How To Confidently Approach Anyone Without Being Awkward

Are you hesitant to approach people? Maybe it's someone you don't know that well, or a stranger, someone you're attracted to, someone you want to just connect with. Maybe even a group of people at a social gathering or a networking conference. Any social situation where there's an opportunity to approach somebody, do you hold back? Do you hesitate? Do you avoid it? Maybe even avoid the whole situation entirely? Don't even go to that social situation. If so, you need to watch this video because what's happening is you're probably having some sense of fear. Fear or worry about it, some anxiety that makes it seem hard or uncomfortable or I don't want to do it or it's going to go badly and then you avoid it, which is probably taking some toll on your life. It's limiting your friendships, your social opportunities. Just that sense of connection we get as humans. It's very unpleasant to walk around the world and feel like it's hostile. And I can't just say hi to people. And I lived in that for many years with a In the cage of social anxiety I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and the author of six best selling books on confidence and social anxiety. So I know this topic ins out, not just from working with clients and my clinical training, but from my own experience where I know that fear of being out in the world. And I'm going to share two powerful secrets with you today that will help you approach anyone with confidence. Yes, anyone. And that's coming from someone who had social anxiety. So this isn't some hypey claim. It's absolutely possible and I've done it. I've used this literally thousands of times in my own life to approach people. I mean, I went from being able to literally not talk to anyone. I didn't know whether it was a man, a woman, a group, single person alone, an old person, a young person. I was awkward with kids, I was afraid of older parents, just afraid of everybody. You know, I wouldn't tell anybody that. I'd be like, no, I just don't want to. I'm fine, I'm cool. But underneath I was afraid. And that shifted where now at this point in my life, I mean even when I shifted this in my 20s, I was able to approach anyone, group of people, elderly couple, four beautiful women standing around. I could do this. How could I go from such fear to being able to do this? I'm going to share in the video with you. And look, it's not a pickup line. It's not just knowing the exact right thing to say. It's actually a mindset. And there's two that I want to share with you. And when you get this, everything changes. One makes you feel much more confident, which always leads to better outcomes, right? Versus like freaked out and anxious when you approach somebody. And number two is actually a social skill that makes people like you more so. Hey, win, win. Right? First one is assume. These are about assumptions. When you assume something, what happens next is influenced by that assumption. And if you're afraid or hesitant to approach people, most likely. And by most likely, I mean absolutely for sure, you are assuming disapproval, right? You're assuming they're gonna say, like, what do you want? Why talking to me? You better entertain me with this conversation. I'm a very busy, important person. Say something funny. I was just playing around with a friend. We were as a barbecue the other day and I was having a pretty in depth conversation with a friend of mine and she came over and you know, we love talking to her too. So she was very welcome in the conversation, but she wasn't sure. She's like, hey, you guys having a deep conversation? I don't want to jump in. And I was like, no, no, you can join in. She's like, oh, great. I said, but you got to start with a joke. She's like, what? I was like, tell us a joke. You know, I was just playing with her. And then we all sat around trying to think of jokes because none of us know knew any canned jokes. But I did think one from my kids. Would you like to hear it? What do you call a cow jumping on a trampoline? Milkshake. Ah. Anyway, so I was just kind of teasing her there. But that's kind of the fear that we can have is we have to enter the conversation with something great. So I gotta impress like here. I've earned my place here, right? Am I okay, everybody? No, no, that's not how it works. And you don't have to do that. In fact, trying to do that is coming from fear. And there's a lot of tension inside of you. So instead we have to assume something different. And when I got this, it was kind of a mind blowing experience for me because I saw after studying this and lear about it, I was like, wait a minute. I am assuming really harsh rejection from everybody when I go talk. I thought to myself, well, and that produces fear and social anxiety and all the rest. So I said, whoa, what would I need to assume for me to feel confident? And the answer is Obvious, like, well, if you're assuming disapproval, what if you assumed approval? I was like, well, can't be that simple, right? I mean, why would I have done that years ago? Well, I don't know. Anyway, I started to say, well, what if I assumed approval? And how would I be if I was assuming approval? And so, in fact, I have a whole ebook on this and video training that I would like to share with you for free. If you go to my website, drazeez.com and click on Resources underneath there, there'll be a tab that says assume approval. And you can click on that and you can enter email and get the whole training for free. So I'd love to share that with you. Just go check that out on my website. And in it I go in much more depth than I can in this video about all the ins and outs of how to do it. But here's the short version is think of how you are around someone where you automatically assume approval. Good friend, a family member, even a pet. That's all you got right now. That's okay, that's okay. Start with where you're at. But you just feel like, hey, I'm relaxed around this person. I don't. I'm not worried if my friend is going to judge everything I say and I'm going to lose the friendship every time. I'm just like, we're hanging out, we're watching the game, we're just being together. There's no stress, right? So you find someone like that and then pay attention to how you are. You might even do it the next time you hang out. Just take a few moments afterwards to observe how was I? How do I sit, how do I stand, how do I greet people? And that is how you are when you're assuming approval. And so the game is to approach people and be that way. And I was sharing this with some client. He said, so you're saying, like, fake it till you make it. And I was like, well, first, I don't like that phrase very much, but fake it. So what are you faking? It's like, well, I'm anxious. I'm like, yeah, but you're not trying to be somebody else. You're being you. In fact, when you're anxious and that, like, stilted, tense version of you, that's not how you really are around people that know you, right? No, like, so you're actually just being you authentically around someone new. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're allowed to do that now. Of course. The fear is like, but what if they don't approve of me, Aziz? Well, then there's only one hope, which just gotta, like, jump out the nearest window and hope that it's not on the, you know, hope you're on the ground floor, maybe the second floor. You could tuck and roll and make it. No, you're fine, you're fine. It's okay. You're not for everybody. I'm not for everybody. But if I go in assuming approval, then the odds of it going well are way higher because it leads to the next assumption. Because when you're assuming approval, when I've done this with a lot of different clients and they all are a certain way when they're assuming approval, which is they are familiar with their friends, with their family members, with the close people in their life, right? Because they are. We know each other. So when greet someone that you're familiar with, you say, what's up? How's it going? Or whatever, you're greeting it. But when people greet someone they're not familiar with, they turn on. They like, rewind the clock to, like early 20th century suit and tie, post Victorian manners. What are you doing? Hello. Nice to meet you, madam. Now, people probably don't say that, but that's the energy of it. It's very stiff. Nice to meet you, sir. Like, why. Why are you doing that? You don't have to do that. Even in a business setting, you don't have to do that, Right? And you might not walk up and be like, what's up? Right. That's how you greet your buddies, but you just do a version like, hey, what's up? Yeah, in the business circle. And hey, how's it going? And you walk over to a group of people or a person standing by themselves that you do not know. You assume approval like, they're going to want to talk to me. And then you assume familiarity. So when you. And this is the part that makes people like you more, because when you join in, let's say, they're looking around on their phone, right? That's what everyone is doing every moment of their lives now. So you're standing in line at a Starbucks and someone in front of you is using their phone. You want to talk to them. Well, first of all, how dare you? Don't interrupt people on their phone. You just need to stay in your isolated bubble, like all of us. And we all just extend that until we're, I don't know, the singularity and we're merged with our devices. No, you have permission to say hi now, they might not want to talk to you, but a lot of people are doing nothing on their phones. It looks like it's something, but it's. So you can just jump in. What do you do? Well, let's just say you were in line with someone that you were with and they were looking at their phone. You're with your partner or with your friend, you know, you would interrupt them probably. And so they're looking at their phone and you're like, so what are you going to order? Right. That's assuming familiarity. And yes, you can start a conversation like that with someone you don't know. And you might say, well, that's really weird, actually. It bypasses all that weird Victorian formality, and you just get to start the conversation. And many people, because you're assuming familiarity, it's like a social cue. And they're like, oh, I guess we're familiar. Okay, yeah, well, I'm gonna get the latte, blah, blah, blah. And boom, you're in a conversation. I remember there's this amazing woman that I dated many years ago in my late mid-20s. And the way I started a conversation with her, she was in a. We were in a Whole Foods supermarket, and I remember I saw her. I, like, walked past her in an aisle, and I was like, oh, this is pretty. Assuming disapproval. Don't do it. And I didn't do it. I was like, duh. You know? But at that point, I'd done a number of approaching and building my social confidence. So I was like, okay, I'm not going to, like, you know, follow or try to find her in the store like a stalker, but if I come across her again, I'm gonna talk to her. Like the little commitment I made to myself. So sure enough, I'm in the. Turn around the corner in the bulk foods aisle, and she's got her little basket on the ground. She's getting something. And I just walk right up to her and I point at this thing in the cart and in her little basket, and I'm like, what's that? Assuming what? Assuming approval and assuming familiarity. That's what you might do if your friend. You're in the store and your friend's got something. What do you got there? Right? She turned around, she's just like, what? Which I was like, that. It's like a coffee can. And she's like, oh, it's this. And then we just started talking about that. And then the conversation goes from there. So when you approach people like this TR me, it's extraordinary. It's like a key. It's like a golden key Social key. Maybe that'll be the name of this video. In any case, you can use this golden social key to approach anybody with confidence and with freedom and with connection, and it's extraordinary. So I hope you use this in your life again. If you want to learn more about assuming approval, go to my website, drzezease.com resources and we'll also put a link down in the description below so you can get that directly. Also, please share in the comments what you're finding most valuable. Ask any questions you have or ideas for future videos. I'd love to see those. Until we speak again, we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.