Dr. Aziz identifies delay tactics and excuses as the main barriers to confidence, with fear underneath both. He prescribes repeated exposure to scary situations as the way to build it: do the thing again and again until the fear fades.
Hey, Dr. Aziz, here, in this short video I'm going to share with you, two things that you're doing that are going to block you from getting the confidence that you want. Those two things are delay tactics and excuses. As long as you're doing these things, you're not going to develop the confidence you want. So let's get right into it. The first thing I mentioned was delay tactics. Delay tactics are things you say, that allow you to put off doing the work that's required to build the confidence. So, for example, you want to be able to go talk to women and date and create relationships, or you want to get better at public speaking. In any area of confidence, in order to grow, you must approach the thing that you're scared of. You must systematically do it again and again and again until it no longer scares you. That's the fundamental thing that I teach. It's step three and the five steps to unleash your inner confidence. Do what scares you. So at some point, you have to take action. You have to do the thing that scares you. And that's where our delay tactics come in. So a delay tactic is you say, I can't do that right now. I will, but later. And I see this all the time. So one area where this comes up is I was working with a guy recently who was a young guy, he's about 20, and he lives at home right now. He's saving up money to go get his own place. He says, aziz, I can't talk to women right now. I can't talk to women right now because I'm living at home. And there's no woman that would want to date me because when she finds out that I live at home, it would be over. And that's bs, his belief system. But as long as he was saying that, he was delaying. So therefore, I won't even try to talk to women because I have this thing now. When I get out of my own place, then I'll do it. Here's one other delay tactic. I found someone who is a little bit overweight, and they're like, well, and they weren't even that overweight. They were like five pounds, something like that. I'll talk to women when I get in really good shape. And again, it's like, well, that's just delaying it. Oh, yeah, in three or four months. So what we're doing right there, and if you're doing that, find out what your delay tactics are. What you're doing is, you know, there's going to be discomfort to build the confidence that you want, but you're just pushing it. You're just kicking the can down the road. Yeah, I'll do that discomfort. I'll do that uncomfortable thing to build my confidence in three months. So those are delay tactics. Notice what your delay tactics are and just break through them. Stop believing in those stories. Realize that you have to take action now. Or as a teacher of mine said, when would now be a good time? So the second thing that you're doing that's going to block you from any comments you want is making excuses. Now, excuses are the stories that you tell yourself that stop you from. From taking action. So again, let's stick with the theme of dating. You want to go talk to that person over there. You see a woman that you're attracted to and you don't, and you give yourself some excuses like she's not really that attractive, or now's not the right time. My hair is a little messed up today. I'm tired. I don't feel like it today. So therefore, and that could go to talking to women. That could be like, today's the day I'm going to speak up in a meeting at work. No, I don't feel like it. I'm not prepared enough. You know, whatever the thing that you're wanting to grow into, whether it's public speaking, dating and relationships, being yourself, starting a conversation with that stranger. No, now is not the time. I just don't feel up to it today. I'm not wearing the right underwear. My shoes are. My shoes aren't clean enough. You know, they start getting pretty desperate, don't they? All of these things are excuses. And here's why. They are going to block you from ever getting the comps that you want is because what's underneath those, any of the stories that you're telling yourself is just one thing. It's fear. It's. I'm scared that if I go start that conversation with that group of people, they're going to not like me. I'm going to get rejected. And I'm terrified of how that's going to feel inside of me. Or I don't want to start a conversation with that woman or ask her out because she's going to say no or she's going to say yes, and then eventually find out that I'm bad, and then I'm going to feel even worse. That's terrifying. I'm scared of that. I'm scared of speaking up. So when you can identify that underneath it is just fear, then you get tremendous power. Because as long as you're saying it's an excuse, oh I would have. But then you are stuck in the realm of story and excuses and there's no way to break through that. But if you can say, you know what, I didn't do it because I was scared. I just felt a lot of fear. Then you have power. Because then you can examine what you're scared of. What did I imagine would happen. You can see what stories and images your mind creates and challenge those. Come up with alternatives and imagine alternatives and then take action again and again. Because once you know that it's fear, you know the way out of fear. And if you don't know it, then I'll tell it to you right now. The way out of fear is to go through the fear again and again and again and again until you extinguish it. That's the only way, the only long term lasting way. So notice where you're using delay tactics. Notice where you're giving yourself those excuses. Bust through it. Break through them. Take, take action now. Do what you're scared of now. And notice how rapidly your confidence can increase. So thanks for listening. I'm Dr. Z's until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are.
