How To Make Confident Decisions!

Are you confident in your own decisions? Do you make confident decisions? You decisively say, this is what I want to do, this is what I think. This is where I'm going to go. This is the action I'm going to take. You decide and you do. Or do you hesitate? Do you second guess? Do you look to everyone else, what should I do? What should I do? What should I do? And not trust in yourself? Well, if so, watch this episode because you're going to learn how to do a lot more of the first and a lot less of the second. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is a show for you if you want to maximize your confidence in every area of life that matters. And decisions are something that come up in every area of life and they're a reflection of your confidence. And people that have high confidence make confident decisions. They make a lot of decisions. In fact, they usually have professions where they need to make bigger decisions that impact even more people and have bigger ramifications of whether they choose in a way that serves everyone or choose poorly and they're able to hold that. And people that have less confidence tend to avoid decisions, avoid positions in their company and their job where they would make decisions. So they usually don't rise through the ranks and, and also in their own lives, they don't make decisions. They don't make decisions about their relationships, about who they're going to spend time with, about what they're going to do. They don't even make decisions about, you know, this is what I'm going to eat, this is what I'm going to wear. It's just this kind of like, I don't know, I don't know. And at its worst, we can just be kind of living in perpetual self doubt where you're doubting things that don't even matter. You're just, I don't know, I don't know. It's just like this kind of feeling. That's really what it is. That's why it's confidence to be able to decide. And I think there's this misconception. So if you struggle with decisions, then you're going to want to pay attention to this. I think there's this misconception where we think if you struggle to make decisions, you look at someone who's decisive and say, oh, they got something. I don't. They know more than me. There's something about them like, I couldn't do that. And that's not true because they don't necessarily know more than you. I know people that have struggled with decisions that are actually super intelligent. They're way smarter than me, and that's hard to be, but they're like, super brilliant. And they don't. They still don't make the decision. So it's not about knowing and how much you know when it is. It's about this being able to take action in the state of uncertainty without exactly knowing what's really the best thing or the right thing. It's just like, well, this is my gut. This is what I think. This is the best analysis I can make about it. And here we go. And so you think that they somehow have more certainty and then therefore the decisions are obvious. No, what it is, is they're more familiar with that feeling of uncertainty, like this or this, that you see that piece, and they just get some certainty and go that way. Why? I don't know. Because we're going that way. Follow me, everybody. That's where you have even more confidence. It's just like, follow me. We're going that way. Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. But inside, maybe they're not. So don't wait around for that sense of certainty. You start to have to just build your capacity to act even though you're uncertain. And usually what's happening, the reason why we're hesitant in the face of uncertainty is because we don't want pain. And you think, well, what if I make the wrong choice? The choice that's going to bring more pain to my life? I'm going to be stuck in a situation that's going to suck, or I'm going to feel embarrassed, or I'm going to experience loss or pain because I made the wrong choice. And here's the thing that can lead, by the way, to something called maximizing, which is in a book called the Paradox of Choice. Maximizing is a very painful mental pattern where you try to analyze all the options and you try to hedge yourself against that pain and loss by going through every single possible thing. And then even when you've figured it all out, sort of, and have the best possible decision, you check it 97 times. Is that right? I don't know. Because you're trying to live in this fantasy where there's a choice that you can make, a decision that you're going to make that's going to bring all pleasure and no pain. And that's not how life works. So every decision that you make is going to bring some good stuff with it and some Shitty stuff with it. And you might not even anticipate what the painful stuff is, but it's going to be there. So the decision to take that job, you know, there's gonna be some great, amazing things about living in that new city or working with those new people or taking that promotion even, or. And there's gonna be stuff that you don't like. Maybe you don't like the new responsibilities, maybe, you know, your neighbor at your new house sucks, I don't know. So there's something you can't even anticipate that's gonna happen. And that's that sense of being okay with that uncertainty doesn't mean you love it. It just means that even though it's there, I'm gonna make this decision. So get away from the right and the wrong decision and look more at, well, what are the things that this is gonna bring to my life? A, B and C. Okay, what are the things that are gonna be hard about it? Okay, well, I can see A and B. I can anticipate there's gonna be a lot more of both positive things and negative things, pleasurable things and painful things. So with that in mind, you don't have to figure it all out. You don't have to maximize for 17 days about it. You just decide and take that action. And the best way to do this is to start building that muscle. Think of it as like the decision making muscle and you just make more decisions. So start by lifting light weights to grow this muscle. Make basic decisions instantly decisions about what you're going to wear, about what you're going to eat, about all those little basic things. Don't spend more than two seconds deliberating them. Look at a menu in a restaurant and choose within 5, 10 seconds if you're gonna make some food at home. Decide what it is and just do it. Go into your closet, say that, that, that, let's go make those decisions fast. And that even that might feel a little bit like, whoa, whoa, whoa. But what if it's cold outside and I didn't have warm enough clothes? Oh my God, I would die. Right? Maybe you're a little chilly that day. Maybe you go back later and grab a jacket, right? Like you figure it out. And that's what you build that muscle, is you find out you can handle whatever happens. Which is ultimately the source of that confidence. I can handle whatever happens. And that's what those people that make decisions have that you might want more of, is they have a sense of certainty that they can handle whatever happens. All Those things that might go wrong down the road, well, we'll deal with that then. And I know I can handle it. People that really believe that have a powerful sense of certainty and it's palpable, you can feel it. And other people want to follow them because they're like, oh, geez, I want that too. Let's stick with her, let's follow him, see what they're doing. See that rubs off on me. And then build the muscle by making bigger decisions more quickly than you're familiar or used to. So some decisions you don't make instantly. Maybe you need to think it through. A problem at work or a new marketing decision in your company, or whether to let an employee go. Like these are things you don't want to necessarily make a split second, two second decision on. You want to ponder them a little bit, but great, just shorten the time. Don't ponder that marketing decision for six months. Ponder for three days and then make a decision. Don't think about, ah, should I let that person go for a year? Think about it for a month, 30 days, maybe less, and then decide. And even huge things like your romantic relationship, sometimes people are like, I don't know, I'm going to decide on this one. You're not deciding for a year or two years. You're hanging out in limbo for two years. You're deciding in a moment. So shorten that time span. Like if you're sitting in a relationship and you're not quite sure, do I really love this person? I want to be with them. Should we break up? I don't know. That's limbo. And if you've been in limbo for longer than 30 days, 60 at most, there's a problem there. I've talked to people that have been in limbo for two years and you got to break out of that. So give yourself a timeline. Say, look, I'm going to give my all in this relationship for 30 days. I'm going to figure out exactly what I want. I'm going to communicate that, I'm going to have uncomfortable conversations and I'm also going to show it more powerfully, authentically, honestly, lovingly than I ever have. If you do that for 30 days and it doesn't work and it falls apart, or 60 days, even in like a long term marriage where you have kids and a house and all these obligations, 60 days, because with that time frame, shit happens fast. And then you make that decision because you've condensed that and you don't sit in limbo for 2, 5, 10 years. Beautiful. So build that muscle. Start small, start with what you're going to eat today and share below. What are you learning? How are you growing? And of course, to get more of these videos and grow even faster, hit subscribe and the Bell icon for notifications. Awesome. Thanks for being with me today. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.