A short motivational YouTube talk by Dr. Aziz (founder of the Center for Social Confidence) that explains why people fear being nervous in social situations and offers a mindset shift: nervousness itself is not the problem—believing it is unacceptable is. He encourages accepting nervousness, reducing self-monitoring, testing the idea in real interactions, and moving toward fuller social engagement; ends with viewer CTA to subscribe and comment.
Are you worried about being nervous when it comes to approaching somebody, interacting, speaking up in your life? In this video you're going to learn why you're nervous and most importantly, what you can do right now to radically shift that so you're not afraid about being nervous, which actually ends up making you less nervous. I'm Dr. Z. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and I've written five best selling books on confidence. And I want to share this tool with you that just came up recently in my work with a client. So if you're ever held back by that fear of being nervous around others, that's a hallmark of social anxiety, anxiety and niceness and people pleasing, this video is going to be powerfully helpful for you. So make sure you subscribe down below to catch videos like this and other ones for my channel so that you can become a more confident, bold version of you. So when you are worried about being nervous around someone else, what are you actually afraid of there? And so what? I can't be nervous around somebody? That's bad. Why is it bad? Well, generally when you think that you're nervous around someone, the fear you have is that they're going to see that you're nervous. It's like in poker where you have a tell where you telegraph your hand, you telegraph what's going on inside of you. So maybe your voice is shaky, maybe you blush, maybe your eyes are shifty. Something is going to telegraph off of me that's going to show that I'm nervous and then that's end of story, that's horrible. And then you spend a lot, maybe 90% of your mental resources, your emotional focus. On what? On hiding that you're nervous, on trying to pretend that you're something else. And first of all, you might not even approach the person in the first place, but let's say you did, then it's a lot of monitoring yourself. How am I coming across? Did that look nervous? Did they see that? Oh my gosh, I better not do this. I better. Oh no, no. They saw that I was nervous. Oh my gosh, my voice quaked. Ah. Now is that going to be the best setup for a great conversation? Great connection, great presentation, great job interview? Probably not, right? So what's going on there? Well, there's a core belief underneath all of this, which is if people see that I'm nervous, then they're going to conclude that I'm inferior and they're going to be right. Being nervous shows that I'm less than I'm submissive to. I'm inferior to. I'm inadequate. There's something less about me that's not respectable, not worthy, not lovable, not sexy, not attractive, not powerful, not desirable. That being nervous is the opposite of all of those. And so nervous becomes this forbidden, unacceptable state. And what is nervous is just another word for tense or anxious, right? So being anxious, being afraid, being uncomfortable is all unacceptable and must be hidden. And you spend all your energy trying to hide it. And that is what makes the conversations problematic. So let me open up your world for you, which is so relieving when I really got this. The problem is not being nervous. The problem is your idea that being nervous is. Is not okay. That's so important. If you just get this, it's going to totally free you up in conversations. The problem is not that you're nervous or that you're afraid or that you're anxious. The problem is not that you blush or your voice quivers or any of those other tells. None of those are the problem. Even your mind going blank is not a problem. You might say, z, that's a horrible problem. No, I'll show in just a minute how you can. That can be no issue whatsoever. The problem is that any of those things freaks you out because you have a story that says that's really bad, really unacceptable. It's going to lose all love and connection. Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame. So what's the solution? The solution is it's okay to be nervous. And it really is. It's okay to be nervous. Because when you get that, it's okay to be nervous, nervous doesn't have to mean the end of a connection. You can be nervous and still go talk to somebody. You could be nervous and still give a presentation. You could be nervous and still go on a date. Look, I'm nervous. And how are you doing? What's going on with your life? Let me ask you a question. Let me share this thing with you. But your voice is quaking. Yeah, because I'm a little nervous or a lot nervous. I'm excited to be on this date with you and I'm nervous. I hope it goes well. I want to get to know you better. Now, whenever I bring this up with people, one of their first reactions is, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I could never reveal that. I can never reveal that. And what's that showing you? Maybe you have that reaction. What that's showing you is that you are entrenched in the idea that it's completely unacceptable. And you know that everyone else would think that too. And, you know, if that's your conclusion, that's how you want to live, that's your choice. But if you want freedom, if you want liberation, you probably do. If you're watching this channel, watching these videos, then the path to liberation is not to hate that part of you and try to squish it down and try to hide it and then avoid everything that doesn't work. How long have you been doing that? The path to liberation is to free yourself from the idea that that's unacceptable. And then over time, you can start to even let others know that you could broadcast it. You could also just not worry so much about trying to hide it all. And what you'll find is. I mean, I approached hundreds of people. I give presentations, I give talks, I approach beautiful women I dated, all while feeling nervous part of the time. Then part of the time, you're not nervous. Sometimes I'm nervous, sometimes I'm not. It's no big deal. Sometimes I'm hungry, sometimes I'm not. Can you not approach anyone if you're hungry? Can you not give a talk if you're hungry? Sometimes I'm, you know, I'm wearing a black shirt, sometimes wearing a blue shirt. Well, I can't go talk to people when I'm wearing a blue shirt. Right. It's that irrelevant. And you think that the nervousness is going to make the conversation bad? No, it's the needing to hide the nervousness that makes the conversation bad. And if you don't believe me, test it out and you'll find that you're so much freer than you think, that the jailer, the prison guard that's keeping you in the cage is not that person judging you. It's you judging yourself out of a fear of taking a risk to really connect and really live in your life. So hope this serves you and inspires you to take that risk. Share down in the comments below what you're finding most valuable from this video. Make sure you subscribe so you can check out more and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
