One Sneaky Confidence Killer And What To Do About It | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Today, you're going to learn about one sneaky confidence killer that can just drain you of your confidence. And here's the thing, almost all of us are doing it at least in one area of our lives, and I bet you are, too. You're going to want to find out what it is so you can put a stop to it right now and show up with way more confidence and power in any area of your life. Stay tuned. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author of two books, the Solution to Social Anxiety and the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. You can find those on Amazon Audible. Check those out. And if you want to go deeper in those videos, hit subscribe right now because you're not going to want to miss what's coming out next. And this is going to be a super enlightening video for you because you're going to be able to catch a confidence killer. Now, we are all looking for confidence boosts, right? And this channel is full, full of hundreds of ways you can boost your confidence. But what we don't realize is think about your confidence like a cup and you can fill it with boosts and ways to build your confidence. But if you got a bunch of holes in your cup or even just one big hole in your cup, guess what? That liquid is draining out that confidence. You're hemorrhaging it as quickly as you can build it. So this is one of those sneaky confidence killers that can hemorrhage your confidence. You're going to learn what it is right now and just put a stop to it. You ready? Okay, here's what it is. You have something that doesn't go the way that you want it to. You have a setback in a particular area of your life. Maybe you're single and you want to meet someone and you try to approach someone, it doesn't go well. Or you go on two dates with someone and they say they don't want to see you anymore. Or you're maybe you're starting your own business and you hit a snag or you can't get funding or you know, one of your main clients leaves or something like that, right? You, you hit a snag or a setback in your work life, your social life, your friends upset with you and they don't want to hang out with you. Your dating life, your relationship, your physical health, you know, you're working out strong, you're doing real well, and you fall off your diet or you have some pain or Injury that acts up and you feel like you can't work out for a day or a week or however long until it recovers. Right? We hit a snag or a setback. Happens to all of us. Happens in every area of life. Here's the secret confidence killer. Learned helplessness. Learned helplessness. Do you know what that is? You might have heard of that maybe from psychology or something like that. Let me break it down and show how exactly how it relates to confidence and how you can use this concept so it's not just some abstract thing, but something that you can use to transform your life right now. So learned helplessness is this behavior. You have the setback, and instead of saying, hmm, I'm mobilized to do something about this, I'm going to solve the problem with my injury, I'm going to change my diet, I'm going to fix this, I'm going to go approach a new person, I'm going to learn a new strategy for my business. Right? That's an adaptive approach. That's a confident approach. Learned helplessness is, ah, nuts. You know, that's. Guess that's what always happens. Of course she rejected me. Of course that client left me. Oh, injured again, of course. I know, I know. That's how it always works for me, right? And then we're just helpless. And it's learned because we picked it up somewhere along the way. And usually what happens is the first time we get the setback, we're like, I'm gonna figure it out. And then we try something again and it doesn't work and we get some more pain and then we're like, forget that. I can't figure it out. I'm just helpless. I'm just helpless. So you want to identify right now, where in your life do you drop into learned helplessness? Now, what I found with people, and this is working with thousands of people over the years, I mean, it's rare that someone's learned helpless in every area of life. I mean, if they are, they're in pretty dismal shape. And back in my clinical psychology days, I might have seen them with, like, severe depression, with suicidality and all that stuff like that. But now in my coaching practice and clients that I work with all over the world, you know, people are more habit in one or several areas. You know, so someone might be really powerhouse in their business or their career, but when it comes to their dating life, learn helplessness. Or they have a great relationship and love and family and all that stuff, but when it comes to their work Learn helplessness. Or maybe they got their work and their love life down. Hey, doing pretty good, right? But then they want friendships, and they got no close friends. They got a bunch of acquaintances and people that they can sort of talk to. And then they want to develop a more vulnerable, authentic connection with someone, and they hit a snag or a setback. Learned helplessness. So somewhere, I guarantee that you got an area in your life where you tend to drop into that. And you know you're dropping into that, because when you hit a setback, your perception is, there's nothing I can do about this. This is just the way it is. I'm just stuck. So hopefully you've identified the area, because the more you can see this, the more you can. Now you found the hole in your cup of confidence. You patch that sucker up. So how do we do that? How do we use this and stop that behavior? So the first thing we need to do is I want to identify it. So I'm giving you this term, learned helplessness. So you're going to notice it and say, whoa, that's learned helplessness. Now, I don't know about you, but when I hear that, I say, well, geez, I don't want to learn to have been helpless, have learned to be helpless. I'm not helpless, right? So immediately calling it that, calling it what it is, can be uncomfortable. It can mess with you. Like, I don't want to be that. So it doesn't conf. It conflicts with your identity. So you say, wait a minute. Wait a minute. No, no, no. I am powerful. And here's the thing. Here are things that I might say. I'd be like, wait a minute. I am not helpless. I am powerful. I am a creator. Actually, to be honest with you, I'd say I'm fucking powerful. I'm a creator in my life. Because that gets me back into my focus and my state. I say, I'm. I am fucking powerful. I make a gesture like that. So look like this. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm not helpless. I'm fucking powerful. I'm a creator. In my life, there is always a solution to any problem. There is always a solution to every problem. Yes, there is. There's always a solution to every problem. Now, I might not know that solution right now. I might not even know exactly why the problem is happening. Guess what that means. I need to learn something. I need to grow. I need to read something. I need to. I need to talk to someone. I need to get some coaching. I need to figure something out to transform my life. And when you approach it in that way, guess what? You transform your life. And I've been doing that for the last 15 years and consistently up leveling and upgrading my confidence in my life and every new challenge that I hit and I notice, oh, this is screwed. I'm helpless. I say, wait a minute, I'm not helpless. I'm what? I'm what? Fucking powerful. I am a creator in my life. Say that one with me. I am a creator in my life. Feels good to say, doesn't it? And then we say, for every problem there is a what? A solution? For every problem, there is a solution. And just because you haven't found the solution yet, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And if you tell yourself that, guess where you are, you're back. And learned helplessness. So then we go right back out and say, learned helplessness. What? I'm fucking powerful. I'm a creator in my life. For every problem there is a solution. And then go find, go seek, go take action. Keep growing, keep learning. Because you will find it. No matter how big the problem, no matter how long you've had it, trust me, there is a solution. Probably many solutions. So share below what you find, what's true for you. Subscribe if you want to know a lot more about this and watch all my videos as they come out. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.