How To Feel Totally Comfortable And Confident

Do you want to know how to feel totally confident and comfortable doing those things that you know will improve your life? Whether it's asking someone out, speaking up more at work, sharing your ideas freely, being less nice and more you being more expressive, being more bold in any situation in your life. That sound appealing? Well, let's talk about exactly. I'm going to show you exactly how to do that in this video. And there's three steps to that process. So what often happens, and this just happened the other day, a client who's very anxious and hesitant to speak up in groups, especially in work situations, but also socially said, man, it's so uncomfortable. One of my goals is just to be totally comfortable speaking up in front of a group, whether it's a small group or a meeting or whoever's there. I said, yes, that's a fantastic goal. I said, great, let's do it. Okay, he's ready, he's motivated. Maybe you have a similar goal. So I was like, there's three stages to that process and I want to share these three stages with you right now. Your goal is the third stage, to be totally comfortable doing it. The first stages involve no comfort, my friend. Stage one, Stage one is you do the thing that you want to do scared, you do it scared, you do it messy, you do it stumbly, you do it awkwardly, but you do it. Now, most people don't want to go through stage one. They want to be immediately to stage three. But there is no way you can leapfrog stage three unless you've just taken like a handful of ecstasy or some anxiety numbing, just like take a handful of pills and then be like, oh, I feel totally comfortable. Let's go. Right? But in terms of your day to day life, it's not going to happen. We have to be willing to go into it with discomfort, into it with uncertainty, into it not knowing. And that's the work. Now I can make stage one a little bit easier. And I teach this all over the place inside of Confidence University. It's called gradual exposure. So if speaking up in that big meeting is too much, what's the smallest unit that you can do right now that's in the service of that direction? So maybe it's talking up in a small meeting where there's like one or two colleagues and asking a basic question, just getting some practice with that. But whatever it is you have to do, it's scared again and again and again. If you're like, oh, that sounds impossible, I can't do stage one, then we need to talk. There's so many ways I can help you, whether it's through Confidence University or through one of my group programs or an event or something so that you can not get stuck. Because if you're stuck at stage zero, you're not even doing stage one, how's your life gonna be different six months or a year or five years from now? So stage one is do it scared. I know if you're watching this, you're probably doing some of that great. Now stage two is to do that thing consistently, consistently. Cause a lot of people, what they'll do is they'll say, okay, I'm gonna work on my courage. I'm gonna speak up, or I'm gonna ask that person out. And then you do it. Hallelujah. Well done. Congratulations. That is a significant step. And regardless of the outcome, regardless of the feedback, if it went perfectly or horribly or whatever, that is success. That's what I'm always working on with clients is like, let's help you celebrate that. Because if you see that as failure because you didn't get the outcome you wanted, your brain is wiring improperly. It's saying, well, I don't want to take action again, because action could lead to pain. No, the action, even though I'm scared, that's the victory. Because I know if I consistently do it, I will get more of the results that I want. So stage two is consistency. Because if you work up the courage and you do it great, but you haven't really changed anything. You haven't changed any stories in a big way. You certainly haven't changed your identity and what you think is possible for you. You just did it once. It's a fluke, but you got to do it again and again and again and again. That's consistently. Then you can start getting into stage three. It's hard to make that gesture. Stage three. Stage three is you're comfortable doing it. Now. How do you get from stage two to stage three? It's two things. Massive external repetition and deep inner work. That's the truth, right? So if you want to get comfortable speaking up in that group and sharing your ideas or maybe leading something where there's a little bit of conflict or back and forth, you got to navigate that. Making those hard decisions changes. Being more direct, a real and authentic romantic relationship, having those necessary conversations to get your relationship back on track and healthy and have the connection flowing again, whatever it is for you, you're going to get comfortable with that. You need to do it again and again and again. So it's not just a one off thing I did because I had to. It becomes a way of life for you. Speaking up is just what you do. And then you got to combine that with the inner work because you do it a lot. You still might feel. I talked to people who before public speaking are just. And look, I think a little bit of nervousness before anything significant in your life. I don't know if you're going to totally eliminate all of that. I feel nervous before certain aspects of public speaking. Certain things do nothing but other things. When I'm going to speak up in front of a big group of people, I'll feel a surge of energy and anxiety, but in no way does it feel like going to stop me. And then when I'm up there, then it's like total. I'm comfortable, I'm confident and I'm actually really enjoying myself. That's the promise of stage three. I can't promise you. You feel nothing and you're like, I feel nothing because you felt nothing about it. Is that really what you want? And maybe you could feel some excitement. It's a little bit anxiety, a little bit of steak, high stakes, right? Great. But I can promise you this, you can actually enjoy it. It can feel exciting, it can feel like you're fully alive. That's what we're going for, right? So to get there, it's gonna be massive repetition. On the outside, speaking up a lot again and again, asking people out a lot again and again, whatever that thing is for you. And then on the inside, after you ask that person out, after you speak up, taking a moment to really work with what's going on inside, maybe you're like, did that go well? Did they like me? You gotta tend to that part of you. You gotta relax that part, love that part. Get on your own side, which I talk all about. My newest book, On My Own side, How to do that, get on my own side. Then it gives you the power and the ability to actually feel more comfortable as you're taking those bold actions in the world. So I hope these three stages serve you. What are you seeing about yourself as you watch this? Share down below in the comments. A phenomenal way for us to all be in connection and community and support each other on this growth. And speaking of community, if you're not already a member of my Facebook group called Confidence warriors, then click the description down below. It'll take you over to Facebook. You can join that group. That is a powerful way to stay in community and connection. It's absolutely free. It's a private group on Facebook, so I'd love to see you in there and support you on your journey. To ever increasing confidence until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.