I’m Kind Of A Big Deal

Coming to you from the center for social confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to shrink for the shy guy helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Azeez.

Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz. And today you're gonna learn how to see, feel, and know that you're a big deal. That's right, You. You are a big deal. In fact, you're kind of a big deal. And by the end of this episode, you're gonna start knowing that feeling that, experiencing that, and we're gonna remove all the junk that's in the way that's telling you that you're not, that you shouldn't be, that you can't. And you're gonna leave just really feeling good about yourself, proud of yourself, proud of who you are, and knowing I'm kind of a big deal. And just what could that bring to your life? If you really thought a lot of yourself, you really. Not in some weird, egomaniac way, like, I'm better than everyone. Everyone's. That guy sucks. I'm better than him. Right? That's kind of desperate. I'm talking about really rock solid sense of, like, yeah, I'm awesome, and I'm doing a ton of cool stuff in my life. And of course people want to be friends with me. And of course women want to date me because I'm kind of a big deal. And if you hear that and you could have a couple different reactions, One, you could be excited, like, ooh, sweet. I want to feel that. You might also have a little bit of cringy, like, oh, God, that sounds arrogant. And don't worry, we're going to help you clear all that in today's show. So before we dive in, if you want to go way deeper with this stuff, go to socialconfidencecenter.com and. And you can get a shelf, a free ebook there. You can also learn about the confidence masterminds that I run, which are incredibly powerful. I love them. I've been seeing amazing results from people in them, so I'm really excited about doing more. That's where I take eight people, and we go for six months together, and we go deep and we help people turn major stuff around in their life faster than they ever thought possible. They bond with each other, they have lifelong friends, and they get inspired and motivated by each other. And we also get to spend a weekend where we all hang out just together, just a very small group, and help people break through really fast. And those are A great way to work with me. That's a lot more accessible than the one on one coaching, because I have very limited time for that at this point. And the groups in some ways are just really powerful in their own way because we learn from each other. People get feedback from each other they couldn't get from me. It's really amazing. So you can learn more about that@SocialConfidenceCenter.com as well. Okay, so let's look at. I'm kind of a big deal. So I had this on a shirt. I still own that shirt. It says I'm kind of a big deal. And where does that come from? Well, that comes from. Have you ever seen the movie Anchorman with Will Ferrell? And if you haven't, oh my God, go rent it right now. It is hilarious and awesome. And he is an anchorman in San Diego in the 90s, I think. No, in the 70s. That's when it is. And it's like the heyday of local TV anchors. And so he's very popular and famous around town. He has these parties at his house and there's this woman that shows up who is new in town. He's never seen her before. And at this party, I mean, he's like such a popular guy. He's strutting around in his orange robe with his chest and belly hanging out and all these women are falling all over him. It's just absurd. But he sees this one woman, Christina Applegate is the actress, this beautiful blonde woman, and he wants to go talk to her. And he approaches her in just this super over the top, like, of course you're gonna want to be with me way. And she doesn't know who he is. And so he basically just says, like, you have a gorgeous ass in some awkward way. And she's like, okay, I gotta go. And then he's like, wait, wait, do you know who I am? She's like, no, I don't. He's like, I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal. And I mean, it was one of the best lines in a movie. I'm kind of a big deal. And so I remember I saw a shirt, I could get it online. I bought it and I love it. I love wearing it because it reminds me of this, that why don't we all feel like I'm kind of a big deal? And let's look at what might get in the way of that and what stops us from feeling. And then we're talking about how to feel that more. One major toxic pattern that we all do that stops us from feeling like we're kind of a big deal is discounting. Discounting. You familiar with what that is? Discounting means to make it not count. The word is pretty self explanatory there. But it means we don't make it. We make it not count. So we kind of ignore it, we explain it away, we say that it doesn't matter so much. And I used to have a terrible habit of discounting everything. My accomplishments, my achievements, my dreams, my relationships, my growth and progress, my successes, my life, just discounting it all. Oh, that was not so great. Everyone could do that. Actually, I didn't even get that far as to explain why I was discounting. I just did it as a habit, as a matter of fact. So I do awesome on a certain. In a certain class or on a certain test. When I was younger, I'd just be like, all right, what's next? Move on. Like, not even pausing to acknowledge it, just discounting it. Do you discount stuff? Do you discount your achievements and where you are in your life, what you've been able to create, what you've been able to do? Do you discount the fact that you've been able to maybe create some amazing relationships with people, friendships, people that you love? You have good relationships with your family, Maybe you have an amazing relationship with a woman and your wife. Maybe you have a great relationship with your kids? Do you discount that? I don't mean like discount as in you don't care about them. I mean discount as in you don't give yourself any credit for what you've done to create that and nourish that and sustain that. Do you discount stuff? This is something that I've done a ton of work on, and I do it less, but I notice I can still focus, fall into that habit. Even today I remember I got an email from someone that said, it must feel amazing to know that you're changing people's lives for the better. And I actually had to pause and be like, yeah, I want to feel that more. Because I could just discount it. Yeah, big deal. So what? That's what I do. What's the next thing I got to do more? Not enough yet. And it's painful. And we don't get to really relish the impact that we're having, the love that we're experiencing, the success that we created when we get that promotion or create that business that becomes successful, make that sale, whatever it is. And then we kind of have this attitude of it's no big deal. Why do we do that? Why do we do that? In fact, let's explore that in just a second. Take a quick break. And I want you to think about why would we discount stuff? What could we possibly want to do? What might be your reasons for that? And then we're going to look at how to break free of that, how to let yourself be a big deal. We're going to talk about the hero's journey, a sense of mission, purpose and grand significance. We're going to talk about how you can celebrate and honor your successes. We're going to talk about a ton of great stuff. So we'll be right back right after this.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to work directly with Dr. Aziz? After breaking free from shyness and social anxiety himself, he has now gone on to help thousands of men and women do the same. Here is what One client of Dr. Aziz has to say about his experience.

When I thought about contacting Dr. Aziz, I was nervous because I would. I wasn't 100% sure whether I really want to do this or no. But then I told myself that if I really want to make a change, then I have to give it my best. So that's why I went ahead and got in touch with Dr. Aziz and I'm so glad I did. This weekend has been a very transformational experience for me. I came in having no clue what to expect, and I've been able to kind of look into myself and, you know, see where I'm at, realize all the belief systems and stories that I tell myself and who I and really see myself for who I truly am. I've been able to go out and do stuff like I never thought I would be able to do.

To get started on your journey towards lifelong confidence with Dr. Aziz, simply go to socialconfidencecenter.com coaching.

So why do you not see yourself as a big deal? What gets in the way? One of the biggest things is a sense of humbleness. And really, it's a fear of being arrogant. It's bad or cringy or makes my, as my wife says, it makes my bones itch. Right? It makes something just like uncomfortable to be like, yeah, I'm a big deal. Hell yeah, I'm awesome. And to really own it, to really take it in, to really feel it can be uncomfortable. Why? Well, one of the fears is that, well, people aren't going to like me if they hear me talking like that or thinking like that or seeing myself like that. They're not going to like me. They're going to think I'm this arrogant asshole and they're not going to want to talk to me. Well, let's just dispel that right now. You know, people like people who are self assured. I did a webinar a little while back on three keys to natural magnetism. And one of them is self assuredness. We want to be sure of ourselves. We're drawn to people that have that sense of certainty. So it's actually not true. What we're turned off by is when someone is disconnected in that and they're like, I'm the best. I'm better than you. And they're not just acknowledging that, hey, I'm a big deal, I'm awesome and let's talk or I'm interested in you, or now I'm gonna go create this thing. It's just I'm the best and now I'm gonna treat you poorly. I'm gonna condescend to you. I'm just gonna focus on getting what I want. Screw everyone else. That's the part that turns people off. So you don't have to worry about being self assured and thinking you're awesome and a big deal. That's not going to turn people off. That's actually going to make people like you more. Especially if you're attending to them, you're aware of them, you're present with them and you're really connecting with them. I mean, people will love you when you do that. So let's just jet that one right now. Another thing that people feel like is, oh, but it's just bad to talk like that. It's bad to be arrogant in that way. And it's just this really unexamined conditioning, I guess, from childhood or parents or whatever. This is total bullshit, man. Just let yourself be awesome. I mean, what the. Think about a sports figure that you love and admire. Like, I mean, this is back when I was a kid, but I loved probably like everyone in that era. Michael Jordan. I mean, the guy's a legend. No matter how old you are, what area, and you know who he is. And if you don't, well then upgrade to the most important, you know, Curran, LeBron James, something like that. When you look at people like that, they know they're awesome. They talk like they're awesome. They own it. And they're the best. They're incredible and we love them. So we want to bring that more into our lives. So let yourself be a big deal. I mean, the way I see it, is you can continue to live as you're living and feeling insecure and critical of yourself and being small and humble and better than those arrogant people, or we can just let that go and really step up into our greatness, into being as big as you're meant to be, and into being who you really are. Because if you think about anyone that you admire, they're not playing small. They're not telling themselves, oh, who am I to create that? Who am I to do that? Who am I to say that they're doing it, they're creating it, they're saying it, and we want to step into that. And as long as you're playing small and telling and discounting and saying, oh, I'm not this, I'm not that, I'm not a big deal, then you're not living out your purpose here. You're not really stepping up and being who you're meant to be. And in fact, that brings up an interesting concept, which is, have you ever heard of the Hero's Journey? This is something that Joseph Campbell created, this idea where he looked at a bunch of different ancient cultures. He was fascinating with studying those and their stories and their myths, and he found they all had a very similar story. Even if they never made contact with each other, even if they're across the world from each other. There is a very repetitive theme of this kind of story, which is young person leaves tribe to go for some reason to find their fortune or to defeat something that needs to be defeated to defend the tribe from some evil. But for whatever reason, they leave. And when they leave, they have to overcome many obstacles, lots of trials and tribulations, defeat the thing, the dragon, whatever it is, and then they return back to the tribe triumphant, with new gifts, new powers that then contribute to everyone there. And this is a really common story. And it's also the story of the original Star wars movies. And a lot of really famous movies have that theme to them. I mean, pretty much every fantasy book does, except for George Martin. Stuff that's just weird, twisted, dark, awesome fantasy. But anyway, there's a reason why we love this story because on some level, we're all living this journey. You are living a hero's journey in. It's epic. Your life is epic. It matters. I mean, we tend to discount that. Just another day working at the factory, and it's like, no, I mean, you're here for a reason. You're here for a purpose. You're here to do something, to create something. And it doesn't have to be grand and magnificent in the way that it affects a billion people or something. I mean, that's limited for a very small number of people to impact that many. I'm talking about something big in your life and impacting the people around you that matter. Maybe your hero's journey is to go out and quest and face your fears and fight through your inner demons so that you can step up and start meeting women and creating amazing relationships and find an awesome wife that you love and who adores you. And then to create an amazing, beautiful family together where you raise 1, 2, 3, I don't know how many kids and you're an awesome father to them. You teach them, you guide them, you raise them in a home of support and love. That is epic. That is a hero's journey that you're on. To fight through whatever you need to fight through to be able to do that. Maybe it's to create something in a business, maybe it's to excel in your career and fight through those inner demons so you can step up and be more of a leader in your field and in your career, whatever it is for you. But that is epic. That's not. It doesn't matter. Oh, whatever. Oh, who cares? Just go into work. I mean, if you hold it that way, then it becomes that way and then you feel that way and you lose energy and confidence and what does it matter? Just another day at work. I'd prefer not to hold it that way. I'd prefer to hold it as epic. A grand significance. I love that term, that idea. And I mean, if you take a step back, it's true, isn't it? I mean, our lives are incredible. What are we doing on this planet? We're on this rock floating in outer space as far as we can tell and see with our eyes. The only one like it in billions of miles of direction. Trillions. And what the hell, I mean, this is magic. This is epic. So let's start living that way. Let's step up into that and. And we're gonna take a quick break right now. I'm all fired up. So we're gonna keep going and we're gonna look at how to let things in your life be a big deal, how to expand on that, how to take this energy and really make it a reality for you so that you can, on a day to day basis, feel the significance of your life and who you are and what you're doing here and really allow yourself to be a big deal. We'll be right back right after this.

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Welcome back. So let things in your life be a big deal. You want to let yourself be a big deal on this epic journey, this hero's quest, and you also want to let things be a big deal in your life. So what we want to do is we want to start by actually taking our awareness towards our successes, towards the things that we're doing, and to celebrate and honor them. So you can do this on several different levels. You want to maybe look at a larger level, like where you are in your life right now and look back and say, where was I five years before this? And look at what I've been able to do. Look at what I've been able to create and overcome and find the things, even if it's like, well, nothing much. That is your habit of discounting. And it's so strong, there's so much momentum behind it. You have to break it. You have to say, you know what? I'm going to start celebrating and honoring the small successes, even if they're really tiny. Like, well, I bought those three books and I was reading those and then I. Or I switched jobs or I used to be really stuck and shy and then I started talking to more people and now I'm better at talking to people. I'm still wanting to work on meeting women, but at least I can talk to people better now. But we want to focus on the thing that you can do now, the successes, the breakthrough. And. And you want to honor them by acknowledging them and then you want to celebrate them. And however you want to celebrate them is fine. I'm a big fan of literally celebrating. What was it? I just did this yesterday. I'm trying to remember the specific thing. I'm blanking on it now. I just remember the celebration. There was some milestone, something I wanted to create. Maybe it was some email series or something, I don't remember, but something kind of mundane. And I'd been working on it for a long time and then I completed it. I don't remember the specifics, but it was just Some mundane task that I needed to get done, and it was gonna help grow my business. And I remember completing it. And then I remember saying, oh, I just completed something. That's the time to celebrate. So I took my laptop and put it off on the table, away from my lap, and I turned a song on, put on my headphones, and I jumped around for two minutes being like, yes, yes, yes. Just getting all excited and celebrating. Even though, I mean, I didn't feel that excited when I did that thing. I was just ready to be like, all right, what's next? Like, not even missing a beat, not even pausing. But I know that when I do that, I'm discounting, and I'm not acknowledging that I'm a big deal. I'm not celebrating those successes. And that limits the sense of joy and contribution and love and connection and happiness that I can feel from all the stuff that I'm doing. And what's the point of doing all this stuff in your work, in your family and all these things if you don't really feel the success and the joy from them? And one simple way to do that is to literally stop what you're doing, put on some music, and actually celebrate. I know it sounds crazy and weird, but. But if you've listened to this much of this show and any other episodes, you probably know that I am crazy and weird. And that's part of being free, is to be able to do these things. So jumped up and down for two minutes felt great, and then back to what I was working on. So really celebrating those little successes. And if you want to do this each day, it can be even more powerful. In fact, that actually brings us to today's action step.

Time for action.

Your action step for today is be a big deal. How would you be in the world if you knew that you mattered, your presence mattered? Because you're kind of a big deal. So at that meeting, at that party, wherever you talking to those women, whatever it is, you matter. Your presence matters. You're kind of a big deal. And if you showed up that way, what would it be like? What would it look like? Really get a picture of that. That's sort of the broad idea. And then the actual specific action is gonna be to celebrate your successes once per day. So you can pick one success, like I was describing earlier in the show, and really celebrate that, or you can at the. You could do it at the end of the day and kind of look back at several. I find that in the moment is even better. But, you know, I understand that might not work in your life or whatever like that, but just find a time to celebrate at least one success, maybe several, and look for the ones from that day because we want to be training our brains to find those. Now you might say, well, they're not that big. I mean, all I did was went to a couple of meetings, took care of a bunch of emails, you know, got off work and did some errands and then came back and watched tv. I mean, come on. Epic. Yeah, right, right. It's an epic life. Thanks. But that's the magic in it, right? We gotta find it, we gotta create it, we gotta see it. So what could you celebrate in there? What were the meetings about? How did you show up in the meetings? Did you speak up? Did you take any risk whatsoever? And you might find that the more risks you take in your life, the more there's worse stuff. Celebrating not because the results are great, although when you take more risks, you get better results over time. It's a fundamental law. But you might just find that you can celebrate the fact that you took action, that you did something that scared you. Maybe you could celebrate the fact that you were working in this job. Maybe it's a job that used to make you go. I mean, when you first got it, you were crazy excited, celebrated like a madman. And now it's just, meh. It's what I do, meh. Maybe you could celebrate the fact of what you ate that day, the choices you made. Maybe you could celebrate something that you did in one of your errands. You're taking care of yourself in some way. Maybe you can just celebrate for no damn good reason. I'm a big fan of that one, too. Just putting on a song and jumping around for two or three minutes. Just celebrating. The physical act makes your physiology go crazy. Releases all kinds of enhancing hormones and chemicals into your body. Like testosterone releases, decreases cortisol. I mean, it's just good. And if you can link it to a specific success, even better. So that is the practice, that is the action step. Go forth and do this. And the more you do this, the more excited and passionate and alive you're going to be, the more power you're going to have. And the more you can acknowledge I'm kind of a big deal, the more you're going to feel confident, the more people are going to see you as confident. And the more successes you're going to have, the better your life's going to be. Good things come from that. And you can start by getting inspired, by watching Ron Burgundy himself in anchorman. Anchorman 1 and 2 are both awesome movies, so go check those out. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free vlogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.

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