Dr. Aziz argues that perfectionism, not a lack of social skill, is the primary driver of social anxiety and low confidence. Perfectionistic demands make people over-monitor conversations, withhold sharing, and avoid social engagement; instead he invites listeners to try showing up authentically to access connection and acceptance.
Nothing kills social confidence more than perfectionism. And here's why. Because you go have a conversation with someone, and maybe you're up in your head, like, oh, I don't know what to say. I need to say the right thing. I got to make sure that this story sounds good. Whatever you're doing, it might seem like you're not good enough at conversations. It might seem like you're awkward. It might seem like whatever you're telling yourself. But what I've seen again and again, the truth is, your conversation is probably fine. You can just share what you want to share. You can ask what you want to ask. You can just let yourself be you. It's the perfectionism that creates the anxiety and makes you feel like it's not enough. And then because it feels like it's not enough, you don't share it. You get quiet, you get awkward. You just don't know what to do, and you want to flee. So the problem is not you. It's not your social skills. It's not your abilities. It's this demand on yourself that it's got to be better, it's got to be more. And that demand is so familiar for so many people that I work with that it feels like it's true. What if you could show up just as you are right now and find the love connection and acceptance that's already available?
