're feeling something that you. You're suffering. Basically, first and foremost, notice this is a great question I learned from one of my mentors, is ask yourself this question. How am I doing this? How am I doing this? Because the emotional state that you're in, we don't necessarily have feelings. We do feelings where you're not the feeling, you're doing a pattern. Because the human animal is like a. The human organism is like an instrument through which all these feelings can move. Even consciousness can move through us too. Right. And. And so you're playing a certain note, right? Playing like a D or whatever. And. And that D looks like this. And then you can shift it to a different note. So first noticing. And then the second part is shifting. And the shifting one is one of those things that, as Jonathan is saying, there's no wrong way to do it. The only thing that can get in the way is not doing anything.

Yeah, right.

Because we're like, oh, that's weird. And we, we do this. I mean, Tony Robbins does his events, and that's one of the things I learned. So I brought it into all the events that we do and is we have people use their bodies in different ways. And when you're in an environment like that, it becomes like normal. It's like, oh, yeah, of course we can use our bodies and use our voices. Then we're in a. You know, you're in your workplace, you're. You're at home, you're. Or even, even. You're totally. You're not at work, you're not gonna be around people that are gonna judge you. It's just a general sense of this is outside of the social norm. So it can be a social anxiety or a self consciousness. But we encourage you to start with a Place where you feel safe, you know, maybe start in your room, start at home, start when no one's around. And all you do is put on a song that you like and just start bouncing around, start jumping up and down. Start using your voice, too, as a part of it as well. So saying the word, saying yes, saying I got this, or just making a sound like, yes.

Ah.

Woo. And the purpose is not to sound good or look good or look any way at all. The purpose is to think about your body as this instrument and you're playing a different note to see what the effect is. You're running an experiment, and if you do this for just 15 seconds, as Jonathan was saying, you will notice that there'll be a significant shift in the energy that's moving through you.

I love what you said about the body being the instrument. As a performer, actor, I used to. We would do an exercise to where you're feeling neutral, but you have to walk around the space. And how would a person who's sad or feeling shy go? And so you bring your shoulders in and you're like bringing your head down and you're shuffling through. And instantly my emotion changed. And also too, you can change that out. And my instructor would say, like, okay, so how does someone walk with a pep in their step? And then you do that and it's like, wow, it's so interconnected. Is it the emotion that brings the body movement? Is it the body movement that brings the emotion? It's so like, yes to both. Yeah, it's yes to both. And if that means that your emotions are bringing you down, that also means that your body can help you bring your emotion up.

Yeah, both. Both point. Both lead to the same thing. Yeah, yeah, I love that and I love what you're saying there, because this kind of the. What we're describing, you know, using your body and activating your body is something you can do throughout the day. Day. But then you also want to notice your physiology throughout just regular life. Interacting with people, moving. Notice little shifts you can make. Walk with more determination, walk with more direction when you walk.

Yeah.

So notice if you're kind of shuffling or meandering and notice your posture and consciously shift it. Stand taller as if there's a string kind of pulling up through the crown of your head, pulling your spine straight. Breathe more fully into your belly and into your chest. And then when you walk, walk with more direction. Even when you gesture, you can gesture with more. With more intention, with more purpose, with all kinds of methods to that do shift the Emotion in a more subtle way.

Yeah.

And you will start to feel. We were talking about just this last night with one of the people in the mastermind. If you start to gesture in that way and speak in that voice tone, all of a sudden you'll start to feel more certain.

Yeah.

The body will affect the state. So let's talk about the other two ways, though, in this episode. So I want to get to both of them. The next one is so you got your body and what you're doing with your body. Another thing that controls how we feel is what we're focusing on. And our focus makes a huge impact because the world around us is infinite. The amount of things we could be focusing on right now, even in this moment, is in the tens of thousands. And yet we focus on a small number. Three to five.

Yeah.

And what we habitually focus on is part of those emotional states that we go to.

Right, right. And there's an exercise that you could do to even test your focus. If you're like, no, that's not true. I focus on what's important. There's moments where if you're sitting alone and you can, like, hear the ac, but then you hear, like, I don't know, a car in the background or something like that. You opened up your focus so that you can take all these things in. Therefore, if you can do that, you can definitely have direction and power in what you focus on. Sometimes I remember talking to my parents, and they're like, I can't think of anything else but this, but this problem. And I've started actually practicing. I was working out with Matt yesterday, and we were running, and I was like, this is awful. I hate this. And I was focusing on. Rather than like, oh, I hate this running right now. I was focusing on the, like, what is it gonna look like when I actually get to my house? Like, how is that gonna feel? And it made me want to, like, push harder. Yeah. So I thought that was really me. I'm definitely subscribing to the focus a lot more. My imagination is so much more powerful than I think it is. I give it credit for.

It's so underutilized. Cause what we're doing is we're letting our unconscious habits of focus guide the ship. Well, this is just what you focus on. So when I get uncomfortable, what do I focus on?

The uncomfortable.

I focus on how long it's going to be, how long it's going to last. I focus on the unfairness of it. And. Yeah, you can consciously shift that. Yeah. When I Was running earlier this morning. I was experimenting with more. I've just been doing a lot more visualization recently. And I was experimenting with going into my legs with my awareness and imagining like, what does strength look like? What does energy? What does endless energy look like in my legs? And so I started to see that and just in my, in my mind's eye. And then I kind of opened them because I was running. I didn't want to run with my. But I was still kind of seeing with my, with my, with my mind's eye while I was running. And I was seeing this golden light going through my legs, but also seeing the leg muscles, like, kind of expanding and like fibers tearing and new ones growing, growing. And just this thing. Almost like what you'd watch in like a sci fi movie.

Yeah, yeah.

And. And that has an effect. Energy goes up when I do that. And I think even long term, that has an effect on the healing and recovery of your body and everything. So that's just one small example about focus. And we'll do a future episode all around the power of focus and how to focus on what you want and really direct that more. Yeah, that's the next thing to focus on.

And you have machine legs. That's just. That's right. Yeah.

Bionic.

Bionic legs. I've seen them, guys. That's right.

The future is now.

I cut his skin and he was like, oh, wait, there's metal underneath. There was like Terminator. Yeah, creepy. Best. Best movie ever.

So third way. You want to take that one third way to.

What was it? So it was focus, physiology, meaning and language. Yeah. What do you say? I can't do this or I can do this? Do you say no to things? Do you say yes? Are you questioning what is destined to happen or are you questioning asking what's possible? These are basically the same pattern of what you're speaking, but it's just a simple like a 2 millimeter shift into the words and what you deliver, meaning. And so for me, I mean, going back to the running thing, the language was. And this is fascinating because this was a pattern in me. Like when I feel tested or in my workouts, I'm like, oh, this is tough, this is hard. And so that's the language that I'm using is that this is hard, this is tough. But what if I were to change it and be like, this is fun. This is like enlivening. This is strength. This is me pushing. And you just saying that right now. I'm like, oh, I want to go to the gym right now. And it's so powerful. And I think this one's probably the one that's used the most meaning and language, but it's used against us, Right?

Yeah. There's a default stream, and I think one of the biggest default patterns would be resistance. Resistance to any discomfort, resistance to anything we don't like, resistance to anything going not the way that we want. And that breeds an endless stream of meaning or language. And the reason it's meaning or language is because whatever you're focusing on and bringing your attention to, you look at it, you notice it, and you instantly ascribe a meaning to it. That's just what humans do.

Yeah.

Is this good or bad, Right or wrong? Do I like it or not? Like, it is getting me closer to what I want or further from what I want. And we really do, I mean, like in milliseconds, come up with all these judgments, then we have an attitude towards it.

Right.

And then our language will reflect that. And so we want to do.

And then our physiology will reflect that.

Yeah, yeah. We'll feel less energy, we'll feel more demoralized. These kind of feed on the.

Yeah.

These cycles. Want to do is. We want to ask yourself with that. That question of how am I doing this? If you're in a negative emotional state or feeling anxious or feeling frustrated, starting with, what am I doing with my body to create this? What am I focusing on right now? And what is the meaning that I'm giving this? And then what you can start to do is say, well, let me just shift one of them to start.

Yeah.

I think the easiest one to start with is always physiology.

Yes.

Because if you try to focus on changing the focus, it almost takes energy to do that. And it's like, I don't even know.

I just.

Like you were saying your parents, like, it just wants to go back.

Yeah.

And then the meaning is kind of like you try to say a new meaning and then we've all had experience where you try to come up with a different story, a different meaning. And then part of you is like, this is the truth is it does suck.

Whatever.

So I think the first place to start is physiology. There's many ways to do that, moving your body. I think one of the most. Another powerful way to shift it is with a breathing exercise with stuff I've applied from Wim Hof. You guys don't know him. He's the Iceman. You can look him up. You can even just type in Wim hof breathing in YouTube w. I m. Space Hof. And he is a Dutch athlete who holds the record for all kinds of cold exposure stuff, including being submerged in a tank of ice for I don't even know how many hours, two hours or more, without his body core temperature changing at all. And just by contrast, if a regular person who had no training in this were to be in there, they would die within 15 to 30 minutes.

That's because he's a machine. He's a machine. He's the actual Terminator.

Yeah, he's actually. He hooked me up with a guy for my bionic legs.

Got it. Got it.

He. And so doing that. The breathing, moving your body. But the key here is to do something.

Yeah. It's to.

It's to take control. It's to remember I am the captain of my ship, and this is. This one I've seen again and again and again in myself. The pull to blame life for our circumstances and for our emotions is so strong, and to feel justified in that. And I want to feel like, well, of course I. I have a right to feel this way, and. Yeah, you do. You do. And the only one that really suffers, though, is you. Is you and everyone around you, too, but you're the one who's suffering the most. And I noticed that in myself, especially when challenges get higher, it's like this. Almost like we defend our right to feel shitty. And it's like, yes, you could, and that's gonna be your default pattern probably. And what can we do here?

I love that you said that, because I was actually gonna bring something like that up. Like, this is the caveat. Like, this isn't a. Like, oh, this solves all my problems. You still have the problems, but you change your physiology, you change your focus, and you change your language, and you now know how to solve your problems.

Yes.

Like, this isn't like. Cause I was thinking, what if somebody's listening and they're saying, like, Dr. Aziz and Master coach Jonathan, you guys are so handsome and cool and awesome, but I still have these problems. Okay? I put that part in there in the beginning, but that's probably what they're thinking. They're thinking.

It's.

It's meaning focus. It's like, but I have problems, and my life is like this. Like, you don't understand. And it's like, yeah, I totally get it. Your life probably is very stressful at this time, and I guarantee that if you did these three things, you can go in at it with a sense of confidence, and you will know how to solve that problem, what problems need to be solved. So it's just to enhance your level of showing up.

Yeah. Improve your quality of life. It's. You can. You can hold that story of it's really a. It's owner versus victim. Right. And you can hold that story of I'm the victim of my circumstances and of course I have to feel bad and it's not fair and it's not right and you don't understand. And you can, like, stay in that and you can plant your stakes in that and probably no one will really challenge you on that. Maybe if you're in coaching, we would, but, you know, if not, you can just hold that in the ground. But then what happens over the next year, the next five years, the next 10 years? Is that leading to the life that you want? Is that creating? Is that you doing what you're here to do and feeling as fully alive as possible? And so what I think we need to do is we all need to work with that part inside of us that wants to have the tantrum. And that's one thing I found to be really helpful, is to give that part its day in the sun. Because if you try to use some of these techniques, let's say you're feeling really okay. Just this morning, I was feeling. And this happened yesterday morning, too, we have the Puppy Dom, the puppy era. They're absolutely adorable. I'm bonding them even more. And I like, freaking love them so much. And it's so sweet to watch my boys, especially both of them, really just maturing a lot more quickly to caretake them. It's just beautiful and fucking hard. There's like zero downtime. And just before recording this, we were like pulling a kid with a rock away from this building. Like, throw it at the door, threw it at his mom, throw it at a puppy. You know, it's chaos. And so I'll have moments where there's so much love and so many good things happening. And then I'll also just feel like this part of me that's in a negative state about it, it's like. And what it wants, it wants a little more downtime, a little bit more ease, a little more quiet, a little more reflection time. And I'm doing that to the degree that I. That I'm able to fit it in right now. And that part wants more. And so it's angry, you know, it's focusing on what I'm not getting.

I feel it, guys. He's angry. It's projected at me.

I'm focusing on What I'm not getting the language is like, this sucks. I'm not getting. I'm losing something. And the physiology is tight. I'm not breathing as deep. And so you could say, we'll just change those things. And I noticed that there was this, like, the resistance can come in two forms. One is like, I don't want to fuck you. Or it can be like, yeah, what's the point? Because this feeling is so big and so long or so strong, I'm going to feel this way forever. And neither of those is true. So then what I needed to do, though, is just, okay, give the tantruming, blaming, victimy part 3 minutes to say whatever it wants. And really, whether you say it with someone else, you say it in a journal. You just say it out loud while you're driving. Just let it. And just be as victimy, as whiny as possible.

It's not fair.

I don't like this.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I don't want to go to work. You say that. What? I never have that. I always want to come to work. Right. Except for earlier this morning. I don't want to go to work.

Right.

And just really, like, let it. And I think treating it with love and empathy is the best thing. I hear you. I get it. Totally. Yeah. That's hard for you. I get it. I get it. And then, though, after just, you know, a couple minutes of that, okay, now what am I going to do? Do I want to stay in that state all day, all month, you know, until. Because then it's like, well, I can't feel good until. Until the puppies reach a certain age, until this changes, until that changes versus, like, okay, what am I going to do right now? And then it's a change in physiology. It's a change in focus. It's actually focusing. I started to focus on this, like, look, I'm stressed out, frustrated right now, not that long recording with Jonathan, which I love. And then I also started to look at the. Well, I also started focusing on how much I love the dogs and all these things I was telling you about how much I love seeing the changes in our boys. I also started to look at the meaning of, like, this is growing me like crazy. And the one way that I love that this is growing me is. And we're talking about this last night with equanimity, like, how do I remain centered and calm in my nervous system with even more stuff swirling around? Because that's the next level. It's okay to it's one thing to remain calm and centered and confident when things are easier, but what about when shit goes down? What about stuff's harder, and these are voluntary challenges I've taken on. What about when a parent gets sick? What about one of my kids gets sick? What about when I'm sick? What about when there's a car accident? What about when life happens? Yeah, this is training. And when I put that meaning on it, all of a sudden I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna take on even more.

There's more dogs coming. Cats, mongooses.

I'm gonna adopt children.

Beautiful.

Okay, so let's turn this into action. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step for today is going to be to apply to experiment with changing your emotional state with using one of the three things that we described. Physiology, your focus, and then the meaning you're giving a situation. The first one we recommend would be physiology.

That's the easiest one.

Experiment with all three.

Right, right. Yeah, that's the easiest one. Imagination or focus is also a really good one to do. We were at this training, and the huge takeaway was the basketball story. If you focus, there's a team that focused on shooting free throws in their mind, and they had a higher percentage of actually making them than the team that did not imagine them shooting the basketball. Is that. Did I mess that up?

It was actually like they did. And I want to find the actual study because they said it was three groups. There was people who did no practice, no visualization. And there's people that visualized shooting free throws for 30 minutes a day, which is kind of a grueling tactic. Probably rather shoot them, but then, anyway, they're shooting. Maybe get into a groove. I don't know. I mean, it's some good music going. And then there was the people who shot free throws for 30 minutes.

Yeah.

And at the end, the people that performed the worst didn't do anything, obviously. And then the people that performed second best were actually the ones who physically, in real life, shot them. And the people who formed the best were the ones that visualized shooting them.

Yeah.

Now I have a lot of questions about that, because did they have some baseline proficiency in throwing a basketball already? Because could you take someone who's never even thrown a basketball?

I think they were athletes. They're already athletes. Yeah.

So they're. What they're doing is their body already knows how to shoot a throw. And then what they're doing is they're training them, which is really interesting because they're training Their. Their sense of certainty that they're gonna make it. Because in the visualizing group, they made it every time.

Yeah.

And in the real life group, you know, you're not making every time. You can also have inner game stuff, like maybe you're frustrated or maybe you're nervous or, you know, you're down on your performance performance that day. You're judging it, you're analyzing it. It's not just pure practice, pure motion. So what these people are doing, the visualizing group, is just seeing. It goes in, it goes in, it goes in, it goes in, it goes in. And then they shoot it and it goes in more.

Yeah.

So to create a deeper sense of certainty, your focus is. Is essential. So whichever one you want to experiment with, just do something with this to take this out of. Oh, that's a neat thing that maybe I will look into to, like, oh, I'm going to use this in my life right now. Of course, if you want to get this even further in your body, then come to one of our live events, because in all these, we integrate this stuff to help you experience this real time. And once you experience the shift, it's no longer theoretical. It's. Oh, I get it. Now it's just a matter of doing it in my life.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think there's a. You can leave comments on the website or some way that, you know, if you have questions, just email Dr. Aziz and I'll. I'll read it.

Yeah. If you go to shrinkfortheshiguy.com shrinkforthshyguy.com There is a button there to send us a message.

Yeah.

And we can be answering more of those in podcasts as well as we're doing some more live stuff on Facebook. If you're not following us on Facebook, go there. Dr. Aziz, on Facebook and a million other places to find us online.

You're everywhere.

We're everywhere. Omnipresent.

Beautiful.

Thanks for being with us today. Thank you for being with Jonathan.

Thank you. I love you. I love you all.

I love. I love you. I love you.

I love you.

Love you, love you, love you.

Bye.

All right, until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've done, just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshy guy.com for free blogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence. Go to social confidencecenter.com.

Sa.