How To Start A Conversation With Confidence| Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

How do you start a conversation with confidence? Do you want to be able to do that more confidently? Be able to walk up to anyone, anywhere, in any setting, work, romantic, social, whatever, to start a conversation with confidence? If so, I want to share a key piece in this video that's going to help you to be able to do that. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this video is all about how to start conversations with confidence. And if you enjoy this and are enjoying these other videos, please like and subscribe down. Below you get to check out all the videos that we got coming out at least once a week, sometimes more. And this is an important one. This is a huge topic. And a lot of times when we look this up, you know, you might find, like, tips about what to say, right? It's sort of the equivalent of the pickup line, but across all settings. You know, the pickup line at networking event, the pickup line with a stranger, just a social connection. Pickup line with, you know, as a pickup line. And the what you say is actually almost irrelevant. There is some. Some basics to it, but that's not what this video is about. This video is about how to do it with confidence. And there's one key factor that's going to set you up on the path to succeed with this, and that is that your energy coming in is going to determine everything. And here's what I found in working with people, and I did this for a long time myself. We have a shyness, social anxiety, and inhibition, a sense of. And the way that shows up is this story of they're not going to want to talk to me, right? On some level, it's not going to go well. That's like the definition of social anxiety is anticipating negative responses and then also anticipating that they're going to happen more often than they do and that they're going to be more severe than they are. It's kind of like one of the core hallmarks of social anxiety. And I'm smiling because I can imagine, I can remember how many years and how extreme the predictions I had. And that's why one of the key things I always teach people is like, just test it out. Just test it, test it, test it, because you're going to find that the predictions about how it's going to go, whack a balls, they're not true. So anyway, we have this fear, though, and out of that fear we have a habit of avoidance. And that could be like, I don't want to talk to those people. Or we have, maybe we have a fancier story. They're too busy. She has a boyfriend. Whatever your story of choice is, or one of my favorites I heard recently, I just, I'm not interested in any of those people. There's no way I could be interested in them. You know, all 500 people that are in my workplace, all of them I could be friends with. None of them have nothing in common with any of them. Right. Even though you've only talked to like four of them. We have that story, but underneath that is this fear that it's not going to go well and they're going to reject me in some way, subtly or intensely. And so what happens is we avoid that. But you realize that doesn't work for your life because then you don't have the friendships you want. You don't get the connections that you want in your career to get promoted and move ahead or create your own business and be able to work with people and serve people and find customers and clients and you know, you gotta be able to connect with people to do all that stuff. Not to mention dating, relationships, the romantic side of your life. So we avoid it doesn't work. And then eventually you're like, alright, fine, I guess I got to talk to some people. How many? Like two. I only want to talk to the people that I know are going to be really deep friends with. I only want to talk to the people in business settings that I know are going to turn into clients and customers. And I only want to approach people that I'm attracted to that, that I know are gonna become my life partner. That's not how it works. Right. We gotta approach a lot of people to find all those things. So here's what we do though. We're like, oh, it's gonna go so bad. It's gonna go so bad. But I gotta do it. But I gotta do it. Okay, here I go. And let's say you're the person I want to approach, right. In the past I'd be doing this, going the other way, but now I'm like, okay, I'm gonna approach you. But I'm still really nervous that it's not gonna go well. So I'm gonna go like this. I'm taking one foot and turning towards you, right? But then my other foot is going that way because I kind of also am worried that you're going to reject me. So I got one foot going that way and one foot going that way and my body's kind of like this. Now you probably are not Literally approaching someone like this, shuffling up. If you are. Remember earlier I said there was no wrong way to do it. It didn't matter what you said. Well, if you did it that way, it's probably not going to go well. We're not literally doing this. We're energetically doing this. We're doing this with our non verbals, with our, with whatever. We're outputting the way that people pick stuff up, you know? You know, you just pick stuff up about people. You just get a feeling, you get a sense about them. That's what we're sending out because we're hesitant. And it's a confused mixed signal. It's like, I want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to you. And so it's like, you know, if you send a signal, you got these. What is it with a wave canceling, right? Like the waves kind of cancel each other out. So it's mixed. And so the person doesn't respond that well often. And secondly, here you go. Props, baby. We got some props. This is a Bic lighter. Why do I have a Bic lighter in my office? You might ask, is that a weed plant behind me? Others have asked. These are questions that you may learn the answers to one day. Anyway, when you light a Bic lighter, sometimes when you try to light it, especially if it's an older one, you flick it. You flick it. See, this is a new one. So it flames every time. But have you had a lighter experience where you see, if I can do it like this? There we go. So you flick it and it's just a spark, right? But no flame. You know what I'm talking about? So starting a conversation with someone is, is kind of like that. So you go up to them and you put out a little bit of energy, right? You're saying hi, you're asking them a question or something. That's the flick of the lighter. Now, like a lot of lighters, not these incredible Bic ones which light every time, sponsored by Bic. They do make fantastic pens, by the way. It doesn't always take on the first go with the conversation. So you walk up to someone, you're like, hey, how's it going? Or I like that bag. Where'd you get it? They might not be like, well, let me tell you about the bag story. Oh, new friend. They might be like, I'm doing okay, right? Because they don't know. Maybe they don't know if it's a stranger. Maybe they don't know you. They're not sure. Why? You're talking to them. They're in their own heads. And you kind of like, pull them out and they're like, what? Huh? Yeah, Right. So in that case, it doesn't take now. And I'm sure you've had that experience before. What's in there? Smells strange. So if you're approaching them like this, though, one foot in, one foot out, and then you do one spark, like, hey, how's it going? And they're like. Because, you know, they're not sure yet. They don't know you yet. And you're sending out this mixed signal. They say they give you some kind of confused response or a strange look or something. And what do you do? I do this a lot. You just turn and run. Ah, forget this. I'm out of here. I knew it wouldn't work. And then you reinforce the shitty story. I knew it wouldn't work. I knew it wouldn't work. Doomed forever. I'm a total loser. Right? And so what's happening is there's two ways to shift all this. One, both feet forward. Just, you're. You're like, you're energetically. I am here. Feet facing you. I am in. I'm all in. Yes, I'm coming over to talk with you. I used to have this the worst with women, because I was like, I was going to approach them. It's like, yes, I'm approaching you because I'm drawn to you, because you're beautiful, and there's something about you that's magnetic and I'm curious. Right. And it's kind of flattering, isn't it? But I saw myself as such a negative identity that I didn't see it as flattering. I imagine that every woman anywhere would be like, ew, that's those good old stories, but we have to own. I'm coming to talk to you energetically. Like, yes, I'm coming to talk with you. So you're fully in. Own it. Like, I'm in. And guess what happens when you do this. Yes, you could get rejected. Yes. And prepare yourself, because it will happen. And that's the whole idea behind rejection, practice and other things. I teach, in fact, my program, 30 days to dating Mastery, which is all about how to overcome this fear and create. Create the relationships that you want. That involves a lot of practice and exposure to rejection. Because if you're scared of it, you'll never go in with two feet forward and be like, hi, here I am. Right. But when you do that, you're sending a much more powerful Burst of energy. So it is more likely to flame up on the first time, but it still might not. So you come in with both feet and you say, hey, that's a cool bag. Where'd you get it? Let's just imagine this is a romantic situation. I'm talking to a woman and she goes, you know, she doesn't know me. She's a stranger. And I just saw her on the street somewhere and I like, kind of get in her field of vision. I'm like, hey, that's a cool bag. Where'd you get it? And she goes, I don't know, some department store. Nordstrom's. Nordstrom's, right. But it's a one word answer. And she's kind of like, she's giving me like a, you know, whatever. So it didn't take, right? But I'm like, that's a cool bag. Where'd you get it? Like, I'm fully in. My energy's in. What do I do? I turn and run. No, I do another spark. I follow that up. Nordstrom's. Classy, right? I just make a little tease, a little joke. Something like. That's the first thing that comes to my mind when I hear Nordstrom's. I don't actually know department stores and what category they're in. I try to steer clear of all those as much as possible. Have my wife buy my shirts for me. That's how it works. That's how it works when you get married, by the way. You just delegate. Delegate all the tasks that are unpleasant for you. It's tip number seven. Anyway, you insert again and with the same energy, the same, I'm all in. And it's like, yes, I want to talk with you is what your nonverbals are saying. Even if she doesn't want to talk to me back, I still want to talk to you. And I'll try again. I'll try again. After three or four sparks, it doesn't work. Unlike when you're frantically trying to get your own lighter to work, where you'll try like 87 times. That's kind of probably a bit too much. If someone's giving you a clear signal after two or three, they're just not that interested. Okay, all right, that's fine. There are plenty of other people for me to talk to. Have a good day. Right? That's your energy. It's really. Okay. So that is how. This is your lighter tutorial. I'm gonna throw that down. And. And that is how you can start conversations with confidence and that applies not just in the setting of approaching someone you're attracted to. That same thing with networking. Yes, I'm interested in talking to you about business. That's why we're here. And about how I can benefit and you can benefit. Let's figure it out. Let's not pretend like that's not why we're here, right? No, that's why we're here. So same thing in all different settings, Even in a social setting. Yeah. I'm talking to you because I'm looking to expand my social life and meet new people and make friends in this city. That's your energy. Like, of course I have permission to do that. So. Share below what you learned from this video, what's standing out to you, how you're going to apply it, any tips or tricks that you have that helps you start conversations with confidence so we can all learn and grow together. And of course, don't forget to subscribe and like and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.