How To Tell Someone You Don’t Like Them

How do you tell someone that you don't like them? That, ooh, that's an interesting one. Right? Just recently, I was talking with a client, and he didn't like someone, and the person kept on approaching them, him, and he didn't know what to do. What do I say? So, first things first. We had to clear up any fear or discomfort about not liking someone, that he was bad or wrong for doing this. I had a previous video where I helped you realize that it's okay to not like somebody, to want to move away from someone. You have that right. That's healthy. To move towards who you like and move away who you don't like. Now, that's the first part. The second part is, what do you say? I mean, that's awkward, right? That's uncomfortable. Do you say, I don't like you? Get away from me? Well, now, I know you're probably looking to be more bold and authentic and not so nice, but at the same time, that feels kind of harsh, doesn't it? Now, Brad Blanton, the author of Radical Honesty, would say, say whatever you want. Stop hiding. Be honest. Just be 100% honest. And. And there's a lot of liberation and freedom in that. I personally like a little bit more, perhaps kindness, and I value that. So I want to communicate the same message of like, I want, you know, basically, I don't want to hang out with you, but in a way that maybe is a little easier to handle for the other person. And the best way to do that, here's my biggest tip for you, is to not talk about them, but talk about you. So instead of saying, you, you are annoying, you are negative, you just want blah, blah, blah, and I don't like it. Now, please get away from me, or I don't want to hang out with you, or whatever that is. Maybe it feels true to you, but you don't need that in the communication to be effective. What you can say instead is, I noticed that you're wanting to spend more time with me here during this party or whatever, and there's a lot of other people that I love to mingle and connect with. So I'd like a little bit of space. Notice that language, right? I am. I want to mingle and connect with a lot of other people. I'd like some space. This is what I want. So when you're wanting to think about what you want to tell someone, instead of thinking about what you got to tell about them, think about, what is it that I want. You know, take another example. Someone at work bothering you, they're interrupting, They're. They're talking a lot to you. Let's say they come into your workspace and want to talk to you a bunch. Right? And I remember we did this with a client and his strategy. Maybe you've tried this one. His strategy was to just, like, just be really cold. Be like. I don't know, yeah, whatever. I mean, if you want, fine. Like short, kind of irritated sounding. And then it was like, angry that the person wasn't getting the message, even though he wasn't sending the message directly. So what if you just said what you wanted or didn't want? So in that case, I had to ask him, what is it that you want? And that's my question for you with that person that you don't like being around or don't like what they're doing, what do you want or what do you not want? And then specify that. So in this case, we coached him to tell that colleague to say. Because what he wanted was, I want chunks of time where I'm uninterrupted. And so this person has a question for me. I want them to ask me a question when I'm not in the middle of a focused work block. Great. So tell the person that. So I have these work blocks where I like to be really focused for a couple hours at a time with no interruptions. And if you're going to ask me a question, I'd want to do that when I'm not in one of those work blocks. So here's how you'll know when I'm in a work block. Right. He closes the office door, or he's got some little color on his cubicle, or he's got a little object out or something so people can see that he's busy or he's got his headphones on or whatever. I did that with a business owner. I said, have your headphones on. And then everyone will know not to approach you. And when your headphones are out, it's like, like, game on. Come talk to me. So you gotta figure out, what is it that I want? Communicate what you want. And here's the last tip. Say it directly, this is what I want. Not maybe I'm thinking about if, you know, I wanna. Back to the party example. I'm wanting maybe you want this. Don't make it about maybe you want it. Do you want this? Do you? No, this is what I want. Say it clearly and directly. And the last thing you might be wondering as you watch this is like, oh, but what about their feelings? I'm gonna crush them. Oh, maybe even feel guilty just watching this. And the answer to that is no, you won't. They are fully functioning, capable, badass, human. Even if they don't, even if you don't see them as that, and even if they don't see themselves as that, don't disrespect them by seeing them as feeble and weak. The truth is they are powerful. They are infinitely powerful. And sometimes, when have you ever gotten rejected? Have you ever had someone say no to you, even kindly? And it hurt so much and it felt so bad at first. And maybe you were angry, upset at first, but then it was one of those powerful gifts of your life. Maybe it got you to see that you need to change something in yourself. Maybe it spurred you to grow like crazy. Maybe it brought you to watching this channel and focusing your confidence and getting my books or coming to a live event of me. It's something where you made a massive shift in your life as a result of that. So you don't need to caretake everyone. They can handle it. They are fully capable. They're powerful. See them as such. Give them that gift and say what you want or don't want. Beautiful. Thanks for being with me today. Share in the comments below what you're learning, what's standing out to you, and until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.