A short motivational YouTube talk by Dr. Aziz about building social confidence to talk with people you don't yet know. He gives actionable steps: (1) deliberately approach conversations and seek small interactions with strangers, (2) bring your confident, familiar self into new situations by assuming approval and treating strangers with the same ease you have with friends. He supports the advice with personal anecdotes (conference lunch, a dinner where he met new people) and points viewers to resources (The Confidence Code program and websites). The video closes with a call-to-action to try showing up differently and report back in the comments.
Hey, Dr. Aziz here. And today I'm going to share with you how to hang out with people that you don't know yet. So if you saw my video yesterday, I mentioned that I was going to be going to this high level conference, was going to be a lot of influential people here, a lot of big players in the coaching Internet business industry. And there was a woman who posted in this Facebook thing and said, hey, anyone who wants to come to lunch before the event, you know, it's gonna start at 2. If you wanna come meet at noon at this, you know, come join me and others at the lobby restaurant, here it is. So. And I don't know anyone who's gonna be there. I'm gonna head out in about 10 minutes here and I don't know anyone who's gonna be there. And there was a time in my life where I would have felt, I wouldn't have even gone. I mean, I was gonna say I would, I would have felt fear, but I probably wouldn't have felt fear because I wouldn' wouldn't have been an option. I wouldn't even have considered it. And then there was a time in my life where I would have considered it and then been scared and talked myself out of it and said, oh, it's going to be so awkward. I'm going to be so boring. It's going to be so uncomfortable. What would I say? And I would just hold back and I wouldn't do it. And now I'm actually excited because I'm excited about who I'm going to meet and I also know that I'm going to have a great time and that I'm awesome to talk to. So how do you get to this place? How do you go there? I remember, okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. I was going to tell you another story. How do you get there? First things first is you have to start approaching conversations. You got to start putting yourself into social interactions, into conversations, whether that's with a stranger. You're walking down the street and there's someone that's looking at the same thing you are. You both look at something there, you mention to them, well, that's interesting, isn't it? Or you chat with the cashier at the supermarket, or when you're getting your check at the restaurant, you chat with that person there, right? So you find little opportunities, you interact with strangers, you interact with people. When someone invites you to come to their friends gathering, a dinner with friends, and you don't know the people there, you go to it. So you start leaning into the social interactions. That's how you're going to start building up more comfort and confidence. But you might say, well, wait a minute, I don't like doing that. I don't want to do that. And here's why. Because it's uncomfortable and you're probably not that good at it. And here's the good news though, because I used to be terrible at it. You're not. It's not. The challenge is all your own inner thinking and self doubt and self criticism just to be able to have a conversation with someone, you're probably already quite good at that. If you think about when you're hanging out with your best friend or your brother or your sister or a family member where you're just totally relaxed, you can have a conversation like it's. There's no. You don't have a fundamental inability to do that. It's just that this nervousness, this fear, this anxiety. So to step one is get into these interactions as much as possible. Step two is to get more comfortable at bringing your more confident self to new situations, to strangers, to be able to start assuming approval and assuming familiarity. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to go in there, I'm going to greet these people as if I already know them, as if I'm already friends with them. Now it's not like best buddies, like, oh my God, it's so good to see you. But just like, hey, how's it going? How are you doing? I'll just mention stuff. If we're sitting there looking through the menu instead of being quiet. I don't know. I don't know these people yet. If I was hanging out with a buddy and I'm looking through the menu, I'd be like, what is, you know, municher cheese? I don't know, I'm just making something up, but something I don't know, like, what is the miniature thing? I would just say that. I would just ask questions. I would just be how I am when I'm with good friends. And you want to be that way around new people and guess what? They become your good friends. And I remember there was a time in my life, as I said, where I was too scared, I would avoid it. And then I started going into it. I want to share a quick story with you about how powerful that can be. There was a woman that I was dating. I succeeded and was able to start approaching women and getting dates. And there's a woman, I dated her maybe three or four times. We weren't even like, it wasn't like a serious relationship yet or anything. And she said, hey, come meet me and my friend and her boyfriend for dinner. So it's gonna be this woman that I'm dating, her female friend and then a boyfriend. So four people, including me again, in the past, they used to terrify me. I don't know these people. This is gonna be so awkward. I'm not even that close with her. I got to impress her and I gotta impress these two people. I'm busy that night and every night, you know. But I'd already turned a corner in my life and I was like, I don't avoid what scares me. I approach it. So I remember I said, sure, I'll do it. And then I remember I got a text like, or this was probably before text, it was probably a call. And she called me and said, you know, I actually am not going to be able to meet up till later. But we already have the dinner plans. We already have a reservation. Everything was already set. And she's like, well, you just want to, you know, I'm not going to get off till X time. Maybe we can just all meet up later. And I was like, oh. She said, unless you just want to have dinner with them. And I said, sure, sounds great. And she was like, really? I was like, yeah, that sounds fine. And I went and I hung out with these people. I didn't know them. She wasn't even there. And we had an awesome time. I remember really loving her. She was amazing. Her friend, I really liked the guy. I thought he was cool. I remember we had this great dinner. We went for a walk afterwards until we met up with the girl I was dating and it was awesome. And I remember the woman I was dating and those two people were all impressed. They're all kind of like, who the hell is this guy who does that? Because you know what? Most people don't do that. And this is the beauty of this transformation is wherever you are right now, if you're stuck, if you're like, oh God, I'm sub average, I'm worse than others, you know what, if you work on yourself, if you practice this stuff, if you approach instead of avoiding, if you build up your skills. And the confidence code program, by the way, is a powerful way to do that. Yourconfidencecode.com or just go to my website, socialconfidencecenter.com it's all about self esteem, how you see yourself so you're likable. And then social skills nine elements of Social Mastery like you can learn this stuff. So stop avoiding approach and then learn this stuff and then you'll master conversations and then this is for business situation. I'm talking about you. You can see how it applies in dating. It can apply for your friendships. The more you can put yourself into situations and know that people are going to like you because you're awesome, the better your life becomes. So I'll keep you posted about how this and everything else this weekend goes in this series of upcoming videos. Leave a comment Let me know where you're going to show up differently in your life, how you know, what kinds of things you're going to put yourself into after watching this, new things you're going to take on, how you're going to approach interactions you're going to have and and then let me know how it goes in the comments below. Until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.
