How To Make An Executive Impression with Kara Ronin - Part 2

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking more about how to make an executive impression. How to. I mean, well, the way that Kara describes it, who I'm interviewing, it's someone walks into a room and you just get a sense that they are powerful, they are a leader. They're someone that people go to. There's someone that people want to interact with, want to hire, wants to be around. And you might think, well, that's certainly not me. I'm the guy who's in the corner or the woman who no one listens to or no one wants to follow. But that's not who you are. That's just a series of behaviors and patterns that you're running that produce that result. And if you change those behaviors and patterns, then you'll get a different result, and people will see you differently. You will see you differently over time, and your entire career and all areas of your life will transform over time. So last week was a first part of the interview. We got into some really good stuff about those initial impressions that you make, from your attire to your body posture and these really specific basic things. I highly recommend checking that out. If you missed that first part, go back and listen to that. Then come back to listen to this. Because as we're going to get in the second half of the interview, we're going to look at some super key elements of how to enter a room confidently, especially a networking kind of situation, as well as what to say. You know, have you ever been in that situation where you walk into the room and there's like, you know, 50 different people, and they're all in these little pockets of people talking to each other or, you know, even 15 people. And you have that moment of like, uh, what do I do? You know, how to do that so you're not awkward. How to enter with confidence, how to make it happen, and how to really make an impression and an executive impression that can be useful for your entire career, for the rest of your life. So this is a super valuable interview. Thank you so much. I'm glad that Kara was able to join us for that and get ready to take some notes and apply this in your life. So without further ado, let's get back into the second half of my interview with Kara Ronan. Okay, so I'm standing tall. I'm Walking in. Well, do you have any tips for that? So how about that very first moment when I walk into the room and I don't want to stand there with like a deer in the headlights, confused, uncertain, non authoritative, don't work or hire or buy from me look on my face. So what could I do? What's like the first action I could do upon entering the room in addition to standing tall and, you know, having good eye contact. But what's, what's something I could do as an alternative?

Okay, the first thing when you walk into a room is you walk past the doorway, take a couple of steps and just stop and just scan the room. Just look from left to right around the room. And what you need to do here is choose the group you're going to talk with first. And there is a technique to doing this, to choosing the group you're going to talk with. And again, it comes back to reading the body language of the people in that group. So what you would be looking at is a gap in between people or two people who are standing together, but their shoulders and feet aren't directly facing one another, they're facing a little bit to the side. When you see body language like that, you know that those people in that group are open to other people joining them. I think the biggest problem a lot of people have and the scariest thing when you enter a networking event room, especially if you're by yourself, is who am I going to talk with? What do I do now? How do I start a conversation with somebody? And by reading the body language of the people in the room, you can very quickly choose who is a safe person that you can talk with or a safe group that you can talk with and a group that will invite you in and welcome you. So as you're standing tall as you're walking into the room, you have good posture, you take a couple of steps, you stop, you scare in the room, and you choose the group with open body language gestures and go and talk with them.

That's so great. And what you're, the way you're describing it is you are looking around the room for the group that you're going to go talk to. And that is such a, that's gonna communicate in your body language. It's like, I am going after what I want. I'm going to initiate something here. So even while you're scanning, it has a very different look to it than the. I don't know what to do. Who's going to come talk to me.

Exactly. That's Right. I think what a lot of people do, and it's very tempting to do this, and it's very easy to walk into the room and to head straight for the drink table. Look down at the ground, don't look into the room, don't look at the crowd. You head straight for the table. But by doing that, the only impression you're going to give is that you don't want to talk to other people, that you're a bit hesitant. That is one of the networking archetypes that I talk about in my video course. That is called the gourmand. So the person who eats at the networking event, or it could be the wallflower as well. So that's a person who kind of sticks to the edge of the room and doesn't really enter the middle of the room where everybody is standing and talking. So don't be one of those negative networking archetypes. Have confidence in yourself and your body language and direction and strategy when you enter the room. And you will be the most desired networking archetype, which is the pro.

The pro.

The pro, yes.

Pray tell, what are some of the qualities of the pro networking archetype?

So the pro networking archetype knows how to walk into the room with confidence. They have strategy. So they have most probably worked out who they want to talk with before going to the networking event. And this is something I often recommend my clients to do. Never attend a networking event not knowing who you want to talk with, or not knowing what topics you want to talk about or what information you want to get. You always need to attend a networking event with strategy, with a purpose, with an aim, so that you can walk away feeling achieved and feeling as though you have accomplished something. So the pro enters with confidence, they enter with strategy, and they actually have some conversation topics in mind so that they can easily start a conversation with a complete stranger. That is one of the hardest things at networking events. It's very daunting for many people, even the most experienced business people. And I can guarantee you, these clients I have worked with, even the most experienced business people don't like networking events because they don't know what to say to a total stranger. It's daunting, it's intimidating. But the pro does because they have conversation topics. So that is what the pro networking archetype is.

Fantastic. And fortunately, you can tell us what are some of these kinds of conversation topics, or how would the pro researcher think about this so that he or she could come into the room with some things so that we could go right over to that person that we don't know at all and just start having a conversation with them, right?

Yes. Well, okay, so first you need to know who is going to be at the event. Sometimes you are able to get the list of attendees from the event organizer. Sometimes they'll give that to you. So if they do, then great, you have the list and you can look at who's going to be there and you can work out who you want to talk to. Otherwise look at the type of event that it is. So last week for example, I went to a networking event and it was a Hong Kong, Australia networking event, a business event. And I looked at the event organiser's website, I looked at some important people who were in that organization. I assumed they were going to be at the event. Luckily they were and I worked out okay, I want to talk to this man, I want to talk to this woman. Because I think maybe we can collaborate together and do something together in the future as business people. So try to work out who's going to be there, identify who you want to talk with. If you are looking for a job, your strategy might be a little bit different. You might want to hone in on the HR directors or the HR managers or hiring managers of the company want to work for. So that could be a completely different company to where you're working now. But it's a step up for you. It's your dream job or your dream company. So try to target those people. And when you meet those people, what are you going to say? You're not going to stand there just staring at them. There's going to be that awkward silence. You want to avoid all of that. So you need to have conversation topics in your mind before you, yeah, before you approach that person, before you go to the networking event, the easiest conversation starter and I would recommend you to use this when you don't know what to say. When you see somebody in the crowd, when you notice, recognize somebody's name and you want to start talking with them. Comment on your surroundings or ask them a question about your surroundings. So for example, this could mean you ask a question, have you been to this event before? And that is one of the exact questions I actually used last week at the networking event I went to, I saw this lady. I arrived early as I usually do to networking events because I'll give you a tip, that is the easiest way to start a conversation with somebody. You arrive early and then as people enter the room, they form groups of around you because you are already in the room and they're going to want to have somebody to talk to. So arrive early and yeah, ask them questions such as, have you been to this event before or do you live in this city? You might be going to a networking event that's in another city or another town. You know, ask them, do you live in this city? Do you know the guest speaker? Are you familiar with this organization? Questions like that about your surroundings or about the event are a great way to start a conversation because they're not threatening. And that is the key here. When you meet someone for the first time, you don't know them, they don't know you. And both of you, you're going to have your barriers up, you're going to, you won't be comfortable with each other because you don't know who you are, who the other person is. So you have a natural defense mechanism that is up and you need to gradually lower that. And you do that by asking non threatening questions about your surroundings, the event, or even complimenting the other person. We can get into that if you like. It's a fantastic way to really make that person like you and want to know more about you as well.

We're going to pause right here for just a moment and then get back into more of the interview with confidence expert Cara Ronan.

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And that's actually a really interesting segue because I know one of the things that you help people do is, is not just with their initial impression and that's very important. But now what we're getting into is, okay, you've opened your mouth, you've started to have that conversation with that person. But there's something that else is required for them to want to hire you or work with you or spend any time with you whatsoever. They need to feel bonded to you. They need to know you and like you and trust you. And I know you're an expert at helping people create that experience. So let's get into that for just a few minutes here. How can we go from that? You know, so do you come here? Have you been to this event? Before, how do we get from there to someone really knowing us, liking us and trusting us?

Right. That is so important. And you're right, you're not going to do business with somebody you don't know, you don't like, and you don't trust. So. So creating that in business and establishing that with somebody is extremely important. This is true whether you're an employee looking for an employer or whether you're a business person looking for a client. So this is something that you need to think about every time you meet somebody. And it happens in three stages. First is the no stage, because you're not going to like somebody you don't know. You're not going to trust somebody you don't know. So first, you have to know that person. Second, you have to establish likeability with that person. And then third, you can work on the trust element. So the first element, the know element, that is exactly what happens at networking events. You introduce yourself, the other person knows your name, you exchange business cards, and you exchange a few questions, small talk, things like that. But it's at a fairly superficial, it's probably not the right word, but a fairly high level. You don't really go too deep with your conversations or topics. You have to create familiarity at that stage. That is one of the most important elements when you're creating the know part of the know, like and trust factor. You have to create familiarity and you have to be authentic in your interactions with others. Nobody is going to connect with you or want to move to the like state if they don't feel you're being authentic. So they need to know that you are expressing your true self and you're being the real person. You are around them as well. So that's the no element. And there's always at networking events, that is what we always work on. Now, occasionally we might move into the like element. And if your conversation is going really well with the person you're talking with, then you might get a little bit deeper with the topics you're talking about and you could start to create the like element with that person. One of the most effective ways of creating the like element and getting somebody to like you is to find a similarity with that person. You could have a similar hobby with that person. You could be from a similar town, a similar background. You could holiday at the same destination or even like visiting the same restaurants in that city where you are. So similarity has a very powerful impact on the like part of the know, like and trust factor. And this is something that you really want to try to identify and hone in on. If you notice you have a similarity with somebody, you can use that to your advantage.

Interesting.

Yeah.

And then how do we. What about the. I like how you put it in kind of a sequence. So the third kind of deeper part of the relationship would be to develop trust. And I understand that might not happen in a first conversation in a networking event, but over time, how do we create that trust?

Right. And you're right, it rarely happens the first time you are having a conversation with somebody. So don't go to a networking event wanting to achieve the trust element, because it probably won't happen. You need to build it over time. And you need to work on three particular things. You first need to work on building your credibility as a professional. Ways you can go about this, very simple things you can do, such as adding to your LinkedIn profile, your credentials, getting people to put recommendations about you to show that you have social proof, to show that you are a competent, very valuable, intelligent, employee professional. So first you need to build credibility. Another thing you can do to build credibility is to look at your outfit. We talked about that earlier. But your outfit is extremely important when you're building credibility. So make sure you're wearing the right clothes for your right industry and for the right client. The next thing is to build consistency. So this means you need to have your competent actions. You need to be consistent with those actions, so they need to appear and they need to be seen every day. In your professional life, it could be very simple things such as turning up to work on time. I know sometimes that's hard, but even five minutes late, if you do that on a regular basis, you'll get the reputation of somebody who is not punctual, somebody who is maybe not serious or maybe a little bit lazy. So they're not the types of reputation that you want to establish in the business world. So consistent actions in a positive way that will make you into a professional. And the last one is to show your knowledge and competence. The way I always recommend my clients to do this is to put your hand up to help people. When you're in a business meeting, if somebody is working on a particular project, they're a little bit stuck, they're a little bit confused. Put your hand up, offer your suggestions and offer your help by. Through those actions, other people in the office will see that you are a competent professional, that you're intelligent, that you're good at what you do. And it helps also to boost your leadership presence as well. And it helps people in the office to see you as somebody who has leadership potential. And that is great for people who are ambitious but don't really know how to go about moving from where they are now to something that is a little bit higher and more ambitious in the company.

Hmm. That's really fantastic. And it's funny because we hear, you know what, how do we get someone to know, like, and trust us? And maybe there's some anticipation about, okay, there's going to be some secret trick. And really what you're describing, especially in the trust factor, is that healthy service element. And that's what leadership is, is being able to provide something of value for the group or the company. And you're doing that by stepping up, by being reliable, by being consistent, by offering your gifts when you. When you see a need. So I love what you're teaching. It's. It. I know from personal experience and work with clients that what you're saying absolutely works. And that's how people get noticed and promoted or more clients is by truly building that healthy relationship with others.

Absolutely. And the thing, when you move into leadership positions, if you're somebody who wants to be recognized as a leader, then you need to stop looking at the narrow focus of your particular job description, which is what a lot of people do. It's easy to do. You get your job, you have your duties, and you stick to just that. But leaders don't. Leaders look at the organization as a whole. They have a much broader view on how they can add value and how they can help the organization. So if you want to be in a leadership position one day, then start right now. Start looking at the broad view of the company or your own business and see what you can do to help that and to add value to that company.

We're going to pause right here for just one more minute, and then we're going to get back into the conclusion of my interview with Kara ronan.

Hey, it's Dr. Aziz. And I want to take a second to share something with you that is totally unique that I don't think anyone else out there is doing. And that is my live weekend intensives. This is a place that we can come together and make rapid progress and radically break through all this inner stuff that's stopping you, those fears, those self doubts, and also help you build real skills, whether it's conversation skills, how to deal with rejection and interact with people without being afraid, or how to approach women and interact with them and. And not in some weird pickup artist way, but in a really healthy, confident way. And Help you boost that sense of trust in yourself that you do know how to interact with people, you do know what to say. And these weekends are my favorite thing to do. They are life transforming. And we're doing three in 2016. We're doing the Supremely Confident Conversation Master in March of 2016. Then in June, we're doing the ultimate Confidence Breakthrough, which is all about activating massive power in yourself and eliminating any fears or doubts or shyness that might be stopping you from just fully showing up as a badass in your dating life, your work life, your social life. And then in beginning of October, we're doing the Unlimited Dating Confidence Bootcamp, which is going to be how to take all the confidence stuff I teach and apply it to starting conversations, overcoming that fear of approaching women, being able to flirt and create attraction. And then, of course, getting numbers, getting dates, finding a girlfriend, whatever it is that you want to do. And all of that is done in a really authentic, powerful way. In fact, this week, last weekend is so valuable that I even encourage some of my clients and people who are in groups who are married to come to the Unlimited Dating Confidence Bootcamp because what they learn in there is about how to become a powerful, charged, attractive man. And that's valuable if you're single. It's also valuable if you're in a relationship. It can really turn things around. In fact, one guy that came to that weekend, when he returned, he said, I've had the best sex with my wife since our honeymoon after that weekend. So incredibly powerful. This is the place to make huge progress. So if you want to make 2016 just supercharged, I highly recommend going to social confidencecenter.com it's the website. And then clicking on the events tab, you can get all the info. There are early bird specials to the events, and I suggest getting or securing a spot for those. I keep them small on purpose so we can give people individualized attention so they will sell out. So go ahead and check out the list on the events page@socialconfidencecenter.com See what might be right for you. And I would love to get to know you more, to work together over a weekend and to help you radically transform your confidence.

Thank you so much, Kara, for sharing. I mean, I'm getting the sense as we're talking that we are just scratching the surface of all the different things that you know about this. And it's a deep topic and extremely valuable for anyone who wants to excel in a career in your business, have more prosperity as well. As I mean, these skills are valuable for life in all areas, even outside of business. So how can people learn more from you? I know you have a lot of different ways that you help people. So what are some of the basic where's a great starting place for people to go to learn more about what you offer?

Right? Absolutely. There is so much more to learn. And you're right, we did just touch on the surface today. So if you are interested in learning more, then the best place to find me is on my website. The URL is www.executive-impressions.com. on the website I have a free training which is a guide that will teach you seven social skills that will drive your business success. So that's a free download and that is a perfect starting point if you want to learn more social skills for business. Otherwise I am really. I often use LinkedIn and Twitter. So please find me on LinkedIn or Twitter, both of those social platforms as well. Have a look at the video course, which is the content, what we talked about today. A lot of that is drawn from the video course which is on Udemy and it's called Business Etiquette 101 Social Skills for Professional Success. I urge you to have a look at that video course and then you can watch the four hour course and all the videos and get a lot more content, a lot more information and knowledge and skills for your professional development.

Fantastic. And you were, you were downplaying it. You were recognized as the one of the top 100 leadership experts to follow on Twitter.

So that's right.

So there you go. And I can see why, I can just see that just how much of a depth of understanding you have and how valuable this is for people to excel because there's so many people that are fantastic at what they do, they're really skilled. And it's amazing how this element, being able to interact with people, be social, make connections, have people know like and trust you is what makes the difference and can help people just skyrocket in their success. So thanks again so much for joining us, Kara.

Thank you so much, Aziz. I had a great time chatting with you.

That brings us to the end of the interview and almost the end of the episode because first you gotta talk about what actions you're gonna take.

Time for action.

So the action step for today is it's really up to you because I don't know if you have like a networking event coming up. Obviously if you do, opportunities for action steps are huge and you're gonna use one thing that you learned. Hopefully if you don't have a networking event coming up. I really think this idea of how to enter a room is extremely powerful. Even in a social situation, a party, a gathering, anything. What I want you to do is really get clear on where you can apply this. Maybe it's not this week, maybe it's two weeks out. Maybe you can apply it right away. Maybe you're going to meet a friend at a bar and you can enter the bar in this way. Any scene where you can enter into it in this more confident way that Cara was sharing. I think that is worth a tremendous amount, that one specific tip that she shared. So go ahead and apply that in your life. Get used to it. Make it part of who you are. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free vlogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.