How To Deal With The GUILT Of Saying No!

Do you have a hard time saying no? Are you afraid of it? Do you say yes when you want to say no to avoid having to say no? Is there a situation right now in your life, whether it's a work situation or a romantic situation somewhere, where you need to say no to something or someone, and you haven't been because you've been avoiding it? If so, watch this episode because you're going to learn what's getting in the way and how to break free so you can say no with more boldness, more confidence, and. And less guilt. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is the show for you. If you want to maximize your confidence in every area of life, including being able to say no more directly, more freely, more boldly. Because that's a big part of confidence, is to know what you want and know what you don't want, and to be able to say it without being so worried about what other people are going to think and. And hurting other people's feelings and, oh, my God, what are they gonna do? What are they gonna think about me? In fact, those are the biggest reasons why people are afraid to say no. One is that it's gonna lead to some horrible reaction in the other person. They're gonna be crushed or disappointed or enraged. Then there's gonna be some result of that, like, they're not gonna wanna see you anymore. They're not gonna work you anymore. They're not gonna wanna date with you, have any dates with you anymore. The relationship's gonna be over. And then there's this fear of guilt, fear of our own feelings of guilt, like, oh, I'm gonna feel so terrible. I'm gonna be such a bad person. So we need to let all this go now. In fact, there's an amazing woman I was working with who's in my mastermind program, and she brought this to the group, and she needed to say no. She actually needed to let someone go in her organization who ended up being someone that she was close to, actually was a family member. And yet they were not doing their job well, hadn't been for a while, and she needed to let them go. And so she had. She'd been avoiding this for a long time because she was afraid and sat all the fears that I just listed earlier in this video. So what did we do? Well, first thing we did is we looked at, like, what are you afraid is gonna happen in the moment? And of course, it's the same thing. You might be afraid of they're gonna get really upset, they're gonna be really hurt and disappointed and angry, and then they're gonna have this horrible reaction. And then when I feel really guilty, I said, okay, how do you imagine that this person's gonna feel two weeks after you have that conversation? Are they still going to be in the same state? Still going to be enraged and hurt and helpless? And she thought for a minute. She said, no, I don't think so. I said, okay. And also in terms of them ending the relationship and never wanting to see you again, that can happen. I mean, people do do that. In a place of hurt and anger. They hold the grudge forever. I said, but, you know, you know, this person, do they do that? Have they done that? Do they do that all the time in their life? There are tons of people that they have grudges with. And she laughed and she said, no, I don't think so. It doesn't seem like that's what he would do. I said, okay, great. Because what we do is we come up with these stories in our mind, and they're not really that person. They're not really the situation. They're just these fear stories. So we want to go into it and really imagine what would it be like two weeks later, what's going to happen? What's the fear there? And then, see, is that really likely? Do you want to move into it instead of retreating from it like it's an electric fence? Then when it came to the guilt, I said, saying no is not immoral. It's not unethical. It's not evil. It's not bad. You're not doing something to someone. You're not hurting someone when you say no. Now, they might feel upset, they might have uncomfortable feelings that they don't like, but you're not attacking them, you're not harming them. You're just saying your preference. That's what we have in life. We have our preferences. We can ask for what we want, we can say yes, and we can say no. So you want to lean into that, face the fear, see, unravel what's really going to happen there and find your courage. And then you got to take the action. I said one other thing in the mastermind call we were having to her, and I want to share with you, I said, if this person does get horribly upset and never gets over it and wants to end all contact with you, and the only way to keep a relationship with them is to stay in this kind of dysfunctional dynamic where you have to be employing them even though they're not doing a good job. Is that the kind of relationship that you want in your life? She paused for a minute and she said, no, yeah, of course you don't want that, right? Because those kind of relationships are a drain on you. It's like hurting her to stay in that relationship. So if you have to be, if you're hurting yourself to stay in the it's like causing you pain and suffering to stay in the relationship. And the only reason you're staying in, because that's the only way I'll have a relationship with that person, then you might want to upgrade. You might want to raise your standard. And by doing that, maybe you'll invite better relationships not just for that employee, but in your social life, in your friendships, in your dating life, in your romantic life. Because when you raise that standard, better things come to you in your life. Awesome. So share in the comments below. What are you going to do? And if you want to take this further, by all means subscribe to this video and click the bell notification and also go to socialconfidencecenter.com that's my website. You can see a link in the description below where you can get my free ebook, five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. And that'll give you five steps to get into action now to unleash your inner confidence, as the title would suggest. So go get that now if you haven't already. And until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.