How To Put Yourself Out There | Dr. Aziz, Confidence Coach

Two questions for you. Do you want to put yourself out there more in life? Most people say yes to that. Second question is where? What area of your life? Where would you want to put yourself out there more? And what would that look like? If you want to know how to do that, how to put yourself out there boldly, freely, without fear, without self doubt, without anxiety, watch this episode. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is the show for you. If you want to maximize your confidence in every area of your life that matters, definitely maximize your confidence by subscribing below and watching more of these videos. This is a wealth of the best tools, ideas, strategies that I get directly from working with people through products, programs, books, mastermind, group, one on one coaching. I take the best insights and I deliver them here as fast as I can. So by all means, watch as many videos as you want. Subscribe, comment, share, everything. So let's talk about how to put yourself out there more. This is a huge topic that almost everyone wants to do. So first and foremost, for the purpose of this video, think about what would that look like for you? Where would you want to put yourself out more? Because it's different for everybody, right? It's different for me than it is for you at this time in our lives. So what would that look like for you? Think about that and maybe just pick a particular area. Maybe it's at work, maybe it's in your dating life, maybe it's socially, maybe it's at parties, maybe it's just when you, I don't know, you interact with your in laws. What would putting yourself out there more? What does that bring to your mind? What images does that create for you? Good. So as you focus on that, here is how we take that from a desire or an impulse and make it a reality. So first things first, you have to get clarity on what would that actually be for me. And I remember I was working with a client and I'll change his name just for to keep his privacy, but we'll call him Jack. And you know, he had a habit of holding back. This is the opposite of putting yourself out there, right? Hesitating. He'd feel awkward if he was the center of attention and he wouldn't speak up, he wouldn't put himself out there, but he really wanted to. And so we came up with this terminology, which was Badass Jack. So what would badass Jack do? It was a question I started asking him in sessions and I started having him ask that more and more in his life. So he'd think, like, what would badass Jack do in this situation? I'm smiling because it's just a fun title. So badass your name. What would badass you do in any given situation? So first thing you want to do is say, okay, what is it? Then you want to imagine. Take some time to actually imagine what it would be. But also imagine it going, well, this is a big one. So take some time. You can even close your eyes to do this. Close your eyes right now if you want, and think about, okay, what would badass me do in blank situation at work or dating or whatever? And then play it out. But play it out going, well. So badass you speaks up in a group and what? Maybe people laugh. Maybe people turn towards you to give you their attention. Maybe people nod. You know, badass you goes up to someone, asks someone out on a date, and they seem interested and responsive to you. So really take the time to run through it going, well. And this is a step that often people skip over. And the reason we're doing this is because the default programming is for your safety police, which is the collection of voices and images in your mind that basically want to keep you in your comfort zone. I talk about a lot in my book, the art of extraordinary confidence, but your safety police will say, ah, don't do that. Don't do that. That's bad, bad. And then you'll just, I don't. Okay, fine. And you'll surrender to whatever it says, and you won't do it because you imagine terrible things are going to happen. So you're reprogramming yourself when you envision what it is, how you'd actually want it to go. Now, that all sounds great, but it's not going to transform your experience. It's not going to make that a reality for you until you test it. It's. The next step is to test it. So you have to test reality. And that client that I mentioned, you know, Badass Jack, it wasn't just enough to identify what Badass Jack would do and to imagine it going, well, he's got to test it out. So he's got to take the action that Badass Jack would do. Now, a lot of people are like, whoa, well, I can't do that. In fact, in the session, he said, I would never do that. And I said, well, that's a problem, because you want the results of Badass Jack. You want the respect that Badass Jack would command, but you don't want to do the Action. You don't want to take the risks, you don't want to show up in the way that you would need to to be Badass Jack. So there's a, there's a discrepancy here, there's a separation here. And he's like, yeah. I was like, well here's the thing. Let's say you get an image. You know, for you it was to like there's some, you know, a woman to say you're a man watching this and there's a woman that you're interested in and she's got four friends around her and Badass you just like walks up to all them, is like, hey guys, how's it going? Blah blah blah, and you chat with them all and you're whatever, smooth and suave. And then you ask her like, hey listen, I'm gonna let you, I'm gonna go back to my friends or I'll see you guys later. But I mean, I was immediately drawn to you and I would love to take you out, get some coffee, get to know you better. And you directly look at her, all her friends are watching and she's like, ahahaha, yes. Gives you her number or whatever and you're like, yeah, I'm the man. Maybe that's how you imagined it and that's what Badass you would do. And then you're in that situation, you're like, erp, I can't do that. And you can't just make yourself do it. So, so this is where you want to test out reality and you want to scale it back a little bit. I mean, ideally you would just do it. Badass Jack Badass you do and do it again and again and again and test what actually would happen. Because you might find that you get a lot of positive responses. But if you can't test that high of a level yet, just be slightly less badass, scale it back a little bit. Instead of walking over to that woman with all her friends around, you know, walk over and just walk by and say hi to some women that you're attracted to and get familiar, get comfortable with some basic interaction and maybe some little doses of rejection. Maybe that's what the scaled back version of you would do. But your goal is to be building up towards being able to take those bold actions. And the more you could just say, you know what, fuck it, I'm just going to take some risks in life and see what happens, the faster you're going to grow. So that's testing it. That's how you put yourself out there. Another thing you want to do is you want to own it. So when you put yourself out there and you are the center of attention or you are doing something bold, you know, it doesn't serve you to do it timidly. It's like, if you're going to do a cannonball in the pool, do a fucking cannonball in the pool. Not just like splash, just like cannonball, and just like spray water all over the people, right? And that's what you want to do. You want to own it. So it's like, yeah, I'm the center of attention, or, yes, I'm walking. It's like, yes, I'm walking over to you in front of your friends to talk to all you, but mainly to talk to you, right? Or, yes, I am going to speak up in this meeting and I'm going to own the room. Yes, I'm going to do it. So you've got to own it as you do it. And one simple trick or technique to help you do this is what I call flipping the frame. So a lot of the time, we don't own it because we imagine other people are going to look at us and be like, who does that person think they are? And then we're like, oh, yeah, I'm sorry. And instead we want to flip it where it's like, if someone were to dislike you, you know, one of that. In that example of approaching that woman, one of her friends was like, ugh, how dare he be so brash? Or maybe she, you know, the one you were interested in thought that too. And flipping the frame is. Instead of going into their reality and their frame and being like, oh, yeah, you're right. Oh, God, that was so bad of me to do. You're just. Your stance is like, no, I'm not the one who's weird. It's weird that you have a reaction to me doing that, right? You flip it. So it's like, yeah, no, I just. I walk over to people that I'm drawn to and talk with them. What's wrong with that? You know? And then this client that I work with, he had an issue where he wanted people in his house. They take off their shoes. And that's what we do in our house, too. And he wanted people to take off their shoes when they got to his house, but he felt uncomfortable asking them. And one of the fears was that they'd be like, whoa, what's wrong with you? That's weird. And I was like, no, no, you want to flip the frame. It's like, yeah, if you don't mind taking off your shoes when you get in the house, please. And then if there's any reaction to it, it's like, oh, yeah, of course you take off your shoes in the house. You don't do that. Oh, wow, interesting. Oh, that bothers you to do that? Wow, interesting. That's weird, right? So you're flipping the frame. Does that make sense? In my reality, it's okay to go talk to her. In my reality, it is okay to speak up in the meeting. In my reality, it is okay to ask someone to take off their shoes before they come into my house. So that's how you flip the frame and own it. And when you're doing this, when you're putting yourself out there, one other final tip is massive repetition, massive repetition. This is not the kind of thing where you do it once you dabble and you're like, well, well, I tried that, didn't work. It's like, no, this is, you got to decide. This is how I want to be. This is who I want to be in the world. And if you get nothing else from this video, this last piece is life changing. You decide who, who you want to be in the world. No one else decides for you. Nothing in your past decides for you. You decide right now, in this moment. I want to be the kind of person that can just walk up to someone and start a conversation. I want to be the kind of person that speaks up in meetings. I want to be the kind of person that raises my hand and talks in groups. Do you know how you become that kind of person? You raise your hand and talk in groups again and again and again and again and again until that becomes who you are. So that's if you want to make putting yourself out there a way of, of life. Massive repetition. And man, the more you do that, the more you put yourself out there, the better results that you're going to get in your life. The better your daily life is going to be, your social life. You're going to make more friends, you're going to be more popular, your work, your career, you're going to earn more money, you're going to be more recognized, you're going to be promoted. Everything benefits when you put yourself out there more. And that's because the world benefits from you and your presence. So get out there and do it and then come back and let me know how it goes in the comments below. Share with everyone what your experiences were. Subscribe and I'd love to see you in future videos. So, until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.