Dr. Aziz (video uploaded Feb 18, 2024) argues that selfishness should be treated as a dial rather than a light switch. He recommends moving from self-denial toward a moderate level of selfishness (about a 5–6 on his dial) to set boundaries, ask for what you want, and transform relationships and career outcomes without becoming aggressively demanding.
Here's why. Being selfish will transform your life. Now, when you first hear that, you might think that this is going to be a bad thing, that people are going to turn on you, that I'm going to tell you to be a bad person and it's going to ruin your life. No, because you think of selfishness as a light switch. You either turn it up or down. You're selfish or you're not. No, it's a dial. And you can turn your selfishness all the way down. And you think that makes you a good person. Actually that makes you self denying. You end up being in bad relationships, staying in bad circumstances, not getting what you want in life. You flip that dial all the way to an 11. And sure, you could be overactively aggressive or demanding of people. We're not talking about that. We're talking about turn the dial up right to the middle, about a five or a six where you can say, no, I don't want that. Here's what I want. I'm going to ask for that. I'm going to say yes to this, no to that. I know who I am, I own myself and I'm going to take charge of my life. That is the healthy level of selfishness that you need to transform your life from nice, overlooked and ignored to having an extraordinary relationship, career and you fully loving and owning who you are.
