Dr. Aziz explains why comparing yourself to others damages confidence and offers practical steps to stop: notice each comparison, consciously refuse it, and redirect energy into present-focused action (projects, conversations, service). He uses an anecdote about mentor Sean Stevenson to frame comparison as a habitual mechanism that can be un-fed and managed.
What if you refused to compare yourself to others? What could this do to your confidence level? So here's the thing about comparing yourself to others. One of my mentors that I've learned a lot from over the years. His name is Sean Stevenson, and he's no longer alive in this form, but an amazing man and one of my heroes. And his mission was to rid the world of insecurity. And so I asked him one time, I said, sean, like, is that possible? I mean, I love the mission. Sounds inspiring. Right up my alley. But is that really possible? And he's like, well, that's part of the human condition. So in one way, no. But, you know, did you know that you have cancer cells inside of your body right now, but it doesn't mean you're overtaken by the cancer? And he's like, it's the same thing. It's like we have a mechanism for insecurity, but if you don't feed it, it's possible to live without it controlling you. I said, that's fascinating. How do we do that? And he's like, well, the first thing is comparison. And he said, comparison never ends well either. You compare yourself to someone and you temporarily feel better, and then you're more significant and you're superior and you're temporarily puffed up, but then you are separate from them, and you are in some way buying into the same coin. And as soon as it flips and then there's someone who is better than you, and now you feel worse, you feel less than. And so you're playing the comparison game. When you're playing the comparison game, there is. It's not gonna. It's not gonna end well. Even if it temporarily gives you some sort of boost. And usually the boost it gives you, it doesn't really even feel that good anyway. And when I talk to people, they'll say, like, oh, yeah, yeah, I know that it's not great. I totally wanna stop. And then it ends there, as if you don't have control, as if it's something that just happens to you. But let's liken it to something like, I don't know, an addiction. You know, it's like, well, I just. I know drinking is bad for me, but I just. I can't stop. And when people get to that place, they're like, wow, I have a problem. I mean, maybe not right away. Maybe they got to hit rock bottom, but at some point, they're like, wow, this is. I got to do something about this. I need to get some help. I Need to change this. And somehow when it comes to something like comparison, it's never that dramatic. We never have that rock bottom moment. It's more of just like constantly, like, sucking away your confidence. And when do you compare? Well, I don't know. Probably every time you go on social media, you're comparing. Maybe when you watch TV or watch streaming or watch, you know, it's like whenever you're looking out there, maybe even in your personal life, in your work life, wherever, it can be constant. So a question I have for you is, how often are you doing this throughout the day? The first step in freeing yourself of it is becoming aware of it. So how. How many times per day are you doing this? You can even ask yourself. You could study this and make a little tally count. You know, create a little note file on your phone and just create a little X for each time you notice it and count how many you have or have a little number that you count up. Maybe you'll see. You compared yourself 20 times today. Huh? I wonder what that's doing to my confidence. And what if you refused to do that? So what does that mean? You might say, well, hold on a second. How do I refuse? Because it's just happening. It's a process. It's an unconscious thing. Well, for now. For now. But you can become more conscious of it. So what happens is when you notice it occurring, you say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't do that. All right? That's step one is notice it. And step two is to say, hey, I don't do that. You affirm your decision not to do that. And if you need some more reasons for this, just study what comparison is doing to you. Do you feel great? You feel energized? Do you feel inspired? Do you feel discouraged, tired, stuck and hopeless afterwards? That's reason enough. And then what you want to do is you want to follow that, that refusal. Like, hey, I don't want to do this with a new action, a new behavior. And what's that? That's to focus right now on something that you can. You can put your energy into. It doesn't have to mean like, oh, look at that person. I'm a loser. All right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna go create an empire and be a somebody. Yeah, like, it's not that kind of energy. Although, you know, maybe you could do that and you'll feel better, but it's more like, hey, what am I engaged in right now? You know, this next conversation, this next person, this next project, this next, you know, one hour of work block right now. What am I? Let me, like, put my full energy and intention, like, because when you are really engaged in your life and you're doing shit and you're taking action and you're approaching the things that scare you and you're pursuing goals that are meaningful for you, and you're serving and you're giving your gifts in the world, and you're opening your heart more, and you're learning how to love more, and you're living with more confidence and more risk and more boldness and more authenticity. Guess what? You're not doing anymore comparing yourself. And so you can use the comparison as a gift, as a little light on your dashboard, a metaphorical dashboard that's like, hey, wait a minute. Engage more in my life right now. And, man, so much opens up for you. So I hope this serves you and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.
