How To Not Be Shy Around Your Girlfriend

Are you shy around your own girlfriend? Do you tend to hold back, hesitate, be unsure of yourself, question yourself, doubt yourself? Maybe not share things or ask for what you really want? You know, you're shy, you're holding back with someone that you're already dating, someone who's already your girlfriend. And if so, watch this episode because we're going to help you break free of that and you're going to learn how to not be shy around your own girlfriend. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author of the Solution to Social Anxiety business edition and the founder of the center for Social Confidence. And this is the show for you if you want to 10x your confidence in every area of your life. That dating, relationships, your social life, your business life, your career, your finances, everything comes back to confidence. Confidence is the foundation of all success. Today we're going to be looking at dating confidence and relationships because here's something that's come up a lot, and a few people have asked me this recently and I wanted to address it, is how do I not be shy around my own girlfriend? And I know what you mean because I've been there, I have the same thing. It's like I thought that if I just had the courage and the confidence to ask her out and go on a date, well, then I'd be, you know, and let's say we dated a few times and she was into me, well, then it's, we're home, clear, that's the end, right? Then you sail off into the sunset, happily ever after. That's what I thought. But no. Then there's this whole thing. It can continue. I could be shy around her. I could be, I don't want to say what I really want, or I don't want her to know this about me, or I don't want to ask for that because it makes me look strange or weird or needy or something. Too much, not enough. I don't want to express myself. Maybe expressing love, touching her in a way that I want. Maybe I'm shy or inhibited around that. I don't want to say directly what I feel because maybe that's too much or I don't, you know, how will she respond if I was really into someone? I'd be scared to say I love you because like, oh, that's too soon or it's too much or how is she going to react? Or all this fear and then it shows up big time in sex. I mean, a lot of people, a lot of people are shy when it comes to sex. So saying what you want, being able to talk during sex, being able to pause and say what you want or ask what's going on, or just have it be a real authentic experience. We're scared. Just be quiet, just hunker down, put on your game face and get through it. That's what I did. And, you know, I guess that's better than no sex, but it's not awesome. And so we want to be confident, not just in meeting someone and dating her, but in the relationship. So how to be more confident? How to stop being so shy with your own girlfriend? Well, here's the first thing. You gotta be willing to take risks. You know, you took a risk to ask her out. Maybe, maybe you waited for her to come talk to you, and you're just passive the whole time. In which case there's more to work on than just being not shy around your girlfriend. You need to work on your own ability to assert yourself, initiate, get in the driver's seat of your own life and take charge. Because that's going to be affecting you way beyond just relationships. That's going to be affecting you in every area. But most likely, you took some risk to start this relationship. You went and talked to her, or you asked her out, or you worked up the courage to invite her to go do something, or you worked up the courage to kiss her or put your arm around her. You took some risks, and that's what got you where you are today. Now, as humans, we often don't like risks, so we take a few risks to get comfortable, to get what we want. And then we're like, that's it. No more risks. I'm done. I'm gonna play it safe. But when you start to play it safe, you start to coast and it starts to go downhill. You gotta keep taking risks. That means you gotta show up fully, boldly. You start taking several. Here's some. Several key risks that you need to be willing to take around your girlfriend. One, you need to be willing to act ask for what you actually want. It means in a situation, whether it's as simple as a restaurant that you want to go to or something as big as how you want to spend the weekend, or even bigger than that, if you want to live together or not, you got to be able to ask for what you want. You say what you want, not wait until you hear what she wants. Okay, yeah, me too. Whatever you said, me too. Right? If you're doing that, you're doomed. You're Going to be shy, you're going to be nervous, and eventually she's probably going to leave you or you're going to be miserable. Either way, not a great end result, right? So you got to be willing to ask for what you want, say what you want. You got to be willing to find out what she really wants. You got to be willing to dig in there and ask more questions. Yeah, that's fine. Look, if a woman says that's fine, it's probably not fine. That's code for dig deeper, like, tell me more. Are you sure it's fine? Let's find out. There's all kinds of interesting code that I could decipher, but that's a big one right there. It's fine. Never mean. Especially if she says it like this, I'm fine. My wife Candice will do that. It's like something's upsetting her, whatever. And the other day, I did something that just totally pissed her off. We were on the phone, I was talking to my brother on FaceTime, and Zaim, our son, was there, and a lot was going on, and Zaim had some smoothie all over his face, and he was about to get on the couch, and he took his hand. And I had this rag, too. I got a rag as I was talking to my brother, and I was going to put it there, and he touched the couch before I could get there with the rag. My wife Candice was like, oh, God. Because she doesn't want the couches to get messed up. And I said, baby, calm down. Which, you know, what I wanted to say was like, hey, no worries. It's fine. It didn't actually leave a mark. Watch, I can clean it up. And it's gone. That's how I wanted to just reassure her that everything's okay, how it came out. Baby, calm down. She didn't like that and so felt dismissive to her. And so later on, we're going for a little walk and phone call is over, and Zayim's about to fall asleep. That's my son. And she's just kind of like. I think I remember I put my arm. And she was kind of like, have you ever done that where you put your arm around someone and they're kind of. They don't. They don't shy away, but they're also not like melting into. They're kind of like, hmm, I see sort of like you go in for the kiss, and they're just like, you know, sort of stone. I've had that happen. It's great. But so I put my arm in and of course I'm like, okay. It's like, what's going on? Are you upset? She's like, I'm fine. Does that mean she's fine? Great. Well, let's talk about something else. Does that mean she's fine? No. What is she saying? Fuck you is what she's saying. I'm fine means fuck you in that situation. Now, not fuck you, leave me alone. But fuck you. Come on, help me feel better. Find out what's really going on. So to not be shy around your girlfriend, you got to be willing to say what you want, ask for what you want. You got to be willing to go in there and find out what she wants and find out when she's upset. And being able to talk about it, being able to face things head on and not scurry away into your cave, but show the fuck up. That's what's going to build a much better relationship with her. And that's how to not be shy around her as well. It's how to face those things. Now you might be hearing this and saying like, how could I do all this though? I'm so scared. I'm so nervous. I'm so scared. What are you so scared of? Scared of her rejecting you, Scared of her leaving you. Well, so what's the plan is to just hunker down and be really quiet and shy and hope everything works out? You got to face that fear, man. You got to just like all fears you want to overcome, you have to face it. So I'm afraid of her rejecting me or getting upset with me. Well, the only thing you can do is show up and be you and ask the questions you want to ask and share who you really are. And if she continually rejects you, then that relationship is not going to work. That's it. Oh, no, but I die without her. No, you wouldn't. You'd find someone else. That's just stories in your head. If, is this truly what's happening? And sometimes that's not what's happening. That's just what we say, oh, I showed up and they just rejected me. No, you tried to have a conversation and she was busy one time and she was preoccupied. That's what probably was happening. But no, if you continually show up and ask for what you want, she dismisses you, doesn't want to talk about it, not interested in the same things, criticizes you, rejects you, then fucking break up. That's not a good relationship. And if you're going to hide and be in fear of that happening forever. Then what do you got? You got a relationship, but you can't really be you, which is not satisfying. Because if you can't really be you, then you can't really feel that love. So you're in a relationship, but you're not really feeling love. You're not really meeting that need. Then you're in the gray zone. You're in life is okay, I guess. When can I get drunk again? That's where you are, and that sucks. So the plan to avoid is not going to work. You got to face that. So share more and see what happens. Oh, my God. What if she leaves? What if we break up? What if she leaves me? Okay, that can happen. But guess what if you had two choices between showing up fully, taking some risks, saying what you want, asking for what you want, making the jokes that you want to make. If she's walking by and you want to slap her on the butt and it's playful and it's fun, do that. You want to touch her in a certain way. You want to ask for something during sex. You want to find out what she likes during sex. You want to do all that stuff, or you want to hang back and not do any of that stuff and try to keep what you got because you're afraid of losing it? Which one is more likely to result in you losing her? This one or this one? That one. Right? She doesn't want a scared guy who's tense and nervous and is held back. She wants you. She wants you. And there is a ton more about how to be more expressive, especially during sex, especially in all kinds of areas, how to overcome those fears. 30 days to dating mastery was a program I designed specifically for that because I noticed a lot of stuff out there is pickup artist stuff. And it's all about what to say to get laid instantly. That's sort of what they're teaching, right? And a lot of it doesn't work B. It doesn't create real relationships, doesn't help you actually have a good girlfriend connection. And it doesn't even get into all the nuances. For me, it's like, okay, now I'm in the bedroom with her, now I have all this other anxiety. So in Dating Mastery, we go deep into that. How to overcome all that fear, how to really enjoy yourself, how to really transform that experience. So it's awesome from start to finish, not just getting her into bed, but actually have an amazing experience in bed. So check out 30daystodatingmastery.com if this is valuable. For you and you want to go way deeper. That is the program to do it with and I cannot wait to see you. In fact, if you go there you'll get a free eBook, 7 Ways to Start Conversations with Women Anywhere, Anytime. Super valuable stuff. And speaking of valuable stuff, share what you found most valuable about today's video this episode what's standing out to you? What are you learning? What are you going to take? What are you going to go do in your life as a result of watching this? So share below. Let's inspire each other. Let's encourage each other. Let's all grow together because the more we do that, the more confident we become and the more life becomes awesome. So until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. I'll talk to you soon. Sa.