Dr. Aziz (speaker) contrasts "niceness" and "kindness." He defines niceness as a fear-driven compulsion to appear agreeable and avoid conflict—often at the expense of authenticity—whereas kindness is framed as a conscious choice to give or act from one’s values to help or improve relationships, even when it is difficult.
Every single nice person I talk to gets this wrong, and it's killing their confidence. And they think that nice is the same thing as kind. And the truth is, they're worlds apart. So here's the difference. Niceness is a compulsion that's based in fear, where you have to appear kind so that other people don't get upset. It's about smoothing things over and avoiding all conflict, even at the expense of your authentic self and your truth. Kindness is a choice. You get to choose if you want to give of yourself, even if it's difficult, even if it's hard because you want to contribute to the person. You want to have a better relationship. You want to do what feels right in your values. You have a choice if you're being kind. If you're nice, it's not a choice, it's a stick up. Give them what they want or else.
