If You're Too Nice... Watch This!

Are you too nice? Do you hold back, not want to upset people, not want to hurt people's feelings? You feel guilty, you feel concerned, you feel worried, you feel afraid of what are they going to think of me? And do I say that right? Am I doing that okay and am I bothering people and they really like me and on and on and on. If so, you're going to learn something in this video that's going to change everything for you. Now I know that sounds kind of dramatic, but it's true. And it's a simple distinction that I've taught many people. In fact, I recently just taught this at a live online workshop and people were talking, it was a two day workshop and people were talking about this one thing for the whole two days, saying that was the most valuable thing they got out of it. So when I hear that, I say, ah, it's time to share this with you. And if you're liking these videos, you're benefiting from this channel. Click down below to subscribe so you don't miss a video. You can click the little bell notification so you get the notifications when these videos come out. Because the more you watch this, the more your confidence is going to transform. Now, what is this one thing you need to learn? It is a simple distinction between hurting versus harming. Now let me explain where this comes from. Most nice people are afraid of hurting other people. You don't want to hurt their feelings. So when someone wants something from you, you don't want to say no, why? Because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Someone wants to go on another date with you, but you don't want to date them. You're like, oh, I don't want to reject them. That's going to hurt their feelings. Someone asks you for something and maybe you're saying, oh, not now, but later, oh, I don't want to say that. I don't want to hurt their feelings. Or maybe even just being real in a conversation about what you like and don't like and what you're into in your life, like, well, I don't know if they're going to like that or not. So I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. I don't want to hurt anybody. And that is a noble virtue to, you know, cause no harm in the world. But you got to make a distinction between hurt and harm because they're very different things. Hurt. Hurt is when a human experiences pain. And what human does not experience pain at some point? I mean, there's pain all day long. You don't have to be in horrible physical pain. But if you're hungry, that's a form of discomfort or pain, right? If you feel emotional anxiety or sadness, that's a form of you're hurting. And people might say, I'm hurting inside, right? If you don't get what you want, you might feel disappointed and that hurts. And that could be something that you were hoping to achieve. That could be you want something from somebody. I want them to say yes to this thing and they don't. Now I'm hurting inside. I mean, heck, other people, not involved at all. You could just be thinking about your life and think, oh, I'm not where I should be right now. And you're hurting. So what human goes through the whole course of a day and doesn't have any moments of pain or discomfort or hurt? It's unheard of. What relationship are you involved in? Whether it's a social relationship at work or a romantic relationship where there's never any moment of sadness or upset or discomfort or anything. You're just in some sort of nervonic, anesthetized haze or something. I don't know what relationships those are. They don't exist on this planet. So that's hurt. Hurt is inevitable. Pain is inevitable. Then there's harm. Harm is when you say or do something with the intent to. To get somebody. And it could be mild, right? Like you just kind of roll your eyes a little bit as they're talking or make some huffle sounds, or you kind of say a snappy thing. Well, what if you didn't do that? Why did you say this? You know, a little bit of harm there and then it could be much more severe, right? Saying character attacks. You're stupid, you're an idiot. You're never going to amount to anything. Physical. Harm obviously is on that spectrum too, right? So harm is when you say or do something with the intent to. To cause that pain. If you're honest with yourself, that's your main purpose. And look, that we all go there. Sometimes we flip into red zone and we want to and we say something we don't mean in that moment. Our desire is to make them feel bad or to blame them or teach them a lesson or whatever. We all do that too, right? So that's harm hurt. You could say it in the nicest way possible. You could say, thanks for asking me out on another date. I'm not feeling it in that way and I want to wish you all the best. I mean, how do you say it any more kindly than that and that person still might feel bad. Well, guess what? That's not your responsibility. That's their responsibility. And that is a huge life changing distinction. When you really get that, you might say, that sounds good. But no, no, no. I have to take responsibility. You don't have to. You're choosing to. And you're choosing to again and again and again. So I'm going to invite you to really look at that choice and ask yourself, does this serve me? And does this actually serve others? Because does it really serve you to say yes to a second date when you don't want to? Does it really serve you to go do that extra favor and then feel a bunch of resentment afterwards? Does it really serve the other person? So start to pay attention to that. Take that distinction between hurt and harm and use that to liberate yourself. Now, if you want to take things further, check out down below my ebook and video course called five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. You can click down below to get that for free now and until we speak again. You have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.