How To Make More Friends

You're about to discover how you can make more friends, deeper and better friendships, friendships that last. Even if you have social anxiety, shyness, you don't feel like you're the most extroverted or outgoing person. Trust me. It's absolutely possible for you to create the beautiful connections and friendships that you really want in your life. And I'm going to share some key steps for you to actually make that a reality in your life. I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence. And not only have I helped a lot of clients through my work develop deeper friendships and create new friendships, but. But this is something that I had to learn because for much of my life, I had a lot of social anxiety when I was younger, and I had two friends, right? And those were friends that I had for years, you know, since I was young. And so going to a new place and making new friends was not something that I naturally knew how to do. I actually had to study it and learn it from the ground up, which is a benefit for you because I can share exactly how you can do that, too. First things first is, where are you at right now? Do you have any friends? And sometimes people feel ashamed, like, oh, no, my number. I don't have any friends. Or maybe you got some equipment acquaintances or some friends that are not that close that you can't really share that much with. You know, we hang out at the gym and I can chat with them a little bit, or I see them at work at break, and they're kind of my friend, I guess. But where are you at and what would you like? Because that's an important part of this process. Do you want a lot of connections and different people that are in your life and things to go do, invitations out and others, that sort of thing? Or do you want maybe deeper friendships? Maybe you don't need to go to a bunch of different social things, but you would love to have one or two people on speed dial, or you text and you're just really going through life together. Together, you know, what's going on in each other's world, right? So. And of course, you maybe want both. I don't know. There's all kinds of other ways in between. But really getting clear what kinds of friendship and ways of connecting people actually really nourish me. Right? Because if you got a buddy wants to go out and take shots and drink and go party on a Friday night, maybe that sounds amazing to you, like, that's exciting and we're going out there and we're living life together, we're doing it up, living la vida loca, right? And then that's such an old reference, I'm such an old man. And then maybe you're like, man, I just want to have someone that we could have some coffee or go for a walk and talk about our relationships and our lives and our work and everything, right? A more confidant or more intimate friendship and what is important to you? Because otherwise, the reason we're starting the video with this is because you are the captain of your ship, you're steering and a lot of people just kind of show up, be like other humans, I guess we're friends. What do we do? How do we talk, what do we interact? I don't know, whatever you want, right? You want to make it more directed of your own choice. You want to architect or design your own social life. And that's why I talk about in my course, a whole course called Social Mastery Inside of Confidence University, where I say, you want to be the architect, the designer of your own social life. And that was so far from where I was when I was younger. For me I was just like, I just want a friend or I want to talk to people. But as you build these capacities, are going to get the most nourishment, the most bang for your buck by creating the kind of friendships that you want, not just having people in your life. Now you have some clarity of what kind of connections that you want. How do we make it happen? I think two key aspects to this initial connection phase. One is you got to go connect with other people. And then two, you have to go a little deeper with people. So how do you make that happen? Well, the first is literally just being around other humans, almost like a business like process. So like, where are the prospects? Where are my leads, right? Where are people going to be? Because there is an element of finding humans to be friends with. Now you can do this all from the safety of your bunker online and maybe you find some online communities and that's great, there's nothing wrong with that. But also you might want to get out into the world, interact with people. And the advice I give clients around this is go to the kinds of things and activities and places and communities that you're actually interested in, right? So if you are into pottery, you're into a certain sport, you go to the basketball courts down by the, at five o' clock at the gym and there's like tons of people playing basketball there, right? So you find the kinds of places the activities Whether it's a sports, athletic thing, a special interest like gardening, communities, meditations, workshops, trainings, meetup groups on certain topics. Right. I mean, don't tell me that you're like, well, I couldn't. There's nothing. I couldn't think of anything. Nope, nope. It's like, no, no, no. You just do a little research on the Internet or think about it for a minute. You will come up with a variety of things that actually interest you. And you got to kind of have your feelers on. And I remember I'd walk into a, you know, store or something and have a little poster board with things going on in the area when I moved to a new city. And you see, like, this person's offering a guitar free. Bring your guitar and learn some things. Right? So I went to that thing because I played a lot of guitar at that time in my life. And he turned out to be a really cool flamenco guitarist that I ended up really liking and taking lessons from. But that, you know, there was people there that I could interact with. And there's opportunities now. Are you going to become besties with everyone at these places? No, but you're around people doing something that you're naturally drawn to, and then there's opportunities to connect. That's the first part. Then we got to connect and go a little deeper, right? You can't just say, hi, I'm Aziz. That's probably not a friendship forming, right? You just introduce yourself, but. Or worse, maybe you go to that event. You talk to nobody, right? So we have to go to these things and we have to interact with our fellow humans. And there is so much on this topic. There's other videos on my channel about this inside of social mastery. Tons of ways to start conversations. So if you hear that, that like, oh, go interact with people, and you're like, oh, I don't know, they're not going to like me, and I don't know what to say. Then that's a sign that you need to build some basic social mastery, social confidence skills, specifically around starting conversations, keeping conversations going, that sort of thing. So definitely check out the social mastery course or other videos on my channel on how to start conversations, that kinds of thing. You can just do a search for that after this video. But for assuming you are able on some level to go interact with people, we must take that initiative in those environments and start conversations. And here's the thing. The biggest obstacle people have to making friends is some block that people aren't going to want to be my friend. And I'm not enough and they're not going to like me. In some ways, it's not as simple as little kids, but if you watch little kids, 7 years old, something like that, one will just walk up to another one, say, hey, do you want to play with me? Or even do you want to be my friend? And everyone's like, okay. And then they run off and they go play together, right? My brother's got a five year old and she does this. They'll be out at a park or something and say, would you like to play with me? And she's so adorable. Like, who can say no to that right? Now you might not walk to someone and be like, will you be my friend? Like cable guy style, but that energy is the same. So you walk up to someone and there's a warmth, there's a curiosity, it's like a, hey, what's your name? What brings you here? What are you doing? Who are you? I really want, I'm curious about you and that curiosity about you. What's going to happen is you're going to bring that to people. And some people, not open, not interested, they're a little standoffish or something. That's okay. Because the next person or the person after that, it's going to boom, come right back at you. They're going to be open, they're going to be receptive. Why? Because they want to connect to a large amount of people out in the world. And community want to connect with other people. It's what they're doing there. And so you just bring that warmth and curiosity and they, you'll find the person that'll come back towards you. And now you get to start having a deeper connection. The next part of that though is asking, inviting, bringing them in as opposed to just like, well, it's been great talking with you, see you later. Right? And I used to do this all the man socially dating, they have a great connection. Start talking to a woman and then, okay, bye, and run off. As opposed to like, hey, I really enjoy this, I'd love to talk with you more. You know, let's. What's your email? What's your phone number? Something like that. And that's exactly how you can do with people for friendship as well. And I like to throw in some form of appreciation, like, I'm enjoying talking with you. I love this. Or this is a great conversation, I'd love to have more. I mean, you could not say that and just be like, what's your number? But I like to acknowledge that I'm enjoying the experience and people feel good. And that's another key thing, is when people. You might not realize this, but most people are wondering if you like them, wondering if you want more, wondering if they fit in, wondering if they're loved and even if they don't show it, they look confident and secure, but they're still wondering. And so when you express to them, like, hey, I really like this about you. I really enjoy talking to you, or this is really fun, I'd love to spend more time with you, then people are like, oh, really? Me? Right. Even though they don't show it, that's what's happening. And then they're more open and then they feel affirmed. And so you just express it like, I'm enjoying this. I'd love to hang out more. Like, what's your fun? Or find some way to stay in contact. You don't have to, like, pin down, like, are we hanging out next Thursday? Unless that organically emerges. But just getting that contact and then following up and this stuff kind of sounds basic as you watch this video might be like, wow, this is like, not that complicated. I know, I know. But emotionally, what happens is maybe you mean there's pitfalls along the way. Oh, I can't go to that person. They're not going to like me. Or you do have a great connection with them, but you don't ask for any way to follow up with them. Or maybe you do great connection. You approach them, you get their phone number or email or way to contact them, and then you leave. And then you say, now they don't really like me anyway. They're probably too busy. They don't have time in their life for me. And then we shoot ourselves in the foot. So the reason I'm walking you through this process, it might seem simple, but every step of the way, it's not the mechanics, it's not complex. It's the stories you tell yourself, the emotion that comes up. So hopefully, as we go through this process, you'll see some of those sticking points and step right around them. And again, if you want, like, the fast track for this, there's a whole module on creating friends, or you get stuck on how to go deeper with people. You get stuck on small talk or the things. You're definitely gonna love, the Social Mastery Program. So go to theconfidenceuniversity.com theconfidenceuniversity.com to check that course out and get full access to all the stuff inside of Confidence University. But in the meantime, put down in the comments below. What are you finding most valuable? What are you gonna try out? What's worked for you? Let's all support each other and becoming more connected and more able to create the friendships that really nourish us and that the ones that we need in our lives. All right. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.