YouTube video by Dr. Aziz offering practical strategies to help people join and contribute to small-group conversations. Advice includes granting yourself permission to speak, lowering standards for what to say, listening for topics, and using quick associations (list three ideas) to generate questions or comments. The speaker uses a personal anecdote (a car ride) to illustrate the technique and invites viewers to practice and watch more videos.
Chapters
Do you want to be able to jump into group conversations more easily? You sitting there, there's people talking, maybe a group of three or four and you're just standing there or sitting there in the group, like, I don't know what to say right now. Should probably say something, but I don't know what. You ever been in that situation? I mean, who hasn't? I used to live in that place and a lot of clients that I work with live in that place. And there's a way out. In fact, I was just recently sitting in a car. There was five of us, two in the front, three in the back, and the guy next to me was the guy that I used to be. It was about a 40 minute drive each way. We drove to a thing and came back later. And he must have said two things, the entire car, right there and back. And I'm smiling because I love him and I'm just like, oh, I know what it's like, you know, and doesn't mean he doesn't have things to say. It's not like you don't have things to say. There's just like some. Something just shuts down in you. So let's talk about a break that. So I was in the back of the seat of the car and the two people in the front were kind of talking back and forth and there just wasn't much engagement with us in the back. And you know, you can just try to say, I should just say something, let me just ask a question to somebody. But then A, you just pressure yourself and you don't actually have a conversation, or B, you just end up asking something that's like, boring you don't care about. So what I teach in my Social Mastery course inside of Confidence University or at my live event around conversation Mastery is you gotta find what are you most interested in asking. So there's a couple ways to jump in. Let me give you some tips right now, some very practical strategies. One, actually, before we get into what to say, one, you have permission to speak no matter what. Like, don't filter out. I don't know if my ideas or my questions or me is good enough. Fuck that, just say something. So number one is you have permission. Give yourself permission. Two, just say anything. Anything is better than nothing. So we're sitting there in the car, I'm quiet, the guy next to me is quiet, and I'm like, okay, I know how this goes. Can either sit here for the next 45 minutes in silence, which maybe I want to do, but in that Case I didn't. So let me just say something. That's tip number two is just lower your, your bar for what you. How great it needs to be and just say something. So they were in the front seat, they were talking about Thailand. The guy in the. One of the driver in the passenger seat had been to Thailand, lives in Thailand for months. The driver is like, yeah, my parents go out there every year. And I'm like, I don't know anything about Thailand. But all of a sudden they talk about riding scooters in Thailand. And you know how it's first feels chaotic and dangerous, but then you get used to it. And I was like, that's where I was like, wait a minute. So you're listening for topics and then what do. What can I say or ask about that topic? So he says, scooters in Thailand. When you hear scooters in Thailand, what are the first three things that come to your mind? Just right now as you're watching this video, Come up with them. 1, 2, 3. The first three things, no matter how random, how tangential, it doesn't matter, you got them. What are your three. The faster you can come up with this stuff. I mean, it's a skill, it's a muscle, so you just get better at it. The first couple things that came to my mind, one is people wearing those masks on their face because of pollution. So I could have asked about like, hey, what it's like, what's the pollution like? Masks like their face. Another thing that came to my mind is riding scooters in Mexico, which I've done a number of times. I love to ride scooters in Mexico. But then a third thing came to my mind and this is where you could just say something like, oh, I've ridden a scooter in Mexico and that's fine, or oh, hey, you know, did it feel dangerous to ride a scooter? Because when I rode a scooter in Mexico felt fairly dangerous, especially the time I was intoxicated. Probably not a great idea in retrospect, but I said something even more interesting. And if you're wondering how to say something even more interesting, you just say what's interesting to you. So that's what I did. So I thought, scooters in Thailand. Oh, scooter ride in Mexico. Oh, I've done some stuff that was in retrospect, a little risky or to my physical safety. And I thought, then I just had an interesting thought. I said, isn't it interesting? I just said this in the car. I was like, so, oh yeah, I've done a scooter ride in Mexico. Isn't it interesting how before the scooter ride, I'm not feeling nervous at all. I'm not anxious at all. Even though driving intoxicated in a scooter in Mexico is probably more of a risk than. And yet when it comes to approaching someone or starting a conversation, I can be terrified of that rejection. Isn't that interesting? I just said that into the car and then boom. A conversation. People like, oh, yeah, this and that. I guess I have a theory about that. And here's what I think about rejection. And then it led to a really interesting conversation. So let's recap. One, you're sitting there, you don't know what to say. Step one, give yourself total permission. I can say whatever I want. Step two, say something. Lower the bar and just say something. It's a question or a statement. Three, what's the question or statement about? Listen to what's being said and then associate. Just whatever comes to your mind. 1, 2, 3. And if you want to build this muscle everywhere you go, when you're listening to people having conversations, just, you know, quiz yourself. Like after the conversation, like, oh, they were talking about blank. I didn't know what to say. Well, what are three things that come to mind for me? And build that muscle. Build that practice. Awesome. So keep watching videos in this channel about conversation, confidence. About confidence in general. The more you learn, the more you're going to grow. Share your comments below. What are you finding most valuable? What do you most want to learn from me in future videos? I'm making a lot these days. And keep watching. Just watch the next video. If you're going to binge watch something, this is going to be better than Netflix because at the end of an hour or two, you are going to be equipped to do so much cool shit in the world versus just sort of feel empty and hollow after a Netflix binge. Awesome. Thanks for being with me until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Oh, and then in the next video, I'm going to answer, why am I shooting this video in an airport? All right, talk to you soon.
