Massive Repetition - Michael’s Success Story

Coming to you from the center for social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the shy guy Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to today's episode of the show. This is a show for you if you want to break free, free from any fear, self doubt, anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from being all of yourself, Being bold, expressive, free, successful, happy, awesome, relationships, career, success. All that stuff opens up when we become more and more confident in ourselves. And in fact, that's what today is all about, is how to get to that next level. And that success is possible, that breaking free is possible. And this is extremely valuable because we all know the stories that can come in our minds that say, this is just who you are. Yep. I mean, yeah, other people might be able to overcome this stuff and leave a better life, but probably not you, my friend, because there's something wrong with you. You're doomed. You suck. Here's all the evidence, by the way, why you're never gonna make it, right? And we kind of go into that pit of discouragement, then hopelessness, then kind of despair and desperation, and we circle around and it sucks, right? But here's the thing. None of it is true. You absolutely can. No matter where you're starting from, no matter where you're at right now, you can systematically build your confidence, overcome breakthrough, any sort of shyness, fear, anxiety, self doubt that's stopping you from feeling confident in yourself, believing in yourself, liking yourself, and then from that place, creating amazing relationships, dating relationships, the marriage of your dreams, crushing it in your career and becoming a leader, being successful and wealthy and enjoying it and deserving it and owning it and making an impact in the world. And of course, just having friends and hanging out and just being totally relaxed, all that's possible. And the antidote to those stories that says you can't is hearing about people's successes, people just like you, who are succeeding. And many people know my story and feel inspired by it. And the more the better. That's why at my live events, I always have what I call a inspiration panel. And there I have several people share stories about where they were and how far they've grown, how much they've overcome to get to where they are and what they're able to do now. And it's really powerful because people hear it and they see it and they're like, oh, wow, I had no idea that he or she used to struggle with that. And it really locks in that it is possible and that's why I occasionally have success stories in this podcast, and today is one of those. And I'm going to be interviewing Michael Riley, who is a man who spent 20 plus years limited and shy and anxious and afraid of taking action and full of self doubt. And he experienced a rapid breakthrough. And there are many things he did. There are many keys to his overall success, but there is one that I think determines his rapid breakthrough more than anything else. And stay tuned, see if you can listen for it, see if you can get and guess what it is. And then at the end of the episode in the action step, I'll share what I think it is. Maybe you think it's something different. Obviously in that situation, I would be right and you'd be wrong. No kidding. No. I mean, there's probably tons of things and you might find one thing that he did that was the biggest thing. But I think there's one that's essential that I'll share with you at the end of the episode. So stay tuned for that. And without further ado, let's get into the interview right now.

Expert interview.

My guest today is a confidence expert in the sense that he has broken through the challenges, the stories, the fears that have held him back from becoming more of who he is and all of who he is in the world. And his name is Michael Riley. And Michael actually emailed me, said, hey, I have been doing some challenges. I've been growing like crazy, and I'm able to do all these things that I never could do before. And first of all, to email me and share that and say, hey, you should interview me or share this with people, I want to share this with people. That in itself is an act of confidence that caught my attention. I was like, yeah, he's owning it. And so we reached out, I got a chance to connect with him, and basically I think his success story, his growth, the insights that he's gained to help him get to where he is are going to be extremely valuable for all of us. So thank you so much for joining me today, Michael.

Thank you, Aziz. Appreciate it.

Nice. So let's get into it. Basically, I want to know where you were, what you did and where you are now and all the things you learned along the way. But the best place to start is maybe tell us about kind of where you were stuck or some of the challenges that you noticed yourself facing on a in your life that caused you to want to find a solution and break free.

Yeah, absolutely. Look, for many years, throughout my 20s, I'm 30s, I'm mid-40s now, so in 20 years in my 30s, I struggled a lot just doing stuff. I was held back by fear and self doubt and I'd settle in relationships. I'd just take the first thing that come available to me. I'd settle in my job. I wasn't confident enough to speak up or to take action to get what I want. And that was always inside of me. But the fear just kept holding me back and it's like my life was just going nowhere and I was just stuck and I just knew I had to do something. And it took me until my early 40s about two years ago when I signed up for the Comfort Zone Crusher Challenges by Til Goss that that really transformed my life.

We're gonna pause for one moment, take a quick break, and then get right back into our interview with Michael riley. Hey, it's Dr. Aziz here and I wanted to take just a second and to ask you if this is working. If you're listening to this podcast regularly or watching YouTube videos, is it working for you? If it is, awesome, keep doing it. If you're noticing that you're not making the progress that you want, then it might be time to step up and do something more. That's been my experience. If I learn something from free stuff online, I get a certain level of result when I dive in and join a program or get a product or work with someone one on one. Whoa. I get a different level of result just night and day. And I would love to talk with you more about the second thing, which is working together. So if you're interested in how to do that, how to deepen that, go to socialconfidencecenter.com coaching and there you can learn all about how I work with people one on one. That's what I do throughout most of the day, is work with people one on one and in mastermind groups to help them radically shift. And people can make incredible progress. You know, they could have been stuck for 10 years and in six months their life can have transformed. And I would love to have the opportunity to be with you on that journey, support you on that journey. I know this stuff inside and out more than almost anyone that I know, and that's because I lived it. And now I've been obsessed with studying it for so many years. So I would love to help you on your journey if that feels right for you. So go to socialconfidencecenter.com coaching and then you can fill a little form there. We can get in touch and Figure it out from there. All right, I'll talk to you soon. That is awesome. So I think many people can relate to that feeling of being trapped by fear and insecurity and self doubt that's stopping you from being. Being who you want to be, going after the relationships that you really want, being how you really want in your work and your career and sort of settling. It's like, well, this is just how it is. So. And I want to get into a moment, the challenges you did to grow, but what was that turning point for you where. Because a lot of people, you know, man, shit, people will settle by the time they're 20 years old, but you kind of, you know, your 30s, and usually by late 30s, 40s, a lot of people will be like, hey, you know, time is, this is how I am. I've been this way forever. I'm always gonna be this way. What, what happened inside of you, that moment where you said, hey, I'm gonna do something like, tell me more about that decision.

Yeah, look, it was just. I just got sick and tired of it as these. It's just every year was the same thing. I'm gonna do it this year, but never did. So I was stuck in my job, I hated my job, so I'd be stuck in my job and always making that promise to myself, oh, this year is going to be better. This year is going to be better. And before you know it, the time has run away. So you just keep going with it. You just think, that's the way it is, this is how it's meant to be. I'm just one of those unfortunate people who is not meant to have the best things in life. And I think the turning point came for me. Funny story is that I think it was New Year's Eve 2015, and I'd met this girl and she was okay looking, but she wasn't fantastic. But she was a nice girl, but I was just so shy to talk to her. I'm like, what is going on? Why can't you even just talk to this girl? And she was so keen for me, but I just so shy and so withdrawn, so nervous. And I thought, after that, this has got to stop. I've got to change everything in my life right now because it just isn't happening. So I just need to take action to do that. And that's when I started just going, Getting obsessed with written stuff and watching videos by yourself and Tony Robbins, Les Brown, and just, okay, this is it. This is where my life changes now. And then I Came across Tyl Gross with the comfort zone challenges.

Yeah, that is awesome. And it's so important because there are many people that are looking for solutions, but they're not at level five of commitment. There's a great book, it's called choice theory. But as a William Glasser, he's a British psychiatrist and he worked with lots of people and he found that there was like a level of commitment in people that would largely determine their success, their ability to break through. And he rated it 1 through 5. And like 1 was sort of like, I don't really, I don't know, maybe that sounds hard. That's. I don't really, it's too, whatever. This is just who I am. Or maybe I'll try it, but I don't know. Right. And then it kind of works your way up to like, okay, I'm gonna do it, but then when it gets really hard, I'll probably quit, you know. And then the level five is like, I am sick and tired of this. I am gonna do whatever it takes.

Absolutely.

And that's what I could hear in you. And so that's super important because sometimes people think like, oh, these comfort zone challenges, or, oh, you know, just read this book or whatever, but unless you have that like decision, hey, I'm gonna do this. Cause once you do that, then there are so many things that can work, so many things that can help you. And that's where it all comes from. That commitment and that decision. So I love that you made that and then tell us what happened. So tell me more about these comfort zone challenges. What did you do?

Yeah, so. Well, it was, oddly enough, I've just recently changed career. So that's another comfort zone that I've stepped out of. So I was in sales for over 15 years. So look, I really enjoyed it, but it just wasn't doing it for me. Like I said, I was stuck in the same sort of day to day routine and I thought, I'm so much better than this. Like, I can offer so much more. So I've recently changed career to become a youth worker. So working with young people and building up their confidence and self esteem and get them on the right track and the right path. And I got an email from my course tutor. He mentioned something about comfort zone challenges. How he'd walk through a busy shopping center with his hands in the air and asked a complete stranger for a sip of their drink and lied on the ground for 30 seconds. I thought, well, this is awesome. If he can do that, so can I. And this might be the, the thing I need to just get me out there and build that confidence and start doing what I want to do and let fear hold me back. That's how it started. So I signed up to the seven day free course, the Comfort Zone Challenges, and I went out and did the lie down in public challenge. And that's where it all started. As these.

Nice. So for those of people who are not familiar with this, Til Gross created this thing called the Comfort Zone Crusher. Many of you might have heard his interview I did in a previous episode of this podcast. But basically it is going, intentionally going and doing things in the world that are outside of your comfort zone. That means you feel uncomfortable as you do them, but they're designed to expand your ability to do what you want in the world and not be so scared all the time. Of, well, what if someone doesn't like you? What if they judge me? So you end up doing things that are a little out of the ordinary, like lying down on a busy sidewalk or as you said, asking a stranger for a sip of their drink. Stuff that makes you embarrassed or uncomfortable or maybe they're going to reject you. But you do it because the more you get familiar with that feeling and are able to tolerate it, the more that shows up in all areas of your life. And I actually want to ask about that, but before I do, why don't you share what is one of the, one of the favorite challenges you did? Maybe it was the biggest breakthrough for you or maybe it was really funny or something strange happened or just it was a powerful experience for you. What's, what's one of the challenges that you can share?

Yeah. Yeah, there's probably two there. Aziz definitely howling like a wolf in public. That was definitely the most terrifying and. But the most, most funniest as well. And I remember the build up to it was this. You know, my heart was pounding, my palms were sweating, my. I felt like I was going to die. So. And I just walked around for like, it must have been an hour. And I went to the busy Queen Victoria market here in Melbourne. So on a Sunday, which is, you know, chock full of people. And then I thought, well, hang on, I'm doing this for a reason. I know why I'm doing this. And this is to, you know, push past that fear, build up that confidence and to stop caring what people think of me. That was the whole thing that was holding me back. Those three things, the fear, what are people going to think of me and am I good enough to do this, then when I look deep inside myself, yes, I am good enough to do this. Yes, I do have the confidence. I want that confidence. As Susan Jefferson says, feel the fear and do it anyway. I just used all that to psych myself up and just did it. That was probably the most challenging and the most funniest comfort zone challenge. And I guess the other one would be asking an attractive person or a person I'm attracted to for their phone number, just walking up and saying, hey, I'm Michael, I think you're cute. We should go and hang out sometime. Give me your number. That has been the massive shifts in my life, those two particular challenges.

Yeah. And I bet there's some people that are listening that even just hearing you say that started to feel nervous. Just like vicariously being like, oh. Because I know the first time I attempted something like that, I was like, I was gonna throw up. I was so nervous. And it can be really scary. I mean, oh my God, how? You know, you gotta approach someone in a really elaborate, tricky way to distract and confuse them and then get their number right. And this is just like, boom, here I am, here you are. Do you want this? No. Okay, great. Or maybe yes. And it actually when you. A couple things I want to ask. When you did the Howling like a wolf.

Yeah.

Right after you did it.

Yep.

And you looked around, what was the response that you got?

Great question. The response I got was that people looked but they didn't really care. They just continued on with their day to day business. And the reason they look wasn't because what's this guy doing? Or he's a weirdo or whatever. They might, you know, those crazy thoughts that we sometimes think. It was just a shock. People aren't used to seeing people howl like a wolf in public. But once they got over that initial oh, okay, they got back to their daily life. So it just reinforced for me, I guess the message I'm trying to send here is that people just don't really care. They're too busy doing. And we look into that too much and go, oh, they think I'm weird. Actually, don't they probably think you're cool or it's just a shock. And then they get on with their daily lives.

Yeah. And that is an extremely powerful insight that I think hearing about it, it's like intellectually. Oh, yeah. Okay, that makes sense. Maybe people don't care, but when you actually do it and you face that fear and then you do it and then you look around and you see how little people react that's when there's this profound shift of, like, oh, I'm not the center of the universe. People aren't really paying that much attention to me. Like, they're in their own heads. They notice, like, whoa, what the. What's that? Okay, whatever. And then they go back to their. Their lives. And that translates to all different areas in our work and relationships. Just the fact that people are ruminating about us and being like, I can't believe that guy at the market. How would. Like, a wolf. I'm gonna think about this and judge him for the next three weeks. Doesn't happen.

Absolutely not.

We're gonna pause for just one more moment and then get back into the rest of the interview with Michael Reilly. Stay tuned.

Does working with Dr. Aziz actually work? Can you really break free from social anxiety and live a life of confidence, success, and happiness? Here is what one client had to say about his experience.

People are a lot more open to me now since I've been working with Dr. Aziz. I feel much more confident talking to people because I have the skills to talk to people, and even people that I don't know, I can talk to. Now there are people at my pool hall where I go to for pool league. I've been there every weekend for a couple of years now, and half of them I didn't know because I didn't have the social skills. And now I'm talking two, three hours a night every time I go to pool league with them. And when I'm in the bar, when I'm in a coffee shop, I can start conversations with random strangers, and it's really improved my quality of life. So I think Dr. Aziz is an investment in yourself, and he can teach you a lot of things on how to develop some good skills and improve your life.

To get started on your journey towards lifelong confidence with Dr. Aziz, simply go to socialconfidencecenter.com coaching.

And that's exactly how I felt, though, before I started doing this shift. You know, before I start making these changes and before I made that commitment, say, hey, look, I need to change my life. Funny enough, I would think weird things like that. You know, if I do something that's out of the ordinary, they're going to judge me for it. You know, if I speak up at a meeting at work, he doesn't know what he's talking about, and I'm just going to look embarrassed and all those irrational thoughts. And. Yeah, so this is how those comfort zone challenges just made me realize, as you say, to just. They don't care. They're just their daily life. Once they're having a shock, that's it.

And so another one I'm curious about is when you went up to that attractive woman and just straight up said, hey, I'm Michael, and I think you're cute, and asked for her number. What happened when you.

Yeah, okay, so with myself or with both. With a girl as well.

So I'm curious about both, actually. Yeah.

Both. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, this is. Yeah. This is one of the most daunting challenges outside of howling like a wolf, because, you know, having come from a place of being stuck and settling most of my life, it wasn't my normal natural response at the time. What I thought wasn't my normal natural response at the time to walk up to someone I'm attracted to and start a conversation and ask for their number. So, of course, you know, I was mortified. I was terrified. You know, my heart was pounding. I thought I was, you know, gonna die there on the spot. But it was part of the challenge, and this is part of my growth, and I committed to these challenges, and that was the key thing for me. The commitment I made with myself as well as members of the comfort zone community, I guess, was to do these challenges. So. And again, drawing on all that experience and all that knowledge I had gained through feel the fear and do it anyway, took a deep breath, and I just walked up to this woman, introduced myself, told her that she looked cute and that we should hang out sometime and ask for a number. Her response was, she was very welcome to it. She said she had a boyfriend. I said, that's fine. And we moved on. There was no, I didn't die, didn't have a heart attack. No one laughed at me. My life continued. Mm. Mm.

And then what happened afterwards? You're walking away? She said, you know, she was maybe pleasantly responded pleasantly and said, oh, no, thanks. I have a boyfriend. What happened inside of you as you walked away?

Oh, the feeling was immense. Disease. The confidence levels just again soared 10x straight away. And I guess that's the whole beauty of doing these comfort zone challenges and stepping out of your comfort zone to this extent is that the confidence you gain instantly is indescribable. I felt like I could do anything. But most importantly, the lasting confidence that you get from doing these challenges repeatedly, I cannot recommend this high enough. And that's how I felt. I felt like I was on top of the world. Amazing that I could do anything. And so I continued doing those challenges day after day, and I think. I asked 18 women in total for their number, and I got three of them.

Wow.

Nice. And what I love is what you're highlighting is that we can get super focused on one specific outcome. Oh, my God, I need this woman to say yes to me, or else it means that I am a loser and I'm unattractive and all these things. Or we can say, look, this is about my growth. This is about me feeling confident, like I can do anything I want in the world and I'm not held back by fear. And then going up and asking is a victory even before she says anything. And if you have that approach, then it's not that big of a deal to go approach it. When does it mean something about your self worth? And then as a result, you're able to do it again and again and again and then start getting dates with the women that you're pursuing that you choose that you're most attracted to.

Absolutely. I couldn't have put it better. It's more about being invested in yourself. So the growth phase that you're going through, the risk that you're taking to become that better person. And whether she says yes or no, it's how you feel afterwards. So you've made that choice. You've decided to push past that fear and just do the things that once held you back. And the outcome is neither here nor there. It's how you feel after doing it and stepping out of that comfort zone and breaking through that fear. Like I said, the feeling was just, wow, I could just feel that growth happening inside me. You know what I mean? Awesome.

I do. It's an incredible feeling. And what I love is that I'm doing this for myself. And what that does is it takes the power out of someone else's hands because that's a very uncomfortable and unfortunate place to be where it's this person, maybe even this stranger, who I don't even know, has complete power over me and how I feel. So I need them to say yes. If they say yes, then I feel okay about myself. If they say no, then I feel like a worthless loser that is becoming very at the mercy of a random person's response. And when we take the power back and say, I can choose the actions I'm going to take and I'm doing this for me. And let's see, I don't know, maybe she'll say yes, maybe she'll say no. So I think there's. There's so many valuable lessons in. In this, in the actions that you're taking. So tell us a little bit more about what now that you've done this, you've broken through more. Tell us more about what it is. What is your life like now? What are you doing? What are you now able to do? Obviously you're able to walk up to women and ask them out. Reinforce that one.

Absolutely. Yeah, sure. Look, I can do all those things now. That doesn't faze me. I still get nervous, but I can know how to push through that nervous and that fear. So that's just a natural thing to you see an attractive person or a person you're attracted to, to feel a bit nervous. But rather than being held back, now I move forward towards it. I move towards it. So I'm not missing out on opportunities. I've built the courage and the confidence or the self awareness to say, hey, look, things aren't happening in my sales career. I needed to move out of that. So I took that risk. And I've changed careers. I've joined Toastmasters. I'm up there doing speeches, something I would never have done a year ago. Now I'm up there giving impromptu speeches, prepared speeches, winning awards, being elected for vice president, public relations of Toastmasters. So stepping up to take on senior leadership positions my whole life in general, I can just wake up every day knowing that awesome, something's going to happen today because I'm going to make it happen. That's where I am at now from doing these challenges and bursting through, breaking out that fear.

That's fantastic, Mike. Michael. And we can hear it. And that's a great place to be, is something's going to happen, I'm going to make it happen. And that's just further. Your language, your mindset is very clear of like, I am the creator of my life. I determine the direction and ultimately the destiny for myself. And that is life is a lot better when we're living from that place. And to get there, if you're listening and be like, oh, that sounds great, but how do I get there? There's a clear path that Michael is highlighting, which is those small actions outside of your comfort zone, building them up, finding that commitment and doing those over time. And notice I've seen this sometimes. So I have a program, 30 days to dating Mastery, which is full of these kinds of challenges. And there's some people that will go through it and kind of be like, oh, I already did that challenge once, so I'm done with it. And. And it's like, well, yeah, I mean, technically in the program you go through Day after day and do these different things. But there's a difference between doing a challenge once and doing a challenge 18 times. You know, like, that is gonna get you a whole different level of freedom and breakthrough. Cause the first time is always the hardest, and the second time's hard, and third time is hard. And by the 16th time, you're like, oh, I'm nervous. And. And then maybe it's even like, I'm nervous and excited.

Yes.

And then it's like, whoa, this can actually be sort of scary and pleasurable. It's like a roller coaster. And that comes from the repetition. So I love that you highlighted that as well. Let's see, is there any as maybe a final message or anything that you'd like to say to people who are following in those footsteps, who are already maybe even already on the path, but are sometimes up and sometimes down or have a hard time getting themselves to do the challenges and go outside their comfort zone? Any message you'd like to share with people?

Yeah, absolutely, Aziz. And you hit the nail on the head there with repetition. That's the strongest message I can give, is just keep doing it. Because the more you do it, the stronger your confidence becomes or the more confident you become. So repetition is definitely the key. You're going to feel nervous, you're going to be fearful, but in the day, people just don't care. Once they get past that initial shock of, oh, what's this guy doing? He's howling like a wolf. They go on with their daily life. So break free, push through that fear as much as you can and just keep doing it. Repetition, repetition, repetition, and you will see yourself become the person you deserve to be, that confident person who is not held back by fear.

I love it. It's absolutely true. And thank you so much for sharing your journey and your story with us, Michael.

You're welcome, Aziz. Thanks for having me. It's been awesome.

That brings us to the end of the interview and almost the end of the episode, but we got to do your action step.

Time for.

Action step. Obviously, super important after what we just heard from Michael, and there are tons of actions he's talking about inside, so you could pick one of the comfort zone challenges, like lying down in a sidewalk howling. If you want to get more ideas, go to. You can check out Till Gross's material at Comfort Zone Crusher. Just Google Comfort Zone Crusher. You can also check out my program 30 days to dating Mastery, which is all about freedom to go right up to that woman and talk to her and in order to get there, you're going to go through a ton of missions in the program that don't even involve women. There's stuff like the comfort zone, challenges just to get comfortable, just getting rejected by people, asking people questions, just getting more and more free in the world. So you can check out 30daystodatingmastery.com 30daystodatingmastery dot com if you want to go further with that. But so you could do one of the challenges or maybe I should say. And what I think was most valuable, the most significant reason why Michael broke through, was because his level of commitment. When you are willing to do whatever it takes, you become unstoppable. And that's what Michael is, and that's what you are, too, underneath. So before doing any challenges, before anything else, see if you can find that place of I'm willing to do whatever it takes. And you could hear that in Michael's story. And that's why he broke free so rapidly. I was in the exact same place also, having been too scared or rejected by a woman, maybe that's a great motivator for us men and for women, too, right? I mean, love is one of the most powerful things that we want to be able to love and connect with people. Shit, I don't know what motivates us more than that. Maybe money, success, prestige. But underneath that, I mean, once people get that, what do they want? That's right, love. So whatever is driving you, think about how you might never have those things. You might never have the love that you want. You might never have the success that you want. You might never feel free in the way that you want to feel free. And if that, like, you feel a sense of, like, no or shit, I don't want my life to be that way. And you're fed up and sick and tired of it, then good, because that is the level of motivation it's gonna take is waking up and saying, hey, this is not gonna change. This is not gonna get better on its own. In fact, it's gonna be worse five or ten years from now. I need to do something, and I need to do something now. So that's the level of commitment that's gonna transform your life. Let me know how it goes. Go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com, you can send me messages there, ask me questions, and get out there, do some challenges, Find that level of commitment in yourself and just enjoy. Watch what happens. See how much you can grow and how much better life can be. It's awesome. Thanks. For being with us today. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com it.