How To End Relationships With Confidence | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Do you end relationships with confidence? Are you direct, assertive, clear, or are you wishy washy? Do you hang on for way too long? Do you not break up because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings? Not leave a job because you're feeling anxious about what people would think? Do you end up dragging things out and maybe leaving in a messy or less optimal way that maybe causes some people to be upset? Burn some bridges. If you have difficulty with endings, with bold, confident endings, watch this episode. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz and this is the show for you. If you want, well come confidence. We talk about confidence in all areas and this we're going to focus a lot on relationships here, but this could be any kind of relationship. This could be not just a romantic relationship, a friendship, even a relationship with your workplace, a job. So we're going to talk about ending those relationships. If you're benefiting from these videos, hit subscribe. Support me and the channel so I can keep doing this work and putting the message of confidence out there and basically taking everything I learn all my work from live events and mastermind program, one on one coaching and then just transferring and sharing the best, most cutting edge stuff right here with you live as I'm learning and growing and sharing what I know. So let's talk about ending relationships. This came up recently in a mastermind call where a guy has broken free in so many ways of he was in a relationship, he'd stayed in it way too long, was so uncomfortable at the idea of ending it, even though he knew he wanted to and then he did. And then he, because of all the confidence he built in our program and all the work he'd done on himself, he just came out like just a bat out of hell and was like approaching women and dating and like being more forthcoming and direct about like, hey, I don't want to settle down. I just, you know, I'm interested in exploring and having multiple relationships. And he was telling women that and they were into it and okay with it. So he started dating a lot of women and just recently came to a group call and was like, I got a problem. And I love this because we all think that once we solve the one problem in front of us, you know, that problem in your relationship, that problem in your love life, the problem in your business or career, you solve that one problem and man, it's clear sailing from there on out, right? Well, no, then you're going to hit another problem. Probably a Higher quality problem. And that's what his case was. So his higher quality problem was that he actually had multiple relationships. He was dating all kinds of women, and he realized that, you know, he needed to, like, pare down a little bit. He needed to reduce the number of women, and he wanted to end dating connections with like three different women. So enter the discomfort of endings. How do you end relationships? Well, one way to do it is sort of the non ending. Sometimes people call this ghosting, and that's. You just. You just disappear. You don't respond to texts, you don't respond to calls, you don't respond to emails, you don't respond to messages online. You just disappear. Have you ever done that? I have. I know it. Slightly higher level, I suppose, is to, you know, totally disappear, but you just become like instantly sort of unavailable. Oh, yeah, I can't make it, you know, how about maybe, you know, maybe you don't even offer an alternative time. You know, you stop inviting them. You say no to their invitations. Maybe you offer an alternative time, but it's like really vague, like, oh, I can't maybe in like, you know, a week or something, or whatever. But then you don't actually do it if they invite you again. So you kind of send the message, I'm done. But it's pretty vague, right? Have you ever done that? I know I have. And then there's stepping the fuck up and doing the right thing. We know it's the right thing, don't we? And that's telling someone, honestly. Thank you. Thank you for connecting with me. Thank you for spending time with me. And I feel complete. I feel done. I don't want to do this anymore. And there's a million. You're like, well, how do I say it? How do I say it? Look, there's a million and one ways to say it. Just like what I did right there is how you could say it. You know, starting with, like, appreciation. Thank you. That was awesome. And I don't. I feel complete. I don't, I don't, I don't. I'd like to move on. I'd like to end this. I'd like to see other people. Now as I'm saying that, as you imagine that, what happens, that's what I was doing with the guy in our Mastermind program because he's like, his face. As I said that was just like I said, what's happening in your body right now? He said, I just feel a lot of fear. I said, great, let's go into that. Because the Ghosting and the becoming really unavailable, those are just avoidance of fear. You know what it's really avoiding? It's avoiding direct human contact. And here's the thing, if you want to have awesome experiences in your life, you want to have real relationships. You want to have, whether it's friendships, dating relationships, or maybe even an amazing, extraordinary relationship with the love of your life, if you want that, guess what? You got to build your capacity for direct contact with other humans. Real, full contact. That means we love, we experience. There's an exchange of energy when it's good, and then when it's over, you tell them you feel it, they feel pain, you feel discomfort or pain. That's part of it. And if we want to have this weird, like, I just want everything to feel smooth and easy and no one to have any upset or any discomfort, then you're not having real relationships. I don't know what you're doing. You're doing what I did for many years, which is like these kind of pseudo connections where you're around people but inside you're not feeling fully confident, fully relaxed, fully known, fully loved, fully alive. That comes from direct, real contact. So I said, what are you afraid of? And he said, I'm afraid of her getting upset with me, of her feeling hurt and confused and like, why did you sleep with me then? So we explored that. Does he think that he shouldn't sleep with women until he's sure that he wants to be in a long term relationship with them? Because that's one way to do it. It's like serial monogamy. Okay, I'm going to assess this person out for a while and if we feel like we're really good, then we'll get together and then we'll have sex and then we'll be in a relationship. That's one way to do it. And he's like, no, I like the idea of being more free and just, you know, I'm not telling them that I want to marry them. I'm just being myself and saying, I'm open to dating right now and I'm dating other people. I was like, okay, that's what you want to be able to do, right? And he said, yeah. She said, okay, great. So you're afraid of her upset and her hurt feelings? He said, yeah. I said, I yeah, but what you're really afraid of is your feelings. He said, what do you mean? I said, well, how would you feel if she were upset with you? And then he's like, oh, right. So we think we're doing it for them, you're not doing it for them. It's not selfless, it's selfish. And it's not, in my book, not nice. I talk about healthy selfishness. This is like suboptimal selfishness. This is fear. This is you not stepping up. And you know what I'm saying is true. There is tremendous power. And if you want to bring it back to our own self interest, because there's nothing wrong with that, it's going to benefit you too. And here's why. So what I suggested for him is to have these three conversations with these three women this week, like between the calls or the calls on Tuesday. So I was like, let's hear back next Tuesday, how they go? Because the longer you wait on it, you know you want to do it, so why wait to pull off the band aid? Just go fucking do it. And he's like, I know, okay, so he's gonna go do it. And that is gonna be massive training for him to experience it and feel all the discomfort. But the thing is, if he were to ghost on all three of those relationships, he'd build no power. He'd actually have less confidence moving into new dating relationships because he would feel out of alignment. He knew he didn't do the right thing. But if you end it, clearly, you know, you do the right thing. You do it with confidence, you do it with authenticity. Just like, here's where I'm at. There's no ambiguity. They're not waiting and hanging on and unsure. There's less. I mean, maybe they could still be resentful, but way less resentful than if you, like, ghost on somebody because on some level, they acknowledge. Well, I mean, he didn't want to be with me, but at least he told me he did it in a really direct way. He did the right thing. That guy's pretty awesome. And that was my experience. When I started doing this, I really got that shift. It's like, oh, if I end relationships powerfully, guess how I get to start relationships powerfully? Guess how I feel powerful. So it benefits not only them, but it benefits you. It's a win, win. That's how you want to do it. So do you have any ending potentials in your life? Is there any ending or conclusions that you've avoided? How can you define step up Face those now. Share in the comments below. How it goes, what you learn. Can't wait to read about it until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.