How To Upgrade To Your Best Self Now

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you, I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome today's episode of the show. Today we're going to talk about you upgrading yourself real time, moment by moment, how upgrades work, what an upgrade actually is. And you're gonna get so much from today's episode. I'm so excited to share with you. And we're back with full audio powers. You'll notice in the last episode, there was a little situation with the recording and the content was too good. I didn't want to nix it, but. Sounds good to be this high quality, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. So first things first. Upgrade. The kind of upgrade I'm talking about right now is have you seen Idiocracy? It's a Mike Judge movie from like, I don't know, 15 years ago, but there's a character named Upgrade in there and he spells it U, P, G, R, A, Y, Y, Y, D. Upgrade. That's what we're talking about, is how to upgrade you. What does that mean, upgrade? Well, we all have an awareness of another version of ourselves, you might call it. And this is where we're going to use some terminology. It might not be exact, the words that you use, but it's a sense. So just don't take everything super dictionary specific in terms of the words I'm using. But just like, I'm going to try to point towards something and see if you relate to this in your life, that we all have a sense of that there's some other version of us that is better. You know, sometimes people call it their best self. Some people call it their higher self. You might think of it almost as your future self. Like, this is what I'm growing into. And other people might, you know, start using words like potential. I want to reach my potential. I want to fulfill my potential. I like to say I want to flex my potential, you know, see what I'm capable of. So we all kind of point to it in different ways, but there's this sense of that there's something more is possible for me, like I haven't, I'm not the pinnacle of what I'm capable of. Do you have that sense right now in your experience that there's something more is possible for you and that could be in any different area of life, right? And anything that's important to you, more is possible in your work life, more is possible in how you show up. Maybe as a leader, as more assertive, as more direct, as more powerful. Maybe something more is possible in your love life. More connection, more love, more openness, more trust, more authenticity, more vulnerability, more courage, more sex, more enjoyment. Maybe there's something that you see in your physical health that's possible, more flexibility, more freedom, more energy, more vitality, something in your financial life, more abundance. And that could be literally the ability to generate more money in your experience, but also to feel more confident, more trust, more in flow with life, so you're not stressed or afraid of the future, whatever it is. What more is possible and what more is calling to you right now? Because there's very specific things that are in your higher self, your best self, that are very specific to you. So how do we upgrade from where we are now to this best self? And this is something you're probably actively doing, actively exploring. Maybe that's what led you to this podcast and that's why you're listening to stuff like this. It's like, hey, I want to be better and I want to grow and I want to become more of who I am meant to be. And my experience with this stuff is the more you are living as who you're meant to be, the better you feel, the better your quality of life is. Now sometimes along this growth journey, you might discover that at first, or maybe a lot along the way, you can get pulled towards not trying to be your better self, not trying to be your best self, but towards an illusion of what you think a better version of you is supposed to look like. And I'm gonna call that a better image. We all have an image of how we should be. To be sexy, to be smart, to be rich, to be desired, to be popular, all these things, right? And we kind of confuse the two. Well, that's my best self. So you know when someone tells me like, tell me about your vision of where you want to go to and basically that's your best self, right? And they tell me things like, I want to be a billionaire and I want six pack abs and I want all the ladies to want me, you know, it's kind of a character I'm playing right now, but there's some flavor of that. And what they're saying is like, they just want to be like the pinnacle of what society has told you is the best. And maybe they want that deep down, maybe that is their best self. But I'm always a little suspect. I'm like, okay, maybe, maybe, but what do you really, I mean, what's right for you? What's your signature? What's your authentic expression? Is that really your true calling, your true, authentic self? And I think that what we want to discover for ourselves, and this involves a little bit of challenging some of the roles that society has told you you're supposed to play. Whether that society is your parents telling you you should be this kind of person or married at this time or do this thing or, you know, it's something that you got from the media or culture about how you're supposed to look or how you're supposed to. How much money you're supposed to have, or all these things that we want to start to say, okay, what is the true best self in there? So even before we can look at upgrading, we got to say, okay, what am I upgrading to? Where am I steering this thing? Because if you're trying to get to something that's not you, it's not going to work, right? What is that guy Peter, I think it was Peter Drucker said something like having the ladder. If the ladder is leaned up against the wrong wall, the. It doesn't matter how fast you climb it, and every step is getting you further from where you really want to be. So we want to make sure that we're really aligned. How do you tell? Is a very reasonable question that people often ask. I would say, well, trial and error. I mean, it's really about your self awareness and knowing yourself. But I don't think we know ourselves in the absence of action. We know ourselves through trying things, through doing things, through testing things. Yes, there's self reflection. Yes, you might want to meditate or go on a mountain or do whatever to kind of get insight from internally, from the depths of whatever inside of us. You know, what's in between the strings in the vibration of the universe, up through what divine revelation you want to receive from something bigger than you. You know, some of that alone time, that reflection time, that deep thinking time. But then what you come back with is a lot of theory. It's untested. So you got to go test it out, try it out. Maybe this is, I think, This, I got the vision that I'm supposed to go in this direction. I got the download that I'm supposed to go this way. Okay, great. Are you gonna do it? Well, I don't know about that. I'm gonna sit on the download for a while. It's like, okay, maybe, maybe you need a little bit of time to plan out how to execute it in your life. But for the most part, we want to get that download, get that information, get that insight, and then turn it into, as my version is, as immediate action as possible until you get new data that tells you to delay for a little while. But for the most part, it's speed of implementation. Baby, let's do this. So you test it out, you try it out, and you see what actually is so. And then you discover more about who you are. You discover yourself through that action. Yeah, that is more of me. Nope, that's not me. And seeing what is so. And what I've discovered is some of those are going to be upgrades in the service of your best self. Some of those are going to be things you. Fulfilling roles that aren't right for you. But you discover that through doing it. And sometimes this is where it gets real interesting, is that maybe you are called to something in your better self, but the way you're going about it is just not quite right for you. Right. So for, I don't know, let's take an example of someone who wants to be in a romantic relationship. You know, maybe that is what they're called to. They do know they're meant to, like, share their life with someone in a deep way. That's not just because society tells them that, like, they really. That's really aligned for them. So that's not the problem. But the problem might be how they're going about doing it. Maybe they're doing it with a whole ton of pressure. Oh, my gosh, my clock's ticking. I'm 36. I should be married by now. My parents tell me I'm a loser. Everyone knows that. Oh, I got at the party. Oh, my friends are getting married. Oh, I'm such a loser. Hate myself. So the problem is not the vision for where you want to be. The problem is how you're treating yourself. You're not on your own side. You're not actively engaging in rewarding yourself and acknowledging your wins. You're not taking effective action. You might say, how dare you? Is he. I'm dating all kinds of people. Well, it's not effective because I'm not creating life that you want, right? So what's going on there? So we want to look at that stuff. So again, the problem might not be where you're going, it's about how you're trying to do it. So there's a lot of stuff I just put out there. Now let's talk about upgrading. And if you want to re listen to that part, because that was pretty dense, you can do that at some point. Upgrading. Well, upgrading is going to involve you consciously practicing something in the service of whatever vision you have. And that's going to be external action, but it's also going to be internal belief shifts, internal mental upgrades. So a valuable question to ask yourself would be, okay, this best self, I like to think of it as my future self, right? Because if it's my best self, am I going to get there or not? Well, I don't know. But my future self. Yeah, well, because I'm going to get to the future, baby. It's going to happen. So my future self, in fact, just in this moment, can you access your future self? And if you want to use best, you can say your best future self, who you are meant to become. Forget about time frames. I'm not saying this is next week, next year, 30 years, it doesn't matter, just the future. Keep it real broad, just tune into it. We have so many senses that we just don't access, you know, and it's only intensified, I mean, as we were already. I mean, I'm one of my 38, but I've been bombarded by media my whole life. It's only intensified with that exponential graph disturbing shit. But it's only intensified in the last 10, 15 years. Probably only going to continue to keep intensifying. So what that bombardment of external media and screens and other things does is it tends to diminish our finer senses. And so if you take a human who's grown up, you know, out in the bush or in a jungle or something, they're able to hear shit that you and I could not hear. They're able to see things that we could not see. They're able to sense things with temperature. I mean, and this, you don't have to be like super rural or super kind of primal on the earth lifestyle. I remember my brother telling me a story about this guy that he met who was a monk who lived out in the woods near Carmel, California. My brother was backpacking out there with his friend, and the guy gave him a short ride, and when he dropped him off, he said, hey, you know, you guys, it's gonna rain, so make sure you got your. You know, you guys got gear for that. And my brother, and they were in high school at the time. This was many years ago. My brother and his friend were kind of like, whatever, old man. Cause it was like a sunny day, a clear day. And then sure enough, within like several hours, by that night, it was dumping rain. And they were both like, whaaaat? How'd that dude know? That dude looked it up on the Internet. No, I don't know. But he was able to perceive something. He had senses. And you and I have those senses too. And one of those senses is a sense of time and a sense of being able to communicate across distant space and time. And one of those things is with your future version of yourself. So, like, you're able to actually access a sense of your future self if you wanted to. Right now it's available just as a sense that we might not have accessed yet. But you're doing it right now. So tune into your future self. What do you see? How does that version of you move? Stand? Let's get real basic. How do they stand? How do they look? You can close your eyes if you want. If you're not driving, obviously don't close your eyes if you're driving. It's a bad idea. But for the most part, if you can, you can pause whatever you're doing and just close your eyes for a second. You might get more. More information might come to you. What does this future version of you look like? And you can tell a lot about somebody just by how they carry themselves physically. So a fascinating thing that happens for me is my future self. When I tune into him. He's got more gray hair than I do now. He's older, but he's like. His posture is better than mine now. He's like, really vibrantly regally upright. And it's like sort of like a wisdom that kind of just emanates off all from the posture and from, like, the facial expressions or face, even, like, everything. I can just sense wisdom. And I. So the first thing, as soon as I think about that and start connecting to that future self, I am automatically more upright in my posture. Even right now, as I'm recording, without, like, trying, like, I'm gonna stand up straighter. It's just. It's like the connection starts to be formed. There's like an informational exchange back and forth between your future self and you now. So whatever's coming up for you, what do you see? What do you sense now? Here's once there's a connection made, you're just going to ask, does that future self have any information for you? Now maybe you have a specific question you want to ask, but you could also just be like, hey, is there any information that you have for me right now? And just take a moment to actually do that. Even if you're like, I don't know what Aziz is talking about. Like, I'm just going to, alright, I'm just going to ask this made up imaginary thing in my head. That's fine. If you think it's made up and imaginary, it's not real, Whatever. Like the whole world is illusions. Like your visual system is based upon making stuff out of a whole bunch of nothing, Right? So what, what illusion is real? What imaginary thing is real versus imagining? I mean you could, is it valuable? Is it useful? Is it inspiring? Is it energizing? Does it serve you? Those are better questions than am I really imagining it or what's happening? I mean, I lived so many years of my life as like hyper skeptical and it really kept me stuck. It was a lot of fear underneath that. So just open your mind, open your heart and say, okay, what wisdom might something, my future self, my best self, my higher self, the universe, whatever you want to tap into, just like what might it have for me, any information for me right now? So just take a moment to do that. We'll do that all together right now. Doing great. Tune in if there's a specific question you have or just anything opening yourself to receive. Pretty cool, huh? Anything come to you? You know, there's someone I knew who shared a story with me about a guy who was not woo woo or psychologically minded or spirit. He was actually a computer programmer. Not that computer programmers can't be those things, but this guy wasn't. He was like hard science, data, computer science. I don't know if he talked like that, but anyway, he was very successful in a lot of ways. And so this friend of mine who asked him, what's your secret? And he said, you know, for years I spent a little bit of time each day doing a chat with my future self. And this guy's such like a tech nerd, he actually programmed like a chat window. But it was basically he was responding both sides. It wasn't like some AI was giving him answers, but he would just type and then there would be a response, but it would be a thread, like a communication thread that was visible that he could go back and look on and he'd be doing that for years. And he said that part guides me through things, gives me insights on decisions to make, all this stuff. So there's something really powerful here. And the question is, okay, you get some insight, you get some wisdom, you get some decision, okay, then what? Then you gotta act on it. And here's the thing that I think is so important about upgrading ourselves. You are. It's very unlikely. This is just from my own experience of seeing a lot of people that I've worked with who radically upgraded their identity. In fact, my Mastermind program, it's a one year group program, is entirely focused on an identity upgrade. Not just being able to do something new or have a new action or even just a period of feeling more confident. That's great. Those are great signs of progress. But what we want is a radical change in your identity where you change how you see yourself. From I'm an anxious person to I'm a confident person. And it's not a temporary thing. It's a new identity that's locked in place. And you're able to bring that with you to new situations, new environments at work, new interviews, new leadership positions, new relationships. And so I've seen this process for a lot of people, and I think most people have a fantasy that's born out of a hunger desire for ease that says, you know what? I just want to get the thing that gives me like the wholesale permanent upgrade. You know, what's the new belief, what's the new action? And it doesn't work that way, you know, it's more like fitness. You build it, you practice it, you get stronger at it through repetition. And it's piecemeal, it's messy, it's up and then down. You get that new foothold and then you slip. You see clear for a day and then you go dark for a couple of days. That's how it really works. And you keep accessing this decision inside of you that says, you know what? Something better is possible. And we talked about in the last episode, if you haven't heard about being the captain of your own ship, that's a huge part of the upgrade that I've been experiencing in my life over the last, I'd say two years. And it's only been increasing. I mean, it's like each month I get it at a deeper and deeper level. And the more I apply it, the more amazing my life becomes. And that's the decision to be the captain of my own ship, the decision to take total ownership. And that's also combined with another decision which is to Practice my focus to focus more on wins and what's going well than on shit that is going wrong or could go wrong. Because I have a long history of anxiety, of feeling anxious about what could go wrong and inadequate about all the stuff I didn't get to and what I didn't do right. It's a beautiful recipe for life right there. And so I catch myself going into that regularly. And then I redirect again and again and again. That's how the upgrade process works, I believe. It's not like all of a sudden, I just never do that again. Maybe eventually, eventually through enough conditioning, but, you know. So, for example, let's say you're in a work meeting and you're like, oh, man, I'm nervous to speak up here. Oh, but I read that book, or I got that insight the other day. I should be able to just speak up. It's like, you got to do the work. So what was the insight? The insight is, you know what? I'm going to test out what really happens. Instead of just predicting that they're going to not like what I would say, I'm going to test out what really happens. Okay? So you speak up and you share something. Maybe it's great, maybe it's messy, maybe they like it, maybe they don't like it. But you tested it. That's you practicing it. And guess what? That allows you to practice it again. So here's a little example of me practicing it. So just this weekend, it was a Sunday morning, we were just like, cleaning stuff up around the house. And there's these drawers in our kitchen that are just like a shit show of art supplies, kids stuff. Because my wife does a hybrid homeschooling thing with our kids. And. And so she has a lot of supplies and things she needs for them. And it was just like this total mess. And I couldn't put certain things away that were on the counter because I couldn't get them in the drawers. And I was like, ugh, this is frustrating. And so that morning, I was like, hey, here's what I'd love, if we could spend some time this morning and just clean out these drawers. She was kind of like, reluctantly willing, like. And then we got in there, and she's like, oh, this is overwhelming. I can't look at it. I'm like, oh, hold on. Just stay with it. Let's just do it. What about that? What about that? So we got it all out on the floor, and we're all looking at these things. We're cleaning stuff up and we're making amazing progress, you know, and we're, you know, as parents of small kids, we're kind of rolling with, like, enrolling them to help us. And then they're bored. And then like, hey, why don't you. Let's get you set up drawing over here. While we're doing this, you kind of got to work with them. So we're doing this whole dance and we bust it and we get these, like, four huge drawer spaces cleaned and organized, and it is glorious. And as soon as we're done, I look around and I'm like, man, we got that mail pile over there and that area's a mess and this and then that. And I was just frustrated and irritated, like, ah, I want, like, I want more order than this in my life. I want more structure. I fucking hate these messes. And I was so frustrated. And I'm also trying not to communicate that frustration, but it's oozing out of me, right? I'm sort of irritable. And like, what about that mayopo, when you get to that? And then. Let me see the exact timing. Oh, I think I was going to go to the store with the boys. So we're starting to get ready to go to the store, and I go out. I think I was going to go dump some recycling in the bin outside. And I walked outside and it was kind of windy and a little bit rainy and water was hitting my face and I was breathing the fresh air and I was just like, okay, okay. We just, like, did this whole drawer thing and I'm irritable and dissatisfied and, like, oozing that at my family, like, is this my best self? Is this the best I can do? And the answer was clearly no. And I said, you know what? I am the captain of my ship. My suffering is not in my circumstances, how I'm steering. How am I steering this? And I'm like, I'm steering this pretty shitty. How am I steering it? Shitty. Dump the recycling into the bin. Thinking about it, I'm like, you know, I'm steering this shitty because I'm focused on all the stuff we have to do. That's a very old pattern of mine. I know that pattern. I know my mind goes there very quickly. You know what I'm focusing on all this shit I have to do and how I'm never gonna get to it. There's never enough time. Victim, victim, victim, dissatisfied. I said, you know what? I'm committed. I'm gonna focus on the wins. That's one of my Commitments, right? That's one of the upgrades that I'm focused on applying. So I'm gonna focus on what is the win here. I was like, the win here is we just organize these drawers that have never been organized in the history of our house. We've lived in this house for four years, and we live in a relatively small house. So things need. You need to have your shit together. It gets pretty messy pretty quick, not to mention two little kids. So, hey. But I'm like, you know what I like that is a win. I really focused on that. Like, that was amazing. We all rallied together. Candace was helping me. That was really, really good, you know? And you know what else is a win? That we have a house to organize in Portland right now. I mean, I don't know if this is happening. Whatever city you're in, maybe you're in the United States, maybe not. But in Portland, since, I guess, the beginning of COVID right, so March 2020, but especially over the summer, there's been a consistent rise of, like, tent cities. People that are tent areas, you know, people that are like, almost many of the freeway on ramps that are like grass areas, have, like, multiple people in tents setting up, you know, makeshift lives there. I'm like, dude, that's harsh. You're like, near a freeway. You got. I mean, it could be way worse, I'm sure, but that's a whole different experience of life than I got. I got a roof over my head, I got nice food in my fridge, organic groceries delivered to me. I mean, it's like luxury in comparison to being in the rain, in a tent on the side of a freeway. That's a win. I've got a house that we have healthy children who can be around as we're doing them. You can just go further and further out to broaden the perspective of wins. So I did that. And this is all literally happening in the course of a two minute walk to go dump some recycling and come back in the house. And I come back in the house and I walk straight to Candice and I said, hey, baby. I want to acknowledge that I was focusing on what we didn't do right there right before I went outside. And I want to say this is. And I just told her everything. This is amazing that we did this. Thank you so much for helping me. Thank you for doing this with me. Thank you for. I just thanked her and highlighted it and focused on the win. And I was like, how am I steering this? Like, you know what? I want to have fun. When we go to the grocery store with my boys. So how am I going to have fun? Well, I know if I get creative and play fun, we're all going to have a hell of a lot more fun. So I'm like, hey, guys. And there was like some fight going on because Zaim, my older son's like, I thought I was gonna go to the store by myself with you. And then his younger brother wanted to come. He's like, no, I wanted solo time with you. I don't want him to come. And then everyone's upset and I'm like, hey, guys. That's a great way to interject, by the way. Just a burst of energy. Hey, guys. I usually don't have anything of what I'm gonna say next. Hey, guys. And they're like, what? They pause for a minute. The fighting stops. And I'm like, I wonder what mystery bonus item we're gonna get at the supermarket today. And they both pause and they're like, as if. I know. I don't fucking know. But I'm like, well, we're gonna set the. We're gonna prime them for something. Zion's like, is it gum? And I'm like, no, no, no, I already told you we're gonna get gum. The other day. That's not the mystery bonus item. Like, what's the mystery bonus item? Like, I don't know. We gotta go find out. So all of a sudden the whole energy shifted. And guess what that is? That's my best self. Best self as a husband, best self as a dad, best self in my own personal focus and level of enjoyment of life. Because that's one of my goals for my higher self is to be able to thrive despite circumstances, to be the captain of my ship. And if you're wondering what the bonus item is, well, it's a mystery. Can't tell you. Alright, let's talk about you and your action step. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step today is going to be to apply what it is that you know from your future self. So, like, what's an insight or a philosophy or something? And you don't have to have invented it yourself. Like, you might have heard it from somebody or you might have heard it from me, or what's something that you know when you tune into your future self, you're like, yeah, I live by that. I do that more than I do now. Okay, pick it. And then focus on just now not doing. I'm doing this every day for the rest of my life. Like, no, just focus on like that's why I told you that little example about being in the house and going out to the recycling. It's like just a real little moment where can I interject this just once today? Boom. A little moment. Because that's how change works. That's how massive upgrades take place. Not in one big fell swoop, but in incremental action over time. Progress day by day, moment by moment. So just decide on the thing, or listen to the thing from your future self or best self and receive what it is and then act on it. That's your action step for today. And in case you're wondering, we were in the bulk aisle this new season store and I'm getting some nutritional yeast and my son Armand points at the thing next to it. He's like, banana chips. Are banana chips the bonus item? And I looked at him, looked at the chips. I said, I think they are. And they're both like. And so we get banana chips. And how much might emerge in your life, how many gifts, how many blessings, how much joy, how much liberation can occur when you just make that shift and start to live as your best self right now. Thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free vlogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social contact confidencecenter.com.