Risk And You Will Rise To The Occasion

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you, I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today I want to share something with you that will have you leaving this episode with an increased sense of confidence that you can take that risk, go for it, go after what you want, take the leap. Whether it's a small thing, like I'm gonna speak up or I'm gonna share, I'm gonna ask that person out or I'm gonna do this thing, or, you know, bigger risk in your life. And really what stops us from taking those risks, we're gonna cover that in this episode and then how to go for it. Because as you know, it is in the going for it that you get that confidence. And sometimes we're waiting for more confidence to go for it, but then the moment passes, the opportunity passes. And as they say, he who hesitates, well, you know how that one ends. And if you don't look it up. Alright, so risk, Risk produces reward. Risk can also produce pain. In order to have lasting confidence, you must be willing to take a risk. Which means what? The simplest thing, it means stepping into the unknown where you could get something you want, you could get something that you don't want. Now, I mean, you're doing that all the time, right? Like, you know, you get in the car, that's a risk. You walk down the stairs, that's a risk. You get into an elevator, that's a risk. Now we don't, you know, you eat some food, that's a risk, right? You get food poisoning from it or something. So we don't think about all those things as risk. But you know, when you eat the food, you have an outcome that you want, an outcome you don't want. The outcome you want is that it tastes good, it's healthy, it nourishes your body. The outcome you don't want is you get sick and die from E. Coli or something, right? So, same thing with getting in your car. You want to get to Your destination. Maybe listen to some sweet tunes along the way or this podcast, perhaps the sweet, sweet tunes of my voice. Or then you have the outcome that you don't want, which is whatever. Flat tire, fender bender, fatal car accident is probably bottom of people's lists, right? So you're taking those risks all the time, but you might not see them as risks, but everything, every action you take has an outcome you want or multiple outcomes you want and multiple outcomes that you don't want. And we're kind of making calculations now. Then there's the sort of you might say, well, those are necessities. I gotta eat, I gotta drive, I gotta live. Right? Great. What about these things that might not, quote, be necessities, but dang, when it comes to living a confident, full, rich life are pretty necessary. Like deep connection, authentic relationships, an amazing romantic connection, health in your body, stepping forward, feeling like you're growing and expanding in your career, being able to earn income that supports you and the life that you want and the family and the connections and the contributions you want to make. Right? Like, those might not be essential for survival, although that's debatable because without close relationships, when you get isolated, you're much more likely to feel depressed and have health problems and everything. But, you know, for the most part, not the same level of survival as not getting into a car accident or something. But they are essential for thriving in life. And every single one of those requires risk, too. And the thing that stops you is like, oh, but I don't want to put myself out there and be vulnerable with this person because it's going to go bad. It's going to be one of those outcomes that I don't want. And so you might avoid the risk. As, you know, we talk about a lot on this show, you got to take the risk. You got to go for it. Right? You know, confidence is a byproduct of action and all that. So this, though, is designed to really help inspire you to be able to take that risk. And the key thing that I want to communicate to you in this episode is you can trust that when you take that risk, you will rise to the occasion, right? Because isn't that ultimately the fear is that it's not that I'm going to get an outcome that I don't want. I mean, that's what it is at face value. But really, it's that there's going to be some adverse situation or circumstance. It's going to be hard or unpleasant or painful or something, and I'm not going to be able to handle it. Isn't that really the fear underneath? Right, so let's take a simple example. You want love and connection in your life. You want to put yourself out there on a date and it's like, well, yeah, if I approach that person or connect with them, it could go, well, we could have a great connection and it's sweet and it's awesome and maybe we'll be partners in some way. But also they could not like me or we could get closer and then they could leave me or they could betray me or whatever your past tells you might occur from past pains or other experiences. And the reason that that yes, those things could happen, right? You could experience loss in love and connection. That's the ticket to entry, my friend. Opening your heart in this world, in this life. And if that does happen, I can handle that. I have the capacity to rise to that occasion and, and do whatever is needed, learn whatever is needed, heal whatever needs to be healed to continue to thrive in life. And that's the part that I think there's a misperception, there's an error in thinking and perception that many people have, especially if they're risk averse, especially. Or you can take a lot of risk but be freaked out all the time, in which case you're still very perceiving this incorrectly, I think, which is if the thing that you're afraid of happening, even if you're not even aware of what it is, just like, I don't know, uncertainty, danger. But there's some things, there's outcomes that you don't want, even if you're not aware of them. You will rise to those occasions. And the only way for you to rise to those occasions is to have those adverse experiences which forces you to grow in that way. So you cannot be prepared fully ahead of time because the preparation, the training, the development, the evolution of you occurs through the circumstance, through the experience, especially if it's hard or painful, right? So I take a life example, but I remember having children. We had our first child of I don't know how many years. Eight. Eight years ago now. And the capacity to be responsible for another human and take care of a baby and then do all of life still, right? You still gotta go to work and live and make food. And then how do we do this with a baby now? Oh my God, this is really, this is impossible. And I was just like pretty overwhelmed at first. And a lot of parents can relate to that. And your sleep's all crazy and it's just like what is going on. And at first, now, that wasn't necessarily an unknown, adverse situation. That was just the natural challenges of parenting. We were blessed to have a healthy child. And it's a whole other level if someone has a child that needs to be in the ICU or the NICU or something like that. So I want to acknowledge that people can have way more of a disruption or adverse circumstance with bringing a child into their life. But we just had the kind of, quote, normal, run of the mill challenge of new parents, of like, oh, my gosh, our lives are changing. Wait, we can't just go out on a Friday night. Oh, my God. I knew all this intellectually, but it's like emotionally it was hard and challenging to adapt in those ways. And sweet and beautiful and so growthful. And the other day I was talking to a friend of mine. You know, he was feeling like, oh, you know, I'm a little depleted and I need to take care of myself, and I'm probably just going to take it easy and chill tonight. And I was listening to that and I was thinking, like, dang, that sounds nice. I wish I could take it easy and chill tonight. I got kids, puppies, blah. Right? There's just a lot to manage. And I look back at what I could sort of handle before. I had one child, then two children, then one dog, now two dogs. And then, of course, relationship with my wife and business and just general life stuff. It's like, oh, I can handle a lot. I've risen to that occasion. So now if someone were to. If we were to rewind, let's say we take me now with all my skills and abilities and awesomeness and rewind and plot me back to when we first had Zaim, my first son. I mean, there's definitely some challenges, no matter what, to having a baby, but I'd just be like, this is pretty easy. Like, oh, yeah, you throw them in the carrier and you do this and you do that. And it's like you just. Your capacity has expanded. And even if you're not a parent, you don't relate to this. This could be true. You could think of this even in a purely physical sense, right? Like if you're. If you're used to jogging three to five miles or something, and someone's like, hey, can you walk a mile? You're like, yeah, piece of cake. Because you've expanded, you rise to the occasion. So now when you talk about some of those adverse circumstances you might be afraid of, that person rejects me, you know, they leave me. It is in the rejection, it is in the leaving that you grow, in your capacity to handle being left to handle being rejected. That makes you a stronger, better, more loving, ultimately more open hearted, more capable of a deep, intimate relationship, human. And here's the even more the better part, the more fascinating part is that on some bigger level that you and I might not be able to fully understand with our intellect, but on a soul level, on the Weaver that's guiding everything around us, you needed to go through those multiple experiences in order to be prepared for that next one that you're having. And we can all see this. And if you are blessed to have a beautiful romantic relationship, you probably had some, I don't know about train wrecks along the way, but certainly, let's say suboptimal scenarios, right? Maybe you were what. For me, I did not have the capacity for as much intimacy in relationship. And you know what's crazy is if we take me now, like my capacity for intimacy is orders of magnitude bigger than it was before I met Candace. But even like me now versus me three years ago, my capacity for deep connection and intimacy is greater, much greater. And so I know that me three years from now, from today will look back on the me currently and be like, ha, ha. Oh, you. Why? Because of that. Putting myself into life and therefore being forced to expand and to grow. And I'm sharing stories about my life because that's what I'm in. You, I'm sure, can see this in your own life, right? And this could be in business, this could be in your relationships. This could be with your physical health. This could be, you know, so many different things. And so there really is no downside in taking that leap, taking that risk, going for it, because, you know, you either get the outcome you want. Hooray. Or you, you get adverse outcomes that you do not want. But those train you. Those are the gym in which you grow to become who you're really meant to be. And the key is to remember that, because when you're in the gym and it sucks, you're like, why am I here? This is terrible. Why did I choose this? This must have been some horrible mistake. And as much as you can, because then when you start to think that way, then your energy, just like hemorrhages, and you don't have the energy you need to actually grow in the ways that you intended to originally, whether consciously or unconsciously, whether it's you choosing it or life choosing it for you, because you're guided whether you see it or not. And so we gotta remember that in the moment. Say, no. Yes, I chose this, and there's a reason why I chose this. And I might know the reason, I might not know the reason, but this is the path. This is what I need to experience right now. Why? Because this is what I'm experiencing. And if there's a lesson and there is more tempering or more wisdom or whatever that's coming from it, great. That's part of it. But there's so much more that we can't just put our finger to. And so can you bring that into whatever circumstance you're in and say, yes? Yes. This challenge right now, this is expanding me. This is great. Can you feel it? Can you sense it? Can you see it? Whether it's intellectually or emotionally, how it is expanding you? And if you haven't take the risk yet, can you see how it could. How could that rejection, how could that loss, how could that failure, how could that embarrassment, how could whatever that thing is you don't want be just the medicine that you need to strengthen you? I can't tell you how many times I've seen this with clients. I remember one person who was just absolutely terrified, what are they going to think of me? What are they going to think of me? Didn't want to take risks in his life. Eventually, through our work together, started taking risks. And sure enough, he had different people in his life at different times that did critique him, one of which was actually a sibling who was like, I don't like this about you, and you're being this. And you think you're so great and all this stuff. Very, like, wanting him to. Wanted my client to stay the same. And it was sort of like disloyal to the family to change some of the dysfunctional patterns and all this stuff. And it was like this kind of web of like, stay, stay stuck. And not that they were saying it that way, but that was the energy that was being transmitted, I think. And he was so uncomfortable. He compared it to a fever. Like, he didn't literally have a fever, but he's like, the intensity of, like, how wrong and bad I felt in my body was like, almost like when you come down with, like, a strong fever. And so he's, like, writhing around. But with the coaching, we, like, we worked through it. So he didn't just collapse and revert back to the way he was. He actually stayed in that. He expanded. He rose to the occasion. And through that very uncomfortable period, it was probably like a couple weeks of very intense discomfort. Just the Fact that he knew that his sibling was perceiving him this negative way, judging him, talking about him with other family members. And he did not go curry favor and apologize and revert back. He sort of withstood that. And then boom, something broke through and he was like, wow. It wasn't just with the sibling. He saw a thousand and one other ways that he was trying to curry favor and massage his impression on people and basically be who he thought people wanted him to be. So the people pleasing, that was like, you know, endemic to his whole existence. There, right there. He saw. He kind of something shifted and he's like, wow, there's like this. And it was like this big leveling up that experience. Like he went through this fever, this fever dream. And he popped out like, whoa, with clarity and consciousness. And it changed. It radically changed at work. He had some dynamics at work that completely changed. Dynamics where he was feeling not respected and not valued and not paid enough. And then completely changed. He got into more leadership at work, increased his pay, different dynamics. It's just big, big leap up. And also he talked about his personal life and socially and being around people, with his wife, with his partner. So what is that medicine for you? And here's the beauty. You don't need to know what it is. You just got to take the risks. If you take the risks, if you go for what you're called to, what your heart draws you towards, what you feel inspired to go after, what you deep down know you truly want, you will get exactly what you need. And when you need it, it's like it's a period. Maybe it's uncomfortable, Maybe it's a couple hours, maybe it's a couple weeks, maybe it's a couple months. I don't know. It depends on the thing and the risk and the change or whatever. But that season of your life will be sculpting, you will be conditioning, you will be developing, you will be working its magic on you. And as long as you remember that and you use that and you keep that as a rope to kind of guide you through as you pull yourself along through this period, you will emerge stronger, better, more confident, freer than ever before. So let's talk about how to turn this into action. Time for action. Action, action. Your action is going to be to look at your own life. You might already been doing that. During this episode, I shared stories from me, stories from clients. Now it's time for you to reflect on your own story. And the specific thing I invite you to reflect on is where has there been a time where you took a risk and then, oh gosh, there was like an expansion period or an adjustment period or a setback or an adverse circumstance as a result of that risk. Because sometimes we think, oh, that's only if things, quote, go wrong. But you know, there's a lot of stress with positive change. Whether it's, you know, getting married or moving or changing jobs or getting promoted, all these things are actually stressors. And so you have to kind of expand into those too. So whether it's a negative thing or a quote, positive thing, can you think of a time in your life where there was some challenge because you took a step, because you took a risk, because you took an action and how you went through that period and then on the other side of that, you were better for it, you were stronger for it. You, you are more you, the you that you're meant to be for it. And when you really see that for yourself, that's going to inspire you to keep going, keep doing that. Because that is the way. Awesome. Thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free vlogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.

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