In Life Boldness Is Rewarded

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about boldness. Oh, yes. And how boldness and why boldness is rewarded in life. And what its counterpart is, which might be called hesitancy or avoidance or cowardice, is not punished, but let's just say ignored, which is a form of punishment in itself, right? Because there's different kinds of punishment. Sometimes when people hear the word punishment, they think, you know, someone whacking their kid or their dog or something. But actually punishment has a very specific definition in behavioral psychology where there's different types of it and there's positive punishment and negative punishment. Positive punishment is when that is the smack or the yell or the criticism. That's when something is added to the situation that is painful. That's what punishment means. It's unpleasant or adverse stimulus. The other type of punishment, though, is called negative punishment, where you take away something that someone likes that's like, you know, if you hit your brother one more time, you're gonna lose your watching. Time for today, young man. Anyway, not that me or Candace ever say that, but actually that's how cowardice or hesitancy or avoidance is punished in life. It's through negative punishment. You don't get to. The good things are taken away, the good things are kept from you. You don't get to experience the good things in life. And I don't want that for you. And you probably don't want that for yourself. So you're in the right place if you experience that hesitancy, that social anxiety, that self doubt, that self criticism, that self judgment, something that's keeping you from being the boldest version of you, the freest version of you, the most confident version of you. I'm so glad that you're here because you can learn how to access more boldness. You can learn how to build that boldness muscle. And here is some inspiration to, to help you do what it takes to create that, because it truly is rewarded in life. In fact, I have a shirt that my son has that I gave to him, and it says, fortune favors the bold. Only the B in bold is the bitcoin symbol. And I don't know if you're familiar with bitcoin, but it's growing in its awareness and has been steadily, especially in the last three to five years or so, but it's been around about 11 or 12, maybe even 13 years. And it is a digital cryptocurrency or digital asset that exists on a global network of computers that are keeping it alive. So because it's a global network, you can't just destroy one computer and destroy it. So it is basically unstoppable, and it is uncensorable, uncontrollable by central governments and can be used as a store of value or a means of exchange. So it's a pretty fascinating technology, technology. It's never been hacked in its history. And you might have heard about it, you might have heard it on the news or looked into it yourself at some point, but it's something that I got very interested in a number of years ago, taking some money, some, quote, real dollars, and putting them into this thing that at first I was like, what? That's a funny story there that I actually tell to some people. Candace actually ended up having some that someone paid her in from a long time ago. And I ended up selling it when it was not worth that much at all because we discovered we had it. I was like, what is this bitcoin thing? And we had this hospital bill for the birth of our son. And I was like, just sell it, man. It's this weird thing. Whatever, it's worth something. Get rid of it. And so, hey, famous last words on that one. But anyway, but because I had some exposure to it, I was curious about it and at some points decided to invest some into it. And it was always scary, though, right? Because it's such a crazy volatile market that, you know, it has crazy compounding returns over the years historically, and some people believe even more to come. I certainly do. That's why I invested in it. But, you know, taking this money and putting in there is like, oh, boy. And then you put it in and it goes way down and then way up, and then way down, way up and way down. You're like, oh, God. Right? So it's scary, it's uncomfortable, but we do it anyway. And that's why my son's got the shirt, right? Because that. That's how you create something extraordinary in life. So it's not that the boldness is comfortable. It's not that you get to a point where it's easy. The liberation comes when you really get that in life, boldness is rewarded. Fortune does favor the bold. And so if I want things in this life, if I want any success of any, whether it's social success, friendships, dating, success, relationships, career success, more autonomy in my career, more choice, more meaningful work, more income, more impact, physical health, I mean, everything that you want to grow and everything that you want to succeed in is going to require boldness. And what is boldness? Well, boldness means you act in the face of risk or uncertainty or unknown. And so the opposite of that is going to be that hesitation, that avoidance, that cowardice where you truly, in whatever connotations you might have with that word that makes it seem like it's a horrible insult. I'm just meaning it in a very descriptive way, like you cower instead of leap. And the cowering or the hesitation might have a very reasonable rational explanation. Oh, let's not say I don't know about that. That's stupid, or that's not wise, or I don't think that's the right timing. And I'm not saying that you are completely brazen or reckless. Right. If you think of a spectrum, you know, there's on one end of the spectrum would be you hesitate and avoid everything and never take any risk. And on the complete opposite end of the spectrum would be that recklessness where you are taking undue risks, really, you know, as they would say, betting the farm on it. And maybe that's where if you see someone who's got a gambling addiction or makes a lot of repeated mistakes in investing and doesn't learn. Because by the way, if you invest any money, you're going to lose some money. That's guaranteed unless you've taken the most cautious approach ever. And even then, man, nothing is set in this day and age. Even just holding your cash, you're losing money at a fairly decent rate at this point due to inflation. So you know, you got a risk. And if you hesitate and don't take those risks, then you won't earn anything in investing. You also won't experience any result in any key area of life. And so when you're hesitating and you're telling yourself, I gotta be reasonable, I'm wait, I'm waiting, I'm gonna be reasonable. I'm gonna wait that you're too far on one's End of the spectrum, if you just are like, whatever, go for it. I got a good feeling about it. Yeah, and you lose and you lose again. You lose again, you lose again, you lose again. You're not learning anything and you're putting in really you or loved ones or family members in really detrimental circumstances again and again. Then you might say, okay, I've gone too far on the reckless end of the spectrum. And then what's that sweet spot in the middle? That's boldness. And here's the thing. When you have a life of hesitation or avoidance, then boldness feels reckless. It feels dangerous. And your mind is going to come up with ways in which it's going to bite you in the. In the ass and you're going to get in trouble and it's going to be problematic and it's going to hurt and it's going to be awful. It's going to put all those fearful predictions in front of you to try to get you to not leap. That's what a lot of this show is about. A lot of your growth, hopefully to become a more confident version of you is about is saying, okay, I see that. I hear that doubt now. I'm going to leap. And sometimes people ask me, well, how do you know the difference if it's the voice of doubt or it's the voice of reason? And I said, well, that's not a question I ask myself because I live a very unreasonable life. But what I'll do if I have a doubtful thought and maybe it's a new situation or it's a big decision in my life or something like that, then I'll say, okay, let me maybe is this a time to reassess? Let me go through things again. And so maybe I think on it for a couple minutes. If I've already thought about it through and I'm just checking again, it's pretty quick. And I say, no, that's the right move. Yeah, no, I think that's whether it's the right move. And I mean, I make decisions all the time when it comes to the business or marketing or decisions for our family or what I want to do with my free time and personal life decisions all the time. And so if the doubt arises, I'll check real quick. Okay. Is this the right move still? Yep. No, it seems like it's the right move. Okay, we're doing it. And it doesn't mean I'm not scared. It doesn't mean that the doubt doesn't tell me the terrible things are going to happen. But I assess the risk, I assess the likelihood, and I say, you know, it's pretty low and we stand to lose something, but we also stand to gain a lot by asking. I do this everywhere, everywhere asking for things. When it comes to working with a vendor for something or whether it's for business or something, regarding fixing something in our home or whatever, when they say their price, I'll say, great, can we go lower on that? Or how about this instead? And I make a counter offer, even if they're not saying, hey, my prices are flexible and I get no's a lot. And I'm like, hey. Well, as my dad used to say, the worst thing they can say is no. And I got a chance to test this recently with some negotiations around a property. So we're moving out outside of the city of Portland, out into the country, into the woods, which I'm very excited about. And there's multiple opportunities to negotiate. So when we first put a bid on the property, we underbid what their asking price was. And then they came back and we kind of settled on a number. But then you go through this two week period of inspections where you're looking at the property and you're getting all the stuff assessed and you're saying, okay, based on what we found, here are some additional liabilities and other problems. So therefore we want, you know, x amount off. And so we gave them an addendum saying we wanted a certain amount of repairs done and a certain amount of money off. And they came back like, way different number than us. And we were like, oh, okay. And I mean, they met us a little bit, but not that much. And then we had this choice point, like, do we just accept it or do we, you know, counter again? And I was assessing it and I was like, okay. In my general, I was asking, my realtor is also my friend. I said, hey, you know, in general, my life philosophy is the worst they could say is no. So I'm just going to ask for lower again. Is that true in real estate? Like, is it possible that when I say no to their offer and ask for a lower, that they could turn around and say, no, we're not going to go any lower and the deal's off. And he's like, well, technically, from the way that the offers are sent back and forth, you are rejecting their offer, so the deal is off until they send you a counter? And they could officially, they could technically not counter. He says, it's very unlikely, but that's possible. I said, okay, so we did it. We Countered. And as I was doing it, and Candice was like, eek. Because there is a risk, we're saying no to their offer. We're gonna go for more. In this case, we're gonna ask for more off. So there is this willingness to be bold. And whether it's on a big purchase, like a house or asking for something additional from someone who's doing some work for you, or asking for something added to your item at the menu, restaurant, or whatever it is in life, or asking someone for a date or asking someone if they want to take things further on a date, if you know what I mean. And sometimes you ask that verbally, and sometimes you are demonstrating your interest in seeing how they respond. But that's another form of asking. Going for the kiss. So in life, that boldness is rewarded, and the worst someone can do is say no. In this case, they came back into. They did say no. They said, this is the lowest we're gonna go. Do you want it or not? And then Candace and I were like, yes, okay, fine. So. Because I was more interested in getting the property and sealing the deal than, you know, negotiating every last drop out of them, because I, you know, you'd have to be willing to walk away at that point. And I honestly wasn't really willing to walk away because we really like it and we're really excited about it, so it was good enough, and we decided to take it. But we asked for it because fortune favors the bold. And I kept on saying that to Candace. I was like, in life, boldness is rewarding. She's like, you've said that, like, three times today. And I'm like, that's right. I'm pumping us up. I'm getting us ready to do this. And she kind of laughed, and she's like, well, that's true. And you do live that way. And the more I reflect on it, the more I do. There's this willingness to just go for it, to make mistakes, to risk, to fail. I've lost a large amount of money in investments. I've also made a lot of money in investments, and I've lost a lot of money in marketing efforts and campaigns and hiring people, things that didn't work. And then I've made a lot of money in marketing campaigns and hiring people and things that did work. I got rejected a ton in dating and relationships a ton. And I also had amazing dating experiences and expanded and explored in my sexuality and got confidence from a sense of like, oh, I am desirable. I am lovable. And I think that set me up to have an extraordinary relationship with Candace. There was a boldness in the way in which I initiated with her, I suppose is what you'd call it, in that we already knew each other. We were kind of part of the same community. But the way in which I shared how I felt about her, even though she was in a relationship and it didn't seem like I didn't know she was going to be available, but it was like, I'm going to passionately share where I'm at and just so it can be known, and then that's okay. I don't need anything. And then it turned out that it worked out quite well, right? So there was some more boldness that was rewarded. And I don't want you to just hear stories about my life. I want you to be reflecting on your own life right now. Where have you seen this for you? Where has boldness been rewarded for you? This statement is not some proclamation that you have to take on faith. You can actually test this out. You can see in your reality if this has been true for you. This is more of a hypothesis or a theory that I have tested it so much that for me, it is truth. But I want that to be truth for you, not just something that you hope is true or you think is true. It might start that way. You might need to take my word for it and say, okay, I'm gonna test this out. He seems pretty certain about it, so let me test this out, and then we'll see. Because if you're willing to do that and you're willing to test it out, you're gonna start to experience the results of that. Now, not only do I have my own experience to create that sense of certainty, but working with so many clients over the years and watching people at my events and my group programs practice this stuff again and again and again, and boom. Whether it's the short term or the long term, boldness is rewarded. It might be in the short term, because if you ask for something, you might get it. If you ask for more, you might receive more. It's also rewarded in the long term because even if you receive a no right now, in the short term, there is more opportunity down the road. And because you're the kind of person who is willing to take the action and willing to go for it, you will be able to seize that opportunity rather than just let it pass you by and watch it go by on the from the sidelines. Does that make sense? So, in fact, let's actually talk about how to Put this into action for you right now. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step is going to be to practice some boldness in your life, not just one action. Because if you're kind of like, okay, I'll try out this boldness thing. Here I go. It works. So kind of say, okay, I'm gonna work out once and see how that works. For me it's like, no, you gotta commit to working out regularly and then you get to see the results of it. That's the same thing. Commit to boldness regularly for a period of time. Let's say 30 days. 30 days of bold action. What if every day you say, what's something bold I can do today? And it doesn't have to be radical life changing events like I'm gonna leave my job or move to a new city maybe. But it could also be like, I'm gonna say no or I'm gonna ask for that thing. It's just that action that makes you go a little bit like, ooh, right. There's a part of you that says, no, no, do it. No, do it. Danger. You say, okay, you know what? I am gonna do it. Here I go. And you take that bold action. Do that as many times as you can over the next 30 days and see the results. Are you rewarded? How are you rewarded? What are the rewards? Maybe keep a journal of it. Maybe train your awareness to start to catalog that or keep track of that. Cause what you'll see over time is that you are rewarded. And what that does is that inspires you to take that action. Because then even when you're scared, even with the party's like, oh, I don't know, it's like, you know what? I'm gonna do it. Why? Because that's just what I do. And I know over time this is the winning strategy. You know, I had some friends when I was younger who were really into Texas hold'. Em. In fact, they played it for a number of years. They played it professionally online. There was kind of this heyday before there was some crackdowns on the, the online poker sites that made them more restricted and what jurisdictions they could operate in. But for a while, they were kind of all over the place. And I knew some guys in college who played full time. You know, they played four games at once on their computers. And I spent a lot of time with them. I played a lot of home games with them. I went to Las Vegas with them and I got, I don't know, okay, at Texas hold'. Em. But they were real sharp and one of the best players, his name is Augie or August. And one of the best. The best guy in the friend group, you know, he consistently won, and the reason he consistently won is because he was, like, really sharp on. What are the odds here on this hand, given this scenario? So given this hand, given my. The flop, given the cards out, given the other players, the best thing to do here is to fold, or the best thing to do here is to raise, because statistically, that's what's gonna work out. And he just stuck to that. And he was really good at sticking to that and removing the emotion from it. And he won a lot because he didn't win every hand. Sometimes someone lucked out on him. Sometimes he got a bad beat, but he consistently played with this level of, you know, doing, quote, the right thing, the thing that's gonna be the most likely to produce the result. And that's exactly what boldness is. It's the most likely to produce the best results for you. So test it out in your life. Thank you for being with me. Until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.

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