Dr. Aziz explains two core steps for telling people how you truly feel: (1) give yourself permission to have feelings (both likes/attraction and dislikes/anger) and (2) intentionally practice sharing those feelings (start small with friends/family and escalate). The talk emphasizes overcoming low self-esteem/social anxiety by self-permission and repeated practice to build authenticity.
There are two secrets to telling people how you really feel. And when we say that, there's actually two kinds of feelings that we're scared to share, right? Feelings of like or feelings of dislike. And the first secret to being able to share either one of those is one, are you allowed to feel that? Are you allowed to feel dislike for somebody, or upset with somebody, or angry? Because if you're super nice and you're not, then you'll never be able to share it. And also similarly, can you feel like, can you be attracted to somebody? Or is your attractiveness, your desire somehow unpleasant? If you have low self esteem, low confidence, social anxiety like I did for many years, then even just your desire for somebody feels like it's a bad thing. First, you have to have permission. Second, you have to encourage. Which means you practice sharing. There is no other way. So if you're waiting and hoping for it to get easier, it doesn't. Maybe you don't. Start with sharing your crush and your deepest desires with someone that you might get rejected and will crush. You go. Start easier. Share what you really feel with a friend, speak up a little bit more with family members, be more authentically you, and eventually you'll be able to share authentically with anyone.
