How To Get Yourself To Face Your Fear! | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Do you want to know how to get yourself to face the fear that's holding you back? There's something you want to do, there's an action. You want to take a risk, you want to take a wall, you want to break through, and you know you want to do it. You might even know what to do and how to do it and what to say and all that. But there's this fear that gets in the way and it stops you. If you want to know how to blast through that fear, jump over that fear, smash through that wall, whatever it takes, watch this episode. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is the show for you. If you want to 10x your confidence in every area of life that matters, hit the subscribe button below to get all these videos as they come out. We got a ton more coming, and I'm very excited about 2018 and everything that's happening. So stay. Stay aware, stay connected, and hit subscribe, and then click the little bell to notify yourself when the videos come out. So here's the issue. I just talked with a guy recently, and he said, I read your book not nice. And he said, oh, it was a fantastic book. It was a phenomenal book. And look, I don't want to sound. I don't want this to sound bad, but it might. But in some ways, when someone says, oh, that was a real great book, I don't. That's okay. It's sort of. I'm indifferent to that because, look, I know the content is good. I believe in myself. I know it's effective. But if someone follows it. But I don't care if someone likes the book or not. What I'm most interested in is that they're applying what they learn in the book. That's when I get juiced. So when someone says, I read it and it was real neat, it was fun, it gave me some interesting ideas, I'm like, okay, cool. But if they're like, I read the book and I did X and now I see the Y is true. And so I changed this, this, and this, or now I no longer think this, and I think that, and I behave this way differently, then I get juiced, because then I'm like, great. That's the point. That's the mission. That's the goal. And so one of the biggest obstacles and this guy was sharing from not nice. And he's like, that's a hard habit to shift being less nice in the world. And maybe for you, the Habit is being less nice. You want to shift. Maybe it's being able to approach someone you're attracted to or just people in general, not being such a wallflower and starting conversations, being more engaging. Anything that you want to change in your life. But there's a fear wall. I had the joke I could say, and I just hesitated. Or I had this thing, and I was going to go say that to that person or speak up in that meeting, and I just held myself back. And that's fear that's getting in the way now. You might call it something else. Nervousness, discomfort, uncertainty, doubt. I didn't know what to say. All forms of fear. That's really what it is. At its root. It's fear. So how do we overcome that? What's going on there? All it is is conditioning. It's a habit. You've conditioned yourself over 10, 20, 50 years, whatever, however long it's been, to be like, fear, AKA discomfort. And you're like, I'm gonna go that way. Discomfort. I'm going the other way. Thank you. And we just trained ourselves to avoid discomfort again and again and again and again. Thousands of times, hundreds of thousands of times, probably over the course of your lifetime, maybe even millions of times. So it is very grooved in your nervous system to immediately avoid. So how do we change this? So the first thing you have to do is you have to identify that this is something that you're avoiding and say, this is fear, and I need to confront it. I need to do the thing that scares me and let go of any other story about I can't and why and bad things will happen and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, at the end of the day, my choice is simple. Confront or avoid. Approach or avoid. So I'm going to approach. You have to make that decision. And once you've made that decision, and some of you already have, but some of you haven't, you're like, no, no, I totally made that decision, but I want to do it. Like Beaky Buzzard. Look him up on YouTube. You know, he's the buzzard from the old Looney Tunes cartoons where the mom's like, go out and get me some food.

And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's what we do. Like, I'm gonna go approach her.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So that means you're not really there. You're not really ready. And maybe what you need to do. I've done this at Live events with people is like, imagine five years in the future and think about, wow, if I don't take this action starting today, consistently, what is my life going to be like in five years? And if it's scary or dismal or disheartening or discouraging or sad or terrible, feeling good, because that will motivate you, that will snap you out of the hypnosis that everything's going to be magically better five years from now. It's not unless you take action. So how do we get ourselves to do it? The key is to condition yourself to say, when I say go, I go. When I say go, I go. When I say go, I go. So how do we do that? Well, you could just say, well, okay, for the next seven days, every time I. Let's say you want to develop your ability to start conversations with strangers, you say, well, once a day, first thing I get out of my car, something like that, I'm going to go to this place, I'm going to start a conversation and I'm going to do that. I'm going to say go. I'm going to go say go. I'm going to do it. And you could tailor it down to a less intense challenge than starting a conversation. But the issue with that is sometimes it's like our avoidance patterns are so strong we say we're gonna do it and we don't. So what do we do? Here's the beautiful thing. I've discovered at the end of the day, that fear that's preventing you from speaking up is just discomfort. So the solution is to increase your discomfort tolerance, your ability to withstand and go into discomfort and have your mind go like, no, I don't like this, I don't like this, I don't like this. And you're like, whatever, we're doing it. So how do we train ourselves? Well, the good news is discomfort tolerance is transferable. And you've probably already developed discomfort tolerance in certain areas of your life. I'm amazed when I talk to people. I have some clients in my Mastermind program right now that are like, kick ass in their physical fitness and they go do workouts that are way harder than any shit that I've ever done. You know, like CrossFit stuff and all this stuff. And they're like doing these hardcore workouts. And I'm like, well, how do you work with the discomfort in that situation? And they're like, well, you just do it. And I'm like, you realize that the vast millions and millions, hundreds of Millions of people in the United States alone and across the whole world look at an uncomfortable workout and they don't have that ability to just say, well, when I say go, I go. But you've developed that in that area. Is it possible that you could develop that in your social life or your dating life as well, or your career and speaking up in meetings? And they're like.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So how do we do it? Well, here's one little simple technique that I discovered inadvertently through my studies with Wim Hof, who's a Dutch, Dutch athlete. He is also known as the Iceman. If you don't know this guy, you got to check him out. Go to YouTube, type in VICE documentary V I C E Vice documentary Wim Hof. Frickin cool, amazing guy. I've been going through his program, doing all kinds of crazy feats with the cold. But one of the things he has people do is strengthen their bodies through breath work and exposure to cold on purpose, which is a whole fascinating study. Maybe I'll make another video at some point about my journey with that. But so he has you start exposing yourself to cold on purpose. And one of the first things he has you do is, hey, at the end of your shower, turn it to as cold as it goes, ice cold, you know, and stay in that water for 30 seconds. And I remember the very first time I talk about this in the book Not Nice. The very first time I was going to do that, I'm like, I was scared, my heart was beating fast, as if I was under threat in some way. And over time, within relatively short, maybe a week, it became not that big of a deal. So this, I think, is one of the most powerful, simple, powerful ways to take control and really reprogram yourself to take action in the face of discomfort. And it will be this simple tick, tick. This simple trick tip, also known as a tick, which is to take 30 seconds of cold at the end of your shower every time you shower, no matter what, every time you take a shower, make it as hot as you like, as long as you like, and then go 30 seconds of cold at the end. Now this has its own set of benefits for your cardiovascular system and all this stuff. And that's a side point. I'm talking about straight up confidence building and the ability to take action in the face of what scares you and what's uncomfortable. And this is an extremely powerful tool. And the amazing thing is I've shared this with lots of people and their first reaction is like, maybe that's your reaction. You're like, ah, close this video down. This is not what I want. Why? Because that sounds uncomfortable. But people, not only people, don't fess up. They don't say, yeah, that sounds uncomfortable. So they don't want to do it. They'll say, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why? Do you see how that is directly mimicking the pattern that you have in your social life or your dating life or your career? Do you see the connection there? So if you can break this habit, what can you do in other areas of your life? It's incredible. So here's what you do. You commit, I would say for 30 days. Start with maybe seven, whatever. Just commit to more than one day, commit to X days, whatever. The first number comes to your mind. I think longer is better on this kind of thing, honestly. So 30 is great. 15, 10, 7, whatever works for you for the next X days. At the end of my shower, I'm going to put it to cold for 30 seconds. And you know, if you don't have a clock or whatever, you can't time it. Just count, 1, 2, 3, close enough and go into it. And what you'll notice is on the first day, there's probably a lot of bargaining in your head. Like, I don't know if I should. Really, I don't want to. Maybe I'll start it tomorrow. I don't like this. I don't want to do it. And you say no. My commitment, when I say go, I go. Turn it to cold the next day. Bargaining, bargaining, bargaining. Hey, when I say go, we go. Look, we're not getting out of the shower. I did this with myself, you know, Start bargaining. Like, look, we're not going to get out of the shower until we do it, so might as well just freaking do it. Boom, boom, boom. It gets faster and faster and faster and faster and easier and easier and easier. And then eventually there's no negotiation with that scared part of your mind. On the safety police, when I say go, we fucking go. And you have a sense of power and control and you can activate that simply by doing this exercise for 10 days or 30 days or whatever you commit to. So my question for you is, are you gonna do it? And then, even better, start doing it. What are you gonna commit to? And then follow up on this video Share in your comments below. What is the effect? What do you notice? How does this translate into other areas of your life? So thank you so much for being with me in this video and on this journey in general, until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.