Let’s All Be Not Perfect

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're gonna learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today, let's talk about being perfect and actually specifically not being perfect. And my goal in our conversation today is to help you deeply let go of the need to be perfect. And you might think of yourself as a perfectionistic person or demanding that you be perfect, and you might not. You might say, no, it's not really me. You know, I'm not like, compulsive about getting tasks done or cleaning my house or stressing about making sure everything's perfect for a project or a party. That's not me. But what I've discovered over the years is that perfectionism takes many, many forms. And it's not always that direct, obvious, kind. In fact, a lot of times it's very subtle and it just leads to feelings of being dissatisfied. For example, if you compare yourself to others and feel bad about yourself, which, I mean, who hasn't done that, right? That's a form of. Of perfectionism. So we're going to define what perfectionism is. We're going to talk about a lot of different ways that it shows up. I'm going to share some stories from my own life as well as clients, and we're going to help you, by the end of this episode, really open up a doorway to let some of those demands go. And this is something I've talked about in previous episodes. This is something I keep coming back to in my work with clients and my own growth and own development to more and more confidence, sustained confidence. Self love is looking at how we reject ourselves and stopping that pattern, stopping that insanity. Because the rejection of yourself is like, it's the most toxic thing you can do for everything, but especially for your confidence, but for your relationships, for your happiness, for your success in life, that deep self rejection is a problem. And so we gotta uproot it, we gotta help you let it go so you can really get on your own side. That's why I bang that drum almost as much as I bang the action drum. So let's talk about perfection and the pressure we place on ourselves. Basically, it goes something like this. You have an image in your mind, and I say image. It's like maybe a visual image, but it's just also a sense of list of criteria in your mind about how you should be in order to be a better person, in order to get love, in order to be successful. And you probably have some awareness of what pieces of that image are right now. In fact, how much of it are you conscious of right now in this moment? What should you be doing? How should you be better? What comes to your mind? Think about work. Is there a certain amount of money? You should be earning, a certain job title, you should have a certain rate at which you should be progressing in your career. When it comes to love, dating, relationships, where you should be, you shouldn't have had a divorce, or you should be married, or you should be happier here, or you should be having sex more, you should be more desirable. And then that immediately starts to bleed into our personality and how we see ourselves. Especially if we don't have a relationship where it's like, well, it's because I should be this way. How do you demand that you should be in your personality? I should be confident. I should be outgoing. I should be more bold. I should be more direct. I should be more powerful. I should be more masculine. I should be more feminine. I should be more, whatever, laid back, happy, easygoing. I shouldn't be so anxious, shouldn't be such a nervous person. And then judgment about our personality and how we should be. But then there's also judgment about our physical appearance, right? I should look this way. I should be taller. I should be thinner. A good friend of mine who I got an interview for this podcast because he was a former client and now he's just a dear friend. Jonathan Hernandez, if you're listening, shout out to you, what's up, buddy? And he actually comes and is on crew for some of the live events that I do because he made such progress in his own life through the Mastermind, and now turns around and gives back. It's pretty amazing. But he was visiting, and maybe three months ago or six months ago, I'd recommended this book to him that I'd read called Bigger, Leaner, Stronger, and you might have heard of it, it's a pretty popular book on Amazon. It's like a fitness book for men. And there's the female equivalent, which is called Thinner, Leaner, Stronger, and Subsequently, I don't actually advocate that book. I disagree with the diet put forth in it. And also the aspirational quality of trying to become those things I actually have found doesn't work for me. And there's a much better fuel to work out, which I'm going to get into later in this episode, which is, well, how do we live? How do we function? How do we do things that we want, like work out or eat healthy or achieve a goal at work, or find that love of our life? Like, how do we go out and live if we're not driving ourselves to be this perfect image? And that is important. So we're going to talk about that in a sec. But anyway, he was visiting again for one of these live events that I was doing, and we got this running joke going where we were joking about how deep down every man from our cultural programming has the desire to be bigger, leaner and stronger and just tune into that. And, you know, maybe that's not true for everybody, but it's pretty strong. You should be bigger, leaner and stronger. And so all weekend we were finding these little moments where, you know, we could see how that pressure would come up inside of us that demand that should, you know. So at one point we were, for the events, we load in these big ass speakers. Cause that's right. Yeah, get down. And so we're loading them, putting them back into. Out of one car, into another. And he's lifting it up and he's like, ugh, it's so heavy. If only I was bigger, leaner and stronger. And it just keeps showing up, right? Like, you know, because we were bouncing back and forth, like, what were your goals after you read that book? And I was like, well, my goal was to have 10% body fat and 160 pounds of lean muscle mass, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, well, my goal was to have 7% body fat. I was like, 7% body fat, dude, that's like borderline unhealthy. Like, you know, a serious bodybuilder right before a competition is like starving himself to get down to that percentage. I don't think people sustain that. He's like, I don't care, man. That's what I wanted. I wanted to be leaner, right? And so there's, there's like the, there's the danger of perfectionism with all of this stuff. So your physical body and I have had a lot of stuff. I'll share more about that with you in other episodes too. And you've heard some of the ones about my journey with chronic pain and how I found strength and health in my body. So there's so much here to look at. But what are the demands you place on yourself for your physical appearance? You should be what? You should look a certain way. Should you be bigger, leaner and stronger? Should you be thinner, leaner and stronger? That's the case for women, right? For a lot of women, there's this demand, this pressure to always be thinner. There's so much focus on the weight and the scale. And your worth is in that. And for guys, it could be that. It could be, you know, for anyone. Our worth can be in our income. How much money did you make last year? This year? How much will you make? How much can you earn? Can you afford that for your family? Can you do this? Can you guys stay in this hotel or can you not afford that hotel? Can you not even afford to fly? Well, that makes, you know, you're a failure for that and on and on and on and on. And it's reinforced not just in our own minds, but all around us socially. I mean, you go on Facebook or any other social media and you start looking around, there's this incessant comparison. And I actually had a conversation recently with some friends of ours, and we were talking about Facebook and I said, you know, it could be interesting to explore just the next five times you use Facebook, notice how you feel. Like, take a moment to pause and notice how you feel right before you use it, and then notice and reflect right after you use it how you feel. I thought that would be an interesting experiment. I'd encourage you to run that because there's really some interesting research that came out from Robert Lussig. I mean, he didn't do the research, but he was just citing it in his book called the Hacking of the American Mind, where he talks a lot about. In social media in general, people don't feel good after they use it. Maybe if they're very active and engaged and like really kind of commenting and messaging and sort of connecting in that way. And connecting there isn't definitely in quotes because it's still not real connection. But if we're sort of more passive, like scrolling through the feed and looking and observing, research shows that we feel worse after doing that. And the reason it's many fold, right? One, we're not getting real connection. It's like pseudo connection. Real connection is like talking to another human, engaging with them, hearing about them, sharing about and being seen by them, and you seeing them and them seeing you. And we don't get that. And we get this. I mean, it stirs up the perfectionism, right? Ah, look at them. They look better than me in that photo. Oh, look at her. She looks so happy. Oh, my God. She has a. She has a boyfriend now and I don't. It's all around us in social media and the larger media, just how many insane amounts of messages about your body image, how you should feel, how you should behave, how much money you should have, how important money is. All of these things come together to create a pressure cooker of perfectionism. And here's the truth. Are you ready? I'm gonna say it in a very simple sentence. Perfectionism. And that means any drive to be other, like, I need to be better. That's like getting away from the real you. It's creating this image which is made up. It's a fantasy. My friend Jonathan's probably never gonna achieve 7% body fat or in any sort of sustained way, right? Probably unhealthy to do so. That amount that someone's gonna earn, I'm gonna earn 100,000 in a year, or a million in a year or whatever that number is, they might achieve it, but it's so far out in the future, it's a fantasy. And a lot of the stuff that we have, the demands will never achieve. Always looking a certain way, never having a bad photo, never getting upset, stopping feeling anxious. So I never feel anxious again. Always being confident, always being on top. And some of these are, not only are they far out, but you'll never achieve them. And so when you're striving, when you're demanding that of yourself, you're rejecting your actual self, the real you, the human animal that is you right now in this moment. And this is the only moment that exists. And you know that, right? As you're listening to me right now, this, like, look around you as you're listening to this and as you hear me talk, this, right now is the only moment that exists. And so that future idea of when you're bigger, leaner and stronger or richer, or you have all that popularity and everyone loves you, or that you're that supremely confident person who always wins and always knows what to say, that's a fantasy that doesn't exist. It's out in the future. And so when we do that, we're getting away from our real self. We're rejecting our real self and saying, I want to become this great thing that is perfectionism. And perfectionism is self hatred. Perfectionism is self hatred. It's deep rejection of yourself. And so my purpose here in sharing this with you is to kind of help us wake up. And it's not like, oh, yeah, no, that's a good American value. You strive, you have goals, you better achieve. And these things are so endemic in our culture that we don't pause to question them and say, but what about deep rejection of my current self? What? Shut up and start having feelings and go achieve. Oh, you're depressed. Take these pills. Keep going. Keep going. Right? So there's an insanity here that we want to wake up from, and we want to wake up. And in a way, we must reject a lot of the messages that we've gotten from culture and really fight for the right, the ability, the capacity to be our real selves, to be human, and ultimately to meet that with love and compassion and acceptance. And we're going to talk more about that right after we get back. Stay tuned. Hey, what's up, J. Dwog? Sup, wheezy? Nothing. Hey, man, check it out. I found this new program online called text your way to sex. Dude, it is awesome. No way, man. Does it work? Aw, yeah, man. I've gotten laid, like, 400 times in the last month, yo. Damn. For real? Oh, man. Hey, J Duog, maybe this can help me. I got this girl that I met, and we talked, and she was totally into me, and then we were texting, and I texted her, like, four times in a row, and she didn't respond. Maybe you can tell me what to do to text her into sex. No doubt. Check it. I can look up exactly what to say after she doesn't respond after the fourth text. Here I go. Okay, here's what you say. You ready, Wizzy? Yeah. Hey, insert girl's name, comma, okay. Hey, Tiffany, comma. All right, what do I say next, G dog? One of the hot babes that's into me at this club reminds me of you. You missed out, period. You missed out. Damn. Send that shit, yo. And she will be texting you for sex in, like, three minutes, Yo. Y. Yeah. Ye yeah. Yeah. There is a ton of stuff out there on the Internet that will give you a false sense of certainty that you know exactly what to do in every situation. And it's. Most of it is just garbage. And it doesn't create good relationships. It doesn't actually make women want you, and it doesn't lead to a satisfying relationship with a girlfriend or maybe even someone you want to make your wife. If you want to learn how to show up boldly Confidently, strongly, assertively, and actually attract women by being the most powerful man that you are and then know how to text or what to say coming from that place. Then I strongly suggest you check out my program, 30 days to dating Mastery, which is going to teach you everything you need to know, not in some weird script form, but by tapping into your own masculine, confident power and then step by step, getting out into the world and doing missions and breaking through your own fears so you're no longer stuck and doubting yourself. To get started Today, go to 30daystodatingmastery.com that's 30 days to dating mastery.com and you can also sign up there for a free ebook that I'll send you, which is called 7 Ways to Start Conversations with Women Anywhere, anytime. No weird pickup artist stuff, just you being your most badass, confident self. Hey, welcome back. So I've been talking about these ideal images. This perfectionism, this driving. Maybe you've been seeing some of the things that you drive yourself towards. And then there's the real you I've been talking about. Well, it's the rejection of the real you, right? Well, what is the real you? The real self? Well, the real self is how you are in this moment. It's your actual thoughts and feelings. You know, do you feel anxious about something? Does something scare you? Well, that's part of your real self. It's like, oh, I shouldn't be scared by that, right? Even just that statement, this shouldn't bother me. I shouldn't be afraid of this. I shouldn't have any anxiety right now. That is it. You know, do you see how you're disconnecting from what really is and going into this perfect image where you're not that way anymore? And then maybe you try to strive to get there and you could say, no, I'm feeling anxious right now. That's my real self. And sure, it's unpleasant, and maybe there's a way I can take care of myself or soothe myself or use a technique or a tool that I've learned from Dr. Aziz's fantastic podcast or a book or talk to a friend or something that helps me feel better. But, yeah, I'm anxious right now. And we don't need to tell ourselves that that's wrong or. Or pretend that we don't have that or be someone else. So that's just an example. But your real self is not just challenges or painful feelings. It's all of you. It's what makes you you. It's your interests. What are you fascinated by and I don't mean your hobbies that you spend a lot of time trying to get really good at so you can impress people and be like, yes, I play the guitar, right? Maybe, maybe the guitar is something you're interested in. But I mean just that and all the small shit that's not even. You haven't even developed it to be great at it. It's just you're interested in it. I don't know, you're interested in outer space. You like thinking about gigantic stars and how there's ones that are so big that if it were in our solar system, the star itself would go all the way out to Jupiter, enveloping all of the planets, the inner rock planets in our solar system. That is true. It's a little factoid I found out hanging out with my son, who's into that stuff, who's four years old, right? And so in some ways it's just, that's what makes him him right now he's interested in dinosaurs too, right? So what are you interested in? Little things, big things. What do you like? What do you dislike? What are your quirks? You know, do you hate red chili flakes on your Thai food? Right? I mean, these little things are you, the real you. And also, I'm not saying that you can't achieve or create amazing things. That's part of the real self too, right? You know, that's sort of the human potential movement. Maybe you're drawn to do something. Maybe you want to be create art or music in the world. Maybe you are very insightful at creating business ideas or solutions to problems. You want to be an entrepreneur or you're really good at like marketing and understanding what makes people want to buy something or, you know, meet different needs in them. And these are maybe your skills or your talents or your gifts, and so you use them in the world. And maybe you make money doing that. Maybe you make a lot of money doing that and that's all okay. Or maybe you have a big mission that you're going to go make an impact in the world with. So the real self isn't like, you know, ineffective and doesn't do anything in the world. Like you could do all that stuff, but do you see how it's coming from a very different place? So here are just a few examples that I've seen my life and some people I know to kind of flush this out and not make it just totally theoretical or just totally you reflecting on yourself based upon what I'm saying. So I'm gonna Give you some stories so you can hear yourself in these stories as well. I was having a conversation with my wife Candice just last night. And you know, she was with the little, the wrecking crew, two and four year old, all day long, which at certain days can be a handful, right? You know, one brother's hitting the other brother and then he's crying and they both want two different things and then one runs away and then one pours out her purse and then knocks this over and then he's smashing the door against the wall and making a dent and all, you know, it's on and on, right? It's like little Tasmanian devils running around. Not all day, but just at times. And she was really struggling. You know, we were talking after the kids went to bed and she was like, had moments where she got so angry and she felt bad about herself, about, you know, how she reacted to certain situations. And we were looking at how there's this idea that she shouldn't get angry or she should never, that anger should never get out, should never be expressed, she should always be able to contain it. And I was like, what? What parent do you know that like never got a moment where they got exasperated or angry and it showed like, what human do you know that's done that? And we both sat there and thought for a little while. I was like, none, right? So in a way this is a perfectionistic standard. Like you're supposed to be the one mother in the entire world, entire history of humanity who does not have that anger expressed, right? And so through that conversation she was able to see like, wow, you know, the real me does get upset at times and that's truly okay. And another example was I found that if you haven't listened to the episodes, there's some great episodes about how it's called how anxiety causes pain. And I talk a lot about my experience there and just sort of the underpinnings of that, my interview with Steve Ozanich, these are from a little while back and talks a lot about chronic pain and my experiences with that. But that prevented me from working out for a lot of years of my life. And just in the last year and a half or so made some major breakthroughs with that. So I was able to start working out and it was incredible. And so I dug in like, wow, this feels great. I can use my body. I feel so strong. This is awesome. And then something that starts out as like excitement, interest, enthusiasm, your real self can get co opted by perfectionism. And all of a sudden it turns into like, I gotta have the perfect meal plan. Okay, I'm gonna read this book, Bigger, Leaner and Stronger. I'm gonna measure out every calorie I eat and I'm gonna eat a shit ton of meat and protein, which actually protein powders and all these things. And man, maybe one day I'll record a podcast for you guys about some of the things I've learned from the book called the China Study. And a doctor named Dr. McDougall. These guys actually advocate a totally different plant whole foods, plant based diet, which I've adopted for a long time now and noticed just everything, such better health, energy, skin, without eating any meat. So that's a whole side story. But anyway, I'm planning everything out for bigger, leaner, stronger. Cause I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get bigger, leaner and stronger. And I'm just like pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing. And it's sort of fun cause I'm making progress. But it's sort of tormented too, right? Like, my buddy Josh, who runs the gym that I go to has got this, I think it was like a $4,000 or $6,000 or something machine called the Inline Body, which measures your, you know, I guess as far as these scales go, pretty accurate in terms of your body fat percentage, although there's a lot of variability in those. But you hold on, you know, to think something with your arms and you're barefoot on there and it's sending some electrode through your feet and your torso and all this stuff, it's telling you your body fat and on like, you know, I'd go measure it once a week when I was at the gym and if it was going in the right direction, you know, weight is increasing, body fat's going down. I'm awesome. Yeah, I'm kind of better than everybody. Yeah. And then if it was not, you know, like all of a sudden you're doing the same stuff, but your weight stays the same or your weight goes down and your body fat percentage goes up. Then it was like, I'm a failure. I fucking hate myself. Right? And so it was just so tormented. And so at some point I said, I'm done. I'm just, I'm done. I don't mean I'm just done working out. Still do that. I love it. I love the feeling of power and strength in my body. After 15 years of seeing myself as virtually disabled, to say, no, I am strong. I can deadlift this. Let's do it. Like, it feels really good and it feels empowering and Liberating. So what I was done with was all of the bigger, leaner, stronger striving. So I actually said, I don't have any specific goal. I don't have to reach a certain weight, I don't have to reach a certain body fat. I'm not even going to measure that. I'm just going to show up and I'm going to work out. And to me, that was profoundly liberating. There's nowhere I need to get to. Why do I need to get to that? What is it going to give me? Is it going to give me more love from Candice? Is it going to give me respect or adulation from other people? And I realized the striving for that, for the perfectionism, it's trying to get something, it's trying to get an image. It's trying to get people to look at you and be impressed by you. It's all about superiority. I gotta be better than other people. I gotta show them the best. And I want other people to see that I'm the best. And I want to feel like. And then, and then, and then I can feel good about myself, right? Because I've obtained this perfect image or at least made some great progress towards it, right? Because guess what? This is the moment, this was the tipping moment that made me realize this was fucking insanity, was when I worked out for about a year and just made tremendous progress. Like, total transformation of my body weight had gone down. Muscle composition way higher. Body fat, like dropped like 10 percentage points or something like that. I don't know. It was huge. Like, amazing success in a year, right? And without missing a beat, I said, yeah, this is great. You know what? By this time next year, I want to have dropped my body fat by, you know, whatever, three or seven or, I don't even know, like maybe three or four, three percentage points. Like, not even that much. And then I think I was like 12% body fat at the time. And I was like, I need to be 10% body fat and gain 10 pounds of muscle over the next year. Strive. I gotta be bigger. Say it with me. Bigger, leaner, stronger, right? And guess what? If I'd gotten there, then the next year would be what? I don't know, sustain the body fat or drop it by 1% and then get another 10 pounds of muscle or, you know, whatever. Like, I like to run. So I would go, I joined and did a 10k, and I was like. And I mean, running again, another form of liberation. Imagine being taught and told that you couldn't do something for 15 years that it would destroy your body and you believing that and all of a sudden seeing the truth, like, holy shit, I can run. Man, that feels good. I was like, Forrest Gump, you know, when he's running and those, like, things spring off his legs. Everywhere I went from then on, I was running. That's what. That was me, man. And I love it, and I love running, and I love going these long runs and just feeling like, wow, look at the power of my body. This is amazing. What a gift. So I go, you know, run a 10K and I run it, and I run it hard, because that's what you do in a race. And I had, like, an awesome time for me. And awesome time is objective, right? Or subjective. And so I was like, wow, this is great. Now I need to run another one, and I need to run it faster, you know, so maybe there could be another book called Faster, Leaner, Stronger, Bigger, Leaner, stronger, Faster. You know, for my running friends, right? It's always faster, faster. And so I was like, this is insanity. This is insanity. This is never ending. You're always trying to get to that next place. And for you, you know, I was using some body physical examples, but maybe it's money, maybe it's a certain level in your career. It's insanity. We just keep going and going and going, and we think it's gonna get us that thing. And it doesn't get you that thing, because the thing you're going after is just to feel good enough about yourself, to feel good for who you are right now. And do you know how you do that? By slowing down, honoring, loving, and accepting your real self. And here's one powerful insight I want to share with you. The reason why I think most people have a really hard time doing this. And that's because in that moment when you're striving, I gotta get to that thing, you know, and you slow down and you kind of take in what you've heard in this episode, and you reflect and you say, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't need that. I can just be me. It's okay. You know what you might feel instead of relief? You might feel pain. You might feel pain. And what I would encourage you and implore you to do is to not turn away from that pain, but just to breathe. Muster your courage to face feelings and feel it and breathe into it and let it move through you. Because you know what that pain is. And this could be a hole. I could go down this rabbit hole and teach you about the origins of perfectionism for hours. But basically, if you ever wonder where this perfectionism comes from, it comes from pain earlier in your life where somewhere you learn that you weren't good enough to get love. You know, your parents, your dad yells at you for something, your mom withdraws from you for something. Kids at school don't like you or don't seem to want to be your friend for whatever reason. A lot of these early situations we experience this massive pain of separation, of loneliness, of like, ah, I'm not getting the love and connection that I want. And then our mind says, you know what if I just did blank? Then I bet I would get it. If I was just a better for me, if I was just a better soccer player, if I was just a better athlete, if I just performed better on the field, then my dad would love me, right? And what would be for you if I just was. If I just didn't speak up and make such a big. So many problems and I just kept quiet and my mom wouldn't have gotten upset with me. I'm going to become the most mild mannered, polite person you can imagine. If I'd just done better in school, then my parents wouldn't be so disappointed in me. So whatever it is, or if I was just faster and better at whatever, then those kids would have wanted to pick me and I would have been part of their friend group. So we have these moments of pain and then in the moment of pain as a kid, we're like, I'm gonna create this image, this superhuman version of me. Oh, yes, okay, I'll become that. And then I'll never experience this rejection again. And so in the moment when you just wake up and say, whoa, I don't need to get anywhere. I don't need to be somebody. I can just be me, you might feel some of that pain. And that's actually. It might feel bad, but it's the pain best thing in the world for you because I would encourage you to slow down and feel it. Maybe you'll identify it the moment and maybe not. Maybe there was thousands of moments with your family growing up. You're not going to remember them all. So just be with the feeling. Feel it in your body. Breathe, meet it with compassion, meet yourself with love, Be patient and be with it. And what you'll find is you'll be able to let go in a deep way of needing to be perfect in that area. And it might reformulate. It's like the T1000 from Terminator 2. Like the liquid metal comes Back together. There it is again. So it'll happen, it'll keep reformulating, but we can keep letting go, keep building that awareness. So that actually was your action step, by the way, is to take those moments and in fact. Well, let's do an official one. Fine, fine. Let's do an official action step. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step for today would be, well, first and foremost, maybe identify some of the places where you have an ideal superhuman image for yourself, how you're supposed to be. What's your version of bigger, leaner and stronger? Maybe it's not in your physical health, maybe it's somewhere else where you always need to be better than you are in your personality and your mood and your physical fitness, in your career, your finances, your love life, your relationships, your friendships. Just look at all the. Look where the pressure is, look where the demand is, look where the shoulds are. So become aware of that. And then, you know, find a moment this week, maybe even right now, as you're listening, just to let go. Like, pick one of those things as it's happening. I need to be. I need to be this. I need to be this. And just like, whoa, whoa. I can just be the real me. I can just be my real self. I don't need to be this idealized, crazy, superhuman, awesome version of me. Probably never gonna get there anyway. And then notice if there's any pain that arises and be with it and love it because then you'll heal that and then you won't have to strive in that way anymore. And, man, it feels good. I gotta tell you, it feels good. And it's great for your confidence, it's great for your relationships. Makes you a better husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, better mother or father because you're more loving. You're not driving yourself so hard and therefore your heart's more open to other people. So thank you for being with me on this deep dive into perfectionism and self love. Apply what you learn. Let me know how it works. Go to shrinkforthshyguy.com shrinkforthshyguy.com youm can send me a message through there. I'd love to hear about your journey. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free vlogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence. Go to socialconfidencecenter.com.