How To Respond To Someone Mocking You

How do you respond if someone is mocking you, teasing you, belittling you in some way, shape or form? This is especially important because you might think, oh, that is this video for kids, that happens on a playground, right? No, that happens in the adult world all the time. There's a lot of sometimes subtle and sometimes not so subtle posturing. One upping, establishing dominance over. I'm more significant than you. Teasing, mocking, undermining. A lot of that stuff can be happening. It depends what environments you're in, what settings you're in. The more healthy the environment, the less this happens. And it's not like there's never banter or teasing, but it's more light hearted, it's more fun, it's more uplifting. It's actually quite bonding. If teasing and playfulness is done in the right way, it actually is a very bonding experience that brings people together. It's like a game that people play. I do this a lot with especially one friend of mine. Now sometimes it can seem like, oh, we're just having fun, we're just teasing, we're just playing. And it's actually really sharp and harsh. And that's another area that you might want to respond to as well. But what I'm talking about in this video is more like someone who's not. Is making fun of you, is mocking you, is deriding you in some way. You know, what do you do there? And there's many different responses to this. And obviously your unique situation is going to depend upon the environment. So this is just a general idea. You can apply it specifically to your situation. But one rule of thumb is sometimes people say, well, just ignore it. You know, it's the old, like, sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me, you know. And I think that's on to something. But it's not a complete solution. And here's why. Because the reason it's onto something is it shows like it's not getting to you. And what's happening when someone is trying to mock you is they're trying to gain significance or power or at least a pseudo sense of that, right? And so if you are reactive in some way, well, now they got you dancing, you know, dance monkey. And then they feel more powerful now even better if they really get to you and you're like flustered or upset or feel belittled or something, then they're like, then they're getting their little bully feast, right? So, uh, that sort of ignoring can show like, oh, this doesn't bother me. And that's partly there, but I've seen and, and heard about and worked with clients in different settings where that doesn't make it stop. Because what is condoned is reinforced, and what is reinforced repeats. So if you ignore something, it can be kind of like condoning it. It might just go away, but it might not, you know, and the person, or the person might intensify what they're doing to get a reaction out of you. So you could try the ignoring method, see if it works, but then you might need to do something more. Now what's good about the ignoring method is you want to maintain that, like it not getting to you, energy in your response or attitude in your response, because that's going to be powerful. So what do you do then? Well, the next thing to do would be to go directly to what's happening still by not like getting flustered and just speaking to what's happening. That's the most effective approach that I found. That's what I would use. That's what I do with clients and help them, role play with them to be able to use. Speak to what's happening in a calm way and just pull back the layer a little bit. So, you know, one thing is just someone says something like, they tease your intelligence or like, well, that's because you did a really good job with that thing. Huh? You could just pause for a minute and look right at them, say, that's an odd thing to say. Just pause and then move on. One time I had a client who was an attorney and he stopped drinking for his own personal reasons. But he had a lot of friends and community and colleagues, co workers, like people in his firm that all drank and they knew he didn't drink. And so they sometimes even have like a. A thing on an evening or an afternoon or whatever at the end of a Friday or something where they would have drinks there. It's the end of the workday and I don't know, beginning of some celebration or something. And so he's not drinking there. And, you know, people would like go up to him and like, tease him. And the stuff he would tell me, I was like, dude, are you like in a. Is this college? Like, what are these high schoolers? This is, you know, these are professional adults in their 30s, 40s, 50s. And I'm like, oh, God, right. It's just the environment. And so he's got to learn how to navigate that. And so someone would come up to him and they would just tease him about not drinking alcohol. He's like, oh, look what you're drinking and you know, call him names and stuff. I was like, here's what you got to do. You go after the person who says it the most, right? There's always like the, you know, the head of the group and he's got his henchmen around him and he just says something about you and your drinking. Look at him. Use the name. Say his name is Jeff. Say Jeff. Seems like it makes you really uncomfortable that I'm not drinking. I think that's interesting. And it's not the exact wording. It's about that you're slowing down, you're looking right at them and you're commenting on what they're doing. Another one might be like, I notice you're really doing a lot to make fun of me for whatever, not drinking or whatever they're doing. I can only imagine that someone must feel really bad inside to need to try to feel better by making fun of someone else. That's interesting. You stare at them for a minute and then you move on. You don't need a response from them, you don't need to hear anything, you know, get them to agree or anything. You just move on to the next thing. So it's kind of like the ignoring method. But you're not ignoring, you're directly speaking to it. And then let's say he comes back. Okay, of course you're. Sounds like you might need to do more of that. Okay, well, if that's what you need to do to improve your self esteem, that's all right. And then you move on to the next thing because you're not. If you're trying to say, you better stop this or else. If you do, that's all feeding off the energy, right? So this is a way of directly addressing it, moving on. And it might, this might sound easy, but when that person is saying those things to you, you're probably hooked. You know, it's like going back to the playground. You feel upset, you feel angry, you feel flustered, you feel like you want to cry, you want to hit them, you want to run away. So the best thing to do is to practice role playing this with a friend or a family member. Like literally say it, look them in the eye. Get to the point where you can be. You could be nervous inside, but your exterior is calm. And you say that, look at him right in the eye. And I've done this several times in my life. And it just. The air, it's like the air gets sucked out of the room and you got to be willing to have it be uncomfortable for a minute. And now instead of getting his power or her power, you know, the bully getting their power and their significance, they get some sort of unpleasant stew of like, you've pulled back the layer of my psychology. It's awkward, right? Maybe they get a little embarrassed instead of getting a sense of power. And that's not very reinforcing. You're certainly not condoning it. So share down below in the comments how this works for you. Where else you've applied this in your life. Until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.