Dr. Aziz, founder of the Center for Social Confidence, explains how to overcome shyness around your crush. He focuses on letting go of rejection fear and staying present instead of getting trapped in your head.
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Is there one person right now in your life, the one woman that you want to ask out, but you haven't? Maybe you have a crush on her. Maybe you are really drawn to her and you're scared and maybe you have been talking yourself out of it for weeks or months. And if so, stick with me. In this episode, you're going to learn how to not be nervous around that person you have a crush on and how to just approach the whole situation with a lot more confidence. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author and the founder of the center for Social Confidence. And today we're going to be talking about how to not be shy around your crush around that person that you're drawn to. And you might not use that language depending upon what you know, what age you are, but we all know that word, right? You have a crush on someone, you're like, ooh, who's that person? You're excited, you get that maybe nervous butterfly feeling in your stomach. You're drawn to them, you want to talk to them, you want to interact with them, but you're scared and you're shy and you hold back. Let's talk about how to break through that in today's episode. Well, first things first is when we feel that towards someone, we interpret those feelings as meaning a couple of things that really don't serve us. One is we interpret it as meaning, this is super, super important. This matters. Like if I. If this, maybe this person is the one, maybe so this is super important, so I better not mess it up. You ever felt that way? Like, I better know the exact right thing and the right timing and do it just the right way because I better not mess it up because I'm feeling so much about this person. This is super, super important. It's one thing we tell ourselves. Another thing we tell ourselves is that I really have to get this person because I feel this way. Like I need them. I must, I must date them, they must like me or else I'll die. How is that going to go if it's super important? I'm terrified about messing it up and I really, really need them to like me. How. How do you think that's going to go? Well, first of all, it's creating all the fear in the first place because you're super attached to the outcome and you're telling yourself a bunch of stuff that isn't true and it's making you super attached to the outcome. Anytime we really need something from someone we tend to repel it. So even before you go talk to them, you have to really focus on letting that stuff go. So these feel, it's not super important. These feelings are just a signal of I'm excited, I'm drawn to that person. And you know what, there are hundreds of thousands of women that you could have that feeling with. Millions actually. You're just not around them. Usually people have a crush on someone they see regularly. So it's someone that they work with. It's the woman at the front desk, it's that person across the hall in the other department. It's someone that you see, you know, in your community meeting or in your church or in your religious thing, or you see them. You know, there's somewhere where you have some regular, at the dance class that you go to, whatever it is, right, the cooking class, you know, meetup group. But you have some semi regular contact and you see them and you feel that energy. But guess what? You feel that energy with a ton of other people. And especially if you created more abundance in your life with women and were able to go approach and talk to women, there are thousands of women in your city alone, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands that you would feel that way with. So those feelings are not super important. They don't mean that like this is the one. And you just want to let that go. You want to work on your own confidence so you can be able to approach a lot of women and see that. And the other thing about I need her to like me because I like her so much. What if you didn't? What if you didn't need her to like you? What if it was okay? Oh man, I feel so disappointed and sad and oh, that sucks. Okay, well just take for a moment right now, think about that person you have a crush on. Just bring them into your mind. Man, she's so beautiful. I love the way she wears those red, whatever, that's fine. And feel that energy of liking her. And just for a moment say, you know what? Imagine that she doesn't want anything to do with me. She doesn't like me. She doesn't want to date me, doesn't even want to talk to me. And just notice how you feel when you imagine that. And you might feel pain somewhere in your body. Usually like there's an ache somewhere in your chest or in your stomach or your heart, your solar plexus, some inner. No, no. But instead of resisting it and fighting it, just feel it. Just let yourself feel that for a moment and just breathe and don't resist it. Let it be there. Let that, like, resistance, that fight. No, I need it. And just keep feeling it. Feel that. Feel the part get out of your head and get into your body. Just feel that little bound up part inside of you. And just keep breathing and relaxing, giving it your attention. And just notice if it changes or softens. This is a really powerful process of letting go. I teach all my clients this. We do this a lot, especially in the live weekends. Really help people let go of stuff. Just let go of needing her to like you. And we don't let go by saying, like, stop needing it. You know, we have to go into your body, feel that place, that's that needs it, that's hurting, that wants it. Just send it love, give it some attention, be with it. It might happen in two minutes that it relaxes. Maybe it takes 10 minutes, maybe it comes and goes. And you have to keep giving attention over the next couple days or weeks, whatever it takes, because you want to let that go. And as you do that, you can come to a place of like, maybe she will like me and maybe she won't, I don't know. And it's okay either way. Of course I would want her to like me, duh. But I'm not gonna die if she doesn't. I'll survive. It's totally okay. And there's plenty other women out there. And if you can get into that state, then you're gonna feel a hell of a lot more relaxed. And then just go talk to her. Don't wait for the right time. Don't wait for the best line to say. Don't wait until she looks like she's in a better mood. Don't, don't, don't. Just go fucking do it. Do it today, do it now, do it tomorrow. Whenever you see her. The next time you see her, do it, do it. And then in the meantime, focus on doing this stuff to relax yourself, to let go. And then just go do it. And when you come and just assume approval, assume connection. When you go talk to her, if you've never talked to her before, this is what I would suggest doing with any woman, whether you have a crush on her or not. Just like, so instead of being like, hi, how do you do? I'm gonna be weird and ultra formal right now. I don't know what that was. That's like my bird. No, you just want to show up and be relaxed. Hey, how's it going? How did you like the class? Maybe you see her at a meditation class. How was your meditation tonight? Just jump in like you would, as if you knew the person already. Don't do the formal. Hi, I'm John Smith. How do you do? You don't have to do any of that. Just jump into the con. Like, jump into the conversation as if it's already happening, as if you already know her. How was your meditation tonight? Boom. I just noticed. That's a really cool bracelet. Where'd you get that? You just jump into the conversation. And if you want, if this is like totally foreign to you, what I'm saying, or that sounds great, but how do you know what to say? And oh my God, I'm so scared. What do I say next to what she says? You have a lot of questions about this stuff. What you really want to do is. The best place to get started is with my program, 30 Days Dating Mastery. Because in that program we go deep and I guide you phase by phase, step by step, day by day on all the inner strategy sessions. Exactly. What to do. How to flirt with women, how to talk to women, how to initiate conversations, how to keep them engaging. How to be less of a nice guy and be your more authentic, bold self. How to where to go on dates, what to do. All that stuff. How to approach sex. I mean, all that stuff that no one ever taught me is all in there. No weird pickup artist stuff. This is actually like real good psychology that's healthy. That is going to set up, if you want an actual relationship, a girlfriend, this is going to set you up for that. A lot of the pickup artist stuff is about getting in and out and having quick sex and then not having a good relationship afterwards. You don't want that. Even if you do want to have sex with many different women and explore your sexuality in that way, you want to do it in a good way that creates solid relationships. And you can do that anyway. Also. But how to let go of the fear of approaching women, how to overcome that? All of that stuff is in that program. So click that to get started with that today, because that is supercharging your dating confidence. That program is. And also share in this area in the comments below. What have you found works? What challenges have you overcome in terms of feeling shy around your crush? Just share with other people. Ask the questions you have. We'll get some conversation going. And we're all going to help each other by doing that. So get out there and go do it. Do it. Don't wait. Because you know what? You're going to die. Yeah, that's right. And so am I, and so is everyone else. And I might think I have 50 more years or whatever arbitrary number I just fucking pulled out of my head. Statistic statistics say because of my diet and history, I'll live to this. No, I won't. I have no idea if that's true, and neither do you. My wife's uncle, 58, 60, I don't know, in good health, exercised every day and one day had a massive heart attack and died. Was dead before they could even bring him to the hospital like that. And we don't know when that can happen. You're gonna die, so let's fucking do this. Let's live now. And you know what? You go out there, you go talk to her. And no matter how it goes, it's good. Because you go talk to her and she's not interested. That's fine. Now you can move on. You don't have to pine after her for another eight months, waiting and plotting, because then you'll be like, boom, great, let me go talk to someone else. If you can't go to talk to someone else. Get a fucking program like Dating Mastery and help yourself and overcome this shit. And get out there and start dating. Start meeting women and find the relationship that you want so you can get that area of your life handled, so you can start doing other stuff. You don't want to be stuck in this for 10 or 15 or 20 years. And the slower we go, the longer we wait, the more we draw it out and think our time is permanent. It's not. So go do it today. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, to go after what you want now and to know that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon, Sam.
