Dr. Aziz recommends rating how authentic you were (1-10) after social interactions, then aiming higher next time. Showing up as yourself instead of performing for approval reduces anxiety, uses less energy, and attracts people who actually fit you.
My challenge for you is to say, you know what? Practice the authentic mode the next three, four, five times you have an interaction with somebody and see what actually happens. Because often what prevents people from being successful with this is they're going to say, okay, I'm going to do the authentic mode. It's going to be awful. But if, okay, and now you're anxious because you think it's going to go terribly. Right? But what if you say, you know what? Who I am is enough. I don't need people to be attracted to my performance. I want people to be attracted to my essence and who I really am. And who I am is enough. And the only way you prove that to yourself is by showing up as who you are. Then the purpose of that interaction is not to perform and get them to like you. The purpose is to say, how real was I? And I've done this with clients. I said, on your next date, forget about how well did it go? Did they like me? It's how real was I? On a scale of 1 to 10. And if it's anything other than a 10, say, great, on the next date, how can I make it a 10? On the next social interaction, on the next work meeting, on the next whatever, how can I be more me? And you start to practice the authentic mode. And as you do, everything gets better. You feel more relaxed, you feel more comfortable. You have more energy for interactions. You stop worrying so much if it's going to go well or not, because that's not what you're focused on. The people that are not right for you will fall away. The people that you're meant to connect with will be drawn to you, and you'll actually get to receive that love. Because you're not doing a performance. You can actually let it in. And then you don't have to worry about the next date, the next interaction, because, hey, I was just being me on the first one. I'll just be me on the second one, and that will be enough.
