Risks = Confidence

Do you take risks in your life? Big risks, little risks? What about the day to day risks of just speaking up in a situation, saying what's on your mind, being assertive, asking for the sale or asking for the date? Or do you hold back and tend to avoid risks for fear of making a mistake? In today's episode, you're going to discover how to tap into the hidden power of taking risks and how to handle whatever happens afterwards so that you can continue to progress more rapidly towards your goals than you ever imagined.

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon. Welcome to Shrink for the shy guy helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey, welcome to another episode of the show. Today is going to be the Risk episode. We're going to talk about risks and how that shows up in your life, how you feel about risks, how you approach risk, what risk really even is, and how to shift your whole orientation towards risks and then therefore towards life to one that's going to help you break free of fear and anxiety and self doubt and step more and more into being powerful in your life, being a badass in your business life, your work life, in dating and relationships and your social life everywhere. So I'm excited to share all this with you today. If you'd like to jump into the conversation, you can always give a call at The Studio Hotline, 206-338-3176 or go to facebook.com SocialConfidence Share your comments, questions there. I'd love to hear them, respond to them. Or, or you can go to shrinkforthshyguy.com and leave me a message through that site. So there's lots of ways to connect. And when I answer questions on this show and other things, that's all coming from you. So I'd love to hear from you and how it's working for you. Breakthroughs, successes or sticking points. It's all good. So what do you think of risks? Just as a general concept, when I say risk, take a risk, take a risk. What happens inside you? How do you feel? Do you feel excited, nervous, Uncertain? Does your mind want to know more? Like what kind of risk? What are the odds? What's the payout? Right. So how you, and also how do you approach risk in your life? And you may or may not even think in those terms. You may not think about the word risk on a daily basis. It might not even come up for you. And that doesn't mean you're not taking any. You just might not see it that way. Or maybe, maybe you're not taking any. Maybe you're just kind of trying to get through life as safely as possible. Safely getting through life, you know, safely getting to the grave, as I heard one person say, which I loved. So maybe that's what you're doing. But what we want to focus on together here today is bring your awareness to this idea of risks. Talk about the power of risks and how to get to a place where you can take them more boldly in your life. Because that is where real confidence comes from, is being able to jump into things. So first of all, what is a risk? How would we define risk? If you look up definition of risk in a dictionary, AKA the Internet, it's a situation where you're exposed to danger. And I thought that was really interesting because most of us are not exposed to any real danger in our day to day lives. Maybe when you get in the car or something and you're driving, there's potential danger there. But most of the things that people consider risks, that we're scared, things that we're scared to do, especially socially or in our business life, there's no real danger. The danger is, is a perceived danger. It's people getting upset with me, people saying something that I don't like. You know, it's this kind of soft stuff. It's not a real. There's no one's gonna punch you in the face or no one's gonna take your limb off. It's not that kind of danger anymore in our society. It's these more soft dangers, these more subtle things. People are gonna like me, they're gonna laugh at me. But those are the ones that scare us. Those are the dangers that we spend most of our time afraid of. And so those are the things that we have to face with our risks. So what are examples of some risks that we might take on a day to day basis? Well, how about saying what you really think in a situation, Being assertive and saying no to someone when you want to say no. Someone asks you to do something and you say no, I can't, or I don't want to. That is a risk, a small risk, right? Or maybe a big risk for you, I don't know, in your situation, depending on who the person is. Maybe your boss asks you to do something over the weekend and you don't want to, or you have other plans, or you have something, other engagements and you say no. That could feel like a big risk to you. Perhaps speaking up for you is a risk. Speaking up in a meeting, leading a meeting might be a risk for you. Sharing your ideas, doing a presentation, public speaking feels like a big risk for most people. That's a really common one. In fact, giving a toast at a wedding. I was just at a wedding a little while back and maybe a couple weeks ago now, and I remember I was going to be the officiant for the wedding, the reverend, if you will. That's right. I am a reverend of the Church of the Internet. So I have three weddings under my belt. Although one was really just people signing some documents. But two sermons. Two sermons under my belt now. And I was excited about it. I loved it. I love public speaking. I love sharing. In fact, I have a really interesting story about that that maybe I'll tell in an upcoming episode about my experience of doing the actual sermon there. I don't know if you'd call it a sermon, really involve God, but whatever. My little speech. And anyway, before the wedding, there was a couple. It was a good friend of mine that was getting married, and all his groomsmen were great friends of mine from childhood. And three of the guys were standing around talking at one point in the afternoon before the wedding, and they were saying, are you gonna give a toast? No, man, I don't wanna give a toast. Are you gonna give a toast? Hell, no, I don't wanna give a toast. And one of the guys talking was the groom's brain brother. And my wife is nearby and she's like, hey, don't you have to give a toast? I mean, you're like, the brother? And he's like, hell, no, I don't have to give a toast. And all three of them did not want to give a toast. They were just terrified of the idea. So that was a big risk for them, right? And they don't want to take that risk. Investing can feel like a big risk. Investing your money can be a big risk, whether it's for the future, for your retirement, or investing in yourself. This is one I see a lot, and especially in the work that I do, which is coaching, you know, people. It's a risk to put money, your money into yourself and your own development in a product. In coaching itself, the process of coaching, whether it's six months or more, and that's a risk, right? Because people are like, what if I invest in myself and I let myself down and I can't change and I can't get results? And that's a risk that I help people take every day when I'm talking to them and Helping people jump into realizing that they can change. So investing in yourself is a risk. I mean, hell, investing in yourself by, like, signing up for personal training at a gym, that could be a risk. So I want to really expand our definition of risk to see that it's happening every day, that you can see these opportunities every day. And that's what a risk is. It is an opportunity. And what we're going to do is we're going to take a quick break right now, and we get back, we're gonna get into the biggest obstacle to taking risks, that feeling that you have the thing that's stopping you from doing it. We're gonna uncover that, we're gonna pull the lid off, blast through that, and then help you get to a place of much more courage and power to just get out there and start taking risks. So stay tuned. We'll be right back right after this.

Have you ever been stuck in limbo? You know, that awkward situation where there are several groups of people talking around you and you aren't part of any of them? You want to jump in, but you're not sure how to do it or what to say, so you slink into the corner, grab a drink at the bar, and pretend to look busy on your cell phone. Tired of this less than optimal strategy? Get yourself a copy of the confidence code today and discover how to dominate in any group situation, Casually join into existing groups, and even enjoy being the center of attention. Go to YourConfidenceCode.com now to get started.

Welcome back. So what is the thing that stops us from taking risks? Well, you know, it's fear, basically, but there's a special kind of it. It's actually a mixture of fear and habit. And there's this term from investing. I don't know if you've heard it. It's called risk averse. So as it's defined by Wikipedia, risk aversion is a concept in economics and finance based on the behavior of humans. Seems like an unnecessary, unnecessary sentence there. Risk aversion is a concept in economics and finance based on the behavior of humans, especially consumers and investors, while exposed to uncertainty, to attempt to reduce that uncertainty. And that's really what a risk is, right? We don't know how it's going to go. When I speak up in the meeting, I don't know how it's going to go. There's uncertainty, certainty there. And what happens is people tend to have a pattern or a habit, especially if you're anxious or shy or you have not built up the confidence in yourself that you want. Yet your pattern is probably to reduce uncertainty by not taking the action, by avoiding the situation. That means not speaking up, not saying no, not asking for the sale, not asking that person out, not walking over to that group of people and just jumping in. You see what I'm saying there? We have a tendency to avoid because we're risk averse. We want to reduce the uncertainty by not jumping into it. And this pattern is killing you. This pattern is fucking you up. And the reason I can say that is because it fucked me up for so many years. That's what I did. That's a hallmark of being stuck in low confidence. And so here are just some of the costs of being risk averse. Because first and foremost, untested fear expands and grows. So if you have a fear of, if I walk over to that group of people and just jump into it, or if I go to that networking meeting, it's going to be real awkward and I'm not going to make any connections and people aren't going to like me. Or if I ask for the sale, the person's going to crinkle their nose in disgust and tell me that they hate me. Whatever the fear is, she's going to reject me. Whatever the fear is, if we don't test it, we don't take the risk. Guess what happens to the fear? That's right. It grows, it expands, it becomes stronger, it becomes more real and true. Because it's like the fear is all fabricated. It's created by our beliefs, right, but in our head. But then we don't test it. So it just gets stronger. It's almost like evidence somehow. It's like your brain logs it as like, yep, see, I knew that would happen even though it didn't even happen. Does that make sense? So the fear, untested fear grows. Another cost to being risk averse is we don't learn that we can handle things. So if you took the risk and you made a joke and then no one laughed, you would handle that. You just figure it out. Or you spoke up in a meeting and you lost your words and you stumbled a little bit, or whatever you're scared of, you would handle it. If you just got into the situation enough, you would handle it. Now if you have a horrible toxic coach and you just beat the crap out of yourself afterwards for days and weeks afterwards, which is what often most people are afraid of with this stuff, is not the moment of discomfort, but the self recrimination and beating they'll do for weeks and months afterwards. And if that's the case for you, man, just listen to other these podcasts or get one of my programs. The confidence code could be really great for you to help you let go of that toxic coach. Because yeah, that would be the top order of priorities to get that handled. But we don't learn that we can handle things when we're risk averse. Another thing is we just become more and more restricted and limited in our lives, right? Because if you have to step away from uncertainty every time you see it, I mean, life is full of uncertainty. Everything is uncertain. We don't know the future at all in a lot of situations. So we become more and more restricted and limited. And when with that we also become more rigid, we become less flexible, we become more brittle and we break easier. And these are just some of the costs of being risk averse. And so what we want to do is we want to change our orientation and we want to start taking risks. We want to see risks as a good thing. Like, how many risks can I take today? Because here's the thing, we're so scared of the danger, of the downside, but the reality is it's not real. I mean, the shame and the ridicule and everyone's going to talk about me and everyone hates me and I'm going to end up under a bridge and impoverished and all those things that we're scared of, the downside of the risk, none of it is real. And so what we want to do is we want to start realizing that this is a big breakthrough, is that fear does not equal danger. So just because you're scared of something doesn't mean it's actually dangerous. And so we want to start going into those things, start taking those risks, because that is how we're going to actually see that as true in our lives. And that's how going to break free. In fact, I'm going to share three ways with you in just a moment about how to break free, how to become more of a badass, how to have more courage and take more risks. So we're going to take a quick break right now and we'll get right back into that. Stay tuned. Are you ready to take charge of your confidence, your career, your relationships and your life? In order to experience a true transformation, you must take massive action. That is exactly why Dr. Aziz created confidence Unleashed. Learn exactly how to shift negative thinking, eliminate your fear of rejection, and activate a sense of power and confidence in your body whenever you need it. Go to www.confidenceunleashednow to find out more. Welcome back. So let's get into it. Hopefully, as you've been listening, you're seeing that a life of avoiding risks is not gonna serve you. In fact, really getting that is one of the first things that you're gonna get here that's going to help you just be willing to start taking more risks. Because here's the thing, even if you try to avoid all risks in your life and keep yourself really safe, eventually you'll have to take a risk. That's just how life is. But here's the thing. If you haven't been taking them all along, if you haven't been proactively seeking them out, you'll be weaker and in a worse position to do so. That's the unfortunate truth. So, for example, let's say you avoided the risk of approaching women that you were attracted to. You just kept avoiding it. Kept avoiding it. And maybe it's 15 years later and you've just avoided it for all those 15 years. So you haven't had a relationship, and so now you're in a worse position. So eventually you have to take the risk, right? Let's say, I guess eventually you never could. But at some point right now, let's say you're 40 and you're like, holy crap, I don't want to live the rest of my life alone. So now you have to take the risk. But you're weaker, right? Because you haven't been taking them day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. So you don't have the power built up in you. And you're in a worse position to do so because you haven't had a relationship your whole life and you don't know how that works, and you feel like, oh, God, I missed my prime, or all that stuff. And if you're 40, by the way, you haven't missed your prime. That's just a story. But the thing is, we're in a worse position the longer we take. Or, for example, let's say you never speak up at work. You never share your opinions boldly in meetings. You kind of hold back and just do your job. And you're nice and quiet. And eventually something might happen where you have to speak up. Maybe someone is accusing you of doing something that you didn't do or trying to lay the blame on you for a project that didn't get done. Now you have to speak up, but you're weaker because you haven't done it. So you can't speak up boldly. And you're More timid and it's harder for you. So you're in a weaker place and your position is worse because people don't know you that well. They don't trust you as much because they haven't heard from you. So you see what I'm saying here. And I can give a million examples. If you own your own business, man, if you don't take risks, eventually you're going to have to take a big risk. And again, you'll be weaker. So that's the first thing I wanted to convey to you to help you see how essential it is to start moving into taking those risks. The second thing is Legolas. I don't know if I've talked about that in the show yet, but I'm going to do it. Even if I have Legolas from Lord of the Rings. Oh, yes, that's right. Lord of the Rings reference. Or, ugh, the new Hobbit movies. Ugh, this is so bad. But there's a character in there, Legolas. I'm guessing you're probably familiar with him, but if not, that's cool, too. He's an elf. And if you're not familiar with the world of Lord of the Rings, you know, there's humans and elves and dwarves and all that fantasy stuff. Anyway, he's an elf and he's kind of a badass and, you know, can shoot incredibly well. The elves live for like, a million years. Like a thousand years or something. Maybe they're immortal. I don't. So he's got a million years to become really good at shooting his bow, hacking guys to pieces with his sword, etc. And throughout all the stories, Legolas is this character who is just incredibly confident in himself, incredibly certain in his ability, especially when it comes to fighting. And he'll just jump into any battle anywhere. And there's a scene in one of these movies where they're sort of like, there's an evil army coming from the North. And he's like, all right, I'll go scout it out. And he's like, runs off into the forest to go check it out by himself. And you watch that. And I really had a moment. I was like, so there's danger coming from the north, right? It's an army of evil Orcs or whatever. And he immediately turns and just runs right into it. And in that moment, as I was watching that scene, I was like, that's how he became so badass. That's how he became so confident in himself. No one starts that way. No one starts out bold and courageous and fully confident and fully capable. It's just when there's that danger, if you orient into it and jump, like, leap right into it. If you know Legolas, which is even better, can you just imagine him, like, leaping across a platform to another platform with his sword drawn, like, that's how we want to be. We want to dive into those risks, we want to take those risks. We want to grab life by the horns and say, I'm gonna fucking do this. Because then when we do, man, your power grows. And that's the third thing I want to share with you, is the more risks you take, the stronger you get, the more powerful you become. Even if you're scared shitless, as you do the risk, it doesn't matter. You build power. Each time you do it, your power increases. You can think about, like, it's giving you, like, five units of power if it was a small risk, or 20 units of power if it's a big risk. You start to accumulate, like a bank account. And then the more you have, the more you can do, the bigger you can do. So if you can take the risk to speak up around three people or four people or five people, and you start building that up, building that, building it up, then you can speak to a group of 10 people or 20 people or 50 people or 1,000 people, it doesn't matter. You turn towards it. You build up that power by taking those risks. So if there's nothing else you get from our conversation here today, it's that when you avoid risks, you weaken yourself and your life becomes more diminished, more small, more rigid, more stuck. And if you want to liberate yourself, if you want to break free, if you want to step into more and more confidence in your work, in your finances, in your dating life and your personal relationships, it's going to be risk after risk after risk. And you can approach that with like, oh, man, Jesus, this sounds exhausting. And hard and terriful. Terriful. Terrifying and awful and terrible all mixed together. Terrible, you know? Yes, you could. That's just your mind, though, trying to get you to go back to avoiding risks, right? That there's a constant pull in us towards comfort and certainty and avoidance, and we have to overcome that. We have to break through that. We have to condition ourselves to be different. And really, it's not that much work. It's just one risk a day. If you just took one risk a day, your life would be totally different in 30 days. I've known multiple people like that. I've worked with people like that where someone comes through in one of my group programs or whatever, and they're just like a rock star. They're like, I'm gonna do this. You don't need to convince me of anything. I'm ready. I've listened to enough of your podcast. Let's do this. And I had one guy actually, that did that. He came into a group like that and he started taking little risks. He signed up for the group about two weeks before it started, and he actually started taking risks before the first group meeting and just started crushing it. And that's, I think, because of his willingness to take risks. And the same is true for you. In fact, let's put that into practice right now with your action step. Time for action. Your action step for today is, you guessed it, take a risk. Take a risk today. A small one, a little one. Find what one is for you. I don't know what they are for you, but you do. So take a risk. Get out there and do it, and then notice what happens. Do you feel more powerful? Do you feel worse? Do you feel. Never. It doesn't matter if you feel bad afterwards. I mean, maybe if you can look, you can look at that. You're probably being really hard on yourself and really critical, and that's a good thing to shift. But the key thing here is it's just about doing it, because that is how you build the power and you can trust in that process. The more you do it over a period of weeks and months, the more powerful you become, the more you'll shift in your life. So share your experience. Go to facebook.com SocialConfidence and share about the risks that you're taking. Share with us how it's going like that page too, to be able to follow it and get more updates. And I look forward to speaking with you in future episodes. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com. Sat.