How To Confidently Make Changes In Your Career

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about career confidence and how confident you are in your work, in your current job, in your profession. And this is an area where if you are struggling with confidence, you know, you might be getting by, you might be doing okay. So here's the thing. When it comes to, say, let's say dating confidence, for example, or conversation confidence, if you're low in this area, it's pretty painful. I mean, it's pretty obvious. Maybe it's really hard to talk to people. Maybe a lot of social anxiety. Maybe you're not dating anyone at all and you're always single or you're not able to really connect. And it's kind of obvious to you, like, ugh, this area's not going so well. And the thing about career confidence, though, is that we can have low career confidence and not totally know it because we have a job, we're doing our job, okay? And that's it. And part of this is that we have very low standards and we have belief systems about career that are kind of low standards. Like, yeah, you're not supposed to like your job. It's work. You're just supposed to show up and do your work and that's it. And it doesn't matter if you don't like your job. You should be grateful to have a job. Doesn't matter if you don't feel that energized or excited at the end of the day. Yeah. Because you just worked all day. What do you expect? So we have these pretty negative expectations and standards when it comes to our career and work life. So as a result, when we're sort of stuck in a pattern like that, we're just like, yeah, well, this is just how it is. I mean, what, are you gonna live in some fantasy world where you actually like to go to work all the time? Yeah. Get real. Just get back to work and Keep doing it. And so what we do is we kind of settle in this area and, and we end up working at a job that we don't really like. We end up working, maybe the job is okay, but we're not professionally confident enough to go after what we want, make it more interesting, say when we want to take on a certain project, steer our job more, steer our role more, or we don't have boundaries, we're afraid to say no to someone, we're afraid of our boss or supervisors, we're afraid of colleagues, something like that. So that we play it a little more safe, a little more meek, a little more mild mannered, a little more timid. And then as a result, maybe the job is okay, the work is okay, but the dynamics and the fear you feel and the results of being too nice means that you get more put on your plate or you're expected to work overtime or on weekends or whatever. So then all of a sudden now the job stops being fun because you're getting burnt out because you're not showing up powerfully. So these are some of the ways where a lack of career confidence can really trip us up. And the crazy thing is people can stay in this for years, maybe decades, and they just, well, this is what you gotta do. This is how it is. Because the idea of making a change in our career just flips people out. It's so scary and uncomfortable. Like, okay, maybe I need to work on my dating life. They're like, yeah, okay, all right. I mean, that's scary. But okay, maybe I need to make some changes in my social life. Like, ugh, alright, I've been avoidant, but okay, let's talk about your career. No, because the idea is all of a sudden changing. Even examining what I want to change in my career means instant instability. It means I'm, you know, I'm not, I'm quitting or I'm getting fired or I'm leaving or I'm changing something. And all of a sudden that means my sense of security. Because career and work is often linked with income and livelihood and all of a sudden we feel this strong. And it's not only money that career provides, but it provides a whole lot of structure in your life. I mean, you're going there and you're working 40 hours a week, give or take, maybe a lot more, maybe a little bit less, but that's a big chunk of your day that you're going to almost every weekday. So it gives a huge amount of structure. So the idea of changing something there can stir up a lot of uncertainty to the point where we don't even want to look at it. We don't even want to examine it. And that's a problem because you might end up in some of the situations I was describing earlier. Maybe you're in one of those situations right now. So in this episode, I mean, just by virtue of you listening to it, I respect that you're wanting to look, you're wanting to examine this area of your life. And that's what we're gonna do. And we're gonna put one caveat around this, which is you don't have to change anything. We're just gonna explore. If you want to make a change and you feel ready to take that risk or a shift in your life, great. But you also can just explore. Maybe you'll find that you really do like things. Maybe it's just making these little subtle tweaks in how you show up or your mindset, and all of a sudden you enjoy your work more. So when we put that little bubble of safety around it, like we're just exploring here, you're not going to have to do anything. You're not going to be forced to do anything. And even if you discover, you know, I don't really like where I'm working right now or I want to make a shift, that doesn't mean you have to do anything right now. You can just sit with that knowledge until you feel more ready to make a shift. So hopefully that creates a little bit more willingness and ability to explore because now we're not, you know, sitting there with our finger on the trigger and thinking we're going to get scared to make this big shift instantly. So let's talk about this. I'm super excited about this topic right now. You know, we've had a few podcasts about money and career recently because I'm very excited about my upcoming live event, Maximize youe Money and Career Confidence, which the Early Bird tickets are still on sale for right now. And if this is an area that you want to make a shift in, this is the event to come to because we need that support. What a live event does is it pulls you out of your day to day environment and gets you into a room full of people. And I think a lot of the power of the event is not just my brilliant teachings, although they are brilliant. But, you know, it's like I teach, but we also do activities and, and the people that are there. I mean, you hear stories that are inspiring. You have conversations over lunch or in A breakout session or something where you're, like, around people who are facing their fear, who are growing in confidence in their career and with money in their profession. And so all of a sudden, not only are you out of your normal environment, but you're surrounded by some very inspiring people. And in a very inspiring three days that we create there for you. So you start to see, wait, a lot more is possible, even for me. And those stories of, like, well, not me and maybe someone else, like, get shattered, and you're like, wow, I can do this. Where do I want to steer my life? Because you, my friend, are the captain of your ship and the master of your destiny. You don't control the ocean, you don't control the wind, but you control that ship that you're on. You got the wheel, the rudder, and you work with whatever life brings you, and you keep steering towards where you want, and nothing activates and strengthens that sense of confidence, like coming together for the live event. So if you want to go further with me on this topic, I highly recommend that you jump in during the early bird here and you can get a ticket if you go to shrinkforthshyguy.com in the episode notes for this episode, we will have a link to the event page. And also if you go to socialconfidencecenter.com and then click on the events tab, that's socialconfidencecenter.com and then the events and the event is called Maximize youe Money and Career Confidence. And the reason I'm sharing this right now is because we're going to be talking about this for this episode, and I want to give you. Just have you be aware that there's an opportunity to really shift this area of your life. So if you're listening, you're like, yeah, I do want to make these changes, but, man, that sounds scary. I need some more support. I need more guidance. I need more accountability. I need more coaching. That's what the event's all about. So let me ask you this. Do you want to make a shift in your career or some change? I'm just gonna start with that before we go any deeper. Just maybe you already have an inkling right now, and if you don't know, that's fine. And if you think, no, it's great, well, then you'll learn a lot in this episode about why it's great and what you want to make, you know, reinforce in your work. And when I say a change in your career, that doesn't necessarily mean, like, you're changing careers. Like, you're going from one totally different profession. Like, I'm a. Whatever, I'm a botanist, and I want to go become a lawyer. Like, okay, that's a career change. But making a change in your career might mean making a change in your job within the same field. We've worked with a lot of people in my mastermind program who have worked on getting the confidence to be able to do that. That might mean starting a business on the side that's not gonna. You're immediately gonna stop working for another company, but you're gonna start building this other enterprise. That might mean making a change in the goals that you have within your current job, in your current career. So you're not going to change anything in terms of the workplace that you're going to, but you change the trajectory inside of yourself and inside of your mind. You know what? I'm just going to show up there and play small and just kind of, I got a job and that's it. I want to grow. I want to reach leadership in this company. I want to take on more. I want to go work for the sales department or I want to go do this. And so you make a change within the company that you're in. But because you step up and you want to do what I would call career acceleration. And in order to accelerate your career, you first got to aim the vehicle at where you want to go. And it's your best guess right now, maybe where you want to go changes as you move towards and get closer to your goal. But then great, then you course correct and shift somewhere else. So now that I've broadened making a change in your career to these different areas, do you want to do any of those and if so, which one or ones? There's a client that we worked with in our mastermind who worked for a tech company here up in Oregon, and he was good at his job, but he just didn't love it. He was in electrical engineering and he wanted to go more into software, but he's like, I don't have all the experience of all the software people and stuff. So what he did. But he really, really, really did not like his work environment. He thought it was a very not harmonious and slightly toxic environment. A lot of people not carrying responsibility, a lot of blaming all this stuff. So what he did is step one is he made a move to it within the same company, but to a different city, still working as an electrical engineer. And that felt really scary for him to make a shift like that. But he worked on his confidence in the group and then he did, but he was not done. Because really what he wanted to do was get out of electrical engineering and more into the software side of it, which required training on his own. So he signed up for this, like, software. I forget what it's called, like a boot camp thing where they train him on some of the specifics that they need. And so he's going through that and now he's going to be applying for jobs in different companies to work in software. So it was a several stage process, but every stage, every step along the way, it was, oh, my gosh, I don't know if I can do this. I can't do this. Maybe this isn't going to work out. Maybe no one else is going to hire me. And then now that I'm trying to learn this new skill set, other people are going to know more than me. I don't know if I know enough. I don't know if I'm good enough. What if they find out in the interview that I'm not good enough? These are all the fears that come up. And the beauty of this situation, though, is he's in the group and so he's talking about it and he's working through it with me and other people versus when we just live in our heads with this stuff. That voice tells you that, that you can't do it, that no one's going to hire you. And we say, you know, I guess that's it, back to the job. You can't start your own business. You have nothing to offer anybody. All right, I guess if that's how it is, you know, and we just crumple. So fuck that. That's. That's not what we're here to do. That's not what you're going to do. If you're listening to this episode, I know it. So let's make a shift here. Let's decide to stop relating to that voice of doubt as if it's a trusted advisor and wise counsel. It is fear and nothing else. Fear of change, fear of discomfort, fear of pain, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of embarrassment, fear of mistakes. And guess what? That is the only way to grow and the only way to learn and the only way to make a shift in any area of your life, including your career. So if we're trying to make a change in our lives and we're trying to avoid all discomfort and do only things that we've done before and only face things that are familiar and not Go through any fear, then we're not really making a change at all. We might be talking about it, we might be planning and thinking like we're going to do it, but we're not really doing anything. We're just kind of spinning our wheels. And oftentimes we end up wasting a lot of our energy by complaining and bitching about our current job to anyone who will listen. Your spouse, your friends, your parents, your siblings, anyone. Hey, come here. I got. How's it going? Ah, this shit at work sucks. And they're like, yeah, I know, it's so awful. Yeah, I know. And we get a little bit of empathy, a little bit of sympathy, little mini payoff for our small self we feed on, makes us feel a little bit better for the moment. But then you're back at work on Monday and nothing's better. Do you feel dread on the weekend? Do you feel elated on a Friday and dread on a Sunday? That's a symptom. That's a sign to pay attention to. Do you feel just like burned out at the end of a workday? Are you exhausted? Are you really tired and drained? That's a symptom, That's a sign. If you're doing work that, that you really enjoy or that's meaningful to you or purposeful for you or feels right for you, then generally you will feel more energized through the course of a day. And sure, there's some days where you might be tired, you might have a hard day here and there, but in general, the work gets you into flow. It inspires you, it excites you, it engages you, it challenges you. And at the end you feel good. You feel like maybe you're done for the day, like, woo, that was enough work, you know, but you're not like, ugh, I can't move. Oh Jesus, I'm so exhausted. Like you have energy to go work out or play with your kids or go meet some friends or whatever because you're kind of turned on by life, you're turned on by your work. And when you're not, when you're having to do stuff that you don't like, that you feel like is meaningless or not meaningful for you at least, or it's repetitive or it's disconnected from like working with other people or teams or if those things energize you, or if you're very introverted and you have to be with a team all day long, non stop interaction, maybe that's part of it. Maybe you need to be in a more Quiet environment or be more time alone. So whatever it is for you, if those conditions are not right, then you will feel drained at the end of the day. So these are signs, these are symptoms to look for. So if those are occurring, then it might be your body and your mind and your heart are telling you a change is needed. And the question is, are you gonna listen? Because here's the thing, Oftentimes we don't, as I talked about earlier, out of fear, fear of change, fear of discomfort, and so we just stay the course. But those signs, those symptoms will get louder and they start to manifest then as depression. I've seen this a lot with people. They just feel really depressed. They don't know why. Everything's going great. I got a job, it's a good job. I wanted the job initially. Got a family, got good money, got a house, got these things. How do you feel? Just depressed. It's like, well, what's going on? And then we look at their career and like, yeah, I don't really like my work that much. I don't really feel that engaged. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Make a change there? No. No way. Hell no. But eventually they will. I've seen this. Sometimes clients are ready to do it quicker, sometimes later. I will tell you this, it's really interesting. People will often be willing to make changes in their social life faster than in their dating life and their career. And people will be willing to make changes faster in their dating life if they're not married. Sometimes when people are married, that's a. Takes a while to make that change if they need to, say, end a relationship. But people take a long time often to make a change in their career because it's uncomfortable and they want to stick to it. It gives them a sense of security and certainty. But here's the thing, if you do, you might start to feel more depressed. You might start to feel it might increase kind of compulsive or addictive behaviors because you're trying to feel good, because you're not getting your juiced from work. So you're going to reach more mild, benign things. More caffeine, more Internet, more phone, more whatever. And then maybe more things that have more repercussion, like more alcohol, more rich foods, more partying, more other things, just ways to try to get out an escape, get some excitement, get some variety, get some change, get some stimulation because your work's not doing it for you. So these are symptoms that get louder. And another one is sickness, illness. People don't realize this. In her book Mind over medicine. Lisa Rankin, who's a physician who just does a real deep dive into the medical literature and beyond about the mind, body connection and how work is a big contributing factor to illness in people. And there's all kinds of really interesting links and documentation of this. And the work can be either through overwork, like stress and freaked out and working too much, but it can also come from meaninglessness in work loss, the kind of feeling like, what's the point? I'm not connected to my work. So these are big, bigger signs, bigger symptoms. So whether you're experiencing small or big, this is your body, this is your heart telling you it's time to make a change. So what is that for you? What is that shift? What if we were just to be curious and say, what do I really want? What do I want in my career? How do I want it to be different? I find this to be such a valuable question. And look, you know, every job, this is my story. This is some beliefs I have. And, you know, you might have different experience, but. But, you know, every job, nothing in life, you get it and it's just perfect, right? There's no relationship that you get in the relationship and you just feel totally blissed forever. There's no thing you obtain, even if it's a certain job or a certain business that you've created, that every day you go to work and you're just like, I feel fucking amazing. Yeah. And you're just happy all day long and there's no stress. And you know, that's like a fantasy, right? So look, even if you have your dream job, which I would say I have my dream job right now, there's still days that are challenging, there's still days that are hard. There's still days where I'm like, I don't want to be at work right now. I don't want to work on this task right now. Or, you know, Sunday night comes around and I'm like, anxious. Like, I don't even know why I'm anxious because I'm going back to work on Monday. I don't even know why I'm anxious. Right. So those things can still happen. And having said all that, I feel like I have a dream job. And it's because I get to do what I'm designed to do, what I'm best at, you know, my zone of excellence. And I've had the courage to build a business where I continually face my fears. And I've been doing this, you know, I've been doing this long Before I started the business. But even when it came to business, I said, you know, I see that growing in career confidence and growing in business confidence and money confidence is the same process that I went through in dating confidence and social confidence and relationship confidence and not nice confidence, you know, a more authentic confidence kind of confidence. It's the same process. Do what scares you. Repeat. I mean, that's it. So I've been doing that nonstop as I've grown this business. And so what that's allowed me to do is start to build out more of a team, because that was something that really scared me as well, and offer products and services and do kinds of marketing. That all used to scare me in the past. But working with the team now allows me to design my role in the company more and more and more so that my job gets to be more and more of what I'm best at and what I'm good at and less of, like, basically everything, which is what I did when I first started the business. So even in that dream job, there are some days that are challenging. But here's the thing. When you're on the right track, oftentimes there might be a period of, this was a hard week or this was a hard day, but overall, you feel when you take a step back, you're like, my work is awesome. I love this job. I'm so grateful that I get to do this. And yes, sometimes I'll bitch about needing to go to work or having to do this or whatever, but for the most part, when I take a step back, I am grateful. And here's the thing. You know, you're really on the right track. When you take time away from work, it feels really good. And then you also want to go back to it. I find that really interesting. So when I'll take time away, usually when I take time away, there's a little bit of anxiety in the transition. Like, I'm leaving the business. I hope everything's okay. And then, you know, the first day or two is a little grindy. And then I settle into, like, vacation mode or staycation mode I were doing with my family, wife, and kids. And then it's like, I love it. And then, you know, the vacation ends, and then I'm like, I don't want to go back to work. I miss you all. And then transition's a little rocky and I get back into work. But what I find is during the vacation time, even though I'm really, really loving it, and part of me doesn't want to go back Such a sweet bonding time with my family. There is a part of me that's like, oh, I'm ready to get back in there. There's all this stuff I want to do. There's all these things I want to get to. There's all this stuff I'm excited about. And so I consider that a high quality problem. Right. You know, I want to be with them and I want to be at work, and I want to do all these things. And that is the key if you know you're on the right track with your career. It's a want to, it's not a have to, it's a want to. I want to do this. I get to do this. I want to record podcasts. I love recording podcasts. I want to write my book. I deeply enjoy writing books. I want to lead live events. I love leading live events and workshops. I love leading group calls. I love coaching. So what are the components of your day and your job and your work? What do you like? What do you want to do? What do you get to do? And if you're not doing a lot of those things, let's talk about how you can steer that. Right? So there's the bigger maneuvers of, like, steering to a different career. That would be the biggest move. Steering to a different job. That's one to look at. That recently happened. There's another woman on our Mastermind program who was working at one job, and she ended up going to another company still within marketing. That's where she worked. But she just could use so much more of her skills and her creative talent. Like, in the first place, her role was much more kind of, I don't know, bottom level, monotonous, repetitive. And she's like, I can offer so much more. But they didn't have the space, they didn't want it. And so she found another company. And during the interview process, there's like, several interviews over time. In between the first and the second interview, she, like, took one of the questions they asked her and, like, designed this whole idea of what she would do, including all these marketing materials and everything. And she sent it to them, and their response was like, wow, yes, this looks really. This is what we would want, you know? So not only is she kind of impressing them with showing how she could do, but she's also saying, like, this is the kind of work that I can do. This is what I can offer. And it was a better fit for her, and they hired her. And again, these stories of success, like, every single one of them in the group, when they start, it's like, I don't like what's happening in my job, or I don't like this aspect of my career. And then they're like, but I can't make a change. It's impossible. Right? So it's so common for all of us. So there's that course correction that she made in moving to a different job. And then of course, though a smaller, sort of less destabilizing step in some ways is just to make a shift within your current job, within your current role. Start to grab the wheel and steer that sucker. Stop saying this is how it has to be. This is what I'm supposed to do. Your role, you might think it's super defined, but it flexes and responds to you. It's a co creation between you and the company or your employer or your, your colleagues and coworkers. So you can decide what is it that I want to do more of? And this is something I ask myself repeatedly. I'm regularly asking myself like, okay, what do I want to steer my role to do more of? And so when I first started the business, I was doing pretty much only one on one coaching. And then over time I realized, you know what, I want to steer my role of coaching to be group coaching and live events. I want to be working with groups of people. That's where I find it's the most dynamic. It's, I do my best work and I love it the most. It's a win, win for everybody. So I'm gonna steer that. But it takes time. I couldn't just snap my fingers. I had to slowly steer that. And that's when I started doing live events and started offering a mastermind program. And slowly those things grew over time and then there's further course corrections. Then I realized, you know what, what I really want is to have time to write more. So the pace that I've been writing books is, you know, one comes out about every two years. And that's not because I couldn't write. I have more ideas than that. It's just trying to write the book while also doing all this other stuff in the business. The book writing gets. It's not as consistent as I would like or I'll work on it a lot for a week and I have to put it down for a week. And I don't like that. So I said, you know what, that's the next stage that I'm working on right now is how do I have it that I consistently have an hour to an Hour and a half per weekday to write that's like unbroken. That never gets taken away. And that's been a moving target. I hit that sometimes and I don't hit that others, but I'd like to really get that settled in. So it's another small course correction. So what's like. In fact, I was going to ask you a question, but let's turn that into your action step. Time for action, action, action. So your action step is, what's that shift for you? What's that little course correction within your job? And of course, if you want to make a bigger shift, absolutely, that's something you'll decide over time. But in the short term, immediately. What's a little shift? You can make a way you can show up differently. You know, maybe it's just you start to talk to your colleagues a little bit more and create a better sense of community where you work. Maybe it's looking at some of your work tasks and seeing how you can shift and do more of what you like and a little bit move away from the things that aren't right for you. How you can talk with someone in your company about why you want to focus on X and have someone else do Y or at least reduce your responsibilities for Y if that's not the right thing for you. So decide you'll know what that is for you. And then if there's any fear or like, oh, that's not possible, or I can't be very wary of that. And. And the worst that can happen is you try to steer towards that and someone tells you no, okay, well, now I learned. And maybe I'll try to find another way to steer towards it, right? So you can make those little shifts. And if you want support and an incredible environment to help you make these small shifts faster and even make bigger shifts in your career and just increase your whole sense of professional confidence, ability to earn money in the world, add more value, increase your earning potential, all of that. Then you gotta come to maximize your money and career confidence. Here in Portland, Oregon. It's happening at the end of January, beginning of February, and I cannot wait to see you there if you're gonna come, so get the early bird. Now you can go to those places I mentioned earlier, which is shrinkfortheshy guy in this episode, under the notes or socialconfidencecenter.com and if you don't know that, you can just type in Dr. Z's confidence. That'll probably take you to my website. If you do that in a search and look at the events. And regardless, I'm so curious to hear more about your experience. You can always go. You can always share your experience@shrinkforthshyguy.com we have a little way to send messages to us there because I love hearing about what's happening, the changes you're making, success stories in your career and beyond. Thanks for being with me today and until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to Social Confidence center dot com.