Dr. Aziz explains how to let go of worry and doubt by distinguishing fear from real danger and reframing doubt as not necessarily signaling a wrong choice. Using a personal anecdote about his son fearing a bike fall, he shows how to investigate whether worries point to actual danger or merely uncomfortable feelings, recommends slowing down and examining the risk, and encourages using manageable worry to heighten attention rather than avoid action. The talk emphasizes taking more actions, accepting that some choices will lead to uncomfortable outcomes, and trusting one’s ability to handle them.
Chapters
Let's talk about how to let go of doubt and worry. These two things are the antithesis of confidence. If you're feeling a lot of doubt and worry, I can tell you one thing, you're not feeling confident. And this might be a chronic thing. Like everywhere you go, you're feeling doubt and worry. Or in certain areas about a certain decision, about a certain choice, about a certain action, about speaking up in a certain way, or sharing yourself or putting yourself out there. So wherever it's coming up for you, I'm going to share some powerful tools to help you let go of. Of doubt and worry. So here is one essential distinction that you must have. Okay, you ready for this? Fear does not equal danger. Fear does not necessarily equal danger. It might equal danger and it might not. I'll talk about that in a second. The other thing to note is that doubt does not equal the wrong choice. The the wrong thing to do. Doubt doesn't mean don't do it, because that's the biggest trap. And if you just get this from this video, it is gonna shift the course of how you relate to your life. Because most of us have an unconscious response to fear. Fear. I'm feeling fear. I guess there's danger. I gotta get out of here. And the same thing, when we feel doubt, it's like, oh my gosh, I'm doubting that. I guess this is probably the wrong choice, right? I'm doubting myself about sharing that idea. I probably shouldn't share that idea. Cause if I did, if I felt more confident, then that would mean that it was right. But here's the thing. That fear and assuming something's dangerous and that doubt before you do the thing or take the action, those aren't necessarily about the external environment. Those are about patterns that you run in here. You have a pattern of doubting your decisions. You have a pattern of perceiving danger where it might not be. So let me tell you a quick story about that. My son, who we have a little place he can sit on the back of my bike, right? A little child seat. And what happened is when I get on, off the bike, I'd have to hold it tight, but it would kind of wobble a little bit. And he'd go, bah. And I'd say, what's going on? And he's like, I'm scared. It's like, okay, what are you afraid of? He's like, I'm gonna fall. I'm like, okay. And I thought, well, okay, you know, he didn't. So we're okay. And then bike somewhere, and I'm gonna get off the bike and lock it up and get him off. And he goes, bah. Like, what? He's like, I'm gonna fall. Like, okay. So we do that three or four times over a course, a couple different days. And I'm like, what? He's never. He's not falling and it's not going away. Have you noticed that? Has your mind done that in any situation? Like, you got to speak up and you know, in that situation or whatever that bold action is for you, and inside your mind's like, bah. And then you do it and you get through it just fine. Or maybe it goes extremely well. And the next time you have that opportunity, what does your mind do? Bwah. Right? Again and again and again. So I needed to help him with this so that he could enjoy the bike rides more and not freak out every time he got on or off the bike. So I said, son, what's wrong with you for feeling scared? You are a coward and you need to just suck it up. Some quality parenting right there. No, that's not what I said to him. Is that what you say to yourself, though? Is that how you parent yourself? If so, you gotta read my book on my own side. It's gonna teach you how to get on your own side and stop that horrible way of relating to yourself. But in any case, what I said to him was. I said, so, okay, so what are you scared of? He said, I'm scared of falling. I was like, okay, so you're scared that the bike's gonna tip over, you're gonna fall off? And he's like, yeah. I was like, okay, has that ever happened? And he paused for a second and he said, no. I said, okay, but you're afraid it might. He's like, yeah. I was like, okay, so, you know, there's two different kinds of things that we could be afraid of. One is a fear because there's a danger, and one is something called worry. He's like, oh. And I said, so let's try it out. Let's say running into a busy road to chase a ball, is that dangerous? He's like, oh, yeah. And I said, yeah, okay, so would that be fear or worry? And he's like, fear? I said, great. I was like, what about a T. Rex smashing our house? Let's say you're really afraid that was going to happen. Is that a fear of danger or is that a worry? Like something we're just making up? And he's like, That's a worry. T. Rexes are extinct. Everybody knows that, right? So we played this game back and forth, back and forth. And I said, so what do you think with getting on and off the bike, if you've never fallen before? And I got you every time I'm holding it tight. Do you think that's a danger or is that just a worry? And he said, I think it's a worry. I said, yeah, so what do we do with that? And he's like, I don't know. I said, well, you know, that worry helps me be focused every time I get on and off the bike. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm thinking about that. We're both thinking about that. Because if I didn't, maybe I would just drop the bike and walk away, and it would be bad news. So I'm really careful. I use the worry to pay more attention. I say I need to pay attention when I get on and off the bike. And so what if that was our agreement, that I'll just pay a lot of attention when I get on and off the bike and I'll hold it tight? He's like, yeah. And then after that, I get on and off the bike, and he's fine. So how can you do that with your worries? How can you, like, face them and say, okay, what is it that I'm really afraid of here? Is there really a danger here? And you really gotta be curious. Cause if you have a lot of momentum, like, oh, my God, you're in catastrophe. This is gonna happen, and that's gonna happen, and this is gonna happen. And you say, is there really a danger here? Your mind's gonna say, hell, yeah, there is. That's why I'm freaking out. Okay, so what you need to do is really take a step back. It can be really helpful, before you ask this question, to slow down, breathe for a few moments, go for a little walk outside, get your feet on the grass, do something to just see if you can slow yourself down a little bit. And then really inquire, is this really a danger or is this just a worry? And look, people being upset with you, someone not liking you, someone giving you a bad review, someone judging you, someone saying no to you. Even bigger things, like you not getting the job that you wanted. Someone, you know, wanting to drew a charge back on you. Something. These little things, right? Or these bigger things, are they really dangerous? What I found, as I've studied this more and more, you kind of clear the underbrush and look and just keep hearing like, what is the danger? What is. Okay, what's really the danger there? All I find are feelings. Oh, I'm just scared of a lot of feelings that would be very uncomfortable if that happened. Okay, I can handle that. And that's what. If you do this investigation and this is something you can't just think about as you watch this video, you really need to do this and you really investigate. And I want you to imagine I keep doing this gesture. It's like someone kind of going through the jungle or the thick underbrush and just kind of moving it aside and looking. So just start to do that, really investigate that worry. And what you'll find is there's not that danger there. Whatever is there, you can handle it. It's just uncomfortable feelings. It's just things to figure out. Even those big things are just decisions you need to make things. Solutions you know, you'll come up with at the time and you'll handle that you can trust in your future self that you'll be able to handle that. And if you know that it's just feelings, you know that you can navigate anything, that it can calm that doubt, too. Because that doubt just doesn't want to have any bad feelings, any discomfort, any wrong choice which might lead to discomfort or suffering. And just to know, like, you know what? I'm going to make a lot of choices in my life. A lot. The more action I take, the more confident I am, the more bold I am. The more I go after what I want in my life, the more I get off the sidelines and into the game, the more I'm going to make a lot of decisions, take a lot of actions. Some of them are going to lead to great things that I want. Some are going to lead to rejection. Some are going to be things that I look back on and say, you know, I've learned a lot since then and I might do it differently now. And that's all part of the process. So I hope this serves you on your path. Share down below what you're finding most valuable and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
