Dr. Aziz explains how to reduce social anxiety by switching from performance mode (amp'd-up, tense) to authentic mode (being yourself). The practice: decide to be real before social interactions, then rate yourself 1-10 on how genuine you were. Authentic behavior attracts better connections and requires willingness to risk rejection.
Would you like to know a simple trick to instantly reduce your social anxiety? In any social situation, work situation, dating or relationship situation, anywhere you're going to be around other people, it's one thing that you can do that will shift it for you. If so, stay tuned. Watch this video. I can't wait to share with you. This is drawn directly from work with clients. I've worked with hundreds of clients, actually thousands of you include broader through events and the Internet. And what I've seen is that there's patterns that create social anxiety and patterns that create confidence. And this trick is drawn from one of those patterns. So here's how it works. There's a pattern you're running that is creating the social anxiety. And when you turn that pattern off and turn a new one on, the social anxiety will radically drop. And here's what the pattern is. I call it the performance pattern. And that means when you are in that social interaction or on that date, you are running a version of you that's like the performer. It's the. You know, it'll be like the Aziz song and dance, and you're probably not literally singing and dancing, but you are. It's like an uptime version of you. Maybe you're like, you're talking a little bit faster and you're kind of. You're like amping up your energy. Almost like you're gonna go for a sprint or something, like, ha, ha. And you're pretending to be maybe a little more interested or you laugh a little louder and you're like, you're trying to be charming. You're trying to be engaging, you're trying to be funny. You're trying to be likable. Do you know what I'm talking about? This is performance mode. When I share this with clients, they instantly get it, and they're like, yeah. And the problem is not that they don't get it. The problem is they're like, yeah, but that's what I need to do. I mean, if I'm not doing performance mode, you don't want to see that. No one wants to date that guy. Right? And that's what we need to challenge. But can you relate to performance mode? What are you like when you're doing performance mode? The more familiar you can become, the more aware you can become of your performance mode and that pattern and how you're running it, the more you can see it occurring and intervene and change it or stop it or do something else. Because if it's running unconsciously, you just do it. But if you notice it, then you can catch it. Well, what do you do when you notice it, when you catch it? Actually, the change occurs even before you're doing it. Because before you do that social interaction, before you go on that date, before you go to that work situation, you're gonna say, you know what? I've run performance mode for 20 years and it doesn't really work. Maybe people like me, but man, is it energizing or draining. Usually when I talk to people, performance mode is draining. And even if it goes well, there is anxiety because what about the next date? What about the next conversation? What about the next meeting? So we got to do something different. And it starts before you go out and you say, you know what? I'm done with performance mode. I'm going to do authentic mode. I'm going to be me. And that sounds so simple. It sounds simple, but it requires a profound decision. It takes a lot of confidence and a willingness to risk and a willingness to fail and a willingness to be rejected. Because the reason you keep going back to performance mode is because you're like, yeah, but performance mode will probably get me liked more. Well, maybe and maybe not. Because there is a falsehood to performance mode. There's a pretending, there's a posturing, there's an incongruence, which means what is true and how you really are is being emitted from you and people feel it. But then also this kind of false, puffed up version of you is also being emitted. And people feel that and it comes across a little bit like jarring or just a little bit off. You know, people are really receptive. Maybe their conscious mind doesn't get it, but their unconscious, their body feels this tension inside of you that you're emitting and it creates tension in them. And the opposite, which is authentic mode, is you being you. And you may say, oh, but maybe I'm not interesting enough. Maybe I gotta have better stories and I gotta talk faster and I gotta be funnier and I gotta be wittier. And my invitation to you, my challenge for you, is to say, you know what? Practice the authentic mode. The next three, four, five times you have an interaction with somebody and see what actually happens. Because often what prevents people from being successful with this is they're going to say, okay, I'm going to do the authentic mode. It's going to be awful. But if, okay, and now you're anxious because you think it's going to go terribly, Right? But what if you say, you know what? Who I am is enough. I don't need people to be attracted to my performance. I want people to be attracted to my essence and who I really am. And who I am is enough. And the only way you prove that to yourself is by showing up as who you are. Then the purpose of that interaction is not to perform and get them to like you. The purpose is to say, how real was I? I've done this with clients. I said, forget on your next date. Forget about how well did it go? Did they like me? It's how real was I on a scale of 1 to 10. And if it's anything other than a 10, say great, on the next date. How can I make it a 10 on the next social interaction, on the next work meeting, on the next whatever, how can I be more me? And you start to practice the authentic mode. And as you do, everything gets better. You feel more relaxed, you feel more comfortable, you have more energy for interactions. You stop worrying so much if it's going to go well or not, because that's not what you're focused on. The people that are not right for you will fall away. The people that you're meant to connect with will be drawn to you and you'll actually get to receive that love because you're not doing a performance. You can actually let it in. And then you don't have to worry about the next date, the next interaction. Because hey, I was just being me on the first one. I'll just be me on the second one and that will be enough. So share down below in the comments, what are you finding most valuable? I can't wait to read that until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
