How To Feel More Confident Sexually

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today is going to be exciting and titillating because we're going to be talking about sex. Oh, yes. And it's a. It's an essential part of dating and relationships, something that is rarely talked about unless you're seeking it out and looking up podcasts and that sort of thing around that. Then there's some great information out there, but a lot of us don't. And then when we get into the sex side of relationships and dating, there's a lot there. There can be a lot of uncomfort, you know, fear, discomfort, anxiety, stress. But then no one talks about it. So, you know, we sort of put a veneer on top, like, hey, how was it? Oh, it was awesome. I had sex. Yeah. And there's this kind of glossing over, but that's not what we're doing today. And in order to make this discussion even more valuable for you, I'm bringing in Amber, resident dating and relationship expert and coach. Thanks for being with us, Amber.

Thanks for having me.

Awesome. So let's talk about sex and how there's a lot of fear around it. People can be afraid of being embarrassed, afraid of doing it wrong, afraid of some, quote, malfunction in their body if they're not. They can't maintain an erection or have enough lubrication or all these things. So let's start to, one by one, reduce some of that pressure. So what have you found are some of the biggest things that come up when you're working with dating, coaching with clients around fears around sex?

Yeah. I don't even think it's just with clients. It's also in my own life, like, I've had a lot of embarrassing stuff happen during sex, and I had to learn how to deal with that as well. But I think for men, it's a lot about the size of their penis or a lot of men aren't always able to get an erection. Or for women, it can be insecurities about maybe not being able to have an orgasm or not being able to do it quick enough or not doing it like the stars in porn movies. Or there's just so much that can happen also, like embarrassing noises or dirty talk. Like, there's so much that we're not educated about because like you said, it's such a taboo topic. And then we just kind of have to figure it out on our own. Unless we have somebody that we're really comfortable talking about these things with.

Yeah.

And yeah, so I think it's really good that we're talking about this.

Yeah. You know, I'm just. You talked about it's taboo and we haven't talked about it much. This is a conversation that Candice and I have had about raising our own kids. And you know, we're just very open and authentic people and we don't like to hide and veil and that sort of thing. So. But the question is like, well, do you talk about sex with your kids? And you might say, well, you have to, don't worry about that until they're older because our kids are almost three and five now. But it's, it already comes up like little, little toddlers at age 2 or 3 are like touching their penises as they walk around. And you're like, okay, you know, like, we have company over, what do we do? And you don't want to just be like, you know, stop that, don't do that. That's dirty. You know, put your pants on. So we want to be like, well, how do we talk about it? So that, that comes up and how people might react to you touching that part of your body. But then also somehow they find out about the word sex. Especially Zaim, he's at age 4 and like, what's sex? And then, you know, the way that we want decided we wanted to handle it is just, you don't have to be like extremely graphic and go on and on and on. You just give an age appropriate answer, like, well, so Candace said something like, well, sex is a special kind of touch and connection that people share. And if it's between, it can be between men and women or men and men or women and women, but it's between a man and a woman. Then the man will, you know, I don't know exactly what she said. Something like maybe insert, I don't know, insert his penis into the woman. Something like basically letting him know that there's this connection that happens and he's just like, oh, okay. And he moves on. And then this has just happened. Literally, I think yesterday or two days ago, she texted me this, like, so we have a. A guest staying at our house. And, you know, as a four and a half year old is known to do, at some point he's like, going into the room and, like, looking through his stuff and opens up his bag and finds a. He brings. He shows Candace. He's like, what are these? And he's holding a condom. Candace like, ah, very good. So she said, like, I just told him. I don't know exactly what she said, but it's really interesting to imagine if we grew up in households where there wasn't such a level of shame. Because I remember the only education at all that I had about sexual, even the mentioning of it in my entire life with my parents, up until I left the house, was this. And it was probably. I was like, I don't know, four years old, five years old, six year old, something in there. And I had. I woke up in the morning and I had an erection. And I'd never had that before, so maybe it was young, it was four or. I don't. This is the first time I remember having it. And so I asked my mom, like, what's this? What's happening? And she's like, ah, go show your dad. And so I go to the. My dad's sitting at the kitchen table during breakfast, and I'm like, dad, like, what's this? And I pull down my little gray sweatpants and he's like, you're not supposed to have that till you're older. All right. Yeah, pull your pants up. And that was it. And looking back, I'm like, that's. That's a suboptimal way to handle that situation. But anyway, I think everyone can relate to these. Maybe limited or it could be. And it could be much worse. Right. People can be heavily shamed or criticized or hear very judgmental talk about sex growing up. It's dirty, it's wrong, all kinds of stuff. And what this leads to is this, like, intense breeding ground for shame and strong emotions that can come up. So we feel these intense feelings of embarrassment or shame or badness. That can be a. Sex can be a trigger for.

Yeah, I had a. Like, my parents were very open about teaching me about what sex was. They bought me, like, children's books that explained how it worked, but they didn't really teach me about pleasure or, like, anything other than the scientific facts about how it works.

Right.

But thankfully, I had a very mature Older brother. He's, like, three years older than me. And when he was in high school, he was like, you know, Amber, just, like, ask me anything. I'm, like, such an expert. And I did. I was like, okay, like, anything. Can I ask you anything? And he was like, yeah, like, whatever. And so I remember asking him when I was, like, in middle school. I was like, is it normal to, like, make noises? Like. And I was talking about moaning during sex. I was like, are you supposed to be just, like, silent, or is it, like, okay to make noises? Like, is he gonna think it's weird if I do that? And he was like, oh, yeah, it's totally natural. And, like, so I was really lucky that I had an older brother that was comfortable talking to me about all of these things. Like, even my most embarrassing moments, I always brought it up with him. And he was, like, the one person that I could talk to about these things.

Yeah, that's really sweet. And what a. You can just hear, like, the bond between you two. And what a gift to have someone that can help guide you in that way and remove some of that shame. Because isn't that crazy that that's such a basic thing? Like, is it okay to. And you might say, well, oh, of course. That's what a junior high or middle school kid would think. But. But flash forward 5, 7, 10, 20 years, and how many people. How many of us can be uncomfortable with making sounds during sex? And I know that was one thing that I had to actively work through to overcome the social anxiety of. And I'm not talking about, like, extremely extensive dirty talk or something. Oh, that's. That's another topic we can get into. But I'm just talking about, like, grunts and moans and natural animal sounds and how much I inhibited them at first or did them. But, like, it wasn't. It was like, taking this natural thing that wants to come out and then being like, is that okay? Oh, that's weird. Oh, I'm just gonna do it anyway. And now it's all, like, overthought and. And versus just a total freedom to make those sounds.

Yeah. And actually, for me, sometimes it's not even making the sound. It's being comfortable with not making a sound for a few minutes. Like, sometimes that's what I naturally want to do. But when you watch porn, the girls are, like, crazy screaming the entire time. And so you feel like you're supposed to put on that show as well. And so that was, like, a lot of pressure that I felt personally, is like, I Have to be constantly making a huge show of it when actually sometimes it feels really good to me to be more quiet and I don't want to make a sound the whole time.

It's really fascinating what you're mentioning about porn because what a recipe for some fucked up psychology, which is, okay, don't talk about sex at all with your family or with anyone and just completely have it under wraps. This is true for probably most families and yet have unlimited access to one form of sexual education, quote, unquote education, which is porn. And so even as you're like, oh, I know porn's not real. Yeah, but you're taking in large quantities especially, I mean, in general a lot of. And this might be true for women as well, but especially for young men. You know, as soon as I was age 11 and had access to the Internet, at that point it was downloading pictures on a 24.4kbps modem. Like extremely slow, but you could still download pictures. And then eventually a couple years later it turned into, you could watch some videos and it was off to the races. Like, this is my experience of sex. That's how I experience sex, is by watching this stuff. And then so, yeah, it's kind of going to change what I think you mentioned men feeling insecure about their penis size. That's heavily influenced by porn. And just watching. It's a very small subset of men that typically have. And so there's kind of like the crazy big. But then even in general, the average kind of male actors are going to get. Are going to have larger than average. And then of course the women are generally some sort of extremely narrow band of body type that's also augmented with plastic surgery and other things. So it. And then the sounds they make and even just the attitude towards each other. Like if you look, if you imagine like real sex, which might have, say a missionary position, the man on top of the woman, they're like face to face and you're looking at each other and you're there and it's. But if you shot a porn scene that way you'd just be like, all you're seeing is like a dude's back and butt. There's not much there. And so people are like, no, no, you got to do this thing where you're like leaning back very uncomfortably and bending your penis downwards. But that way we can see her because that's what we want to see. And so there's this total distortion of what sex is. And then you see it hundreds or Thousands of times. And then lo and behold, when you are actually in the experience of sex, it's going to influence you and what you think you should do and how you should be.

Yeah. Another insecurity that I got from porn, and just in general, these ideas about what sex is supposed to be like, is that when I was younger, I felt really insecure that I wasn't able to have an orgasm naturally. And so in relationships, I always felt like I had to pretend or fake it because guys also have the same insecurity that they're supposed to be able to make a woman orgasm every single time during sex, multiple times. Because that's what's happening in porn. And so for a really long time, I had. I thought something was wrong with me and wrong with my body because it wasn't that easy for me. And I didn't. It's really weird. I, like, didn't know how this organ worked. And there is a really great resource for women and for men, and I think it's really great for couples as well. I think I have to double check, but I think it's called OMG Wow. Or OMGYes.com and it's basically a site that teaches. They have like different seasons. So the first season teaches women how to achieve an orgasm. And they did a lot of extensive research on the topic and how different women reach an orgasm because it's not the same for every single woman. And I think that was really important for me to learn that not every single body is the same. And it's not just like, okay, put it in there. And then you should just have a crazy orgasm. That's like not how it works for every woman. And so that site is really good because it teaches the different techniques and not everything works the same for every single woman. And it also comes with videos and it's all really ethically made. And it's just, it's, I think, the largest, like, it's the most research that anybody ever did into female pleasure. Cause for the longest time it was just like ignored. Like it doesn't really matter. And it was all about the guy.

Yeah. What a. What a great resource. I just looked it up as you were talking and it's OMG yes dot com.

Okay. Yeah.

So. Oh yeah, letters OMG then y e s o m g-s dot com and yeah, you can go on there and there's an intro video and you can buy access to it for. It looks like just one payment of 39 bucks. So if you're like, nah. And I'm intrigued by this because it's like, what a great education for me to keep learning. And then also what a great thing for my wife Candice to watch and then us to discuss. Because that's the thing that I think, because there's shame around it. Like, I don't know enough. Or maybe I. We don't want to reveal ignorance. And that's one of the worst things we can do because then we just remain stuck in our ignorance and then get defensive about it. And then, you know, this is so common, a dynamic in relationships where one partner tries to bring something up about sex and the other one, you know, from insecurity and shame, shuts it down. Oh, you're saying I'm not enough. This. You're saying I'm a selfish lover, or you're saying this about me? And I notice those impulses in me sometimes when. When Candace would bring stuff up. But I knew enough to, like, okay, part of me is insecure and feels shame and wants to not hear this, but the bigger part of me knows, like, no, you want to hear this, dude. Like, this is valuable intel about what she needs. And, you know, and that was. I'd say that was earlier on, in the first couple years, I had a lot more insecurity about it. And then as time went on, I just am learning her more and more and just being so willing to ask questions. What do you like? And it's fascinating that women think that they're supposed to orgasm just from intercourse and how uncommon that is and how requiring different stimulation and more and other things is, like, the norm. And so there's one takeaway for women is like, do not. Do not fake orgasms. That doesn't help anyone because it's not, you know, it's giving false feedback. And, you know, so he doesn't know that, hey, this isn't. This is nice. But, you know, sometimes we could do something a little better, you know, and so he doesn't. He's not learning that. And then you are also not one step closer to getting what you want. And over time, that can actually lead to resentment and frustration and less interest in sex. Because, hey, I'm not really getting, you know, exactly what I want sometimes. And so I think it's so important to have those conversations. And in a previous episode, Amber, you and I were talking about, instead of just trying to please the other person and get them to like you, it's important on dating to sort of test if they can handle things like authentic communication and vulnerability. I'd Say, this is another thing to test, like, can the person talk about sex with you? And so after you've, you know, ideally even during, I know that's pretty edgy for people, but after sex, even the first time you do it or the second time you do it, you don't have to wait till you're in a relationship to be able to explore what do you like, what do you like more of? What do you not like? You know, see if that other person can hang with you there and actually have that conversation. Because if they like shut down, they're like, oh, we must not talk about, we must do this act and like totally non verbally and never talk about it because it's dirty and bad and wrong, they shut down in some way around it. That's an indicator that you're probably gonna have issues in your sex life if you were to be in a long term relationship with that person.

Yeah. And also, just another note for the guys about this same topic with women having orgasms, if you put pressure on her, like she's supposed to have an orgasm every single time. Like sometimes I feel like guys do that from that place of insecurity, like they really want to achieve an orgasm, but actually that pressure can prevent her from being present and enjoying what's going on. And so that's just something that some guys might want to consider as well.

Yeah, there's so much pressure there of like, you know, because it's like your entire worth as a human being is on the line. Like, is your penis totally hard? It's not, it's losing it. Oh my God. Oh no. I'm gonna fall into the pit of unworthiness. And it triggers stress and anxiety in you, which is certainly not. I mean, when stress and anxiety is triggered, like you physiologically stop being able to have an orgasm or not an orgasm, an erection, because your body's like, we don't have time for this shit. Like we gotta run from, for our lives. And so the man, I think, can feel all this pressure around maintaining an erection. Women can feel pressure around having an orgasm and then because our worth is on the line, we start to rope the other person into it. So it's like if the man isn't hard, the woman might feel like, oh, I'm not attractive enough. And if the man doesn't give her the orgasms in the exact right way or the way that he imagines, he might feel like, I'm not worthy enough. And so we can be putting pressure on ourselves and pressure on our partner and it can really reduce the enjoyment. And I think one thing that can be so helpful is to be able to have a conversation. I was just talking with a client about this recently and he ended a relationship of 10 years as a marriage and now he's dating again. And this was an issue before he was with his ex wife, but then it got even worse with her. Is this fear around, you know, what if I can't maintain my erection? Because in his marriage, if anything like that happened, she would become very upset and very critical of him. So another sign of the, of the health of that relationship and the benefit of getting out of there. Right. So, but anyway, he was already nervous about it a little bit before, but then that just intensified. So now he's dating this new person and sure enough he's feeling anxious. He's got a prescription for whatever the competitor alternative to Viagra is, but basically a pill like that. So he's got a prescription like that, but you know, he doesn't want to keep taking it and has side effects for him. And it's just, it's got its own issues. And he's like, I know it's an anxiety thing, so I don't, I know the medication's not the long term solution. And as I was exploring with him and hearing about some of the experiences he had with his ex wife, I was like, yeah, that sounds really painful. Like you're going to need to almost unwind some of that fear. And the way you're going to unwind some of that fear in one way is going to be to have a corrective experience where you're with a woman who is more patient and compassionate. Because ultimately the way to, through this is to feel like, oh, if I lose my erection for a little bit, that's okay. Like there's no major threat here because once you get to that place, then you can go and then it can come back and then, hey, you know, here we go again. So in order to get there is going to require, I think for him some level of being able to talk about what's happening because he's just totally stressed out about it. And so setting up a place where sex can be what we start. And you know, and maybe starting it is not even penetration. Starting as like we're kissing and we're touching each other and then we're maybe I am aroused and have an erection, then we're having intercourse. But then if something happens and I start to get distracted because that was the issue, you'd get really anxious and he'd start to overthink. I'd say, well, being able to let her know what's happening beforehand, and then in the moment say, hey, I notice I'm getting distracted right now, or my attention is going elsewhere. And have a way where you can kind of come back together. And if you lose your erection for a minute or two, that's okay. And then you can resume and just, like, create this much more. Like, it's like a conversation. It's not this performance. And I think so many people feel like it's this urgent performance, and if I don't perform, they're gonna break up with me, and they're gonna laugh at me, and they're gonna hate me, and I'll be alone forever, and it's exhausting.

Mm. I was talking to somebody who also had the same problem. It was a man who struggled with maintaining his erection. And he said one thing that really helped him with his now wife is that they just sat in bed and he told her about his struggle with maintaining an erection. And he was like, okay, well, why don't we just lay here in bed and see what happens? Like, we might have sex tonight, or we might not, but let's just see how it goes. And that helped him relieve the pressure as well. And. Yeah, and then he was able to get an erection because he wasn't like, this has to happen right now. It was like they were just laying together naked, and then things happened.

Right. Which is a great point, which is when you get out of your own way and there's not that anxiety. In many cases, physiologically, our bodies will kick in if we're attracted to that person and that we're just, in a way, actively blocking it with our own fear. And there are, you know, of course, different circumstances where someone might have.

More.

Of a biological cause, one that a lot of men don't realize, is that one of the earliest signs of problems with your cardiovascular system, usually due to higher cholesterol and poor diet, is erectile issues. Long before you might have heart symptoms. People think of that as the major one, but it's, like, earlier than that. It's because there's less blood flow in your cardiovascular system. And so that's something to look at. And people who end up eating less of a rich, processed food, meat, heavy, dairy, heavy diet, and start switching more to a healthier diet. More fruits, more vegetables, less processed food, foods, maybe even reduction of dairy or meat, some of these problems can be addressed. So, you know, going straight to like, oh, there's a problem. I Need the pill. Give me the pill. Maybe that's just gonna be another symptom management tool and not actually addressing the underlying issue. And even if that is the case, though, even if there is some medical reason, that doesn't mean, like, you're doomed. You're done. There's a great book called. I wanna mention it in this episode, the New Male Sexuality. And I forget who it's by, but you can just look it up. The New Male Sexuality. And it's great because it talks all about sex and so many different ways to be more basically a master course in everything that we're talking about in this podcast episode. But in there, he talks about soft entry techniques and ways to, like, incorporate sex and sexuality if you don't have an erection for the man. And just, like, a lot of really, it'll open your mind so that we stop thinking, well, sex is this one kind of thing, and we do this, and then she's supposed to have an orgasm and I'm supposed to be this, and then that's it. And it's just a very limited view of sex that I think we all could benefit from expanding.

Yeah. And also talking. We're talking a lot about communication during and before sex. And so another thing that I wanted to talk about was the fear of dirty talk, or just in general talk during sex. That's definitely something that I felt super uncomfortable with. And thankfully, my boyfriend has been really good about showing me how to do that and being more comfortable with it. And he's been really great at communicating to me, like, in a way that doesn't make me feel super embarrassed that I, like, I'm really bad at it. So I think one thing that also helps with that is that he. It's not, like, so conditional. Like, I don't feel like, oh, my God, if I don't, like, learn this skill or become good at it or comfortable with it, really quickly, he's gonna break up with me or he's gonna be completely unsatisfied. Like, it's totally okay for me to take my time learning how to communicate in that way and becoming more comfortable with it. And that actually, like, allows me to be more expressive because I don't feel that anxiety and fear. Like, if I don't do it, I'm ruining everything, or if I make a mistake or say it in the wrong way, then everything's over.

Yeah. And that's that tightrope that we can feel around sex. Right. Because there's so much of our. That's so much shame. That can be underneath some of these things that we feel like we're unlovable. You know, I didn't, I didn't express myself well. My dirty talk sounded weird or wasn't sexy or was silly or whatever. No, no, I'm gonna lose love. I'm unlovable. It's kind of behind the surface. So that sounds really healing to be able to have that space to practice. And I think that's where I learned as well. And first thing I'll say about it is it's worth learning because it's hot, it's sexy, it adds something to your sex life. It's another form of expression. So even if you don't, you're not like a huge go on and on dirty talk person. Just a little bit here and there can be really impactful. Really turns on your partner or turns on you or both. And it can bring a lot. So it's worth facing that discomfort because usually the discomfort is not that it's not right for you. It's just this shame that we're talking about. And one thing around dirty talk, it's less having the right stuff to say. It's like dancing. Like, yes, you could learn tango and other official dance forms and master them and look really beautiful and graceful, but if there's that person on the dance floor who's just like owning it and they're just comfortable in their own skin, they look good even if they're not doing any fancy moves. And it's the same thing with dirty talk. Like, if you just are able to own it more, it's gonna be hot. Especially if you're connected with your partner. The challenge though is like, well, how do you get to that place? And what I found is that exactly what you're describing. Having a place where you can experiment and practice and find your voice is really helpful. And I remember I was dating a woman who was much more expressive in that way than me. And I found it really, you know, turned me on a lot. And I was like, wow, I would love to be able to meet her in that way. But up until that point, I'd never said anything ever. During sex, I think I'd moan and stuff. I overcome that fear. But like, nothing. No vulnerable, no vulnerable communication, no. No check ins, no. What do you like? No dirty talk, Nothing. Just got my game face on. I don't want to lose love. And so she's doing it and I'm like, okay, I want to do this too. And so I made this little commitment with myself, which Was, okay, the next time we're making love, I'll have stuff that will go through my mind of what I could say. But then I just filter the shit out of it. And I'm like, I can't say, oh, that sounds bad or wrong. And then when I decided, I was like, okay, if I. If something pops into my head for me to say, I'm going to say it. And here's how I'm going to get myself to do it. Even if it's like a minute later I have to say it. So I could stall, but that's going to kind of pull me out of the moment and then I'll start getting in my head. So. But it's good if it pops into my head. It's got to come out of my mouth. Was the commitment I had for myself. So I remember the next time we were making love and something popped into my head. And the stuff I'm thinking of is not like really crazy out there stuff, it's just really basic stuff about like, how sexy I find her or how hard she makes me, or like, oh, you're so hot. Or basic things. And I remember something popped into my head. And then I'm sitting there and I'm. I don't want to say it. Oh, no. And I almost imagine it, like rolling around like a pinball, pinball, like kind of bouncing around my brain. And eventually just like, bleh, I just said it. And like so many things in life, we have all this fear built up around it. And then I said it and it was just a non issue. Like, she just like seemed to like it and we kept going and I was just like, wow, all that fear for so many years. And then from then on, I started to practice, you know, doing it more and more until it became just, oh, this is what I do. And then I brought that with me to future partners as an aspect of my own sexuality.

Yeah. And I think even if you were to say something that was like, not fitting for the moment, I feel like that's happened to me before where either I said something or my partner said something that was like, okay, just like not fitting for the moment. And then we would just laugh about it. Like, it doesn't have to be like, you said what? It's more just like, wait, what? And then you just like laugh about it instead of making it like this horrible serious thing. I think that's like, if you take anything away from this episode, I think the most important thing is to be able to laugh about things like Things that are embarrassing during sex, instead of taking it super seriously, it's good to just be able to like. Yeah, just laugh about it.

Yeah. And I think that's, that's easier to do in the context of a, of a loving relationship, you know, to do that with someone that you're having a lot of one night stands or just casual flings with. You can do that. You just have to be secure enough in yourself to, to find humor in it because you don't know how they're going to respond. You don't know if they're going to be on the same page as you. And you don't have all that communication built up. But you can still, that can be your energy and often that will draw that out of the other person. And so you can be laughing about something the first time you're with someone. So I think that's, that's sage advice, which we want to take all that we've learned today and see if there's a way to condense this down. What is the next step that we can take? So let's discuss your action step. Time for action, action, action, action step for today. I have one. Amber, do you have one?

You go first. Okay.

Mine is talk dirty. Just practice it. So, okay, no, it's two options. No, it's one talk, talk, talk about sex or during sex. And it could be dirty talk. Or it could also just be like, inquisitive, like, how does that feel? Or do you like it when I do this? Or what's happening? I notice you seem like, a little distant or distracted, like something break the silence barrier that I lived under for so many years. It just feels so much better on the other side. So it doesn't matter if it's dirty talk or vulnerable talk or ask them a question about what they like. Just the next time you have sex talk. That's my action step.

Okay. My action step is to check out omgs.com because I think that is a really valuable resource for anybody.

Yes, I definitely. Now I'm really glad that you informed us about that because I have it open here on my browser and I will be getting that. And then I'll just Candice be like, oh, my God, you found this and you just looked it up and you got it. Yeah, I just totally thought of it on my own.

And it's really like, I think any woman will really appreciate it because it's all about female pleasure. It has nothing to do with male pleasure because we tend to already know a lot about how that works, but for women, it's like this huge mystery. Even for myself, I said I didn't even know how my own body worked. So I think any woman in your life will really appreciate that if you bring that up with her.

Absolutely. And a lot of the insecurity we were talking about earlier in men, it's like, well, what if I'm not able to do it? Or I gotta make sure she has an orgasm. And a lot of that, you know, if you are more skilled and know more, you'll feel more confident and you. And you will be able to bring and create more pleasure for her, which will also create more pleasure for you. So it's like, it's this. It's a win win to really learn this stuff. So do it. Awesome. Thank you for being with us today, Amber. I love your insights, as always.

Of course. Thank you so much for having me.

And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and know on a deep level that you're awesome.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.