Let Go To Get More Confidence Now!

Let's talk about how to let go to get more confidence. Now, there was a client that I worked with in one of my group programs. We'll call her Samantha. And she was the opposite of letting go. Whenever she was around people, she was completely attached and stressed out about how they were going to respond to her. Are they going to like me? Do they like that? I said that. Was that the thing that's going to make them think that I'm smarter or stupider or better or worse or whatever? And her mind was just a mile a minute. So of course, she was all kind of locked up, right? Like, not able to just share freely and express herself because she was so focused on trying to control how people see her. Is this something you relate to? I know that I lived this way for so many years, and it can still creep back now and then. And here's how we shift that. So imagine this. I was looking for a rope before I shot this video. I didn't have a rope in my office, but I got a little extension cord here. So imagine this is a rope, right? And we're, like, holding onto this rope, and we're, like, trying to move it this way and that way. Like Samantha, right? It's like, if I move the rope over here, then those people are gonna like me. And if I go this way on the rope, then I can pull them this way and they're gonna think this way of me. And we're trying to move other people around with this rope. We're trying to control everything. But you know what you might discover is that if you just pulled on that rope a little bit, you'd find that it's just flopping around, not connected to anything, and you're not controlling anything. And that's what I helped Samantha see. She thought she was really controlling people. Like, well, if I hold back here and I do this and I do that, then they are really going to like me more. And what I got her to do is really slow down, because that was a pattern that she. And perhaps you have been running for most of her life since she was a little kid. And she never really slowed down to examine, does that actually work? Is that actually true? And so I said, well, how does it work? Is it working for you? And really, like, let's look at it on the inside. Is it working inside? No. She's stressed out. She's got low confidence. She's anxious. Despite being amazing and talented and smart and really just so many good things going for her inside, she's not feeling Confident. So, no, that's not really working. What about. Is it working in terms of, well, maybe I don't feel good, but at least other people like me, maybe that's worth something. But I said, but is it really getting the results that you want? She'd actually really struggled in relationships, romantic relationships, because she wasn't able to, like, have relationships that stuck. She found that men didn't seem to really want to stay with her. They kind of wanted to be with her for a little while and move on. And that was very painful and frustrating for her and wasn't really working in her work life either. She was really smart and really talented and was not being treated like the leader that she could be, that she really was. She was kind of being overlooked and her opinions were being not really acknowledged. So it wasn't working there either. She wasn't really controlling anyone. You know what? She had the illusion of control, the illusion of safety. If I play this safe way, if I'm really nice, if I do this and that and show up in just the way that I think you want, then I'm going to control how you think and feel. Total false. It's an illusion. So that's actually quite liberating because you can just let that go and you can say, I have no control over how someone's going to respond to you. Now you might say, well, hold on a second, Aziz, that's not true. I could influence them and I could show up this way and if I wore a nicer shirt or looked better or whatever. Well, here's the one thing that you do have control over that does influence others. You want to know what it is? It's the dial. How much do you show up as you. You can turn that dial way up to a 10 or to an 11 or to 0. So 0 or 1 is like you're just being who you think everyone wants you to be. That's not you at all. All the way up to 10 is you being 100% you. That's saying what you want, saying what you think, but sharing your ideas, sharing your perspective, disagreeing with others if you disagree, letting people know what you really think, feel and want. And in that moment, that being 100%, boldly, authentically, unapologetically you. That's what. It's the only thing you have control over. And I promise you this, if you commit to turning up that dial, even though it's uncomfortable at times, that you will, not only your confidence will skyrocket. Your sense of capability to handle real interactions conflict, real discussions. Just being in real contact with other humans will also skyrocket. And guess what? So many people will actually love you like you, promote you, want to work with you like you will get the results that you want by being more and more you. You just got to let go of that illusion of that rope. So remember that. Think of that rope the next time you're all stressed about what other people are going to think and how you're going to control them with this rope. Maybe that rope's just like flopping down. It's like a wet noodle. So. So you can just let that thing go, let yourself be more free and then show up as you. So thank you for being with me today. Share down below what you're finding most valuable. Any questions you have, I can answer that in future videos. And I love being with you this way. And I cannot wait to share more. Till we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.